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RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 9:55:55 AM

emdoub

Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: safesaneplay2

Master had a fantasy about having a third (someday having a poly) even though I consider myself straight, I submitted to his request and played with him and another female. It was my first time doing anything like this. It's been 10 days. I still feel her. I still see her. I still feel my stomach turn when I think of what I did. Master wants to continue to explore this avenue. Somedays, I feel like I'm going to vomit, curl up and die. This weekend, when we were together and he began to touch me, I froze up and felt the same as I had at the end of my 13 yr vanilla relationship before we filed for divorce. He says I will get over this feeling because I love him and want to make him happy. If anyone has suggestions, please. I do love him. I just feel sick inside.

Having believed myself a monosexual for the first quarter-century of my life, I can understand what you're going through. I grew toward a different direction, but not all do, or can - particularly if they don't want to.

You can be poly without being bisexual - I know dozens of people who think nothing of being poly monosexuals. Would this be a route that you and your master could live with?

Sex should *always*, kinky or 'nilla, be something that you feel good about having done afterward. Life is rarely ideal, and that doesn't happen, sometimes. But if you know you're going to be unhappy about it afterward, then my best advice is to not do it.

(On the other hand, if he's monosexual himself, perhaps he can be brought to understand why you dislike homosexual sex yourself, and thus give this desire of his up more easily.)

Midnight Writer

_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 21

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 9:57:51 AM

safesaneplay2

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline

I like that song!!

Master and I talked for months about this before it actually happened. I always felt I was straight. He always wished for me to be at least bi curious. I agreed because I cared about him and wanted to fulfill his fantasy and see that look in his eyes. Well, I did well. The look was there. He was overcome with happiness. He says he knows more about what I want than I do but he will let me discover it for myself. I just wondered if others treated theirs in this manner as this was my first experience like this.

I believe that hard and soft limits are changed and redefined during our lives as we experience life. I never want to fall into my "comfort zone" and watch the world go by. I do believe; however, that I have found a hard limit for myself. I only hope that Master can understand and honor this limit for me.

Thank you everyone for your input and thanks, Ron, for the interpretation.

_____________________________

coloring outside the lines!!

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 22

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:00:22 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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Seriously, Aileen would have been more eloquent and wonderful, had she been given a chance to interpret.

You have you much plenty good lucks!!!!

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 23

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:14:58 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

OP first said: It's been 10 days. I still feel her. I still see her. I still feel my stomach turn when I think of what I did. Master wants to continue to explore this avenue. Somedays, I feel like I'm going to vomit, curl up and die. This weekend, when we were together and he began to touch me, I froze up and felt the same as I had at the end of my 13 yr vanilla relationship before we filed for divorce.

OP now says: Master and I talked for months about this before it actually happened. I always felt I was straight. He always wished for me to be at least bi curious. I agreed because I cared about him and wanted to fulfill his fantasy and see that look in his eyes. Well, I did well. The look was there. He was overcome with happiness. He says he knows more about what I want than I do but he will let me discover it for myself. I just wondered if others treated theirs in this manner as this was my first experience like this.
(emphasis added by E.)

Wait just a minute. WHICH IS IT? Your first post sounded like you were in agony over this. Indeed "soul dead" one reply says. Now this morning you are proud of yourself? You did WELL? So Sunday night was agony over what you had done and become, and now you are basking in "Master's" glowing praise and all is right with the world?

Put up, or please, shut up, miss.

E.

< Message edited by Emperor1956 -- 11/13/2006 10:15:30 AM >

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 24

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:21:08 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: safesaneplay2
He always wished for me to be at least bi curious.

So....if he wishes hard enough, do you turn into a pink unicorn too?

You can't get blood from a turnip.
Yes, you can submit and do as he wishes, but get used to feeling sick to your stomach.
Or worse, not feeling anything at all.

Personally, I find it easier to contemplate and/or do things that wouldnt be my normal cup of tea if I am able to create and inhabit some meaning for the task. This would normally be my advice. But, it seems to me you already tried that and you still feel horrible. You could assign meaning to the horrible feeling and inhabit it fully for him, as an act of ongoing submission and sacrifice, if that kind of thing works for you.

My question would be: Are you capable of doing that over and over and over again if the cost is this high every time?

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 25

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:26:39 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956
Seeing as this thread has deteriorated (oh, BIG surprise), I have to ask: Are we quoting rock n' roll lyrics, now?

Music lyrics are used quite often as allegory, since that is their fundamental makeup, it is a rather compact way to evoke a feeling, an emotion, a vision.
Many people on this site have contrived their nicks from songs, and many stanzas are in sig lines.........

Because someone uses lyrics as expression, does not make them any less serious; with the foregone exception of me--

Don't you give me no buicks...............

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 26

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:32:14 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Many people on this site have contrived their nicks from songs

Ahhh.....

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 27

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:33:06 AM

safesaneplay2

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline

I said Master was happy with my submission. He was glowing with happiness. Not me. I'm trying to figure out how to put this behind me, be able to live with myself and what I have done, and not lose someone that I love dearly because I really can't see myself ever doing this again.

_____________________________

coloring outside the lines!!

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 28

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:36:20 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Can you view this as an exercise in submission? As in, you are doing it for him. Period. You don't have to enjoy everything you do in the name of submission.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 29

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:38:32 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: safesaneplay2

I said Master was happy with my submission. He was glowing with happiness. Not me. I'm trying to figure out how to put this behind me, be able to live with myself and what I have done, and not lose someone that I love dearly because I really can't see myself ever doing this again.

Yeah I got that.
Im talking about finding meaning, not happiness.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 30

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:39:49 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: safesaneplay2

Master had a fantasy about having a third (someday having a poly) even though I consider myself straight, I submitted to his request and played with him and another female. It was my first time doing anything like this. It's been 10 days. I still feel her. I still see her. I still feel my stomach turn when I think of what I did. Master wants to continue to explore this avenue. Somedays, I feel like I'm going to vomit, curl up and die. This weekend, when we were together and he began to touch me, I froze up and felt the same as I had at the end of my 13 yr vanilla relationship before we filed for divorce. He says I will get over this feeling because I love him and want to make him happy. If anyone has suggestions, please. I do love him. I just feel sick inside.

Was it the girl herself that sickens you? Or the bisexual act? Or are you feeling threatened? Or jealous? Sleighted? Vomit from what? Curl up and die , why? It's hard to pin it down from your post. It seems like a bunch of obscure rambling complaints. What specifically is bothering you? (Im dense sometimes)

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 31

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:44:23 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: safesaneplay2
I'm trying to figure out how to put this behind me, be able to live with myself and what I have done, and not lose someone that I love dearly because I really can't see myself ever doing this again.

I think that's something you have to discuss with him. I can't imagine what advice someone here could give you that would have any impact whatsoever on what happens between the two of you if you have decided you can not do this again.

My suggestion was that you find meaning in the act of submission and inhabit that meaning fully as an exercise in submission. Not everything in life is easy or fun, but if you are able to somehow inhabit meaning, you can find a particular kind of joy in your suffering. If you are not open to processing it in this way, or if you feel like even then the cost is too high, then I think the only thing left to do is explain that this is a hard limit for you. It sounds like that's what you are saying, at least. I dont want to put words in your mouth.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 32

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:46:47 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

He blackmailed you into breaking a hard limit, "if you really loved me you would" now he says the fact that you don't want sex with him and hate what happened isn't real. He doesn't have the decency to respect your feelings but instead, realizing that you're on your way out has decided to maximize the time left by forcing you to repeat this ad nauseum. And you love him why?

Sorry, he's done emotional harm to you and isn't being man enough to admit it. Moreover judging from his actions, he doesn't care.

Personally I'd be off for a STD scan immediately, and using protection including dental dams with him for the next six months. Or did he know that the third was celibate for the six months prior to this event?

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 33

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:48:56 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well, the communication/security/utter lack of training and working together because "I'm the dom and I know you better" will of COURSE make it all work in the end issue is between you both and needs to be settled before you bring another female into the picture. I can only hope that you let this girl know beforehand that it was a one time only thing and that you felt sickened about it afterward.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 34

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 10:52:27 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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And just when I thought I had her bad self talk under control and having her well on the way to objectifying the moment and dealing with the here and now and future.................

But perhaps the maddening crowd is right!!!!!!!!!!! Vengance!!! Retribution!!!

These are the sort of proposals that have withstood the test of time, but not of love, caring and devotion, I think.

Mother Theresa

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 35

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 11:15:23 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: safesaneplay2

Master had a fantasy about having a third (someday having a poly) even though I consider myself straight, I submitted to his request and played with him and another female. It was my first time doing anything like this. It's been 10 days. I still feel her. I still see her. I still feel my stomach turn when I think of what I did. Master wants to continue to explore this avenue. Somedays, I feel like I'm going to vomit, curl up and die. This weekend, when we were together and he began to touch me, I froze up and felt the same as I had at the end of my 13 yr vanilla relationship before we filed for divorce. He says I will get over this feeling because I love him and want to make him happy. If anyone has suggestions, please. I do love him. I just feel sick inside.

Seems pretty clear to me.

Option #1: You handle it, find a way to like it, and may even learn to enjoy it one day. Then you both can find mutual fulfillment in this.

Option #2: You engage and robotically go along only for HIS pleasure...and suffer in silence (or become a nag) because you will do this for ahem...LOVE...(selfish of him to use your love in that way-just me though) and if it is ONLY about him and for HIS pleasure...bet your bottom dollar that you will begin to resent him for it in the future AND kick yourself for allowing it to get that far.

Option #3: Tell him you can't handle it, you tried it out of fairness, and out of love for him, and it is NOT what you signed up for, NOT your desire and makes you damned unhappy...and let him make his choice as to how to handle it, what comes next, AND what is most important, his little afternoon delights at YOUR expense, OR you and he finding a place of mutual fulfillment.

Option#4: He loves you also right? So tables can be equally turned (as your stomach is already there) and you may use his love now to say the same to him as he did to you. Be his reflection...as in: If you also love me, then please consider not doing things that i am just not wired to desire, enjoy or crave, and that instead just seem to make me feel so sick and unhappy and unfulfilled, for that is NOT what i believe love should be about between us.

Feel free to fill in more options that i am sure to have missed. Just some thoughts to consider. Good luck to you, and please consider all the valuable advice offered on this thread.

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 36

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 11:58:23 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

He blackmailed you into breaking a hard limit, "if you really loved me you would" now he says the fact that you don't want sex with him and hate what happened isn't real. He doesn't have the decency to respect your feelings but instead, realizing that you're on your way out has decided to maximize the time left by forcing you to repeat this ad nauseum. And you love him why?

Sorry, he's done emotional harm to you and isn't being man enough to admit it. Moreover judging from his actions, he doesn't care.

Personally I'd be off for a STD scan immediately, and using protection including dental dams with him for the next six months. Or did he know that the third was celibate for the six months prior to this event?

I didn't see blackmail anywhere in her OP. They had been talking about it for months. She had agreed to it. He thought she was ready for it (my guess) based on her agreement (#1 reason a Master should know his slave through & through, as often a slave will say she is ready for something she is not, simply because she wants to be ready...to please him). I think to tell someone on a message board that her master "doesn't care" after only two posts is a bit harsh. We have no idea what he thinks. We have no idea what words were spoken between them. And yet, this is what happens when one splays their relationship open for public critique.

I agree with what Heather is saying. Find meaning in what you are doing. I've had to do some things I considered horrific. Not all of slavery is fun and enjoyable. Some of the things I had to do took me weeks to process, and I came out much better for them. Now I actually ask him for them because of the place I go to when he does it, and because he beams at me when I do.

Above all else, talk talk talk to him. Hold nothing back. Don't tell him just what he wants to hear. Don't withhold what you think he doesn't want to hear.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 37

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 12:08:09 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
I agree with what Heather is saying. Find meaning in what you are doing. I've had to do some things I considered horrific. Not all of slavery is fun and enjoyable. Some of the things I had to do took me weeks to process, and I came out much better for them. Now I actually ask him for them because of the place I go to when he does it, and because he beams at me when I do.

Yes, my real issue (and it's a pet of mine) is that this involves OTHER people. Agonize within your own relationship as much as you want...but once you drag others into it, you need to have your shit together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 38

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 12:49:29 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
I agree with what Heather is saying. Find meaning in what you are doing. I've had to do some things I considered horrific. Not all of slavery is fun and enjoyable. Some of the things I had to do took me weeks to process, and I came out much better for them. Now I actually ask him for them because of the place I go to when he does it, and because he beams at me when I do.

Yes, my real issue (and it's a pet of mine) is that this involves OTHER people. Agonize within your own relationship as much as you want...but once you drag others into it, you need to have your shit together.

Totally agree with you. Or find someone well aware of what is going on and willing to engage in such an experiment.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 39

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 12:58:59 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: safesaneplay2

was your answer suppose to make sense or just random thoughts of bullshit running thru your head?

Um I felt really bad and wanted to help you out with some of my insight (the little I have, but I do have a psyc digree) That was untill I read this!!! Ron never makes a whole lot of sence to me with how he talks, I think Im too simple to understand a lot of what he says. But Man do you really need to me so nasty and disrespectfull to him if you read what he wrote and stop with the nasty snide remarks you will se he does make sence here. I dont get why you would push away the very advise you sought here!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 40

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