RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle?

RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (Full Version)

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cuddleheart50 -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 7:41:55 PM)
I have been thinking about leaving for awhile now. but some of my friends keep telling me to stay. But if things keep going like they have been, and I hope they dont, I will be leaving.

Lordandmaster -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 9:14:19 PM)
Yeah. The biggest mistake I made in my life was convincing myself that BDSM was a "phase." I had no one to discuss it with at the time, and ended up marrying vanilla. It's a bad idea, don't do it.

Dollbecky -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 9:15:19 PM)
What disheartens you about the Lifestyle?... hmmmm folks who bitch and moan about the local munches /playparties /events but never ever get in there and try to make things "better"..thats always gets right up my nose.. strikes me as lazy and weak; a total copout. Its not just a bdsm thing though ....

DiurnalVampire -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 9:20:35 PM)
The thing that disheartens me the most about the lifestyle is the rampant generalizing and stereotyping that goes on internally. I hate having to concern myself with lables and names and terminology to be understood, rather than just accepting that everyone is what they cal themselves and being done with it.DV

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 9:48:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster Yeah. The biggest mistake I made in my life was convincing myself that BDSM was a "phase." I had no one to discuss it with at the time, and ended up marrying vanilla. It's a bad idea, don't do it. Been there , done that. This is who I am. I tried to leave BDSM once I lasted about a year. I was so depressed and empty I couldn't stand it anymore. Things get bad but once you decide to leave there will always be nagging desires and feelings that will haunt you. I can only speak for myself though.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 9:51:03 PM)
I too did the vanilla marriage thing. It didnt last long once he decided that after the ring was on my finger, I was supposed to be a stereotypical oldfashioned "yes sir" wife. I need to be the one in control in the relationship, or at the very least an equal. I cannot and will not be the submissive party, it just isnt in my makeup. DV

jdtallfem -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/25/2006 9:53:18 PM)
Well I embraced it as a ProDomme in my teens and twenties and then "poof" left it and got married for 22 years, happily married in a vanilla marriage. But I never left my dominant personality. My ex was always resentfully saying "yes dear" when I ordered him around a bit too much and while he was alpha, he was also had enough "sub" characteristics to keep it going until the end when we butted heads, both became alpha and went into self destruct mode. Suddenly it was like having two Masters brawling it out, lol.

Elegrea -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 1:07:46 AM)
Yes, there's venues for them, and I use them... but I have to hide that I like these things while I am looking for a live in BDSM slave here, because somehow these things don't fall into the category of 'fetish'? I see no reason to endure being insulted for these things by people who consider somehow that my presence makes things here on Collarme somehow less 'pure'... I am not demanding that space on Collarme be specifically set aside for people who like what I do, or special treatment. I am simply asking to be respected while I seek what many people on here are seeking....a slave.

LotusSong -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 5:24:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dollbecky What disheartens you about the Lifestyle?... hmmmm folks who bitch and moan about the local munches /playparties /events but never ever get in there and try to make things "better"..thats always gets right up my nose.. strikes me as lazy and weak; a total copout. Its not just a bdsm thing though .... You sure have THAT right!

Kalira -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 5:34:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire I too did the vanilla marriage thing. It didnt last long once he decided that after the ring was on my finger, I was supposed to be a stereotypical oldfashioned "yes sir" wife. I need to be the one in control in the relationship, or at the very least an equal. I cannot and will not be the submissive party, it just isnt in my makeup. DV LOL I started out in what I THOUGHT was a vanilla relationship. It did not take him long to show me that there was soooooooooo much more on the other side. I could never go back to vanilla; I know what can be and will not settle for less.

meatcleaver -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 7:03:36 AM)
I've never really believed in the idea of a 'lifestyle' and when I sort of thought there was a 'lifestyle' the people who were trying to convince me there was couldn't even adhere to it anyway which left me somewhat confused. If there was a 'lifestyle' I would have left it but there isn't so I can't.

MizSuz -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 8:00:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw? What irritates you? What defeats your spirit? I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again... Some people would say that I've 'left' since I don't socialize to the level I used to, I don't go to functions and I don't entertain the notion of taking on more people. I am not romantically involved and I have no desire to do pro sessions or even play at this time. I haven't left, I'm burned out and overly busy with other facets of my life that currently take priority. Since it's part of me I don't think I could leave, no matter how involved I am at the moment. The major part of my burn out was because I wasn't more proactive about not interacting with people who see me as a life support system for a whip and haven't a clue who I am. People who write strangers saying "Mistress may I serve you" when what they really mean is "stranger, please make me do exactly what I want to do and let me believe it's all about you." People who write expecting me to be waiting with baited breath to know what gives every stranger a boner. Doms who write looking to serve because they want to try the other side, or because they'd do it for "me" or because they want to serve but only if I'll keep it secret because the local femsubs wouldn't understand. People who assume that because I'm in the life it must mean I'm looking. Essentially I'm talking about people who only see the kink, usually their kink, and inundate me with BS in the hopes of getting my attention or getting lucky (reads getting what they want from me). Now, I realize that a lot of dominant women use that very aspect of a man's nature to control them. That sort of interaction doesn't do much for me. I want someone to give it up because they want to serve me, not their fantasy of who I am. For over three years my profiles have pretty much said "fuck off and leave me alone" albeit with a bit more diplomacy. That, in combination with blocking anyone who emails me asking to serve, has been effective in reducing the amount of tire kickers I was presented with. Nothing defeats my spirit or could cause me to leave, but some things can motivate me to make changes.

MizSuz -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 8:12:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy It is easier to live in a swamp, put up signs, and be a terrifying ogre. Amen.

NINASHARP -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 8:20:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MizSuz Some people would say that I've 'left' since I don't socialize to the level I used to, I don't go to functions and I don't entertain the notion of taking on more people. I am not romantically involved and I have no desire to do pro sessions or even play at this time. I haven't left, I'm burned out and overly busy with other facets of my life that currently take priority. Since it's part of me I don't think I could leave, no matter how involved I am at the moment. The major part of my burn out was because I wasn't more proactive about not interacting with people who see me as a life support system for a whip and haven't a clue who I am. People who write strangers saying "Mistress may I serve you" when what they really mean is "stranger, please make me do exactly what I want to do and let me believe it's all about you." People who write expecting me to be waiting with baited breath to know what gives every stranger a boner. Doms who write looking to serve because they want to try the other side, or because they'd do it for "me" or because they want to serve but only if I'll keep it secret because the local femsubs wouldn't understand. People who assume that because I'm in the life it must mean I'm looking. Essentially I'm talking about people who only see the kink, usually their kink, and inundate me with BS in the hopes of getting my attention or getting lucky (reads getting what they want from me). Now, I realize that a lot of dominant women use that very aspect of a man's nature to control them. That sort of interaction doesn't do much for me. I want someone to give it up because they want to serve me, not their fantasy of who I am. For over three years my profiles have pretty much said "fuck off and leave me alone" albeit with a bit more diplomacy. That, in combination with blocking anyone who emails me asking to serve, has been effective in reducing the amount of tire kickers I was presented with. Nothing defeats my spirit or could cause me to leave, but some things can motivate me to make changes. Wow MizSuz, I can really relate to what you wrote here!

CrappyDom -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 8:25:13 AM)
quote: It is easier to live in a swamp, put up signs, and be a terrifying ogre. lol, so THAT is what I have been doing!!!!

LaTigresse -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 8:29:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom quote: It is easier to live in a swamp, put up signs, and be a terrifying ogre. lol, so THAT is what I have been doing!!!! CD, I had to laugh at that also. Reminded me of me, out on the farm.

ToGiveDivine -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 8:33:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw? What irritates you? What defeats your spirit? I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again... I was involved for a two years a bunch of years ago. I had two submissivess, neither of which lasted longer than 3 months. I went to a lot of parties. I met a lot of people. I had any number of offers. But the offers I was getting tended to be from people who had 5-10 relationships a year. I wanted long term. I seldom met anybody capable of sustaining a long term relationship, so when life took away my free time, the Lifestyle was one of the things I gave up. So what drove me away back then was the lack of sustainability in dynamics. I really dislike the denouement of relationships. It is easier to live in a swamp, put up signs, and be a terrifying ogre. Sinergy Do you have a Donkey too?

MizSuz -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 8:34:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NINASHARP Wow MizSuz, I can really relate to what you wrote here! I suspect that most dominant women could. Since I've never presented as a sub I can't say whether or not it's the same for femsubs. I suppose its easy enough to call all people who approach this venue as a kink vending machine as 'wankers' and 'hng's' but I don't think that's always the case. I think there are a lot of genuine people out there who either don't communicate well in the written medium or simply don't have enough r/t exposure and experience to have come through the illusion cloud of kink to get to the other side where human interaction takes place. It's quite all right that they are where they are, but my compassion for them doesn't mean I must by default hold their hand while they're going through it. There's not enough of me to go around, even if I were interested (and at this time I'm not). There are people in my life who care about me and that is enough for me, whether it's D/s / power exchange/ S/m based or not. Isn't it great the way someone caring about who you are as a person binds you to them and inspires you to care about them similarly? It's something I value a great deal, am not willing to compromise on, and am fortunate enough to have in my life. But if I didn't set limits with the other folks I wouldn't have enough time in my day for the relationships that are important to me.

UnvailedPurpose -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 8:43:59 AM)
Elegra: I can find no reason you should not be politely and courteously accepter and respected. We all come to D/s with expectations and you have no less right to individualized your search the any one else.

subjected2006 -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/26/2006 8:58:34 AM)
The catch twenty two.. between a rock and a harder place.. As a Top I see hear from these subs that are telling me right away what they need. Before I even care.So it comes across as "me me me". I have tried to work through that to no avail. I figure I came in to this lifestyle late so if I can learn ..they can.. but then I discover that the submission they are after is actually mine. And that can't happen.

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