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Wildfleurs -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/5/2006 7:22:23 AM)
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ORIGINAL: Morrigel
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ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
In terms of preventing pregnancy knowing that he was fucking around isn't information that will help prevent a pregnancy.
I could not possibly disagree more. I think that was EXACTLY the information that would prevent the pregnancy. Women are not nearly as likely to get pregnant by men when they don't believe that he is invested in the relationship. They are much, much more likely to use protection, to insist on condoms, to hold back emotionally, etc. when they know they are not in an exclusive relationship. And that is exactly why he lied about it.
You know, I am a woman and have been in a long term (sexually) monogamous loving relationship and yet I don’t want to get pregnant. There are women who make decisions on their body and whether they want to have children that have nothing to do with the persons fidelity.
Basically what I’m saying is what I said earlier, either the women wanted to have a child with him and decided not to take birth control (or use norplant or an IUD), or the women did not want to have a child, took preventative measures and they had an accident. Fidelity is something that they obviously found out about after the fact and would probably cause regret. But he didn’t force them to have children, this was a function of their choice about something happening within their body.
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He wanted them to be completely emotionally and sexually open, in ways that only women who are deeply committed can be. He was not interested in wearing the raincoat or hearing "Um, just let me put in my diaphragm."
Contraception 101: there are ways to prevent pregnancy that are not invasive (that he didn’t even have to know about unless they wanted to tell him – again if they wanted to take responsibility for their body and their ability to have children.
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I think anyone who deliberately does ANYTHING that causes others pain can qualify as such. And I've never been sympathetic to the "women who get pregnant are just stupid" line of logic.
Except that your original definition of predator was much more specific and that’s how this whole disagreement began, namely that I said that your definition of predator didn’t fit with a guy who was a cheater. To remind you, your definition was:
A predator, by contrast, has no emotional investment in anyone but himself/herself. They coldly calculate, lie and deceive, hit and run, and then vanish very easily. They may enjoy their power and they may get a thrill from doing others harm--sometimes great harm--but it is rarely personal and they rarely view their victims as special, or even as individuals really. The victim is just another mark, regardless of what sort of harm they are targeted for--rape, death, a con job, etc..
In terms of the parameters of your definition:
- Unless you know him personally you don’t know what emotional investment he had in them (or didn’t have)
- She said that she ended the relationship, so obviously he didn’t vanish or cut ant run
- They are targeted for some kind of harm – you said rape, death or a con job. Unless the OP is communicating from the grave she isn’t dead, she said the sex was fantastic so rapes out of the question, and she didn’t mention missing any money so a con job is out of the question.
Using the term predator sounds dramatic and urgent which is why I’m sure you are using the word. But it simply doesn’t fit no matter how much you try to magically make him into someone that he may or may not be (unless again you know this man personally).
And yes, I’ll go out on a limb and say that women that don’t use contraception (condoms, IUD, birth control, Norplant, contraceptive jelly, etc, etc) and don’t expect to get pregnant are stupid.
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Personally, I find that both the body and the emotional make-up of the average human female are designed to make the continuation of the species a likely prospect. If women were always living in the brain and never got emotional or visceral about men--before, during and after sex? There would be a hell of a lot fewer of us monkeys on this planet.
The problem is that you are making this invisible jump from emotional connection and sexual connection to desire to procreate. I'm saying that love and sexual connection do not automatically create the desire (to the point of actually doing it) to procreate.
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*shrug* Anyway...whatever. I'm not sure what your agenda is to let Mr. Fucksalot off the hook for being a deeply and deliberately hurtful human being. I've stated my reasons for regarding him as a predator. And I have zero sympathy for sexist attitudes about women having to take sole responsibility for human reproduction--regardless of whether that sexism is couched in the rhetoric of the 18th century, the 7th century, or the 20th century.
Somehow with this paragraph I can’t help but think that you just haven’t been paying attention. Unless there is swift and complete condemnation of the Ops ex (without any suggestion of responsibility on the part of all of the adults), apparently one becomes a sexist for suggesting that women are responsible for making sure they don’t get pregnant. Its just shocking to suggest, I know. I really should be ashamed of myself.
C~
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