RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (Full Version)

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gooddogbenji -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:28:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Could the men here, please translate the following useful phrases into manspeak for the ladies?

1) can you put "Sex and the City" on please?
2) when are you putting out the trash?
3) do you think the lawn needs mowing?
4) could you help me with this?
5) I'm going to the store? (question mark intended)

E


1) Please, go out and have a good night at the strip club, dear.  You deserve it.
2) I like the modern art thing going on in the kitchen.
3) I love seeing you ride that giant machine.  Can we bring it into the bedroom tonight?
4) I'm fine, honey.  Have another beer.
5) Sorry we ran out of beer, hon.  I'll buy you some right now.

Please write more intelligibly in the future.

Yours,


benji



Lorelei115 -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:31:38 AM)

No matter how advanced our society becomes, the man in my life will ALWAYS have one gender specific task. Everything else I'm willing to divide up or trade off on or whatever, but the Man's job will always be:

Killing Spiders.

PS- Tre, if you think a stay at home mom or dad has an easy job.. *giggle snort* you have another thing coming!



TreSwank -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:35:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115


PS- Tre, if you think a stay at home mom or dad has an easy job.. *giggle snort* you have another thing coming!


Jeez........wouldn't that be a really hard life.  I get to sit around the house, play video games, smoke da' green, and occasionally change a diaper or make formula.  It sounds positively taxing, when compared to my present situation of constant work, with little to no spare time.  I mean, I already love grocery shopping, so aren't I halfway there?



LaTigresse -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:37:09 AM)

If I thought my two grandsons would survive it I would put you thru toddler boot camp for a weekend Spanky.



mnottertail -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:37:22 AM)

yeah, and haul out the garbage while you are at it, saves you having to ask the fuckin' question in the first place.

Ron



Lorelei115 -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:39:18 AM)

Oh what is that country song.. it was sooo long ago... about the trials and tribulations of a stay at home dad. Anyone else know it?



LadyEllen -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:40:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreSwank

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115


PS- Tre, if you think a stay at home mom or dad has an easy job.. *giggle snort* you have another thing coming!


Jeez........wouldn't that be a really hard life.  I get to sit around the house, play video games, smoke da' green, and occasionally change a diaper or make formula.  It sounds positively taxing.


erm, no.  It would entail abandoning the beer-sex-sport-food thought pattern completely Tre..... sitting around is off the agenda as you'll be chasing UM all over to prevent serious injury, cleaning up the mess as you go and wondering whatever happened to your youthful dreams. Video games? off the agenda as you wont be able to see the TV set for peanut butter smears all over it. Smoking? Off the agenda as the UM will eat your cigs at every chance.

Its one of those jobs that requires continuous and exclusive focus on another. Maybe unsuitable? LOL!

E



mnottertail -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:41:18 AM)

Instant Karma's gonna get you;
Gonna knock you right in the head;
Better get yourself together..............

Cowboy John Lennon

(Ring any bells?)



gooddogbenji -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:41:57 AM)

Shoulda been a cowboy, by Toby Keith?

Yours,


benji



Lorelei115 -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:42:55 AM)

Nope. It was sillier than that. That one's good too though!



mnottertail -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:43:16 AM)

Or --

Such are the dreams of the everyday housewife;
you'll see anywhere, anytime of the day...........

Glen Campbell?

Gi' us a wee hint..................

A foreign song perhaps?



Lorelei115 -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:45:31 AM)

I only heard it once, but it made me laugh.. Something about sweet potatoes in a lazy chair.



mnottertail -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:47:21 AM)

Wagner?  Ride of the Valkyries?

Got me there, pard..........

TEX 



TreSwank -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:47:31 AM)

    Shortly after my twenty-first birthday, I was "adopted" by a divorced woman, who, seeing how I had just went through a devastating life-change, and had no family to back me up, took pity on me in that "I'm gonna change this degenerate young man and have a free babysitter" kind of way.

For about two months, I lived with this woman in Mooseup, CT, free from the constraints of having to work, and with the only conditions being that I would have sex with "said" woman, and look after the kids while she was busting her ass at a warehouse.  It was a fabulous "stay at home dad"-like life while it lasted..........until her ex-husband, who knew me quite well (too well), intervened with a threat to get DCF involved (I guess that what "child custody" people are called in CT) because of my "nefarious", booze fueled, irresponsible past.  Changing a two year old's pull-up's can be a daunting task, but you've got to look at the big picture.  Life without having to clock in to a dreary, soul-less job every day is a life preferable to that the majority of Americans are forced to lead.   Those two months were the most comfortable period of my life, ever since I've been living in the Northeast (close to five years).



gooddogbenji -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:53:46 AM)

So change the job.  Go on salary, like me.  It may be soul less, but there's no clocking in.

Yours,


benji



LaTigresse -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 11:56:55 AM)

Ohhhhh, I would MUCH rather chase T1 and T2 around all day. I would be alot more tired, both physically and mentally at the end of the day.

Trying to come up with acceptable answered for questions like "Gamma, why do the fish gotta stay in the fish tank all the time?" gets challenging. Sitting here at this desk answering stupid questions from adult men is pretty much boring as hell and no challenge at all.



gooddogbenji -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 12:00:25 PM)

Want a good answer?  Buy some blind cave fish, and let one of them take one out by hand (They're easy to catch, them being blind and all)

Then, as you bandage their hand, ask THEM why the fish have to stay in the water all the time.

Yours,


benji



SissySean -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 12:01:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Ohhhhh, I would MUCH rather chase T1 and T2 around all day. I would be alot more tired, both physically and mentally at the end of the day.

Trying to come up with acceptable answered for questions like "Gamma, why do the fish gotta stay in the fish tank all the time?" gets challenging. Sitting here at this desk answering stupid questions from adult men is pretty much boring as hell and no challenge at all.



So they don't get the carpet wet, silly children.



LaTigresse -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 12:17:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Want a good answer?  Buy some blind cave fish, and let one of them take one out by hand (They're easy to catch, them being blind and all)

Then, as you bandage their hand, ask THEM why the fish have to stay in the water all the time.

Yours,


benji


Thru big tear fill eyes and a loud wail.........."Gammaaa why the fish bited meeeeeeeee?"

Kinda like, why T2 had to leave the vapourizer alone......ahhhhhh hot steam.....ouch

I wonder if today would be a good day to tell my story of getting tangled in the electric fence in the dark..........last night.




mnottertail -> RE: Why I'm Smarter than Cosmopolitan Magazine (10/31/2006 12:34:58 PM)

At that age?

Tell the kid that it is because the fish doesn't want to smell his farts...........

they are into scat jokes at that age............

You will be the coolest of the cool Gammies, and they will laugh their heads off.

Gampie Ron 



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