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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 4:25:55 AM   
MsIncognito


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It looks to me like your Mistress was more than willing to submit to this particular person's whims. If I were you and were so bothered I'd take it up  with my Mistress. Not everyone is as stringent with the 'not touching other people's property' rule as some are particularly if they are all familiar and have known each other for a while and/or they are at a private event.

Your Mistress should have had the cajones to politely say "I prefer you not take liberties with my slave" or something similar to get her point across but from where I sit it looks like she chose to take a submissive role to him. Who's fault is that? Frankly, if my Mistress showed such utter disregard for me in a situation like this I'd have to stand up for myself and call a big ole "Red" on the guy.  I do have a responsibility to look out for myself if my Mistress isn't willing to.


< Message edited by MsIncognito -- 10/10/2006 4:54:41 AM >

(in reply to boundfem)
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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 4:53:23 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
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Sorry you had to experience that. Your Mistress should have been the one to tell him if she did not want his hands on you. If he doesn't like it is his house so the best thing would be to leave. You can speak up for yourself and say" I am owned by__ and don't feel comfortable with this.  If its a private party and a swingers type atmosphere the rules are a bit relaxed.

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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 5:06:30 AM   
smilezz


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Since when does being a slave/sub/bottom...a person,  equate to not having a voice to speak up?
I would have been all over that person.  I would have been as polite as i could have been.  I would have said:  "You touching me is unacceptable, i don't know you, i don't feel comfortable being touched in any way by you.  Thank you for showing me the flogger, but next time please ask my Mistress her permission before you touch her property."
I also understand that this may have been a more relaxed area, but regardless of you being owned, walking in as a couple, walking in as a single person..etc.  No one has the right to lay their hands on you.   I will never get this!  again, my question:  since when does being a slave/sub/bottom...a person, equate to not having a voice and speaking up?

I will also say, after reading the responses to this.  Both of you were wrong.  You should have spoke up, your Mistress should have spoke up.  The man that touched you was wrong. 

You would have been doing your Mistress a service by informing her of what was happening.  Keeping quiet made it ok for the man to continue....being your Mistress did not stop and speak her mind.........Think about that for a bit.

~smilezz~

< Message edited by smilezz -- 10/10/2006 5:16:40 AM >


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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 5:10:30 AM   
Lashra


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Why didn't your Mistress speak up and say something? I know if someone put their hands on what belongs to me they would get ONE warning and after that there would be hell to pay.

Sounds like the Master of this house is used to doing whatever he wants to do and  your Mistress let him get away with that. Perhaps she felt is was only polite since she was under his roof but had it been me, I wouldnt have cared. My property means more to me then some Dom's ego or what others in the scene think of me.

Good luck,
~Lashra


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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 5:15:51 AM   
twicehappy


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Sorry this happened to you, sounds like a group you may want to avoid in the future.
 
I know what Scooter and Jewel's reaction would be......let's just say you'd need a shop vac to suck up the bits of said dom that were left.
 
Even in our munch group where there are those who share and everybody hugs each other nobody touches me, they do not even ask, except for the hugs.

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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 5:18:57 AM   
Celeste43


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From: NYS
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You could have said Sorry, but I don't play with others. She could have said the same. You could have said Don't touch me!

As to you being trapped because you were invited for the weekend? Sorry, that doesn't fly. At any point you could have gotten up and left. Now you're thinking, but aren't sure if she'll accept another invitation. When do you propose to say to her that you were very uncomfortable there and if she goes again, you would prefer to stay home and polish the silver.

As far as him using your hand for a demo, that doesn't seem unreasonable but the rest of it was beyond acceptable, so why didn't either of you tell him so.

(in reply to sharainks)
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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 5:53:09 AM   
swtnsparkling


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 your Mistress should of taken care of it- He if cant respect anothers property- screw him- leave- if he does this too others as well they should speak up also and stop going too his parites.

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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 6:03:37 AM   
ayasha


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It is obvious to this one that the Dominant that hosted the party does not have respect for your Mistress, and that He wanted to see if He could dominate her (and He did, quite successfully). 

you, as a slave, do not have to be touched by anyone other than your Mistress or those that she wants to touch you.  you need to speak up, loudly.  Say something like 'take your hands off of me NOW.'  And that was the polite verson. 

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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 6:09:09 AM   
HalloweenWhite


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I think this man was in the wrong and a bad host-Id have been really unhappy if he'd had ignored Me to get as close to My slave as he seemed to with you and your Mistress. I think your Mistress should have said something straight away or asked him about this "do" before you went so you could decide if it was your thing.



                   HalloweenWhite.

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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 7:05:03 AM   
LaTigresse


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I believe my point of view has already been expressed.

A. As the mistress I would have never tollerated it.

B. If I had not been nearby to see, and handle it and found later that my slave tollerated it, I would also be upset with her.


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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 7:50:49 AM   
gypsylee


Posts: 293
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From: Melbournia, Australia
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urgh. gross. i woulda just run away. after Iskander decked the idiot.

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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 7:59:49 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
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From: Houston, TX
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(quick reply)

Have you discussed this situation with your Mistress before, during or after?  What is done is done, but perhaps you two should discuss some type of signal that will indicate to her without making a scene that you are uncomfortable and want her to step in.  You were in an awkward situation and are now probably dwelling on it and it is escalating in your mind.  Perhaps your Mistress so no true harm in a demo or light touching but had it gone further might have said something.  Perhaps she felt intimidated or unsure how to react.  I don't know, I wasn't there.  But she knows what was going on in her mind.  You should ask and you two should discuss how to approach situations like this in the future. 

Avoiding social situations is not the answer to this.  Because even if you do not ever go to this party again, chances are in your lifetime you will be faced with a similar situation where you will need to know how to react.  Discuss it.  Think of ways to avoid future issues like this.  Discuss what you should do and what she should do.  This is a common scenario that I discuss with submissives.  I explain what is and is not appropriate from other people and how my submissive should react if put in that situation.  I will also discuss what I will do.

This situation could have been avoided in a very graceful manner with a few nicely chosen words on either or both your parts.  If the dominant did not take a clue from a polite "brush off" then leaving the situation entirely would have been completely acceptable.  Dominants make mistakes.  But I would highly suggest having a heart to heart with your Mistress to discuss your feeling on what happened, her feelings and what to do if faced with it again.  Good luck.

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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 8:04:10 AM   
Lordandmaster


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Yup.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I would have to say that some of the fault does fall on your Mistress.  Yes, it was his place, but you are her slave.  It's her place to step in, awkward or not, and put a stop to anything she feels is not appropriate for you to be exposed to.

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 8:40:06 AM   
Sab


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From: Canada
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Nobody, but nobody touches what is mine! Your 'mistress' allowed one act but did not stipulate that these was a once only scenario - to some that means all is a free for all throughout the meeting, whichever kind it is. IF I should allow it then it would be said that this once is the only time she could be touched by that person, if it was repeated we would simply leave as it would then be obvious that any and all etiquette would not be adheard to.

You MUST take this up with the person who allowed this to happen - and that person is your 'mistress', she is the one who, ultimately, allowed this to happen - but you also have to take your part of the responsibility - you CAN use the word no!

I am not in any way excusing his behaviour - but that could have been curtailed with a simple statement of ownership by the person who owns you.


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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 9:27:27 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Are you sure you're angry with him, or hurt by your Mistress not standing up for her owned property and now you feel violated and unprotected?

Yes, he should ask each time if you are owned, but your Mistress should have spoken up if she was uncomfortable, no matter what the situation. Who knows, he might have actually been totally oblivious that what he was doing was a problem and sorry for his actions had they been pointed out. If he came to the kink community from the swinger community, old habits of "touching is ok until told no" die hard. For us, touching is NOT ok, until given a yes.

Master Fire


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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 10:30:00 AM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
 

His house, his party, his rules.

Your Mistress's property, her presence, her rules.

>>He asked (yes the first time he asked) my Mistress if he could borrow me to show her a flogger and he then told me to stick my hand out and struck my hand a few times.

He did ask... right?
And.... even by your report, the answer was ambigious, or acceptance.


>>My Mistress came over and tried to subtly get his hands off of my by putting Her hands on me and subtly, subconsciously pushing his hand away, but the whole situation was freaking unbelieveable!


Come on.... if she can't be clear and strong in this situation,
and has to be "subtle" and "subconcious" ... well jeeez...

>>It was his house and his show, there was no way to say anything that would have not been incredibly awkward

Awkward? 
Yeah... sometimes life is awkward,
and people who live in fear of conflict/confrontation
walk around filled with resentments and don't do
a frickin thing about it...

>>Again, there was no way to say anything - it would have been incredibly uncomfortable and awkward for Her especially in front of other people gathered around (and I of course could not say anything myself with Her there, if I was by myself, maybe but it still would be awkward).  Believe me, both my body language and that of my Mistress's did not indicate that this was welcome.

So, when your "body language" does not communicate,
then

>>I also feel like I want to out him somewhere - like one other message board I read where he advertises his parties sometimes.

So, nobody can say anything to his face,
but you want to slam the guy behind his back??

**************

I don't know you,
and I don't know your Mistress,
but come on.....

#1. Just have Her say NO!  or...
#2. Excuse Her and yourself politely and LEAVE  or...
#3. Have Her have a fierce, passionate defence of her property or...
#4. Make a big scene of Her and your exit... or...

#5. Do almost nothing at the time, and complain about it later.


Is it really true that #5 is the ONLY option?


DD




(in reply to MsIncognito)
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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 10:59:50 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
The guy was an ass, your Mistress was a wuss about it. Something similar happened to me and Himself shoved the arm of the 'touchy feely', rather aggressively, away from me and barked out, "Don't touch her."

That worked really, really well. Water under the bridge at this point, but if it happens again, it's completely on you and your Mistress, not the touchy feely who you're letting get away with it.

I wonder how your Mistress would have reacted if he had taken her car keys and gone for a spin in her car without permission? Surely you are more important to her than her car!

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 11:10:06 AM   
DOM33416


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Joined: 7/12/2006
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I would think your Mistress would be the one for you to take it up with

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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 11:34:08 AM   
Sub03


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Im honestly apalled that your Mistress did nothing to stop him.. Yes he was being incorect as far as most peoples M/s situations are but it was his house and beeing as neather of you said nothing to stop his behavior how mad can you really get at him, was he wrong in my opinion yes he should never touch anothers slave, but that is aparently not how he does things in his house. It was your Mistresses job to keep you safe from the behavior as well as your responsability to talk to your Mistress about her not defending you. The trueth of the matter is you are both adults slave or not and it is both of your responsabilities to say something if something you dont like is going on!!!

Magik's slave


Amen---and if you didnt like what was going on then leave. Its as easy as that.

Edited to add----

If I was in this situation and my Master or Mistress acted the way yours did I would be re-thinking submitting to them. If she cant stop a guy from touching you when she dosent want him to is she really capable of caring for and protecting you as her slave? It is her responsibility to care for you and she did nothing to stop it. Why worry about being rude to someone who is being rude to you?

< Message edited by Sub03 -- 10/10/2006 11:39:47 AM >


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RE: Apalled- A Vent - 10/10/2006 11:34:40 AM   
boundfem


Posts: 28
Joined: 11/18/2004
Status: offline
To answer some of the posts:  My Mistress and I discussed it much throughout the time we were there amongst ourselves.  She was just mostly shocked and did not even know how to respond because She was not used to any situation like this- She's never been in a situation where someone took liberty with Her slave, it's a foreign concept to Her.   She did not ingore my feelings, it was incredibly awkward... it also was small subtle touching (until he kissed my neck) and it was not like he came up and just started flogging me or fondling my breasts.   She was much more bothered than I was (and I am a lesbian and do not sub to men at all), but again saying that She should have said something is a lot different than being in a situation where it just was uncomfortable.  She is a VERY diplomatic person in general, it is one of Her extremely wonderful attributes in my opinion.  If the Master would have done anything further, She would have said something or we would have left - we discussed that..  She did not want to create a scene (pardon the pun), but wanted to just attempt to keep his hands off of me in ways like subtlety and deflect his unwanted attention.

The Master also spoke with my Mistress before this weekend at length about lifstyle phillosophies and he portrayed to Her that he was into ownership in a way extremely similar to Her.  He introduced a few people as "his personal subs" who we then saw play with multiple other people both topping and bottoming.  Again, this is fine and to each other their own, but completely not our style or what we are into.

I do believe as one person suggested he was testing and he was trying to top my Mistress in a sense.  That too is just wrong!

He clearly portrays his parties as Lifestyle Scene events on his website, in his advertisements and in person .. not as kinky swinger parties AT ALL.

I am sorry, but to me there is NEVER a time that it is okay to put your hands on someone else unless invited to do so.  I did not find my Mistress at fault, She was attempting to be polite in someone else's house and not cause an uncomfortable vibe or scene.  I would never speak up in front of other people with my Mistres present.  It is the protocol I am used to; I would not even say I was hungry in Her presence to someone else or in front of someone else.  I completely defer to Her especially in a public scene atmosphere, but even not.   My way with Her is that it is my place to be quiet, kneel, attend to Her, defer to Her and other than polite short conversation I only speak to Her in an atmosphere like that.  When we arrived, for example, other than a polite "hello. No, the traffic wasn't bad, " from me,  She spoke to the Master exclusively.  If I had any personal problem, I would have asked to speak with Her privately or waited until I was alone and whispered to Her; we discussed the situation several times during alone moments.  I was never even not with Her for even on minute while we were there;  there was no reason to think I was available to play with or touch. 

This Master often invites single female subs to his play parties - I can not imagine the uncomfortable forwardness they have to deal with.  No one should be made to feel uncomfortable like that!  A simple, "If you feel like playing with someone, just speak up or come to me, " suffices... not just casually putting your hands all over someone (and not their sexual parts, that would cause most females to protest directly.  The subtle manner causes most to uncomfortably abide).. there is no reason to run your hands up and down someone's back or grope their arm repeatedly when you just say hello instead of a common, brief handshake - unless you have discussed it.  He does not!  He just puts his hands on people.  It's just wrong.

It's like I have often heard pregnant women complain about strangers touching their belly; even if the stranger asks, it is increcdbly startling and shocking and you are just put in an awkward position.  Sometimes, just out of the startle you might nod your head yes but it doesn't make the person doing the asking and touching right.  Some just don't even ask and assume a pregnant woman's belly is public property; the woman just feels so shocked and awkward they just wait out the incident and feel very offended nonethless.  I don't know.. I learned in kindergarten to keep my hands to myself.

Unless my Mistress said, 'Master X why don't you play with my sub and myself? Or, let me see how your crop works on my slave's hand," There is NO reason to put your hands on someone else's slave or think you are welcome to it.  Would it be different if I were a guy? Because this Master does the same things to males as he plays with anyone and everyone no matter sex, orientation or sub/Dom/me.  Imagine if you were a straight male sub and this Master came over and touched your balls .. because I witnessed him doing just that.

He is known in the scene for over twenty years.  It's not just his words.

A couple of people I know met him at TES Fest. That wasn't a play party and it certainly wasn't a swinger party.   He was extremely gropey and forward to complete strangers.  I find this disgusting in any scenario, venue, lifestyle or not.  I find that there is established protocol in the scene.. do not touch anything that does not belong to you unless you have been given permission or an invitation to do so.  I am shocked so many are sidestepping or downplaying this.

We left early the next day and did not stay throughout that day's lengthy brunch and play party as She could not wait to get out of there.  Her being invited back is independent of me.. She may or may not go, with or without me.  She doesn't even desire to go, but he announced publicly She would be the featured weekend guest Domme in another month when we were there prior to even confirming with Her.  She most likely will not go back.

My Mistress (and I am the same way) generally does not go to any Scene events -except She went to a seminar on branding at Tes Fest where She met this Master- nor play parties nor clubs, etc.

The one period of time in my life when I had a vanilla boyfriend,  I can not remember a single time when anyone (sober, perhaps it might happen when people are drinking) took the liberty to touch me in any way, shape, or form other than a polite handshake when I went somewhere with him.  I don't care that it was a "scene" event or "play party", I was shocked and find it completely inappropriate in any time, place or situation. 

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
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