RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle?

RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (Full Version)

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Lordandmaster -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 6:06:47 PM)
You know, "the lifestyle" isn't a thing. It's another example of confusing words with reality. "Lifestyle" is a word that we've come to use to separate ourselves from vanillas, but it doesn't refer to anything that really exists. What really exists are human beings and the lives they lead.

marieToo -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 6:12:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lorelei115 What disheartens me about the lifestyle? People who are not accepting of others. People who get angry when their point of view is not considered "right" by EVERYONE. People who have a hard time finding a dom, sub, slave, top, switch, sex partner, etc.. so choose to declare that that particular class of person "does not exist". People who attack others in order to feel better about themselves. Oh, and when I take 30 minutes to write a really long and well thought out response to a thread and it just gets ignored completely in favor of someones humorous quote. That makes me go.. "why bother?" I read your posts all the time and I think you're pretty damn cool. :)

michaelGA2 -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 6:51:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw? What irritates you? What defeats your spirit? I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again... put simply, it's due not finding what one seeks. at least none that are close enough to have a meaningful, offline, relationship with.

LotusSong -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 8:40:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster You know, "the lifestyle" isn't a thing. It's another example of confusing words with reality. "Lifestyle" is a word that we've come to use to separate ourselves from vanillas, but it doesn't refer to anything that really exists. What really exists are human beings and the lives they lead. It was the most generic term I could think of for WIITWD. But then Swngers call with they do "Lifestyle" also. Friggy diggy.. how about we call it Fantasy Camp?

Lorelei115 -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 8:45:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo I read your posts all the time and I think you're pretty damn cool. :) Awwww [:D] Thanks!

Elegrea -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 9:12:31 PM)
The blatant intolerance of people who do things differently, especially the insult and mockery of those of us who enjoy pure fantasy kinks, like Macrophilia (Giantess lovers), vampires, and interactive erotic writing (cyber play). I cannot count how many times I have been insulted for enjoying the fantasy of having a tiny man of my own to play with, or how my lovers who enjoy this fantasy have had to live with being humiliated for it by a community who is supposed to be 'alternative', being told they are 'sick' because they fantasize about having huge women step on them, even foot fetishists telling them that, simply because their fantasies are different from their own, or can never be fulfilled in real life. Very discouraging. [&o]

sissifytoserve -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 9:21:44 PM)
Its because "They" are all "better" than us.

Lordandmaster -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 9:37:46 PM)
I'm not objecting to the term, LotusSong. I'm objecting to the way you treat that term as though it had a reality of its own, because it prevents you from getting to what really disheartens you. There is nothing disheartening about "the lifestyle" because the lifestyle isn't a thing. There may be disheartening things about certain people, about your inability to find what you need in this world, whatever--those are real things. Focus on the real things, and leave the figments be; otherwise you won't ever find anything. quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster You know, "the lifestyle" isn't a thing. It's another example of confusing words with reality. "Lifestyle" is a word that we've come to use to separate ourselves from vanillas, but it doesn't refer to anything that really exists. What really exists are human beings and the lives they lead. It was the most generic term I could think of for WIITWD. But then Swngers call with they do "Lifestyle" also. Friggy diggy.. how about we call it Fantasy Camp?

UtopianRanger -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 9:47:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw? What irritates you? What defeats your spirit? I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again... I don't consider myself part of it {never did}..... I’m just here for the mild mannered women who come home from work, take there librarian glasses off, and become hella kinky and aggressive. Oh...and I like ''off topic'' threads too. ; } - R

subfever -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 10:07:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong What irritates you? Unthinking people with quick and loud opinions. quote: What defeats your spirit? So far... nothing has, but some elaborate levels of dishonesty have come mighty close. quote: I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again... I have stopped pursuing D/s several times to engage in vanilla relationships. So far, however, my pursuit of D/s has always managed to return after the conclusion of these relationships.

Kalira -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 5:15:32 AM)
quote: I'm not objecting to the term, LotusSong. I'm objecting to the way you treat that term as though it had a reality of its own, because it prevents you from getting to what really disheartens you. There is nothing disheartening about "the lifestyle" because the lifestyle isn't a thing. There may be disheartening things about certain people, about your inability to find what you need in this world, whatever--those are real things. Focus on the real things, and leave the figments be; otherwise you won't ever find anything. Nicely said

LotusSong -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 6:23:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Elegrea The blatant intolerance of people who do things differently, especially the insult and mockery of those of us who enjoy pure fantasy kinks, like Macrophilia (Giantess lovers), vampires, and interactive erotic writing (cyber play). I cannot count how many times I have been insulted for enjoying the fantasy of having a tiny man of my own to play with, or how my lovers who enjoy this fantasy have had to live with being humiliated for it by a community who is supposed to be 'alternative', being told they are 'sick' because they fantasize about having huge women step on them, even foot fetishists telling them that, simply because their fantasies are different from their own, or can never be fulfilled in real life. Very discouraging. [&o] Is there anything stopping them from creating their own venue to express them selves instead of trying to tack in onto the BDSM venue?

LotusSong -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 6:31:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster I'm not objecting to the term, LotusSong. I'm objecting to the way you treat that term as though it had a reality of its own, because it prevents you from getting to what really disheartens you. There is nothing disheartening about "the lifestyle" because the lifestyle isn't a thing. There may be disheartening things about certain people, about your inability to find what you need in this world, whatever--those are real things. Focus on the real things, and leave the figments be; otherwise you won't ever find anything. The only thing disheartening is that is is NOT DIFFERENT than any other life venue (like that one better?) The people are just as opinionated.. just as intolerant as any place else. But what it DOES offer is a place for people to justify their own misogyny, prejudices and yes, sometimes even mental illnesses left untreated, under the guise of a "fetish"

CreoleCook -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 6:50:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Unfortunatley though i feel that i have failed in some way. I feel i just keep making mistakes over and over. I feel that i just cant quite find what it is im looking for.... Im sick of having questions and no answers. I feel unable to post questions sometimes which are personal to me for the people out there who just attack you and judge you. You know what you are completely right - my situation is relationship related rather than in particular lifestyle related. However i would not be happy in any other kind of relationship so my choice to back off for a while / for good is lifestyle related in that. Not to put too fine point on the dilemma, and thus, Mine own gripe about this "lifestyle..." you hit the nail on the head, and didn't even realize it. Having your eyes wide open and your willingness to grow/learn seems to have jaded many peoples opinions, and viewpoints. Thus judgement seems to be something a lot of "lifestylers" have time for. Personally, I may not like something you do, but that doesn't mean I'm going to judge you or your actions, or even lack thereof. Now while I included this with a quote, I'm not speaking directly toward anyone... my own two cents on your dilemma, missturbation, is the lack of communication between you and your dominant type, based on what you have said thus far. I, personally, would consider My submissive my best friend, as well as anything else. And if there were things I wanted to talk about, but not to her, I have other friends, or at least people I can email with whom I trust in their opinions to know what they are talking about.

Lordandmaster -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 8:03:09 AM)
In other words, what disheartens you is that people in the lifestyle don't act the way you'd like them to. (I'm doubtful that you're qualified to diagnose mental illness, but if you are, good for you.) Don't you think you'll be disheartened wherever you go if that's your standard? quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong The only thing disheartening is that is is NOT DIFFERENT than any other life venue (like that one better?) The people are just as opinionated.. just as intolerant as any place else. But what it DOES offer is a place for people to justify their own misogyny, prejudices and yes, sometimes even mental illnesses left untreated, under the guise of a "fetish"

LotusSong -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 3:50:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster In other words, what disheartens you is that people in the lifestyle don't act the way you'd like them to. (I'm doubtful that you're qualified to diagnose mental illness, but if you are, good for you.) Don't you think you'll be disheartened wherever you go if that's your standard? When people openly admit they are bi-polar and NOT under treatment.. then yes.. I'm an expert diagnostician. And really, I'm quite happy in my life. I just pose questions that I feel people need/want to discuss. If you prefer the Shirley Temple variation of D/sBDSM.. then you are entitled wallow to your heart's content in that fantasy. I'm a realist. And the reality is, is that this Fantasy Camp is no different than the others. I now consider your posts self-serving, irrelevant and totally dismissable. Feel free to do the same with mine. You are now on block.

Sinergy -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 6:51:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw? What irritates you? What defeats your spirit? I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again... I was involved for a two years a bunch of years ago. I had two submissivess, neither of which lasted longer than 3 months. I went to a lot of parties. I met a lot of people. I had any number of offers. But the offers I was getting tended to be from people who had 5-10 relationships a year. I wanted long term. I seldom met anybody capable of sustaining a long term relationship, so when life took away my free time, the Lifestyle was one of the things I gave up. So what drove me away back then was the lack of sustainability in dynamics. I really dislike the denouement of relationships. It is easier to live in a swamp, put up signs, and be a terrifying ogre. Sinergy

amayos -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 7:04:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw? What irritates you? What defeats your spirit? I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again... I can understand the sentiment, somewhat. As for me, I can't say I ever left the lifestyle; I never really identified with it to begin with. The illusory pageantry of the clubs and the images typically pursued in BDSM estrange me from most. I associate loosely with BDSM as it is the closest thing to what I enjoy on a macro social scale of accepted human behavior. Nothing really defeats my spirit or irritates me about "the lifestyle." I am sober to the idea that I must be very selective about who serves me.

gooddogbenji -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 7:07:26 PM)
I hafta say, I see what LaM is saying, and would like to add my own comments, hoping no one else has said it. As he said, the lifestyle is not a thing. The groups within it can be left, contacts ignored, relationships shunned, but "leaving the lifestyle" just means not giving in to the temptation to beat a helpless sub. Your urges will not change, your needs will not change, you will not suddenly be happy in a vanilla relationship, and the people you objected to in the lifestyle will be ten times worse, because vanilla is not really a lifestyle you can leave, nor something you can bitch about. It's really easy to say you're leaving, just as it's really easy for me to yell, "I'm gonna go out this door and tell him exactly what I think of his idea!" You get to where you have to open the door and live with the consequences, and suddenly something comes up. Oh well, you can always leave tomorrow. Or, you act on your impulse, and miss out on that sub you were waiting for all along. You people fucking amaze me. Yours, benji

Sinergy -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 7:33:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji It's really easy to say you're leaving, just as it's really easy for me to yell, "I'm gonna go out this door and tell him exactly what I think of his idea!" You get to where you have to open the door and live with the consequences, and suddenly something comes up. Oh well, you can always leave tomorrow. Or, you act on your impulse, and miss out on that sub you were waiting for all along. You people fucking amaze me. I left for four years, benji. It was not necessarily an impulsive decision, although I have heard those who claimed it was. I simply had things I needed to take care of in my life at that time, and had to determine where best to devote my energy; beating subs or building a future for myself. Being pulled into the union changed all that for me, so then I looked at my life and decided that I was worth having somebody to share it with. Sinergy

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