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Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:26:56 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

Ok, I don't ask a whole lot of questions in this area (usually they end up in the off-topic areas), but there is something that has been bothering me. This may not be specifically related to BDSM, but it kind of is.

Alright, I am engaged to be married next summer and could not be happier. I love my husband-to-be and there is no question about us getting married.
So here's the problem. When we first met I had about six piercings and one tattoo, now all of my piercings are gone with the exception of my ears and he hates my tattoo and doesn't want me to get another. I am one of those people who wants to be pierced and tattooed, I feel more beautiful with them. I want more tattoos and I want my old piercings back (and more).
Should I just resist my urges to get body modifications just because he doesn't like them?
I am only looking for advice and opinions. Please let me know what you think.

< Message edited by siamsa24 -- 10/15/2006 4:42:35 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Tatoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:31:47 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

Ok, I don't ask a whole lot of questions in this area (usually they end up in the off-topic areas), but there is something that has been bothering me. This may not be specifically related to BDSM, but it kind of is.

Alright, I am engaged to be married next summer and could not be happier. I love my husband-to-be and there is no question about us getting married.
So here's the problem. When we first met I had about six piercings and one tattoo, now all of my piercings are gone with the exception of my ears and he hates my tattoo and doesn't want me to get another. I am one of those people who wants to be pierced and tattooed, I feel more beautiful with them. I want more tattoos and I want my old piercings back (and more).
Should I just resist my urges to get body modifications just because he doesn't like them?
I am only looking for advice and opinions. Please let me know what you think.

Well , if I WAS in your shoes, I would first discuss this with him and let him know how important they were to you. Maybe the two of you could come to a compromise? Let him pick a piercing or tatt? and the placement? and then that's it?

From the sounds of it this is something that is going to have to be talked about and compromised on. On both ends, not just one.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 2

RE: Tatoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:32:41 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Is he your Master? What are the dynamics of the relationship?

I would say that if it is not somehting he is willing to bend on and he is your Master, then you do as you are told.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 3

RE: Tatoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:39:21 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

We have discussed it, he feels that I have no need to get any modifications because he thinks that I am fine the way that I am. For the past three and a half years I have gone along, although he is aware of my feelings. Now I have to chance to get some work done through a co-worker and I want to take the chance to get some things done that I have always wanted. Part of me wants to make him happy by leaving myself the way that I am, but the other part of me wants to just go for it because it will make me happy.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 4

RE: Tatoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:40:39 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

Well, we don't have a 100% defined relationship. He is more of a Daddy I think then a master. And I generally go my own way with him fully supporting me.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 5

RE: Tatoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:42:28 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

We have discussed it, he feels that I have no need to get any modifications because he thinks that I am fine the way that I am. For the past three and a half years I have gone along, although he is aware of my feelings. Now I have to chance to get some work done through a co-worker and I want to take the chance to get some things done that I have always wanted. Part of me wants to make him happy by leaving myself the way that I am, but the other part of me wants to just go for it because it will make me happy.

Eww, thats a tricky siuation. I wish I could help with some better advice. It sounds like it may come down to either one of two things...do what he wishes and be unhappy, or do what you wish and make him unhappy and angry. Either one does not look good though.

I still think that there is a way to compromise. Maybe if you spoke to him and made a compromise of ONE piercing or tatt? But let him pick it? And the placement?

Just a suggestion.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 6

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:43:01 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

i like seeing tats and piercings, but they aren't for me, personally. i'm not a big fan of pain.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 7

RE: Tatoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:43:58 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I'll start by saying it depends on the nature of your relationship with him. If you are submissve to him, then it would seem you may need to build a pretty good case for yourself to prompt him to allow this, but his final word is just that. If he is submissive to you, then it is really your choice. However, I will add that I believe it is healthy for couples to want to be attractive to their mates. You will ultimately have to weigh what your priority is - making a compromise so that you are attractive to your husband (as I understand, you still have the previous tattoos, right?), or finding yourself attractive at the dismay of your husband.

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 8

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:47:07 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

I do appreciate the advice, although I am starting to wonder if I get one I will want more.
One of the big things that we are kind of butting heads on is my nipples. I have wanted them pierced for about 5 years. I thought that it would be a compromise for me to get them done and then take them out before I have a baby, but he is afraid that they will scar.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 9

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:55:28 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I do appreciate the advice, although I am starting to wonder if I get one I will want more.
One of the big things that we are kind of butting heads on is my nipples. I have wanted them pierced for about 5 years. I thought that it would be a compromise for me to get them done and then take them out before I have a baby, but he is afraid that they will scar.

Like I suggested..compromise...on both sides.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 10

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 4:58:21 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

Kind of on that topic, does anyone know if nipple piercings scar to the point of being noticable? I had my eyebrow (and others) done for years and then when the bars were removed left little or no scar.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 11

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 5:02:51 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Someone I know who had her nipples pierced had to close them up when she was married. They did not scar. I can only speak for her, though, and not the masses. You're on the right track though. I was about to suggest if he is afraid they will scar, to do your homework and find out if they do or not. Ask some professionals who do piercings.

Here's a site with some info on nipple piercings. They also provide more links at the bottom. It's a start, anyway. Good luck!

http://tattoo.about.com/cs/piercefaq/a/110603a_2.htm?terms=nipple+ring+jewelry

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 12

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 5:14:19 PM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

If it's not that type of relationship, M/s, then it's your body and you can do what you want. I think though since you are talking about marrying him, you might want to compromise on parts of what he likes also. It sounds like you knew from the beginning that he didn't like these things, and have yourself admitted to taking them out even if you really didn't want to. You sort of set the situation up yourself by starting the ball rolling in the first place.

I have tatts, and piercings.. I have always been open with Master about the fact that I like these things and would probably want to add a few as time goes on, including his mark.

I know this is a part of me, and I won't take them out, or get them lasered off for anyone.

I am not sure if nipple ones will scar or not, but so far mine are doing fine.

Sounds sort of like you didn't get someone that agrees with you in this area though, so you are going to just have to live without them if you are going to make him happy, or move on without him, to make yourself happy.

Sorry if that sounded cold, now that I re-read it, don't take it that way, I just know that my piercings and tatts are something I am passionate about, and I wouldn't change them for anyone.

Akasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 13

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 5:19:00 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

If it's not that type of relationship, M/s, then it's your body and you can do what you want

That is horrible advice to give to anyone, I am sorry, but it is. Relationships, I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND THEY ARE, take two to make them work. What's more, they take compromise; no one is going to have their way all the time. Period. Not even in an M/s relationship.
To say that since that is not what they have, then she should just 'blow' off his wishes on this and do what ever she wants, is wrong; it blatantly tells the other partner that their feelings on such a thing don't matter a bit.

Siamsa24, this was not aimed at you, for obviously you love him, and want to work this out in the right way; and that's commendable in an era where many would just say to hell with it, I am doing what I want.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 14

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 5:31:49 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

I was angry about the piercings at first (he took out two of them in my sleep), but then I got to the point where I would have had to take them out for work anyway so I did not get them redone.
I am hoping that he will give in on some of them.
I have been working on him about the tatt for a while and he has agreed to allow a friend of mine to repair my current tattoo (it's a little lopsided) and maybe add a little bit to it.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 15

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 5:36:45 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

have been working on him about the tatt for a while and he has agreed to allow a friend of mine to repair my current tattoo (it's a little lopsided) and maybe add a little bit to it.

Well that's a start. Have you thought about maybe asking him what he would like to see on your body, if he could choose for himself, in regards to tatts or piercings? That may be where the compromise lies

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 16

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 5:36:45 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

i hate to say it, but that'd be abit of a deal breaker for me. I've had tat's going on 13 years and they are apart of me. Each one with its own story, memory and basically lifes marking on me. To disdain my tats would be to disdain me. I wouldnt have it. i am who i am - take me as you will or not at all.

Which if i was you, would be my whole issue. He wasnt completely accepting me. Only the parts he wants to accept - which would be the deal breaker

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 10/15/2006 5:38:31 PM >

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 17

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 5:41:36 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

i hate to say it, but that'd be abit of a deal breaker for me. I've had tat's going on 13 years and they are apart of me. Each one with its own story, memory and basically lifes marking on me. To disdain my tats would be to disdain me. I wouldnt have it. i am who i am - take me as you will or not at all.

Saying that, my Dom has abit of issue with my scars. He doesnt like them and doesnt find them attractive and they really bother him But i think his issue is how they came about.

BUT - if my next boyfriend has issue, well then he can take a hike or keep it to himself. LOL .. like i said i am who i am. Take me for me, or not at all!

My husband hated tattoos with a passion. I begged him for years to let me get one. Finally, when our daughter was born, he agreed to let me get one to celebrate her birth, but only if I would agree to get a piercing for him. Up till then, piercings had been a HUGE NO NO lol. I absolutly refused to budge on piercings of any kind ( I did not even have my ears pierced )
Eventually I agreed. I got my first two tattoos as a celebration of her birth, and my ears were pierced 4 times in each one.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 5:49:17 PM

nikaa

Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

Communication is always the key, even with things such as this. My Master personally is not into piercings or tattoos, however; he has known from our first or perhaps second conversation that I was enjoyed body art.

Since taking his collar, we have discussed it often. He must approve of all tattoos or peircing and must be present when they are done.

He has accepted that this is something that I enjoy, find beautiful, and erotic in its own way.I don't know if I could be involved in a D/s relationship or any other kind of relationship with someone who didn't like tattoos.

Have you sat down and really communicated with your Daddy about this. Not simply talked but communicated? Have you asked why he feels as he does? Have you explained why you feel the way you do?If you don't do get tattoos and allow your peircings to close will you be happy with you? Will you resent him in the future for it? If he knew you had them before why are they an issue now?

As far as getting your nipples pierced I would suggest that you and your Daddy go to a shop and speak with someone about things such as nipples scaring. I know when I allowed mine to close they left no visible scars what so ever. Though everyones body is different.

I wish you the best and hope you find a balance that allows you both to feel fulfilled and happy with yourselves and your relationship.

Nika

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 19

RE: Tattoos and piercings - 10/15/2006 5:52:00 PM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

quote:

If it's not that type of relationship, M/s, then it's your body and you can do what you want

That is horrible advice to give to anyone, I am sorry, but it is. Relationships, I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND THEY ARE, take two to make them work. What's more, they take compromise; no one is going to have their way all the time. Period. Not even in an M/s relationship.
To say that since that is not what they have, then she should just 'blow' off his wishes on this and do what ever she wants, is wrong; it blatantly tells the other partner that their feelings on such a thing don't matter a bit.

Siamsa24, this was not aimed at you, for obviously you love him, and want to work this out in the right way; and that's commendable in an era where many would just say to hell with it, I am doing what I want.

It is her body to do with as she wants, it's up to her if she wants to compromise to keep the other person happy. Being I am with my Master, I do have to ask before I do something to alter it, she doesn't. My point wasn't to say, poo on the relationship and do what you want, it was that she has to decide for herself whether altering her body is worth losing her relationship over.

If the thoughts were scattered, I will blame it on the migraine that I have.. but for some reason I keep typing on here anyway.. does make it a bit hard to keep focused on a thought sentence to sentence.

Akasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 20

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