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What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 1:26:41 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		OK, call me a do me” sub, but I think I have a point.

A dominant has one responsibilty.

I was wrong. I assumed a dominant had no responsibility and a sub who insisted otherwise was not really being submissive. Assuming the dominant “must” do anything was absurd.

Unfortunately I was proved wrong.

“To Dominate” is a transitive verb. A Domina (or Dom) must dominate.

Telling me to do something I would do for my mother, sister, brother, or ex-wife doesn’t cut it. Yes, I would help my mother with the ironing; I would help my sister with doing dishes; I would help my brother with grocery shopping.

I would even play Scrabble with a complete stranger.

The one responsibility of a Dom/ina. Make the sub feel owned. My mother, sister, brother, ex-wife does not own me.

Call me a “do-me” sub for demanding a Dom/ina actually do something that calls for the sub to do something he/she would not do with his/her mother.


_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 2:10:26 PM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

The one responsibility of a Dom/ina. Make the sub feel owned.


Such as giving the sub a sales receipt?

Seriously you make a good point. Its something I haven't thought about!

< Message edited by onceburned -- 2/12/2005 2:11:45 PM >

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 2:35:34 PM   
MadameBette


Posts: 62
Joined: 9/8/2004
From: Long Island, NY
Status: offline 		Okay, I’ll bite… 2 points:
quote:

The one responsibility of a Dom/ina. Make the sub feel owned
.

First:
No one can ‘make’ you feel anything.

If feeling owned is what you looking for, and the only way it works for you is if the Domina does something to make you feel owned, you are indeed a “do-me” sub. Feeling ‘owned’ is a mindset. Either you are in it, or you’re not.

Yes, it helps if the Domme does ‘something’, and sounds like yours did! If you didn’t feel subbie doing the dishes, then that’s your fault! The slave who cleans our house just left. He said he feels happy about being ‘owned’. His Mistress is in Florida right now!

Also, I know a sub who shared this with me: She and her Dom were having some real life problems, and to top it off, his vanilla ‘ex’ had started calling him. He had mixed feelings about playing with this sub while unsure of his feelings for his ‘ex’. By mutual agreement, they decided not to activily play until certain issues were resolved.
She had a tremendous need at times, to feel ‘owned’, but did not want to search elsewhere.
They still saw each other socially and sometimes worked together.
On days when she felt the need to be submissive acutely, she would just go into a ‘subbie’ mode, run errands for him, make sure his coffee was always hot and fixed the way he liked it… well, I hope you get the picture.

He knew what was going on and that she was feeling this way, and that she needed to 'express' it. He never encouraged her, or said much of anything at all. He did his part by just allowing this and not telling her to stop it.
She’s said that what she felt during those periods is not that much different from what she feels now that they are back together and he's collared her.
I repeat: It’s all in your mind!

Secondly:
The Dominant’s ONLY responsibility is to take reasonable care to protect the submissive from harm.

~ Bette

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 2:58:10 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If the sub feels playing scrabble doesn't do it it for him/her then he/she should leave. The Dom/ina has lost any right to complain after not differentianing him/her self from the sub's mother.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to MadameBette)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 3:00:18 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Such as giving the sub a sales receipt?


I'm sure it varies. A sales receipt would be nice.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 3:11:54 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The one responsibility of a Dom/ina. Make the sub feel owned. My mother, sister, brother, ex-wife does not own me.

Call me a “do-me” sub for demanding a Dom/ina actually do something that calls for the sub to do something he/she would not do with his/her mother


I have absolutely no quarrel with this statement at all. I think that it's right on the money.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 3:17:24 PM   
MadameBette


Posts: 62
Joined: 9/8/2004
From: Long Island, NY
Status: offline 		Okay, my error. You were speaking of proDommes?

In that case, yes, you would reasonably expect that some of your needs/fetishes were met. There's a fine line between being dominant and giving the customer what he needs. However, I believe both have to be considered to have a good session.
I've heard many stories from clients who have had sessions with a pro that I thought were over the top.
What kind of negotiation did you have beforehand? Did the Domme ask what your interests were? Were you honest with her?

~ Bette

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 3:29:08 PM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		*writes "Owned" on a Post-It and slaps it on the forehead of the nearest sub*

Lookit that! I'm a dom now!

_____________________________

</sarcasm>

(in reply to MadameBette)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 3:32:23 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

OK, call me a do me” sub, but I think I have a point.

A dominant has one responsibilty.

...

“To Dominate” is a transitive verb. A Domina (or Dom) must dominate.

...

The one responsibility of a Dom/ina. Make the sub feel owned. My mother, sister, brother, ex-wife does not own me.

...


In other words you expect a Dom/me to be Dominant and dominate correct? Sounds reasonable to Me.


_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 3:40:47 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The one responsibility of a Dom/ina. Make the sub feel owned. My mother, sister, brother, ex-wife does not own me.


Well, it certainly sounds like that's what it takes for you in your interactions. I'm kewl with that.

Your theory, if it's to be applied to others, doesn't account for what triggers some others. I know people who get to where they need to go by yearning for the elusive, unattainable domina. For these people, being a satellite that hovers around the woman in command of her life and perhaps others around her, but not quite being able to ATTAIN that elusive ownership, is the tie that binds.

If they were 'owned' they'd get bored.



_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/12/2005 9:39:50 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What kind of negotiation did you have beforehand? Did the Domme ask what your interests were? Were you honest with her?


iwill has certain expectations of a Domme. They are his and not for me to judge. And determining whether his perception of what a Dom/me's responsability is valid or invalid is not the point of my post. However I do not subscribe to his perception as a "blanket" statement that can be applied to all dynamics.

I personally think that we all have very different expectations of BDSM. On a side note, if we all had the same expectations and desires, these message boards would be one boring place.

My submissives probably don't have the same expectations as iwill. And they change from submissive to the other. Some fall more along the lines of what Suz was describing. Some are pure service subs that get all their pleasure out of putting serving me and making me happy. Some I have more S&M relationships with. Some are my submissive lovers. The different dynamics develop based on my relationships with them and the chemistry between us. If they aren't satisfied with the dynamic, they are free to find a dynamic that better suits them. I never would want one of my subs to feel trapped in a dynamic that doesn't suit them.

So what is most important here is to find a match (or two or three - ah the poly in me!) that is good for you, for your needs.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MadameBette)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/13/2005 12:24:04 AM   
MsSilvie


Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		Jeesh, fortunate thing I don't call myself a dominant then. If it works for you in a relationship, then great. Don't make the mistake of saying that everyone has to follow your guidelines. I take a lot of issue with the "ownership" thing, since I see a lot of subs using it as a way to dodge their own responsibilities.

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/13/2005 1:10:00 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		The only things a Dominant must do is to protect themselves and the submissive from any forseeable harm. Other than that, a Dominant does what they want within hard limits. If it makes a sub feel dominated, great. If not, they can move on and catch the next dominant bus.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/13/2005 5:48:18 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

The only things a Dominant must do is to protect themselves and the submissive from any forseeable harm. Other than that, a Dominant does what they want within hard limits. If it makes a sub feel dominated, great. If not, they can move on and catch the next dominant bus.


And, should their submissive be struck while crossing the street with their dominant - has the dominant failed?

I dislike the argument that the dominant "must protect their submissive"; because, so many things are foreseeable, and so many things are unavoidable.

~J

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/13/2005 7:54:13 AM   
Wolfspet


Posts: 143
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline


quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

The only things a Dominant must do is to protect themselves and the submissive from any forseeable harm. Other than that, a Dominant does what they want within hard limits. If it makes a sub feel dominated, great. If not, they can move on and catch the next dominant bus.


And, should their submissive be struck while crossing the street with their dominant - has the dominant failed?

I dislike the argument that the dominant "must protect their submissive"; because, so many things are foreseeable, and so many things are unavoidable.

~J

My bitch switch must be stuck today

In your lofty reading of BeachMystress' quote, did you miss the words any forseeable harm?

(in reply to LordODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/13/2005 8:22:57 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfspet
In your lofty reading of BeachMystress' quote, did you miss the words any forseeable harm?


Not at all -

I can "forsee" a submissive being hit by a car while crossing the street -

It can not always be "avoidable".

Look for the subtleties - it helps while making a determination about the "correctness" of what someone is saying or whether their comprehension is intact.

~J

(in reply to Wolfspet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/13/2005 1:05:14 PM   
cuumsluut


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline 		i'm personally not into getting hit by cars while crossing the street or otherwise...but this topic has a corallary that is often expressed by dommes (i always thought it meant dom me). And that's that a submissive should submit. I don't know how many dom/mes i see saying they are looking for someone who will do what they tell them. That sounds pretty far fetched to me. I'm not gonna stand there and get my ass beat. You better tie me down first if you expect me to hold still while your wailing on my ass. Personally i think the whole Dominant/submissive thing is at best a goal and the enjoyment is the activities that lead to that.

Life would be boring if your ideal dream came true the moment you decided you wanted it. Which is why it doesn't by the way.

My opinion is a dominant is someone who enjoys breaking down the resistance of another to their desires and a submissive is someone who enjoys having their resistance to another broken down.

When you do the reach goal and are getting everything handed to you on a silver platter by someone who does whatever you tell them life is going to get boring.


(in reply to LordODiscipline)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/13/2005 1:39:50 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		I don't like being a lazy DOM. When my sub needs discipline then I better give it to her. I can't have her sassy ways walking all over me now can I? I allow a smart ass comment time to time or a minimum time off the diet/workout, but I don't let it last very long. I keep my switch near, my belt usually on, and my hands are always ready to spank. I've been tested in the past and well, I made an A+ and never been tested again.




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/13/2005 3:50:18 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

OK, call me a do me” sub, but I think I have a point.

A dominant has one responsibilty.

I was wrong. I assumed a dominant had no responsibility and a sub who insisted otherwise was not really being submissive. Assuming the dominant “must” do anything was absurd.

Unfortunately I was proved wrong.

“To Dominate” is a transitive verb. A Domina (or Dom) must dominate.

Telling me to do something I would do for my mother, sister, brother, or ex-wife doesn’t cut it. Yes, I would help my mother with the ironing; I would help my sister with doing dishes; I would help my brother with grocery shopping.

I would even play Scrabble with a complete stranger.

The one responsibility of a Dom/ina. Make the sub feel owned. My mother, sister, brother, ex-wife does not own me.

Call me a “do-me” sub for demanding a Dom/ina actually do something that calls for the sub to do something he/she would not do with his/her mother.



I beg to differ. As a dominant, my sole responsibility is to be completely honest with myself and my submissive. If I accurately communicate who and what I am and what I am willing and able to provide, it is the submissive's responsibility to decide if she wants what I'm offering. If she finds that she's not satisfied with what she agreed to accept I can't be blamed for not exceeding what I offered.
Timothy

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What a Dom/ina "must" do - 2/13/2005 7:05:55 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfspet


quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline


quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

The only things a Dominant must do is to protect themselves and the submissive from any forseeable harm. Other than that, a Dominant does what they want within hard limits. If it makes a sub feel dominated, great. If not, they can move on and catch the next dominant bus.


And, should their submissive be struck while crossing the street with their dominant - has the dominant failed?

I dislike the argument that the dominant "must protect their submissive"; because, so many things are foreseeable, and so many things are unavoidable.

~J

My bitch switch must be stuck today

In your lofty reading of BeachMystress' quote, did you miss the words any forseeable harm?



ROFLMAO, I was in the middle of pulling up a box to type the EXACT same thing.. minus my own name of course. We have to remember that there are some people who don't like any type of personal responsibility and therefore intentionally misread things to make their own point.

By the way LordODiscipline.. if your submissive is hit by a car while crossing a street with you, I will consider it your fault. A submissive looks to the Dominant. If you step out in traffic, there is a good chance that sub will follow blindly, trusting that YOU checked to be sure it was clear. You just failed your sub

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Wolfspet)
Profile   Post #: 20
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