RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator

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JerseyKrissi72 -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 2:54:34 PM)
I don't believe he was a predator, that is such a harsh word. He was a player at best...we all have been played....pick yourself off the floor and move on for Christ sake[8\|]

texancutie -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 3:01:24 PM)
I am sorry...but....predator, smedator, abuser of trust, player, user, whatever...it's semantics. That was not the point of the original post really. Even though that term was used. The point was that person was hurting over her experience with an asshole. I don't understand what is up with the boards lately. Everything seems to somehow get lost down the threads a bit. It is interesting though to see the many twists and turns that follow.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 3:19:17 PM)
quote: I don't understand what is up with the boards lately. Everything seems to somehow get lost down the threads a bit. No different then conversations in real life....they ebb flow and evolve. Sometimes i feel like you do though when things get really far of course...but then i think what is off course? the course it takes is the course it takes...i make my self suffer when i want the world to conform to what i think it should be or do..cause it never will.[:)] quote: we all have been played....pick yourself off the floor and move on for Christ sake[8\|] Sadly true we have all been played but how many of us lived with person for 10 months only to find out he had a complete other whole life actually a string of them, with several women having children that were abandoned...? Hard to pick yourself up after realizing that every single thing this person you loved said or did was a lie. Garden bluebird is picking her self up, but she wrote this post so that we could all look at it as a cautionary tale... There are these sorts of folks out there. Thier behavior is very destructive both personally and societally. And they are very good at what they do.

FirmhandKY -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 3:22:02 PM)
Texas, Thank you for your agreement .... but .. hey ... what happened to the ninja stuff? I liked that! FirmKY

Imsosly4u -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 3:30:15 PM)
Garden bluebird, i thank you for sharing your story, and i think that it is time for this girl to follow your example..i shall pick myself up and move on. To those that i offended by the writing what some called (revenge) this girl begs forgiveness... although all i said was true it was wrong... Thank You bluebird for helping me!!! God Bless You

BuxomGoddess321 -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 4:49:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72 pick yourself off the floor and move on for Christ sake[8\|] As someone who has experienced grieving and loss yourself, you show an amazing lack of compassion and empathy, JerseyKrissi72. Maybe she is not as strong as you. Don't use that so called 'strength' to further damage already broken people. This place is dysfunctional... Gardenbluebird, I advise you never to come here for support again. Its full of walking (typing) wounded who obviously have so many issues of their own they cannot concern themselves with someone else's pain long enough to give them a moment of comfort or encouragement. Some are just mean. I do hope you recover quickly from your pain and find your light, soon. Its inside you, not in someone else. Certainly not here. I'd venture to guess the guy that hurt you was from this site and called himself a "Dom". Was obviously totally out of control with his own life and ego, suprise suprise, imagine that. You can see by the postings on here, expectations are very low. Men are not held accountable here. Excuses are made for awful behaviour. Being "Played" is a ghetto, trailor trash mentality that people with low self esteem and very screwed up lives engage in. Anyone can rise above that. This is not representative of any lifestyle I have lived the past 30 years. So learn that lesson for future reference.... Be blessed, Goddess

slurppuppy -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 5:22:13 PM)
Good grief, I love clever men.

LordODiscipline -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 5:34:59 PM)
So - we have gone from the specious assumption that "This guy is a 'predator'" to "This guy was abused as a child and is a sociopath"? How far are we going to assume on this poor guy? I wonder if he can sue for defamation and slander on specious assumptions [;)] And, before anyone decides to get a nut off in my general direction (this is a Brooklyn colloquialism) - please realize a joke when you see it. ~J quote: ORIGINAL: BuxomGoddess321 sigh There is a developmental stage, around age 5-7 called "The Age of Reason". If a child has experienced abuse, abandoment, serious illness, childhood trauma, sometimes they detach and do not develop the ability to experience empathy for others. When they see this later in life, and they will, if they do not seek professional help for it, they develop a personality disorder which by the very nature makes them predatory. Normal guy: meets a woman who is over worked, caring for a dying relative, very vulnerable and he says in his mind "I am not ready for a monogamous relationship, she is a good lady, I don't want to add to her burden or hurt her... I'll go away" that is empathy. Predator: "I'm going in for the kill". This used to be called sociopathic behavior, but now is broken down into more specific personality disorders depending on what caused the problem, etc. Any victim of child abuse will tell you, the bruises healed; it is the EMOTIONAL abuse that never heals. I remember the rape trials of the 1960s where they used to ask the women "where you wearing a mini skirt????" STOP BLAMING THE VICTIM. If "playing" vulnerable women is part of YOUR daily life, I feel sorry for you and you need professional help. Being open is normal. Wanting to be loved is healthy and normal. It is only when you fail to protect yourself it is not healthy, and when someone is too vulnerable that happens. The OP admitted her vulnerabilities to everyone (overworked, caretaker for dying person, etc). Predatory sociopathic people using the label of Dom/me should not be excused, it is abusive, they are very broken people but are still culpable. Almost all pedophiles are victims of childhood sexual abuse, but I wouldn't hire them as babysitters or defend them. MOST victims rise above their circumstances and do develop empathy. Why do you all want to defend this type of behaviour? Could it be YOU have to some extent shut off your ability to care also? Seek some balance in your lives. Be blessed, Goddess this was a general response, btw :)

sharainks -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 5:41:36 PM)
Thats kind of where I was coming from with what I posted. It went from the OP who was feeling hurt to all kinds of assumptions about the man. Can we feel for someone's pain without turning the ex partner into a monster? It would seem that some can and some can't. shara quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline So - we have gone from the specious assumption that "This guy is a 'predator'" to "This guy was abused as a child and is a sociopath"? How far are we going to assume on this poor guy? I wonder if he can sue for defamation and slander on specious assumptions [;)] And, before anyone decides to get a nut off in my general direction (this is a Brooklyn colloquialism) - please realize a joke when you see it.

ChaOz -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 5:46:29 PM)
But he didn’t force them to have children, this was a function of their choice about something happening within their body. And as an FYI, when you decide to have a baby with someone who doesn't care about the baby you aren't the victim, the baby is the victim in this whole circumstance because they did not ask to be brought into a situation like that. Two consenting adults made that choice (which probably one of them now regrets). -- There is also the chance that he said he would stand by them and was delighted about the pregnancy, only to run once they reached the 3month point where abortion is no longer possible.

texancutie -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 5:47:47 PM)
Just was saying that they have become less helpful to what the OP usually asks for help in. The threads tend to dissolve in personality issues, debating things that really don't have much to do with what was asked, and sometimes just miserable people posting a dig at others. Or bantering about who appears to be more clever about some things. But....then again the world is a big place made up of many different kinds of people. Not everyone is nice or cares about the problems others are having. So....therefore I recommend just as BuxomGoddess did....to not seek support from the Forums. Sure there are kind and respectable people here, but in addition to what little support one apparently gets, there are so many others that would rather dig at someone, or something truly minor in the original post. I would think a straight out question about something specific about the lifestyle (for lack of a better term), toys, definitions and so on still get some positive and straight answers from others. But it is apparent that this is not a support group, so of course it is best to seek that kind of help elsewhere from a more empathic and sympathetic audience. Possibly contact someone individually, if you feel they can offer something positive to you. That might work better, and then one will not have to deal with all the potential backlash. [:)]

KatyLied -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 5:54:41 PM)
quote: How far are we going to assume on this poor guy? Can't we just agree he's a jerk? Okay, a big jerk.

Morrigel -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 5:57:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs Then I use myself to counter this claim since I am a woman and thus logically falling into your blanket statement about women. I have never stated that the way I act is the way that other women should act. No, you've just stated that any woman who doesn't act the way you act is "stupid". And that lies, betrayal, and abandonment of pregnant women and the children you've sired is not "predatory". I disagree. As for blanket statements--the person who needs to go back and re-read posts is you, not me. I've already pointed out the basis for any generalizations I've made--the fact that there are six billion humans on this planet is ample reason to believe that most women are not like you. quote: Bad analogy. Someone being shocked at getting pregnant when they have unprotected sex is like someone who smokes getting upset when they get lung cancer. I don't believe anyone was shocked to discover that unprotected sex caused pregnancy. I believe they were shocked to discover that becoming pregnant by the man who was having unprotected with them was followed by instant abandonment by that man. And they were quite rightly shocked, given that he led them to believe that he had feelings which he did not. Regardless, I can see that the major problem here is that you and I do not have an agreed-upon definition of the word "consent". I do not believe that a woman who was deliberately *lied to* about the nature of a man's emotional and personal commitment to her and to others has "consented" to anything. You cannot consent when you are not given valid information. We're not ever going to agree, so this is the last post I'll address to you. --M

texancutie -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 5:57:51 PM)
Why in the hell are we bothering to assume anything about the guy? lol He is just an asshole who hurt some people. Plain and simple. Maybe we can do a mock up trial as well.....while we are at it.....[:D]

LordODiscipline -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 6:03:01 PM)
*Completely agreed.* ~J quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: How far are we going to assume on this poor guy? Can't we just agree he's a jerk? Okay, a big jerk.

Morrigel -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 6:11:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline *Look into it... It was widely reported last year.* shakes her head Wasn't reported to me, boss. Give me the title of an article, and preferably the name of the person whose research is being discussed, and I'll be happy to look into it. I don't recall seeing such an article in Nature, or any of the physical anthrojournals, and I'm fairly certain it would be getting quite a lot of discussion in the prehistoric archaeology department if something like this was really being "extensively debated". But who knows, maybe I've missed the boat. Would love to know where the hell you're getting this, for certain. --M

crouchingtigress -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 6:18:40 PM)
She never once asked for our support, texancutie, she came here from the position she was in her own process of healing and that as part of that process she wished to help others by sharing her experience and offering her hard-earned insight. This began a discussion, not a trial, this discussion has unearthed some valuable insights, if you were unhappy with how the conversation progressed then you could leave at any point.... you seem critical about how the thread evolved, would you tell me how you would have liked it to go? I was deeply moved by what you contributed to the thread in the beginning, ...you did not want to discus red-flags that was fine but what happened to turn your heart in this conversation? "he is just an asshole that hurt some people" seems very disconnected and dismissive to the levels of pain and suffering the folks on this thread has witnessed at the hands of some one like Mr Fucksalot

crouchingtigress -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 6:25:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Can't we just agree he's a jerk? Okay, a big jerk. I think every single person does agree with that! lol.... Some of us wanted to take the topic deeper...to look a sociological, societal, and anthropological ramifications and permutations of this situation. Some of us (well me) are weird like that.[:)]

texancutie -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 6:32:04 PM)
Sorry crouchingtigress....but anyone that is healing does need some support. Maybe words of encouragement for example. Some people are empathic enough to understand that when someone posts a story such as this, that it is not necessary to come out and state...."Hey, I need supportive comments rather than negative ones". In her eyes the guy was a predator, but we can just all him an asshole or whatever term we wish. There is really no need to assume anything about their relationship, or his relationship with others. He is not really on trial here nor is she. I just read what BuxomGoddess had to say, and it really hit home about some of the threads lately is all. Yes, I do agree anyone can leave a thread at any time. The original OP left as well. As for red flags, I do have a journal on my profile and have posted many of them there. Just in the hopes of helping other newbies. Besides, the way things have been lately on the Forums, I am sure someone would have something to say....as in something like "You should have known better" or "You are to blame for getting yourself into that situation". I know my part in my experience and understand it. And I did learn from it. But....I don't see the point in offering up anything more right now about it. I would just expect some people to jump in and say something negative anyway.

LordODiscipline -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 6:40:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Morrigel shakes her head Wasn't reported to me, boss. Give me the title of an article, and preferably the name of the person whose research is being discussed, and I'll be happy to look into it. I don't recall seeing such an article in Nature, or any of the physical anthrojournals, and I'm fairly certain it would be getting quite a lot of discussion in the prehistoric archaeology department if something like this was really being "extensively debated". But who knows, maybe I've missed the boat. Would love to know where the hell you're getting this, for certain. --M *I told you where I got it from... a search would work pretty well.* ~J

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