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RE: stupid girl! - 10/23/2006 2:37:04 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsubie

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Most people who attempt suicide do it as a cry for attention, she did the same thing by begging for release.

Both of them are better off without each other.


i mean no disrespect but if i was so desperate for attention i would have asked for it, and stomping my foot and rejecting His collar would not be my way of dealing with Him saying no if that was the case.i don't know what the F**k happened i should have been so happy to see Him it would have been my first time seeing him in two months and then suddenly i got scared and uncomfortable about the idea of spending the weekend with him and i just flipped, and although i forget sometimes that He has an emtional attachment to me like i have for Him and i realise that i have completely broken his trust not to mention reject Him in such a horrible way and i dont know what to do, he has been so supportive to me since then also he just wont discuss our future for now...  


Did you reject him or the collar ( commitment)? If I gave my collar back my Master would not feel I'd rejected him, as a person. I'm jolly glad that he's not so emotionally attached to me that he can't see a problem for exactly what it is.

agirl




(in reply to sweetsubie)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: stupid girl! - 10/23/2006 2:39:50 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

also he just wont discuss our future for now...


That is understandable.  He doesn't know what you want.  How can you expect him to be eager to enter into a discussion with someone who rejected him?



I'd expect it.......I'd expect some incredibly direct questioning and discussions to occur.

agirl

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: stupid girl! - 10/23/2006 2:44:06 PM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I agree that she might have overreacted, but if he did forget, he needs to admit that he was wrong and give her collar back without having to consider it


I hate being the one who has to point out the obvious but no.. HE doesnt HAVE to do anything..

SHE screwed up by breaking up with HIM.. He is being kind enough to accept that perhaps she MIGHT be worth a second chance..

Would you please stop adding facts that were never even given by the person asking for advice :::but if he did forget:::

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: stupid girl! - 10/23/2006 3:52:45 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
She says in her post that she felt depressed and insecure.  Why would she feel insecure if it had nothing to do with her Dom? Are you saying she could have felt insecure about something totally irrevelant to her relationship and said what she did for no reason? That doesn't even make sense. While it's possible that she might have unfounded trust issues, a birthday is an unlikely day for such an issue to come up unless her dom somehow neglected her needs on her special day. Like I said before I would have to hear both sides to be sure, but the fact that it was her birthday seems to be a red flag.


No, you know what doesn't make sense....you get called out for making baseless assumptions and you answer it with even more baseless assumptions. The facts are that you don't know what was depressing her and the only real conclusions that can be made based on the information that she gave is that it is something that will have to be worked out between the two of them. No one here needs you to find who is to blame....which seems to be a consistent theme with you.




applauds!

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: stupid girl! - 10/23/2006 4:14:59 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Sometimes I wonder if an OP tosses a subject out just to see how many of us have our claws sharpened and ready.


Bingo!  Give the lady with the riding crop stretched across her torso so fetchingly a cookie.  What is fascinating is to watch the goldfish scramble to the top of the tank to eat the crumbs.   No, wait...goldfish don't have claws...I'll work on this metaphor.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: stupid girl! - 10/23/2006 4:44:37 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Daddysredhead,

Love the new pic!!

Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: stupid girl! - 10/23/2006 8:30:45 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Daddysredhead,

Love the new pic!!

Kyra


Boy I'm glad kyra hijacked first.

I agree, absolutely stunning picture.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: stupid girl! - 10/24/2006 7:44:23 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Back when we were LDR I did become irrationally afraid if there had been a long time between visits. But I also was able to tell him about this beforehand. This way visits started with just holding each other and reconnecting.

In order to throw a collar back at him, there would have had to be a great deal of resentment and lack of communication. So since the relationship had come to a point wherein the only way you could see to handle your fear was to reject him, why would you want to start it up again?

You two need to learn how to communicate, the good and the bad. And have matching levels of communication. So if the only thing he wants is a once a week list of all rule breakings, followed by punishment only during infrequent visits, and you need affection and affirmation twice daily, then you aren't compatible. Quite honestly, if you telling him you were afraid didn't make him change his plans to first soothe you, then he isn't someone you can trust yourself to. Yes there have been days when his finely crafted scenes have had to be put aside. If he had insisted on me acting them out when I was obviously in no shape for it, then he wouldn't be the right one for me.

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: stupid girl! - 10/24/2006 1:20:31 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I agree that she might have overreacted, but if he did forget, he needs to admit that he was wrong and give her collar back without having to consider it


I hate being the one who has to point out the obvious but no.. HE doesnt HAVE to do anything..

SHE screwed up by breaking up with HIM.. He is being kind enough to accept that perhaps she MIGHT be worth a second chance..

Would you please stop adding facts that were never even given by the person asking for advice :::but if he did forget:::


You're right. In this instance, it was obviously her fault. I did make assumptions that I shouldn't have. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I've seen alot of situations where slaves and subs are trained to blame themselves for everything. Many doms instill the belief that the dom is always right and anything that goes wrong is always the sub or slave's fault. I've run into so many doms with this attitude that I've become biased. I apologize for misunderstanding the situation.

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: stupid girl! - 10/24/2006 4:50:12 PM   
sunnydays


Posts: 116
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		Master and Ihave a 5 day cooling of period for any major decisions... as we are all human, people make mistakes... if sometihng like this was to happen then nothing is deicded until 5 days after it is mentioned.. something for everyone ot concider if you havnt done do already

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: stupid girl! - 10/24/2006 5:05:36 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunnydays

Master and Ihave a 5 day cooling of period for any major decisions... as we are all human, people make mistakes... if sometihng like this was to happen then nothing is deicded until 5 days after it is mentioned.. something for everyone ot concider if you havnt done do already


That is GREAT advice! I think thats probably the best advice Ive seen on a board so far. *Hearty applause*

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: stupid girl! - 10/24/2006 5:11:14 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

As usual, the OP is nowhere to be seen.  All that's left are the Collarme veterans tearing each other apart.


LOL!! I was just thinking that !

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: stupid girl! - 10/24/2006 5:34:59 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunnydays

Master and Ihave a 5 day cooling of period for any major decisions... as we are all human, people make mistakes... if sometihng like this was to happen then nothing is deicded until 5 days after it is mentioned.. something for everyone ot concider if you havnt done do already


That is GREAT advice! I think thats probably the best advice Ive seen on a board so far. *Hearty applause*


I actually have mixed opinions about this idea.  On one hand I can see the benefits but then on the other I can see a potential to abuse the "cooling off" period. 

It is good because sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment that we don't really mean (the moment can be many things including passion and anger).  It is a way to not make irrevocable changes when emotions are running high.

However, I think it is more important to focus on behaving appropriately and having constructive communications even if emotions are running high.  I have very strong emotions and I work very hard to make sure that what I say is exactly what I mean.  I just wonder if someone had this fail-safe would they just go ahead and say whatever comes to mind because they can always take it back?

sunnydays, I would be interested in hearing more specifics on how this works within the relationship.  How do you make sure that it is not being misused? 

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: stupid girl! - 10/24/2006 5:45:45 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Daddysredhead,

Love the new pic!!

Kyra


Boy I'm glad kyra hijacked first.

I agree, absolutely stunning picture.


Dear Kyra and Akisha,

Thank you for your kind words.  Coming from lovely ladies as yourselves, I blush. 

*hugs*  ~ DRH

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: stupid girl! - 10/24/2006 6:23:08 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl


She says in her post that she felt depressed and insecure.  Why would she feel insecure if it had nothing to do with her Dom? 


She's 18, that is a very insecure age, with or without a Dom...

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: stupid girl! - 10/24/2006 6:51:33 PM   
ZenrageTheKeeper


Posts: 237
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsubie
... and although i forget sometimes that He has an emtional attachment to me like i have for Him and i realise that i have completely broken his trust not to mention reject Him in such a horrible way and i dont know what to do, he has been so supportive to me since then also he just wont discuss our future for now...  


Without knowing more of who your Dom is, it would be difficult to determine what it would take to bring him back to you. Deriving from my own experience, it sounds like he may just need some time. At one time, a submissive did something similar to me - in a much worse way than what you described - and it turned off my heart almost instantly. While I don't mind talking with her every once in a while, I couldn't conceive of ever taking her back.

Now I can't say I know anything about you, your Dom, or the bond you two shared, but it does appear as though he is a fair and reasonable person. As such, my sincerest advice to you is to sit down, with a pen and paper if neccesary, and find out why you did what you did that day - no matter how much emotional distress it may cause you to relive it. It needs to be done because, in his mind I'm sure, until you do find the reason why and express that to him in its entirety, there will be no guarantee that you wont do it again.


_____________________________

If Men never thought with their penises, all you girls would still have cooties.

(in reply to sweetsubie)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: stupid girl! - 10/25/2006 8:31:54 AM   
sweetsubie


Posts: 82
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		After some discussion Master has agreed to take me back aslong as i behave and that i go see a doctor for what he thinks is depression brought on by some sort of hormaonal disorder he doesnt care what it is aslong as i get myself sorted so thanks every body for your adivce....
i must say im one happy bunny and hope that i'll never be so stupid again.

_____________________________

Sticks and stone may break my bones but whips and chains excite me!

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: stupid girl! - 10/25/2006 8:41:29 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Good.  Moving forward perhaps you should consider instituting a "cooling off period" for yourself.  Before you make a big decision, take some time and think about what you are doing.  It's not always easy, but it can help to prevent this type of situation in the future.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sweetsubie)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: stupid girl! - 10/25/2006 9:24:15 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunnydays

Master and Ihave a 5 day cooling of period for any major decisions... as we are all human, people make mistakes... if sometihng like this was to happen then nothing is deicded until 5 days after it is mentioned.. something for everyone ot concider if you havnt done do already


That is a wonderful idea

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sunnydays)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: stupid girl! - 10/25/2006 1:08:15 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists


However, I think it is more important to focus on behaving appropriately and having constructive communications even if emotions are running high.  I have very strong emotions and I work very hard to make sure that what I say is exactly what I mean.  I just wonder if someone had this fail-safe would they just go ahead and say whatever comes to mind because they can always take it back?

sunnydays, I would be interested in hearing more specifics on how this works within the relationship.  How do you make sure that it is not being misused? 

Knight's kyra


We have a * time to be sure* period also......plus it would have to be in writing also.

The way to know it isn't being misused is really just by knowing each other. If you were constantly doing it then it would be a rather worthless exercise and would be abandoned. It's very useful in times of upset or unhappiness and gives time to really examine, not only what you said, but why.

agirl





(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 80
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