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bobandchloe -> RE: Boo Fucking Hoo (11/20/2006 5:59:48 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mstr2you
So the dom who told you he was the grand maharshi of dominance turns out to be a plumber from yonkers with a bossy wife and an empty bank account and that lovely submissive you called your pet turned out to be sharing time with the local minor league team and its mascot and it's mascot has four legs and barks and now your hurt and your angry and your done with all this.
Get over it!
I think there is an element of fantasy that is part of the d/s world and for some the fantasy is overwhelming the reality. Why would the men and women you meet in the kink world be any different from those you meet in the vanilla world? People cheat and lie and use and we all have filters we use to edit them out of our lives and sometimes they get in and we get hurt and we move on. That's life and you can either chance it or stay home, your choice.
Here's my point ( yes I think I have one even if you don't) The idea that the emotions shared in a d/s relationship are more meaningful and more powerful than those in a vanilla relationship is just silly and condescending. The dynamics are different and it may move faster and become more intense quicker but that can happen with any relationship depending on the circumstances and in the end it's just a relationship with all the highs and lows and risks and rewards and it is a mistake to think that a d/s one is any better than any other
Just my opinion.
Are emotions shared in a d/s relationship anymore valid than those in a vanilla relationship? No. I agree, they're not. But is trust in a D/s relationship more important? Hrm, at least in the beginning, I'd have to say 'yes'. And in the world of D/s relationships, we often start with the BDSM things before the other side of things - the more risky things. If you're not trusting the person to tie you down to the bed and beat you, perhaps you shouldn't be trusting them for anything else.
so, if trust is one of the most important aspects of BDSM (as I think) then if you can't trust that the dominant you've been talking to for weeks is the dominant you expected, then they start in the BDSM relationship at a deficit. And in my world, the deficit would likely be too much to make up for in real life encounters. If I can't trust you to be the plumber you said you were, why the fuck would I trust you to immobilize me and beat me with your favorite fraternity paddle?
No, the emotions are no less or more important in the Vanilla vs. BDSM question, but a great and important part of things is the trust factor. And, IMHO, if you haven't got the TRUST first and foremost, you shouldn't really be playing the other games with someone... unless of course you get OFF on not trusting your partner, in which case we'll read about you in the papers sooner than later.
$.02.
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