julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
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When this thread began, it was a simple question of what might cause a submissive not to communicate her feelings when no communication actually will cause a relationship to fail. That question was answered in a number of different ways - and pretty succinctly too, I might add. It is a great topic by the way.
Since then however, it's dissolved into a "fix-it" session of one dominant who gave the impression that he was looking for a way to resolve a communication problem within his family. Except that there is no family - other than what some folks may fantasize about online.
Polyamorous, with no disrespect, I'd have to red card you here.
I'd have to red card you because
a) You are trying to fix things that aren't broken. Heck! They don't even exist yet!
b) In all this trying to help, guide and "fix" the submissives you have that don't exist yet, that the one person you're neglecting to "fix" is you?
c) Again, with no disrespect intended, the very fact that you "can't be alone" and have "abandonment issues" would create the very environment you say you are trying to avoid - submissives not talking about what's bothering them.
d) Frankly, knowing you have "abandonment issues" would put you under MY control, since it would be ME that would have the power. All I'd ever have to do is do what I've already said in my first post (remember I said at the beginning that the roles could easily be reversed?). Mention once that I will walk away if you can't put aside your issues, and that would be that. I'd have pretty much assured that you'll cave every time from then on because it was ME that issued the initial "threat."
I've heard it said often here and elsewhere, that bdsm is NOT therapy, and while it can have theraputic results, in my view, collecting submissives as old women collect cats in order to not be alone is not the sign of someone in control, but rather of someone trying to mask more than simple insecurities
Instead of focusing on boards, red cards, green cards and you acting as the go-between, I'd say that to remove MY red card from your side of the board, you'd best be served to go get some help to understand why your unwillingness to be alone is so severe that you need multiple people in the house just to keep you company.
Since you are exploring the possibility of polyamory and are obviously trying to get your systems in place before that possibility becomes a reality, seriously, and sincerely, your first step needs to be in "fixing" you.
Cause when you're looking for the reasons why submissives won't discuss what's bothering them with you, the answer, based on your posts here, would probably be that they are very aware of your abandonment issues and are trying to protect you. You have created an environment where it is not safe for that submissive to say what's bothering her out of fear she will hurt you. Eventually, that just gets darn tiring, y'know?
The fact that you're still looking for reasons for their unwillingness to be more open with you is pretty much, more indicative of your insecurities than of a problem they have or had.
Haven't you heard the adage that the one who can walk away the easiest is the one in control?
Yep, a red card is definitely called for here for good intentions, but wrong focus.
juliet
< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/3/2006 2:47:57 AM >
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RE: Truth - 
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