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RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 4:46:13 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
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Back to the OP. I remember when i thought anothers kink was well umm sick and then i tried it. I remember the feeling of wow this is wonderful why did i fight it. I also remember when i had to say i tried it. I don't like it. Does this mean we are finished well it might but lets talk and then talk some more. One or both of us will have to compromise in some form to make us continue. We both decide we are what we want in life and an agreement is made. So far so good. If i feel like puking in the future because of something He asks me to do then we will start the process over again and if it don't work out we'll say goodbye.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 41

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 4:50:16 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

(fast reply)
Dear SSP2-

I am really trying to wrap my head around one part of your tale-

Was it really the act itself that was so tramatic, or more that you felt coerised into doing it? Iam am thinking that if you managed to stay the course, and perform well enough to please him (and presumably the 'third'), that it couldn't be all that replusive. Perhaps your issue is more with feeling cornered into the situation?

Stay warm,
Lawrence

PS- Son, you must take my word...

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 42

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 5:49:10 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I don't know if what I'm about to write will have anything to do with your problem, or help in the slightest, but it made me think of something, so I'm sharing it...

When I was young-er, I was married to an abusive man.I was never ever touched in a caring way or treated like I mattered in anyway in the slightest. I was the cunt that gave birth to his children, the "slave" that kept his house immaculate, the nobody he could terrify at his slightest whim, and the showhorse that could look pretty when we went out. He eventually had me picking up women for him to bring to the bedroom (every mans fantasy hey).

I had the same experience as you, after I had been touched by a woman, even though these women were only very short-term liasions, afterwards I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. Just like you described, I could still feel them, see them. It started to consume my thoughts. I was not repulsed as you were....but the feelings of the exhange remained with me and the avenues he had to link into me emotionally and mentally started to close down. I am not sure why.....but somehow by introducing a 3rd party the connection broke. Maybe it was because the single strand that had kept me there all along was my feeling of being "his"..once someone else entered in....that was no longer true somehow.

I realise, your relationship is not abusive..but the same theme is there. I think relationships are like ingredients to a cake. If another ingredient is added, it changes the whole chemical balance and you may never get back what it was before. Once we have an experience, we can't make it go away. It's there and part of us and going to effect our future thoughts and decisions.

The only way you are going to be able to stay in this relationship now, is to resolve your feelings and accept the changed relationship..it has changed, it will never be the same. Is that ok with you?

I don't know whats going on in your head, maybe you have stringent ideas and morals regarding sex..can you get past them?

Your sick feelings could be from so many things, it could be a grief your feeling from the dissolution of the relationship as you once knew it. Which would make sense with how your feeling closed off from him now.

I'm sorry your going through this.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 43

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 6:02:21 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
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May I ask over time as the idea of adding a third came up in conversation what your responce was?
Did he bring this up at the dinner table or between the sheets?
Was the thought of it exciting when it was simply a fantasy, but not when it was reality?
Could you have possibly misled him with your reactions and words?
Or, had you been straight up and told him your fears?

????

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 44

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/13/2006 8:54:32 PM

safesaneplay2

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline

I am amazed at all the wonderful thoughts that have came across this thread. YOU people are so wonderful!!! Sometimes we learn something about ourselves only when we bounce things off many others ~grins~ I'm off to talk with Master about a bicycle built for two...wish me luck..happiness to all of you and thank you so much for all your advice!!!

_____________________________

coloring outside the lines!!

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 45

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/14/2006 10:41:27 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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So many good view points given to you..All I could think of was you attempted to please your Master, and did so very well, but when you tried to "communicate" to him that it was becoming a limit ,he says that he knows you better than you yourself do...I found that insulting and found myself becoming angered by it. For to me all he is truly saying is that he wants what he wants and be damned to you or your feelings or the damage that may result from them. I am sure he has convinced himself in his own mind that this is a good thing for you, that he knows truly deep deep down that you are REALLY bi curious, or even a hidden bisexual deep deep inside, and he is just simply pushing your boundaries to deepen, widen or further your horizons..ok...this topic has probably not made me the best candidate to give advice...it seems to of pushed a button...just I hope that you will do what is in your best interest to protect yourself mentally and emotionally first....be well...tempting

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 46

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/15/2006 7:46:08 AM

safesaneplay2

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline

Hi Tempting...it sounds like you have possibly been thru this or at least met a Master like mine. Your words are exactly what he is thinking. We talked for a long time. He has agreed not to go forward with this at this time. He also says that there are many things that he knows about me that I don't and that I will discover them for myself with his direction. He is pleased that I tried and says there is no dishonor in trying only in refusal to try. I have now given him my first hard limit. I know inside myself that this is a true hard limit. I leave it with him to respect that and to respect me by not pushing that boundry again.

_____________________________

coloring outside the lines!!

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 47

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/15/2006 8:44:40 AM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

and that is all you can do at this time.

Good luck to you both.

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 48

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/15/2006 9:04:57 AM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Smile, I did meet a Master like yours who stated to me that ALL women were Bi and that he knew deep down I was as well.I had told him in beginning that I was straight and that I was monogomous, he knew that these were hard limits for me in the beginning and he tried to push these hard limits.IMO you do not push hard limits... He seemed to think he knew me better...he did not....relationship was ended.....I wish him well, but we were simply not a good match.....and now I wish you and your Master well....take care..Tempting

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 49

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/15/2006 5:42:52 PM

SirAnthony

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/22/2004
Status: offline

Wow... Some serious "subs" Here. Advising you to dump him because of this.... Thats commitment for you!!
i see from her original post, that she uses the word "Master".... reading her original and subsequent posts, that to her, the word master has more meaning than most others replying here.

I applaud the few level headed adults who mention communication. Figuring trust and honesty are already covered in the relationship.
Yes, I get sarcastic at times and hate the velcro collar subbies....

Now for the problem she mentions.
I would not say it was a hard limit. Few limits are Hard. But just came to it too fast. Like taking a wooden paddle to a new slaves bared ass, with full force. That would send her into panic for a long time.

Want this to work? back off and let the friendship happen. Let slave and new girl get to know each other and explore each other as they will. The new girl should be a mentor to the slave and teach her as she lets the wall come down. New girl should also have a dominant streak in her to help push slave past the smaller barriers.

Slave knows what Master wants as an end result and will focus her energies towards that goal. Just need to go slower and repair some mental damage

I will add this:
I hate the "If you love me, you will do this" crap. thats not a Master, thats a boyfriend wanting to fullfill a wacking off dream.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 50

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/15/2006 8:10:54 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirAnthony

Wow... Some serious "subs" Here. Advising you to dump him because of this.... Thats commitment for you!!
i see from her original post, that she uses the word "Master".... reading her original and subsequent posts, that to her, the word master has more meaning than most others replying here.

I applaud the few level headed adults who mention communication. Figuring trust and honesty are already covered in the relationship.
Yes, I get sarcastic at times and hate the velcro collar subbies....

Now for the problem she mentions.
I would not say it was a hard limit. Few limits are Hard. But just came to it too fast. Like taking a wooden paddle to a new slaves bared ass, with full force. That would send her into panic for a long time.

Want this to work? back off and let the friendship happen. Let slave and new girl get to know each other and explore each other as they will. The new girl should be a mentor to the slave and teach her as she lets the wall come down. New girl should also have a dominant streak in her to help push slave past the smaller barriers.

Slave knows what Master wants as an end result and will focus her energies towards that goal. Just need to go slower and repair some mental damage

I will add this:
I hate the "If you love me, you will do this" crap. thats not a Master, thats a boyfriend wanting to fullfill a wacking off dream.

Sir Anthony..some of what you say has much validity, but to me your statement that few limits are Hard,sets me to believe that you would have little respect for any limit a submissive would give you and would ultimately use a bit of blackmail as well to push past those unrespected limits that you and only you deem not Hard.This to me seems you have little regard for any submissive that would be in your care.What you deem a small barrier a sub/slave may not.....As far as what you say are velcro-collar subbies..you are entitled to your opinion/ but to me when you made that statement you were simply trying to make ineffective any advice given that YOU did not agree with......Tempting

(in reply to SirAnthony)

Post #: 51

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/15/2006 8:34:02 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

ok... the end of time is coming. Mnottertail actually explained one of His posts!!! ~runs to start stockpiling~

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 52

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/15/2006 8:38:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

While the going slow method may indeed work for many people, it's not a universal method. Having an interest in bdsm, both being female, both liking the same man, and perhaps even both being open to exploring bisexuality STILL isn't enough to suggest that they will like eachother or be compatible in a relationship.

If someone is who they is, no amount of slow going will change their orientation. It can change their behavior and how they react to it, but not their orientation or chemistry within.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 53

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/15/2006 8:43:49 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirAnthony

I would not say it was a hard limit. Few limits are Hard.

i disagree... i have a very hard limit... that is, i am not poly... never want to be, never will be... hard damned limit.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to SirAnthony)

Post #: 54

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/15/2006 10:51:06 PM

RUpainsmith

Posts: 42
Joined: 11/13/2006
Status: offline

I think it's very hard to bring poly into a relationship that wasn't at that dynamic to start. I make it known that that is a possibility from the start, that way if it's the case later, it's not such a shock.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 55

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/16/2006 2:33:16 AM

Totalmaster4you

Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

It's always a good idea to have you're limits written down, if not in a contact then on a paper with both signature. Get a renewal timeframe so adjustments can be made. Part of what should happen next depends on what kind of relationship you currently are in. In trying to read between the lines I'm guessing that your upbringing is in conflict with you trying to please your Master. I can say with some certainly you will never get over your feelings of being physically with another woman. There maybe a solution tho.........Have the other female help please your Master without you touching her in a sexual way(ie: you lick the scrotum while she does oral on his member or she has intercourse while you kiss or maybe play with his scrotum. Hope this helps and if you want to talk more feel to email me on this site and respond as quickly as I can.
A

(in reply to safesaneplay2)

Post #: 56

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/16/2006 2:48:31 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirAnthony

Wow... Some serious "subs" Here. Advising you to dump him because of this.... Thats commitment for you!!
i see from her original post, that she uses the word "Master".... reading her original and subsequent posts, that to her, the word master has more meaning than most others replying here.

I applaud the few level headed adults who mention communication. Figuring trust and honesty are already covered in the relationship.
Yes, I get sarcastic at times and hate the velcro collar subbies....

Now for the problem she mentions.
I would not say it was a hard limit. Few limits are Hard. But just came to it too fast. Like taking a wooden paddle to a new slaves bared ass, with full force. That would send her into panic for a long time.

Want this to work? back off and let the friendship happen. Let slave and new girl get to know each other and explore each other as they will. The new girl should be a mentor to the slave and teach her as she lets the wall come down. New girl should also have a dominant streak in her to help push slave past the smaller barriers.

Slave knows what Master wants as an end result and will focus her energies towards that goal. Just need to go slower and repair some mental damage

I will add this:
I hate the "If you love me, you will do this" crap. thats not a Master, thats a boyfriend wanting to fullfill a wacking off dream.

So, then what you're saying is that if a woman just manipulates the man in her life in the right way - bringing in another man to befriend him, act in a dominant manner toward him, and in essence, politely force him past his limit of being straight, that that will always work and he will happily become bi-sexual?

Just thought I'd turn this around to see if it made any more sense that way.

People are who they are. It amazes me the number of dominants who say they want their submissives to be all they can be and then work so diligently to change who that is in the first place.

Guess it works for some people. Manipulation like that would insult me beyond measure, and while I'm not a quitter and nor do I wear a velcro collar, I would be presuming that my Master had very little regard for me. Manipulation like this would also violate the one absolute rule I hold myself to: "Do what's healthy for you - and when it's no longer healthy, then don't do it."

Strangely enough, that sounds strikingly similar to my Master's rule of "do no harm."

Having issues with a third is one thing. Becoming sick to one's stomach because of something they've done is something quite different.

I'd expect my Master to know the difference.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 11/16/2006 3:01:14 AM >

(in reply to SirAnthony)

Post #: 57

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/16/2006 3:36:29 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Excuse me for bring this up but was "the third" an inanimate object or a human being? Does the Master not care for anyone's feelings other than His own? How did "the third" feel about being with a female who was made sick at the thought of performing with her? i cannot imagine the horror of being a "third" where the slave abhors playing with me. i sometimes wonder how many males get all their sex education from watching porn. In porn, all women are thrilled to have sex with other females but even porn is just a movie. In the "chick flicks" the man is always heroic and romantic and that's just as much a fantasy.

Sorry, it just occurred to me that "the third" should have her feelings and limits on the matter considered as well. She may not be so thrilled with the idea of being sickening.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 58

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/16/2006 6:11:29 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
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quote:

Want this to work? back off and let the friendship happen. Let slave and new girl get to know each other and explore each other as they will. The new girl should be a mentor to the slave and teach her as she lets the wall come down. New girl should also have a dominant streak in her to help push slave past the smaller barriers.

This is fine if the girls are interested in finding out about what it's like to be together.... bi-curious perhaps. In my previous reply i said: Why does she have to be involved in his snacks? just because he wants another woman does not mean that his sub/slave needs to be involved with said woman. I am sure he has the capability to play with others on his own.

quote:

Slave knows what Master wants as an end result and will focus her energies towards that goal. Just need to go slower and repair some mental damage

I understand this thought process very well. The problem lies in the fact that there "are some" that this will simply not work for. It has nothing to do with obeying, it has nothing to do with focus. It has everything to do with potential harm. Slaves want nothing more than to obey and be pleasing and please their Dominants. Regardless of the "hard limit" issue or not, there are just some things that can not be breached. It is up to them BOTH to have HAD that communication in the first place...if not........as i stated, they need to lay everything out on the table and start that communication process.

quote:

I will add this:
I hate the "If you love me, you will do this" crap. thats not a Master, thats a boyfriend wanting to fullfill a wacking off dream.

I absolutely agree........why i wrote it.

Happy Thursday!
~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to SirAnthony)

Post #: 59

RE: I can't get the third out of my head - 11/16/2006 6:38:04 AM

MzTlaz

Posts: 140
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

So, then what you're saying is that if a woman just manipulates the man in her life in the right way - bringing in another man to befriend him, act in a dominant manner toward him, and in essence, politely force him past his limit of being straight, that that will always work and he will happily become bi-sexual?

Just thought I'd turn this around to see if it made any more sense that way.

Yes....and if Sir Anthony is right about this....well, maybe we can also change a Dom into a sub...maybe he would volunteer to prove his point? ;)

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 60

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