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Negative postings - 10/30/2006 7:13:07 PM

PiercedDaz

Posts: 121
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline

Hello everyone, I'm reasonably new to Collarme and it's forums. I'm also reasonably new to the lifestyle as well. With this in mind, I wonder if anybody would mind me giving a little bit of feedback on what I see as a newcomer?

First of all, this site is brilliant! The forums are diverse with a great range of member's experiences and thoughts. In the short time I have been here I have honestly learnt alot from you guys and I really appreciate it.

BUT...

I do realise that the forums are a great way to debate and intellectually discuss the topics involved with BDSM. After all, the BDSM community is exactly that - a community. I understand that at times we don't agree with each other on certain things, and at times we are even shocked at the practices' that some people indulge in (cock taping??? Just reading it made my eyes water lol) If an OP requests a debate on a subject or a thread naturally evolves into a debate then I fully understand that there going to be a conflict of opinions at times.

The thing that really grits my shit (no, its not a BDSM practice. Is it?) though is when people jump into a thread having a go at the OP when all they were requesting was advise. Please people (well, argumentative people) read the thread and see what it is being sought. If it's advise, then its being asked for a reason. Someone obviously values the advise of others. Don't just wade in with you senior experience and give them what for. If you don't like what you're reading, click on something else (Reality check: it is only a computer screen after all!)

In summary...thanks everyone. You lot are great on here and at times inspirational to us newbies. But please, lets try to be positive with each other. 'Construictive' critisism is good. Slating people is a numpties trick!

Cheers,

Daz.

_____________________________

"A taboo is a strong social prohibition relating to any area of human activity or social custom declared as sacred and forbidden; breaking of the taboo is usually considered objectionable or abhorrent by society"......Woohoo!!!

Post #: 1

RE: Negative postings - 10/30/2006 7:24:14 PM

Mistrix

Posts: 186
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline

Ahhhhhhhhh principles BEFORE personalities...

_____________________________

I am a Woman, above everything else.

One is too many and a thousand is never enough.

(in reply to PiercedDaz)

Post #: 2

RE: Negative postings - 10/30/2006 7:30:38 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

When someone is asking inteligently for advice, its what I offer. When someone posts in 11different places, asking the same question in every one, and then never comes back to actually see their answers before starting a new thread on the same subject, they tend to get nastier responses.
I love being able to share my experience. I wish back when I was starting I would have had a venue like this. However, thereare enough people who ask questions to get attention that not all posts that are for "advice" are taken seriously. Its unfortunate.
At least, thats my take.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Mistrix)

Post #: 3

RE: Negative postings - 10/30/2006 7:36:00 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Take what you need and leave the rest. People have opinions, they express them within the TOS. There is not much to be done about opinions expressed in a fashion that offends our sensibilities other than 1) skip it or 2) counter it with an opinion of your own.

Often just expressing an opinion is offensive to some, and our advice is nothing but personal opinion anyways. What you may see as negative, another may find useful... and that brings me back to, take what you need and leave the rest

Oh yeah, consider the source of the advice too, just because you read it on a message board does not make it valid.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to PiercedDaz)

Post #: 4

RE: Negative postings - 10/30/2006 7:41:32 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Your new to S&M AND young so what the hell do you know?

Okay, that's a bit over the top but my point stands.

What you see as a great big new unexplored world many of us see as a repitition of broad patterns with little that is new. Where you read read a genuine request for information we see a self deluded person lying to themselves and hurting others in the process.

And we call people on their shit here, we all do shit, me included, I am right in the middle of a little mess of my own making and have made so many mistakes that I can see when others are stepping in it long before they wonder what the smell is and look at the bottom of their feet.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 5

RE: Negative postings - 10/30/2006 7:43:24 PM

PiercedDaz

Posts: 121
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline

I'm young eh? Oh cheers :)

See, you guys are great lol

_____________________________

"A taboo is a strong social prohibition relating to any area of human activity or social custom declared as sacred and forbidden; breaking of the taboo is usually considered objectionable or abhorrent by society"......Woohoo!!!

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 6

RE: Negative postings - 10/30/2006 7:53:10 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Oh yeah, consider the source of the advice too, just because you read it on a message board does not make it valid.

Akin to "you cant believe everything you read on the internet"
Opinions are just that, we all have them, and we are all VERY big on sharing them :)

I was jokingly requested to put a warning lable in my signature "The opinions expressed by the Domme are shared by the slave, occasionally under duress"

Dont be fooled, some of us are cute and cuddly on the other side. Well, I'm not, but I am sure some of us are.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 7

RE: Negative postings - 10/30/2006 8:08:54 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Awe Daz, your just too cute......... I think what your seeing at times is reaction to comon sense. It the lack of common sense happens over and over and over again and sometime, (hee heee) well, it becomes grating. ~yes I'm guilty too~
I'd suggest ignoring us with grated nerves when we need to vent, but keep an ear to the ground for the good stuff when it's offered. There's alot of good advice here if you can sift past the BS.

Hugs, you'll do just fine.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to PiercedDaz)

Post #: 8

RE: Negative postings - 10/30/2006 8:11:54 PM

PiercedDaz

Posts: 121
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline

Did somebody just say something? lol

(Hey Quivver, give me a break - I'm new on the Dom scene...'cute' is not very cool over here in England for a roughty toughty Dom!

)

_____________________________

"A taboo is a strong social prohibition relating to any area of human activity or social custom declared as sacred and forbidden; breaking of the taboo is usually considered objectionable or abhorrent by society"......Woohoo!!!

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 9

RE: Negative postings - 10/30/2006 8:14:34 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PiercedDaz

Did somebody just say something? lol

(Hey Quivver, give me a break - I'm new on the Dom scene...'cute' is not very cool over here in England for a roughty toughty Dom! )

Rut Row, I went and did it again now didnt I!!
Humbly begging for forgiveness..................

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to PiercedDaz)

Post #: 10

RE: Negative postings - 10/30/2006 8:17:26 PM

PiercedDaz

Posts: 121
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline

Even with all my enigmatic natural domination, yes little one, I forgive you.

(Thanks

I think we looked quite convincing as a true D/s couple there!) lol

_____________________________

"A taboo is a strong social prohibition relating to any area of human activity or social custom declared as sacred and forbidden; breaking of the taboo is usually considered objectionable or abhorrent by society"......Woohoo!!!

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 11

RE: Negative postings - 10/31/2006 3:28:27 AM

yaqeta

Posts: 59
Status: offline

I'm with you, Daz - some of the stuff people say on here can be very critical and intolerant. There have been times when I've wanted to start this thread myself. But I haven't, for a few reasons...

The main one is the shear volumes of people here. This board is MASSIVE! Its an unfortunate fact that when you have a group of people this big in "conversation" together, a lot of them are going to have strong opinions - and a lot of them have the strong compulsion to offer those opinions, even when they're not asked for. Times that rule by ten for internet discussion boards, where many people are drawn for that very reason - to express their opinions. (disclaimer: I am by no means implying that all or most of us are here for that reason, by the way, just a lot of people on boards in general.) ......Some of us may have a different idea in mind, a more supportive kind of discussion, but with this many people here, we aren't going to be able to change it to our liking by any means. Which is probably a good thing.

The first time I posted here, I copped criticism for something I wasn't asking for any help on, and I got pretty frustrated by it for a while there. Then someone gave me some good advice, and I hope she doesn't mind me re-quoting it here (for the time being I'll leave it anonymous, but if the poster in question would like me to acknowledge my source, or even remove the quote, I'll be happy to):

quote:

So, my best advice if have a question, dont bring your relationship into it. It'll be cross examined, everyone will have an opionon and everyone will think they've a right and yer wrong and you'll end up feeling like a retard going "whoaaaaaa this got way out of hand! help!" Just a tid bit of advice. The boards are a good place, but in order to get what you want here you need to figure out how to lay it out in such a way to not expose anything you dont want questioned.

And she was exactly right: this isn't a bad place, but it is a particular kind of place and to make the most of it you need to learn how to use it. If what you want is really a sense of community, I'd recommend finding somewhere smaller (I can suggest some if you need a hand.) But that doesn't mean leaving CM - it has its advantages too - like CrappyDom, in his slightly more in-your-face way, points out, there are a hell of a lot of people here who know what they are doing, which is a valuable thing.

Welcome, by the way

xxx
yaq

(in reply to PiercedDaz)

Post #: 12

RE: Negative postings - 10/31/2006 4:47:05 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

There are a lot of diverse people on here. No matter how much time you take to try to word something someone will take it different. You can ask a simple question and get answers a mile long. You will get English majors correcting your spelling. There are people in here who will think that your relationship sucks because it is not like thiers. Just keep an open mind. It dosent make a difference if your new or old at this. In the long run you can learn a lot.

(in reply to yaqeta)

Post #: 13

RE: Negative postings - 10/31/2006 7:12:45 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

So, which would you rather have?

Some people don't quite grasp that they're morons. Someone has to point it out. Call it community service.

The alternative is to see someone being a moron, and, since you're sitting in front of a computer screen giggling like a fool, but they don't get the opportunity to share in your humor.

You can be direct, you can be PC. I don't see where ignorance is served in choosing the latter.

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to PiercedDaz)

Post #: 14

RE: Negative postings - 10/31/2006 7:15:45 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Take what you need and leave the rest. People have opinions, they express them within the TOS. There is not much to be done about opinions expressed in a fashion that offends our sensibilities other than 1) skip it or 2) counter it with an opinion of your own.

Often just expressing an opinion is offensive to some, and our advice is nothing but personal opinion anyways. What you may see as negative, another may find useful... and that brings me back to, take what you need and leave the rest

Oh yeah, consider the source of the advice too, just because you read it on a message board does not make it valid.

You mean someone might consider me...ME...invalid???? Oh.....My.........God, NO!!!!!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 15

RE: Negative postings - 10/31/2006 7:24:12 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Seriously...people here are like people everywhere: they're all different.

I've been bugged by some things I've read and I've disagreed with a few and have stated so. If done civilly, it can be a learning experience or just a chance to state your viewpoint and see whether or not it holds up to criticism, both on the boards and in your own mind.

Thanks to some very eloquent posts, I forced myself to look at my own feelings about physical punishment for a submissive. Whereas I had always thought I would never use it, these posts helped me to see that it could indeed be used in such a way that would be very effective...if applied properly. There are still other areas of D/s and BDSM where my feelings don't match those of the OP or someone replying to the OP but which are stated in a way that makes me think. These I tend to listen to more.

As someone else noted, take what you need and leave what you don't. Those that reply directly to you in an offensive manner...step back a sec and decide whether or not it is worth wading in against.

(in reply to PiercedDaz)

Post #: 16

RE: Negative postings - 10/31/2006 7:24:56 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

People are people and there is nothing that can be done about it. You need to just be able to read and learn from post you find useful and ignore the rest.

People post for many reasons some good and some bad. Some consciously and some subconsciously. Whether to share experiences, good intention of trying to help, feeling a part of something that they cannot share with most/all the people in their life, but there is also posts to get attention good or bad, get validation on some level, and to feed a level of narcisism. Some all good, some all bad but for most of us some sort of mixture. We are humans and not perfect. A message board just reflects this and since the topics discussed on this board are highly emotional ones, people are just sometimes going to get overly emotional.

Never let cyber bytes bother you.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 17

RE: Negative postings - 10/31/2006 7:26:41 AM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

I think it would be nice if we were all "positive". That would be the perfect world. But hey! No can do. Its a ying yang good bad world we live in. Im just glad Ive recognized that being annoyed is indeed a good thing. Id rather get hot and bothered by an idiot than lead a perfectly boring life floating in calm waters. Im sure I'd fall alseep then drown that way.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 18

RE: Negative postings - 10/31/2006 7:37:04 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

So, which would you rather have?

Some people don't quite grasp that they're morons. Someone has to point it out. Call it community service.

The alternative is to see someone being a moron, and, since you're sitting in front of a computer screen giggling like a fool, but they don't get the opportunity to share in your humor.

You can be direct, you can be PC. I don't see where ignorance is served in choosing the latter.

Is that kinda like the bad driver thing. We ALL think we are great drivers but see so many terrible ones around us. Now I just KNOW I am an excellent driver but....................

Plus, some of us have real smartassy senses of humour that just don't seem to translate well in typed words. And then there are other times I am being snarky and I know I am being snarky, I am just holding myself back from being full on Bitch-on-Wheels. An effort to protect the innocent yanno.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 19

RE: Negative postings - 10/31/2006 7:41:21 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Plus, some of us have real smartassy senses of humour that just don't seem to translate well in typed words. And then there are other times I am being snarky and I know I am being snarky, I am just holding myself back from being full on Bitch-on-Wheels. An effort to protect the innocent yanno.

I have always gotten your humor and appreciated it.... But unfortunately a lot of people do not get forum humor.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 20

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