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RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 6:53:17 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gardenbluebird

quote:

ORIGINAL: mignoette
The Question I think is why she was targeted. I can only speak from my experience. I beleive I was targeted because I was a challenge. They seem to have more fun on us intelligent articulate ones. We're harder to "get"

Exactly! Call me stupid and naive if you wish, but here is the truth. I have a mensa level IQ, a university education, and work in a profession the depends on logical thought. I DO indeed have life experience. My ex-husband was a rat and I thought I had learned how to spot one. That experience is why I paid attention to the evidence and got out quickly. What he took advantage of was my limited time and the fact that I am tired and in need of TLC.

And do I have an ego? Of course, we all do. I have a healthy sense of self-worth. He didn't damage that, only my confidence in own judgment.

A good liar is hard to detect and they have a knack of finding people who least need that in their lives.

I think a more productive question might be "why did you pick rats to have relationships with?"

I believe that we attract the people into our lives that we need to learn lessons from and until we learn that lesson we will continue to attract the same kind of people. What lessons do you need to learn to not attract rats in the future? That is a personal question and the answers will be individual to everyone who has ever found themselves in a relationship with a rat.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to gardenbluebird)

Post #: 21

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 6:58:03 AM

gardenbluebird

Posts: 131
Joined: 5/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline
1. The term "predator" indicates aforethought - a plan to "disembowel" or ruin someone's life that was in place previous to the relationship. There is no evidence provided that this was the case. Just that this person involved themselves with multiple people while in a relationship with the OP

I choose my words carefully. Predator was the correct term for this man. He isn't just one who strays because it entertains him, he preys upon specific vulnerabilities. Without getting into details, in order to protect those who have already lost so much, he is quite capable of ruining lives and heartless and cruel while doing so.

I was lucky. Pending a doctor visit verify that I am OK I think I will be just fine in the end. Others were not.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 22

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 6:59:03 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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LOD: i believe you are wrong in saying this person is not a predator. i cant help wondering what would make you say that, and why through your eyes this sort of behavior is not predatory.

OP: i am not sure these folks (i have encountered one or two myself) do what they do as conscientiously as you may think. i have spent a little time researching sociopath behavior and i have found a "disconnect" of empathy to be a common theme.

Other very common themes are lack of remorse or guilt, manipulation, deceit, they can be overly dramatic or completely unemotional, and they often exhibit poor behavioral controls.

this is not to excuse his behavior one bit. but when you research sociopath behavioral traits you get better at spotting them.

so to answer your question of why you were targeted, i dont think there is a reason beyond chemistry, you two clicked and so that made it easier, i am just really glad he did not take your money, and every last other thing of value like i have often heard in cases of this nature....i would bet that every one this person has been in contact with form family to business partners has had some sort of painful exchange, because the mindset of this sort of person is very self absorbed to the exclusion of all else.

also kyra makes a great point, we are attracted to all of our partners for a reason....seek with in to see what you liked about this person and why ...and what alarm bells went off that you ignored.

be honest with yourself, are you attracted to dis passionate, overly controlling, self absorbed, emotionally unavailable play boys? i am not saying you are, garden bluebird, but if you are knowing that, and figuring out why you are, will make you consciously aware, and much less available to have this happen again.

best of luck to you...

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 11/4/2006 7:13:17 AM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to gardenbluebird)

Post #: 23

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:01:37 AM

gardenbluebird

Posts: 131
Joined: 5/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I think a more productive question might be "why did you pick rats to have relationships with?"

I believe that we attract the people into our lives that we need to learn lessons from and until we learn that lesson we will continue to attract the same kind of people. What lessons do you need to learn to not attract rats in the future? That is a personal question and the answers will be individual to everyone who has ever found themselves in a relationship with a rat.

I don't make a habit of such things. The last time it happened was more than a decade ago. I thought I had learned how to spot the bad guys. I was wrong. This one got past me.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 24

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:08:13 AM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline
1. The term "predator" indicates aforethought - a plan to "disembowel" or ruin someone's life that was in place previous to the relationship.

I believe you missed the part where she mentioned that this man impregnates women and then abandons them.

If this act does not ruin or disembowel a woman's life, nothing will.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gardenbluebird
Exactly! Call me stupid and naive if you wish, but here is the truth. I have a mensa level IQ, a university education, etc etc etc.

The real truth is this: you may want to believe that "smarter" women are harder to "get", but they aren't. If you have defined this man as a predator, then you must accept the basic truth about predators: NO predator is looking for a "challenge". All predators look to meet their needs with the minimal risk and expenditure of calories. This is true in animals and it is true in humans--it's why the vast majority of any serial killer's victims will be under 5'4" and under 160 pounds.

A person who is looking for a "challenge" is not a predator--he's a sportsman, and he's not looking for victims, he's looking for trophies. Such people do exist, but they operate at a very different level than the man you're describing. This man actually does act like a predator--when the risk or potential cost of the predation outweighs the benefit, he's gone. All predators are capable of this kind of instinctive cost/benefit analysis--that's how they survive.

Regardless, if you don't want to continue being played in life, you need to accept some basic facts about how the Art of the Con works. Number One rule: people with strong egos are much, much easier to manipulate, in many ways, than people with lower self-esteem. No one will behave more stupidly than a person who believes he or she is extraordinarily intelligent--and the con man class has been playing such people since the dawn of time. The same is true of people who believe they are extraordinarily beautiful, extraordinarily talented, or extraordinarily lucky, by the way--a person's ego can be exploited as a weakness in a number of ways, it doesn't have to be about smarts.

The real trick here is not to convince yourself that you were picked because you were harder to "get". The trick is to figure out what it was about you that made you easy--easier than a woman, for example, who DOESN'T have a "Mensa level IQ", who DOESN'T have a university education, who DOESN'T think she's necessarily entitled to the perfect man--and who has the trained instinct to know that when someone seems too good to be true? It's probably because he is.

--M

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 25

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:21:39 AM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gardenbluebird

I choose my words carefully. Predator was the correct term for this man. He isn't just one who strays because it entertains him, he preys upon specific vulnerabilities. Without getting into details, in order to protect those who have already lost so much, he is quite capable of ruining lives and heartless and cruel while doing so.

I was lucky. Pending a doctor visit verify that I am OK I think I will be just fine in the end. Others were not.

So -
Are you saying (because you did not say it) that this person HAD and STD (for a fact) and did transmitted it to others...

AND...

That he went into this relationship with fore-knowledge that he would be screwing around on you (That he definitively had no intention of remaining loyal and possibly gained personally as a result of his association with you)?

If you were choosing your words carefully there would be no doubt in the reader's mind as to "WHY" he was a predator and/or if he indeed did have an STD...

Things left unsaid but inferred are the key elements of an insipid type of slander and should either be eliminated from the telling -or- illucidated to remove the doubt.

I am sure it must have been an unintentional oversight.

But, thank you for your response and your assured reply.

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to gardenbluebird)

Post #: 26

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:26:45 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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Morrigel you make some very good points in your post, the truth is that when you realize

quote:

All predators are capable of this kind of instinctive cost/benefit analysis--that's how they survive.

you also realize that anything one does for their own survival they become very good at.

we do not love for our survival, it helps brighten the day of course, but it is not for survival, this sort of person often does, and there fore we will always be outmatched skill set-wise.

same goes for money, our survival financially comes from our career, some thing that we most likely have gotten extremely good at over the years...a con man too has gotten extremely good at his career and does as you say prey on the ones that put up the least resistance according to a very well honed cost/benefit analysis he is able to do with in 60 seconds of meeting a person.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Morrigel)

Post #: 27

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:28:57 AM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline
1. The term "predator" indicates aforethought - a plan to "disembowel" or ruin someone's life that was in place previous to the relationship.

I believe you missed the part where she mentioned that this man impregnates women and then abandons them.

If this act does not ruin or disembowel a woman's life, nothing will.

You are right - I did miss this... but, then... did he impregnate them intentionally?

See - there is that catagory of person who is simply irresponsible... there is no fore thought to their idiocy... they simply traipse through life being stupid until it hits them in the face (* if they gather enough paternity suits it generally shall do that)

I know that is moot to the result... but, it is pertinent to the conversation and this word used as a bludgeon on line to drive emotions into an otherwise mundane tale of "love and loss"

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to Morrigel)

Post #: 28

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:31:04 AM

LordODiscipline

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Joined: 6/28/2004
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I would also remind eveyone (especially the OP) of the grifter's credo -

"You cannot 'take' an honest man - if they do not want to be 'gotten', they will not be"

If you want to see something in someone enough, you shall... and, people who play confidences on unsuspecting people tend to go after the people who are looking so hard, they are willing to see what they want with only the veneer in place.

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to Morrigel)

Post #: 29

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:31:45 AM

Aileen68

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Joined: 8/2/2005
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He targeted you because you said "yes" to a relationship. Had you said no, then he would have moved on to the next one that said yes.

(in reply to gardenbluebird)

Post #: 30

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:33:01 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

I have a vulnerability that he exploited. I am tired. I support my family, I have a challenging job, I am a caregiver, I had just come out of a difficult relationship. Most of all I want what most female subs want - to be seen as a wonderful beautiful desirable woman.

There is your first clue as you go back and think of what made you vulnerable, I have seen shows about men that take women in like this... it is a con job basically. In order to be a successful con you have to get a person's confidence in you. In order to win their confidence you have to dangle a wanted carrot in front of their nose so they do not notice that they are stealing you blind with the other hand. A good con knows that you have to get people greedy to take what they have.

Nigerians are the newest breed of the oldest game....

He promised you a wonderful relationship and love. He dangled this in front of your nose, and you believed him because you wanted to. Now when you search your mind for clues and red flags, instead of not trusting your own judgment again, I would take this as a lesson, they all leave a trail of bread crumbs to follow, and you never have to go through this again...

Im sorry you are hurting.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gardenbluebird)

Post #: 31

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:34:18 AM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

LOD: i believe you are wrong in saying this person is not a predator. i cant help wondering what would make you say that, and why through your eyes this sort of behavior is not predatory.

Because it was not in evidence at the time... a LOT of things were glossed over that everyone reading is apparently assuming...

And, I tend to read things with a critical (*rather than an emotional) eye - and, do not fill in blanks...

As you might see from my responses, I am looking for answers in order that it be a demonstrated rather than an inferred element...

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 32

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:37:06 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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LOD: I dont want to hyjack this thread but i think it goes to understanding a certain type of unsympathetic mind set that i am curious to learn more about:

my understanding is that he cheated on her....(lying and manipulating)
is a dead beat dad,(wow if that is not the suckiest thing a kid whos only fault it was to be born, could ever have happen to him and his poor mom)
and uses no protection in his sexual exploits (exposing her to potentially fatal viruses)

i am not sure why you object so strongly to the term preditor, and why you are seeminly defending your objection.

i really would like to understand.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 33

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:39:16 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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O OK i see what you mean...

it was all there in her posts..., but we are all so used to it on these boards, we forget the monumental devestating effects it has on someones life till we have it happen to us.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 34

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:41:05 AM

gardenbluebird

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He did go into the relationship with the full intent of having others as well. In fact, he was already in at least one when I came along and I am aware of at least two others during. Regarding the STD - well that was simply my cautionary tale. I was honest about my status and I expected him to be as well. Now that I know he is a liar I cannot assume that is true, so I must be tested.

Of course I will live and learn. I have already contacted a dear friend who is a PI and have asked for lessons and guidance, because obviously my own experience was not sufficient.

Treat this as a warning - nothing more. No matter how wise and smart you think you are you still have weaknesses and vulnerabilities that can be exploited. Learn what they are. Learn how to defend yourself. I thought that my intelligent, education, logical throughts, and experience was enough to defend me from such a problem. I was wrong. You might be too.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 35

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:42:41 AM

crouchingtigress

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Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

also LOD you do make a good point about intentionality, lets say he is stupid, like my X was, just blissfully aware of the havok he left in his wake, it still does not get him off the 'preditor' hook, he is just declassified from a highly-skilled preditor to a bumbling bafoon preditor.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 36

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:44:59 AM

MzTlaz

Posts: 140
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

Unfortunately there are a lot of men out there like this it seems. I too checked your location and then wondered if it's the same rat I know....I thought it was then I reread your post again, could be, apart from the good sex. Now if you had said he avoided sex......lol!

I think we all have vulnerable times when we allow a rat to get past our normally good judgement, and then we do feel like taking a break until we regain confidence in our judgement again. The thing I've learned is to always ask questions and the more privacy a person demands the more I question why. People with nothing to hide hide nothing.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 37

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:46:27 AM

missturbation

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Whilst i think its awful what happened to the OP i can't help thinking that in the time i have been on collar me i have seen this so many times. I think ive even posted on such a person myself.
My point is every so often a warning against 'preadators' is made and yet there is always someone who goes on to get caught out by them.
Now either the readers of posts such as this dont learn anything from them or a 'predator' is very hard to spot. If its the former more fool the person for falling for it - the latter well posts like this teach us nothing.
Unfortunately being unable to name and shame leaves the 'predator' the Op talks about free to still roam collar me and fool someone else.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 38

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:47:45 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
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From: Pennsylvania
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~ quick reply ~

Observation, it's interesting to see how many subs admitted going to the profile for a location check, because op's story sounds familiar to them. sigh.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 39

RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator - 11/4/2006 7:53:19 AM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

LOD: I dont want to hyjack this thread but i think it goes to understanding a certain type of unsympathetic mind set that i am curious to learn more about:

my understanding is that he cheated on her....(lying and manipulating)

My understanding as well at this point

is a dead beat dad,(wow if that is not the suckiest thing a kid whos only fault it was to be born, could ever have happen to him and his poor mom)

That is not in evidence - it is said he impregnates them and abandons them - we do not know oif the court system has been used to assure the child monetary support (regardless of his intentions with the mother or presence in the child's life)

and uses no protection in his sexual exploits (exposing her to potentially fatal viruses)

We do not know if he NEVER uses protection - just that he apparently has not in many instances known to the OP'er

i am not sure why you object so strongly to the term preditor, and why you are seeminly defending your objection.

Predator (again) infers pre-disposition and fore thought of knowledge and fore thought of actrion - in other words - that he INTENDED that this would be the result.. that he went into the relationship knowing that he would screw around on his partner....

As I mentioned - "Predator" has become the new word for "abuser" - it has lost all of the intentional context of the definition and is used to describe any person who has "pissed off" any other person (relative to an on line posting) - and, is sincerely seldom used as it was intended by Webser.

~J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 40

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