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RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 7:14:54 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

The lesson here is:  be careful what you ask for.




OMG that sounds ominous

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 7:16:30 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It can be!   

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 9:30:03 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I may or may not agree, depending on the situation. If she devotes her life to making him happy and he can't even show her that he appreciates her on her birthday, then she is not in the wrong. I'd have to hear both sides to be sure, but the fact that she felt that depressed on her birthday doesn't make her dom look very caring.


Where in the hell do you pull shit out of? I didn't see anywhere on here where she said anything about being unappreciated. You sure do assume an awful lot....and you do it consistently. Did you ever think that just maybe her depression had nothing to do with her Dom.


She says in her post that she felt depressed and insecure.  Why would she feel insecure if it had nothing to do with her Dom? Are you saying she could have felt insecure about something totally irrevelant to her relationship and said what she did for no reason? That doesn't even make sense. While it's possible that she might have unfounded trust issues, a birthday is an unlikely day for such an issue to come up unless her dom somehow neglected her needs on her special day. Like I said before I would have to hear both sides to be sure, but the fact that it was her birthday seems to be a red flag.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 9:37:31 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
She says in her post that she felt depressed and insecure.  Why would she feel insecure if it had nothing to do with her Dom? Are you saying she could have felt insecure about something totally irrevelant to her relationship and said what she did for no reason? That doesn't even make sense. While it's possible that she might have unfounded trust issues, a birthday is an unlikely day for such an issue to come up unless her dom somehow neglected her needs on her special day. Like I said before I would have to hear both sides to be sure, but the fact that it was her birthday seems to be a red flag.


No, you know what doesn't make sense....you get called out for making baseless assumptions and you answer it with even more baseless assumptions. The facts are that you don't know what was depressing her and the only real conclusions that can be made based on the information that she gave is that it is something that will have to be worked out between the two of them. No one here needs you to find who is to blame....which seems to be a consistent theme with you.



_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 9:56:06 PM   
LAMPedge


Posts: 24
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		wow, let's all jump down each others' throats now why don't we?

~~~~~

on-topic, you have some serious reparations to make, and you need to open up to Him completely, tell Him exactly what happened and why, and you have to ask Him what you must to to earn His trust again, if it is possible.

I can tell you one other thing though, if you wish to know it tell me in an email.


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:07:37 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Even if your assumption is correct and he did something men do every day, forget an anniversary, a birthday, a valentines day, this is not something to toss a collar over. Blaming and encouraging more anger is not conducive to saving a relationship. Just because your "special day" did not go as you "expected" it to is not a reason to bail, which seems to be something you are telling the OP. She knows better than anyone who posts here if she overreacted to whatever occured in her relationship. And No we do not need a whole bunch of info to encourage patience and maturity and introspection

Blaming and shaming is not something that belongs in a relationship that one wants to nurture into growth... people have troubles in their relationships... all relationships... heaping fiery coals of doubt and uncertainty is probably not productive.

To the OP, it tells me volumes that your master cares that he would consider giving you back your collar, but I would not think he would give it back twice... my Daddy's first sub threw back her collar one too many times to manipulate, the last of which he kept it....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:09:30 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, you're right. She felt insecure and depressed about something that had nothing to do with her Dom whatsoever and she asked him to remove her collar for no reason. Makes perfect sense. How could I be so stupid not to understand.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:12:30 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Most people who attempt suicide do it as a cry for attention, she did the same thing by begging for release.

Both of them are better off without each other.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:20:49 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl


She says in her post that she felt depressed and insecure.  Why would she feel insecure if it had nothing to do with her Dom? Are you saying she could have felt insecure about something totally irrevelant to her relationship and said what she did for no reason?

When some peple have birthdays, tey convince themselves that they are somhow losing something by growing older.  They feel as if they dont have as much to offer as they age, some women believe that another year makes them somehow less attractive, and some take a birthday to reevaluate their lives and whether or not they have necessarily done everything they have wanted. It is cmpletely possible that she could have felt very insecure having nothing to do with her Dom.  Actually, coming from personal experience with my own boy, the insecurity and depression from getting older in and of itself might have lead her to ask fr release. I know that Angel asked not to be collared the first time I wanted to, becasue he was having personal isues and for his own reaons did not believe he could serve me adequately.  Even with my reasurances, his insecurity and self-doubt made it impossible to cinvince him otherwise, and so he remained uncollared.

However, to draw another parallel, I did make him a second offer... months later and after a ot of talking, work together and him proving to me that he truly believed he was once again worthy of the collar.  You have lot of trust to rebuild in order t prove to your Master that he has a reason to collar you again. I didnt trust my boy for a long while, believing that he could easily ask to back out again.  I tested him often, and finaly determined that he was sincere in his desire to be owned.  In short, you hve to prove to him that you do sincerely want to be his pet, and that what happened last birthday isnt going to become a routine.  It will not be easy, but it should be possible, assuming he was as serious about the relationship as the collar implied.  I kow personally, I am not eager to give up a good pet once I have one, and I may be forgiving for a first offense like this as long as it never hapened again.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:22:06 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with most of what you say Julia. Men do forget those things. But if he did forget, why is he only "considering" giving back her collar when he should be apologizing and asking her to stay? I agree that she might have overreacted, but if he did forget, he needs to admit that he was wrong and give her collar back without having to consider it.......then celebrate her birthday a few days late. While doms are dominant, they're also human and not perfect. Any dom who thinks he's perfect and always right is not a dom I would want to be with.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:27:46 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		Dear SS -

I do not know why you made the choice you did, nor is it any of my business.  I do not have magic words for you to get your Master back, but I wanted to let you know that sometimes people are given a second chance.  If it is meant to be and it is the best thing for the two you, I hope you get a second chance.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to sweetsubie)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:29:59 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Question, while we are all deciding how the Dom should handle this...
Has the OP actualy confirmed that he did in fact forget her birthday?  I dont remember reading that idea except in someone elses post.  We are all poking around in the dark coming up with remedies for the scenarios we have created without actualy knowing if they are even close to the OPs problem.
Maybe she was PMSing that day, maybe someone ELSE frgot her birthday and tis was carryover becasue if smeone else forgot, she felt unworthy.... who knows until we find out from her what exactly precipitated the mood swing.

I agree, if her Dom forgot her birthday, he should apologize. However, even if he did forget her birthday, asking for release is a bit extreme a response.  Thats like asking for a divorce becaue someone forgot your anniversary.  As a Domme, I aways say let the punishment fit the crime. Somehow, release for forgetting a birthday, assuming thats even close to what actualy hapened, seems a littel far flung.  Wanting an Im Sorry and maybe a makeup ceebration, yes, but asking to get out no.

my opinion of course
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:31:55 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Question, while we are all deciding how the Dom should handle this...
Has the OP actualy confirmed that he did in fact forget her birthday?  I dont remember reading that idea except in someone elses post.  We are all poking around in the dark coming up with remedies for the scenarios we have created without actualy knowing if they are even close to the OPs problem.
Maybe she was PMSing that day, maybe someone ELSE frgot her birthday and tis was carryover becasue if smeone else forgot, she felt unworthy.... who knows until we find out from her what exactly precipitated the mood swing.

I agree, if her Dom forgot her birthday, he should apologize. However, even if he did forget her birthday, asking for release is a bit extreme a response.  Thats like asking for a divorce becaue someone forgot your anniversary.  As a Domme, I aways say let the punishment fit the crime. Somehow, release for forgetting a birthday, assuming thats even close to what actualy hapened, seems a littel far flung.  Wanting an Im Sorry and maybe a makeup ceebration, yes, but asking to get out no.

my opinion of course
DV


Thank you

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:39:29 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Ok.. lets follow thru with your huge assumptions.,.. lets say he forgot it... a person can be sorry they did something and not take back another person. In other words if I broke up with my Daddy for some stupid reason I cannot expect that he will take me back. I can hope he would, I can wish he would, but he does not owe that to me. It is perfectly valid to wonder if he wants to keep me after I would toss away a full commitment like a collar represents over something as trivial as forgetting a birthday. Her dom maybe sorry he forgot the birthday (hypothetically speaking), but still feel that did not justify her overreaction to it. We do not even know that happened here, but even if it did he has every right to consider whether or not he wants to return a collar to someone who gave it back.

I played this game a few times with my exhusband when we first got married, throwing my ring at him when I got really stinking mad. Yes I may have had valid reasons (believe me I had every reason in the book), but it was still not becoming behavior and I never did it again once I got pregnant. It was my maturity level that caused this behavior, and not handling anger properly.

I understand the OP perhaps, hopefully she will think first next time. There is somewhere within that the insecurity is born, no one can make us feel anything, they can only push our pre-existing buttons


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:42:38 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

But if he did forget, why is he only "considering" giving back her collar when he should be apologizing and asking her to stay? I agree that she might have overreacted, but if he did forget, he needs to admit that he was wrong and give her collar back without having to consider it.......then celebrate her birthday a few days late. While doms are dominant, they're also human and not perfect. Any dom who thinks he's perfect and always right is not a dom I would want to be with.


SS does not mention what the exact cause of her begging release was.  You seem to be assuming that the Dom did or did not do something that he should have.  I think that this is a huge leap to make without having specific details.  To me, that just seems reckless and wild.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:48:11 PM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Ok, you're right. She felt insecure and depressed about something that had nothing to do with her Dom whatsoever and she asked him to remove her collar for no reason. Makes perfect sense. How could I be so stupid not to understand.


Okay, i am not sure i understand this.  The op says "while in a state of depression and feeling rather insecure on my birthday lastweek i asked my Master for release..."   

i do not understand where the presumption comes from that it was because the Master forgot her birthday     She says she was feeling depressed and insecure.  There could be a million personal reasons for this.   Maybe she suffered a traumatic experience at some point on her birthday and now it causes these feelings.  Or maybe she was feeling something due to turning 18 years old.  Sometimes that represents a turning point into adulthood and can cause some temporary adverse effects.  But how could we ever guess without further explanation from the op?  Any guess at this point would probably be irrelevant, no?
 
The op then says "right now i have no idea what possesed me to do such a stupid thing ...".  So she is saying that even in retrospect, she is not sure why she did it.  She states no reason that implies he did something so traumatic to her that she felt the need to ask for release.
 
i guess i just don't understand how any remote presumption can be established without further info from the op...and to presume any particular cause would be pure speculation, wouldn't it? 
 
DG

_____________________________

I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.

Frederick Douglas

"I am in a relationship which employs punishment because it fulfills me to do

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:51:12 PM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

SS does not mention what the exact cause of her begging release was.  You seem to be assuming that the Dom did or did not do something that he should have.  I think that this is a huge leap to make without having specific details. 


Dang...you beat me to that thought!  We must have been posting at the same time 
 
DG

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 10:58:41 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I agree, if her Dom forgot her birthday, he should apologize. However, even if he did forget her birthday, asking for release is a bit extreme a response.  Thats like asking for a divorce becaue someone forgot your anniversary.  As a Domme, I aways say let the punishment fit the crime. Somehow, release for forgetting a birthday, assuming thats even close to what actualy hapened, seems a littel far flung.  Wanting an Im Sorry and maybe a makeup ceebration, yes, but asking to get out no.



My former dom forgot my birthday the first year we were seeing each other

It crushed me

I never once raised my voice, but he could hear the hurt in it, and he sent me a beautiful card with a tender apology... we lived 2000 miles apart, so there was no make up sex...lol/

Seriously... only she knows what happens, and if she reads this post I hope she realizes she does not owe us an explanation of it, she was just reaching out because she is in panic mode, most of us have been there once or twice.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 11:00:53 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		OK so since we are all agreed to stave off calling Master the bad guy for forgetting poor SS's birthday for now...

Until we know a bit more about things, its hard to really say what you have to do to get your collar back.

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: stupid girl! - 10/22/2006 11:02:54 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I agree that would be a little extreme and it is possible that turning a year older might have made her feel unworthy of him. I do have a tendency to stick up for slaves more often than not. Alot of the masters I've talked to don't think a slave's hard work and devotion are worthy of appreciation and treat them worse than dogs no matter how hard they try to please. I guess I just have a soft spot when it comes to birthdays because my old bondage partner forgot mine. Sorry for my bias.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 40
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