RE: What's the difference between a slave and a submissive?

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RE: What's the difference between a slave and a submiss... - 10/16/2006 9:27:09 PM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

Back in 2000, when i first got into D/s, i called myself a slave. Why? Because the first 2 doms i got involved with called themselves Masters....ergo, calling me slave....and not knowing the term sub even existed, i called myself a slave too.

As i got more into it, i joined some Yahoo M/s groups.  i openly referred to myself as a slave....further stating that i was both straight and monogamous...and listed a couple of other limits i had discovered along the way. Woooweeee....was i ever blasted!

To make a long story short, i was straight out told by each group i joined that i was not a slave because i had limits. i was shocked! i asked a zillion different questions about their possible limits and the answer was always the same....i have no limits; i do what Master tells me.

So okay....if that was the defining criteria for a slave, then i believed i wasn't a slave. So what the heck was i? lol So as i sat contemplating what to put in my new profile instead of slave, a dom wrote me. i explained my dilemma to him and he said it was okay....he was dominant but he wasn't a Master; he too was monogamous and was not interested in multiple partners. Well, that sounded like a good start to me!

Anyway, we met, and he introduced me to the Daddy/girl dynamic. As soon as i tried that with him, i knew i had found my niche (immediately). And that is what i have identified as ever since.

Reading up on that led me to speaking with other DGs. It also led to exploration into Domestic Discipline which is rather similar but generally without the ageplay dynamic...and they did not refer to their partner as Daddy. In the DD groups i joined, most were married couples who used spanking as the primary means of discipline. Most were not into a whole lot of kink and all but a few were monogamous. i was totally accepted there and no one was deragatory of the dynamic i practiced.

When others wrote me and asked me what a Daddy Dom was....and what was the dynamic like....i merely told them of my experiences. And yes, it was a mindset to me....some have it....some don't and don't care to. But whichever way it goes, i don't feel my mindset will ever be exactly like anyone else's but that makes them no less of a DG than me. Now that being said.....

As time went on, and i became more familiar with D/s overall, i realized that it just was not true that slaves had no limits....not all slaves anyway....and that was enough to dispel that myth. i talked to married slaves that had been together 10 years (or more).  They were recognized as Master and slave in public groups.....in 'the community'.....but the slave had limits which she fully admitted to.

When ONE 'accepted' slave has ONE limit, then that dispels the myth that to be considered a slave, you must have no limits. How about when a slave has 2 limits? Is she no longer a slave? Where do you draw the line? You can't...because there is no line.

Back in the day, there might have been a time when Masters were only called Masters after they went through some formal training to earn such a title. Slaves were trained...or subs were chosen by Masters and then trained as slaves within their relationship.

But this is 2006, and times have changed. Most who call themselves Masters have no formal training. Neither do the slaves. Slaves have limits which are acceptable to their Masters. There are branches, and sub-branches of D/s...and it is rare any two couples would share exactly the same dynamic.

i guess the irony of all this is that i would submit to a Daddy Dom in a Daddy/girl partnership where we have agreed limits. i don't know what that 'makes me'...but that is what i am. i really don't question this battle of sub vs slave because it pertains to me. It is just that i still cannot see the logical difference between the two and i am really waiting to see the logic behind it.

People just throw out shit like 'slaves are more this or that than subs'....or 'slaves submit once for life' etc.....but i have yet to see any tangible proof that ALL slaves do these...or that ALL slaves follow that same protocol....all across this planet Earth.

More people seem to be accepting that the relationship is really defined by the parties involved....perhaps even as merely defined by the dominant. So be it. If within that dynamic he is called Master and she is called slave....and that works for them...why is there all this bickering about the roles? Why do people still continue to compare the two? And why is making the distinction so important anyway?

Til the end of time, newbies will come on and ask the difference between a sub and slave....and as long as we further the myth that there are certain requirements (or some definitive mindset) that must be met before taking on such titles, then the battle will never end.

Look how many newbies come on and list themselves as slaves without having a clue of what that means at all.  Hell, that's what i did! And i eventually learned, just as many others do, where i fit into all this. And i am quite content with that.

DG

_____________________________

I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.

Frederick Douglas

"I am in a relationship which employs punishment because it fulfills me to do

(in reply to adaddysgirl)