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Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/26/2006 10:09:01 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have not seen this come up in the months I have been posting here. I was wondering if those of you reading this think that arguing/conflict resolution/fighting, whatever one wants to call it, is a part of a Ds/Ms relationship. If you are involved in a relationship, do you ever argue? Do you have conflicts? How are they handled while respecting the power exchange?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

Post #: 1

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/26/2006 10:25:33 PM

LW3

Posts: 59
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

no. we don't argue.
she knows what will hapen if she tries to argue with me so she doesn't try.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 2

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/26/2006 10:26:25 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
If you are involved in a relationship, do you ever argue? Do you have conflicts? How are they handled while respecting the power exchange?

Present day, Himself and I do not argue at all. On occasion, we will have a conflicting viewpoint on a particular topic and I present my views rationally, once, and/or will clarify a point if he wishes, and that's that. It's because we both respect the power dynamic that arguments are unnecessary.

I don't say '...but, Master ... ' though I have been known to say ... 'butt, Master.' ::chuckles::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 3

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/26/2006 10:28:13 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Oh, yes, we argue. A ot more lately than we used to, what with me working on planning the move and under more stress than I was. I am having to depend rather heavily on Angel to work out my plans down in TN since I am not going to have time to travel down there and make my own arrangements before I plan on relocating. We have butted heads a few times on things like finances, location and even dates and how I am going to move. While I respect his opinions, I am not going to back down from my own, and with 2 strong willed people like us, it causes fights. We try not to make them personal, and he knows he has to watch how he states ting or he runs the risk of being disrespectful and making me upset with him for a whole different reason. Thankfully none of the arguments have been major, and we have been able to come to a descent compromise for the majority of the topics. If I am going to be sharing my life and my space with him I expect the occasional disagreement. We have 2 rules for fighting. No personal jabs (we both know enough about one anothers pasts that it could get ugly) and no disrespect on either side. I wil not pull the "I am the Domme, I said so" argument to end a fight either. It doesnt impact our dynamic, I am no less Dominant just ebcasue I may lose an argument. But, being Gf/bf for now and potentially more in the future... arguments happen.

Hope that helps witout being too rambly
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/26/2006 10:29:12 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

We do not really argue. We do discuss with respect the differences that we have. In the end tho He is the Dom and will be obeyed. We are just still working out the kinks in our relationship. Interesting concept tho. Smiling at the thought of actually arguing with Him. Dang that would hurt......

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 5

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/26/2006 10:36:48 PM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have not seen this come up in the months I have been posting here. I was wondering if those of you reading this think that arguing/conflict resolution/fighting, whatever one wants to call it, is a part of a Ds/Ms relationship. If you are involved in a relationship, do you ever argue? Do you have conflicts? How are they handled while respecting the power exchange?

I think it depends on the D/s relationship. In some I have found the occasional screaming fight serves us both well. In others I have been totally submissive and havent raised my voice and in others again I just havent felt the need to argue. I guess like with any Vanilla relationship, it depends on how well the two of you get along to begin with and how dominant or insistant the Master is. As for the power exchange, in the current relationship I am in I find when I am annoyed by something Master has done, he seems to sense this, even over the internet and apologises before an argument occurs. This is a new experience for me. I dont consider this a weakness in him either as some might. It usually takes a lot to enrage me, but when I am angry, I mean really angry - look out! LOL Master is yet to see this in me, I pity him when he does LOL, I also pity myself as I am sure it shall result in a very heavy spanking.

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/26/2006 10:46:22 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

This is something I have always had a very hard time with, Julia. I have very mixed feelings about it. Mostly I would attribute this not so much to my own ability to remain respectful (which I am quite capable of with the right person), but because I have always gotten involved with the "impossible" and unreasonable types---ya know-- like no matter how much you try to explain something without mouthing off, you just cant win, or worse yet, they will blow me off until I get over it and am willing to drop it. Part of me knows that this is something that I shouldnt tolerate. Something about my beliefs tells me its wrong and definately not the ideal. Yet I have to admit that as much as it goes against my grain, I am willing to/and capable of, converting this type of frustration into an enjoyable headfuck of sorts. Like its on his terms or no terms. (This is of course in relationships that I have an interest in preserving)
Is it healthy? I dont think so. Is it ideal? Probably not. But I will suck it up when Im with a person who has me wrapped up that tightly.
It's just a part of my bent, and something that causes a conflict, because on one hand it goes against my belief of right and wrong, and on the other hand, it forces me into that dark place where I have no choice but to see myself as I am. I hate it and I love it at the same time.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)

Post #: 7

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/26/2006 11:34:51 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

its always more about mine and the persons chemistry rather then the rules of engagment for me....some folks i just flow better with...others there is more passion and fire...but that usually translates to the sex too...so its hard to say which i like better.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 8

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/26/2006 11:41:37 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

There is no arguing. What he says goes. If I disagree with something, I may present my case in a manner which he deems appropriate. The thing is, there is nothing I feel the need to argue over anymore. I used to argue...well, I tried. . It never got me anywhere though, and he wouldn't put up with it anyway. The deeper meaning behind my arguments had mostly to do with me fighting my own submission, though. Now that I have grown with him as I have, I trust his decisions and accept them. If I have concerns about something, I bring them up. Sometimes my submission to him means accepting that which I do not like, or that which pains me. But I accept it, and it is not so difficult to do that anymore. It is really peaceful to be in this place now...for both of us!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 9

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/26/2006 11:53:51 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Sometimes arguments are needed as some poeple do not get that their wrong sometimes. Noone is right all the time and if a dom or domme is too head strong to see they wrong and wants to punsih someone because their too selfish to realise their wrong then they don't deserve to be in control of someone.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/27/2006 12:04:39 AM

LW3

Posts: 59
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

It's not needed to argue to show your Master that you think he is wrong.
I never argue with my slave but that does'nt mean I don't hear her when she tells me something.
sometimes she is right and gets rewarded, other times she is wrong and I explain her why.
we speak and we share our ideas but we don't argue about it.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 11

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/27/2006 1:38:10 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

Since the collaring, the only argument we've had was when my girl had got herself totally wound up with percieved stress without me noticing.

One spanking later, everything was fine

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to LW3)

Post #: 12

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/27/2006 2:18:22 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have not seen this come up in the months I have been posting here. I was wondering if those of you reading this think that arguing/conflict resolution/fighting, whatever one wants to call it, is a part of a Ds/Ms relationship. If you are involved in a relationship, do you ever argue? Do you have conflicts? How are they handled while respecting the power exchange?

Hmm Master and I do not argue. If I have an issue with something that he requires of me, I am allowed to bring it up respectfully, but the final decision is his on how to proceed. Arguing with Master...umm, no, not allowed

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 13

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/27/2006 3:19:32 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have not seen this come up in the months I have been posting here. I was wondering if those of you reading this think that arguing/conflict resolution/fighting, whatever one wants to call it, is a part of a Ds/Ms relationship. If you are involved in a relationship, do you ever argue? Do you have conflicts? How are they handled while respecting the power exchange?

Yes, I do tend to still bust out in an arguement at times. The same with conflict; I am constantly in conflict with myself; not with him though

As for how they are handled; right now, he is very gentle with me and yet the underlying command is still there. I know when I have crossed a line ; in those cases, it comes down to exactly what he wants only.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/27/2006 4:12:25 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

We disagree sometimes but not argue. Voices are never permitted to be raised on either end.

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 15

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/27/2006 4:47:17 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I don't want to be in a situation where I HAVE to argue my position or stance. I know his view-point, his outlook and his nature and he knows mine..( He never argues, just explains or repeats)

If there was anything but marginal arguing, I don't think either of us would bother.

There ARE conflicts.......but not because of differing views........ they are almost always because I don't want to do something.

How are they handled?.... What he says goes. He'll listen to a certain amount of frustration and bolshiness from me, he'll explain or reiterate maybe once or twice.......then he either expects me to come up with something fresh and compelling....if I can't, or won't.... he shuts the episode down. He simply ends it.

I don't have to respect the *power- exchange*.....I don't get left with any choice about it.

agirl

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 16

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/27/2006 5:31:05 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Most of you seem to already be in an established relationship, or at least have been.

How did you handle this when you were in the early training/negotiating phases of your relationship?

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/27/2006 5:46:37 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

With him, it's always been the same........There hasn't ever been any training , negotiating.......we knew each other as people and friends, with no D/s agenda.

It's different now, for sure, because he can and will force me to do things. Before, he'd suggest and encourage.

agirl

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 18

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/27/2006 5:58:44 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

With him, it's always been the same........There hasn't ever been any training , negotiating.......we knew each other as people and friends, with no D/s agenda.

It's different now, for sure, because he can and will force me to do things. Before, he'd suggest and encourage.

agirl

Mine was much the same. Even from the very beginning of our talks, Master made it plain that it was his way or the highway; no inbetween.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Arguments and The D/s Relationship - 11/27/2006 6:02:16 AM

blushingflower

Posts: 144
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

We don't really argue, and we never really have. Sometimes one of us will be in a bad mood and so then be a bit short with the other, after which we apologize. It scared him the first time he saw me that way, he was afraid that he had done something, but I was just in a mood.
I have argued with him once or twice about whether or not I've disobeyed him- I've said that I obeyed the spirit of the instruction if not the letter, and he doesn't accept that. Then I get punished not only for being disobedient, but for arguing instead of simply accepting my punishment.
When I resist obeying an order, he repeats the order. If I tell him that it's hard, he'll help me or work with me to get me to follow the order, and tell me what the parameters are for how and when I must do what he's ordered, and what the punishment will be if I fail.
Sometimes we disagree about a factual point, and then we look it up (and I'm usually, though not always, right). Then he usually tries to pretend that he was saying that all along, but it's just a joke.
I'm trying to think what we would argue about, and trying to remember arguments that I've had with vanilla boyfriends in the past, and I'm having a hard time coming up with anything legitimate. My Daddy and I communicate better than I ever have with a past partner, though sometimes I have to remind myself to be honest and forthcoming. I think that helps stem any arguments by getting things out in the open and discussing them. I expect that the more time we spend together we may occasionally have an argument, probably just over silly things about how we do things differently and it's hard to merge those different little habits into one life.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 20

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