Master's Temper

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damia -> Master's Temper (12/3/2006 8:56:27 PM)
Greetings! Master and i have spoken about this already, and He has consented to let me help Him control His temper (not 'get rid of it', it's part of Him, and i don't want to change who He is, but control is needed). Master never gets angry at people, because, as He told me, He expects people to sometimes fail, they're only human and all humans make mistakes. But -objects-...He gets very impatient and angry. For example, yesterday, He wanted to watch a movie. Something wasn't working right, and we were getting sound, but no picture. He got angry, and to make it short, the dvd player ended up smashed to pieces and in the dumpster, and the tv got banged up quite a bit. And then there were the abrasions on His arms from trying to get the tv out of a small area and failing at first. It really scared me to see His temper flare up so much, even though i knew he wouldn't take it out on me. i asked Him what i can do when His temper flares up like that, and He said that if it's in public, to do what i did this last time, which was just to try to soothe Him and get Him to take a breather. But in private, to let it take its course, which means letting Him beat the shit out of whatever is making Him angry. It scares me, but that's not my biggest worry. i'm worried He'll get hurt (like when He punched the windshield, it didn't shatter, just got a spiderweb, but if it had been the window, it might have, and He could have gotten His hand pretty mangled or even cut a vein open). So...(yes, i tend to start with a long story that leads up to a short question. Sorry)...my question is, how can i help Master with His temper without stepping out of place as His slave? i'm looking for ideas that we can do together, or that i can suggest to Him. i've already talked it out with Him, and i need ideas to present to Him. He says He's tried meditation, but it's not for Him, and deep breathing seems like it would just make Him more impatient and irritated, and won't fix the issue at hand. damia

ownedgirlie -> RE: Master's Temper (12/3/2006 9:02:51 PM)
I would encourage him to do some deep soul searching to find out where all that rage is coming from.

mistoferin -> RE: Master's Temper (12/3/2006 9:15:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie I would encourage him to do some deep soul searching to find out where all that rage is coming from. I agree. I would also like to say that it is disturbing that he is channeling that anger in physically destructive ways...even if they are not directed at people. Physically acting out and throwing tantrums suggests a person who is not in control of his emotions. It is not appropriate to make such displays in front of you or others...and I won't even begin to tell you the impact such could have on little ones. I would suggest he learn and develop more appropriate coping mechanisms. I also remember from a prior post of yours that this is a very new relationship....I do hope that you are taking this slowly and keeping your eyes open. The bottom line is that it is not for you to fix....he needs to take responsibility for it and fix it himself or get the appropriate help he needs to do so.

HollyS -> RE: Master's Temper (12/3/2006 9:17:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: damia my question is, how can i help Master with His temper without stepping out of place as His slave? i'm looking for ideas that we can do together, or that i can suggest to Him. i've already talked it out with Him, and i need ideas to present to Him. He says He's tried meditation, but it's not for Him, and deep breathing seems like it would just make Him more impatient and irritated, and won't fix the issue at hand. Hi damia, It's admirable for you to want to help your Master this way. Unfortunately, the only person who can control one's temper is the one with it. When he becomes angry, he needs to find it within himself to calm down and center before he acts in ways he doesn't like. The problem with you trying to help this way is that it puts the responsibility for his behavior on you. If what you suggest doesn't work, it becomes your fault. If he continues to be out-of-control when he gets angry, it can easily become "Well you didn't help me enough." May I ask who's idea it was to work on his temper, yours or his? Does he consider it a problem? Does he want to change? Finally, I'd ask him what he thinks he could do to keep control of himself when he feels himself getting to the edge? You can build on whatever his ideas are, encourage and support him, be a gentle reminder of his resolve to calm down in the face of anger, but the main work will have to come from within him. Best of luck to you. ~Holly

mnottertail -> RE: Master's Temper (12/3/2006 9:24:46 PM)
I have a daughter like this. Some of it from me, I expect things to perform. It is somewhat like the story of Jesus, who was hungry and walked up to what he thought was a fig tree, but it was a poor piece of brush, and he killed and withered the tree right there. It held out to be something it wasn't. Well, I don't know what you do, but these things are made by people who are fallable, and the machine tries but it is fallable, but the machine is even less than a dog, in that it is not confused at what you want, it is just incapable......\\ dunno. Ron

SamKeithsslave -> RE: Master's Temper (12/3/2006 9:40:32 PM)
Anger whether aimed at "objects" or people is a problem and its not going to be something you are going to be able to help him with. If he is serious about anger management there are plenty of anager management courses and groups specifially for men that he can join and attend and learn to control this part of him, but HE has to do it, not you. I'm afraid if he is punching windscreens and throwing dvd players, this is a form of abuse and although you say you currently feel in no danger as he "never" gets angry at people, I would have to say I would still have my concerns. I am sure you agree beating up on a dvd because he was getting sound but no picture is an extreme response to the situation, personally I would be concerned if it were me, but then I have been in an extremely abusive relationship, where I was the punching bag, as were the walls etc. There isnt really much you can do to help him other than be supportive of him attending the anger management classes etc. It might be helpful to diarise the incidents for/with him. By doing this he my find another key/link to what causes him to beome so angry at inanimate objects. Some counselling wouldnt go astray either. Rage of his kind is not healthy and I am not just speaking of the physical harm he tends to occasionally do to himself but also the internal harm he could be doing. Good luck to you both, I hope you find some help for the situation.

SweetSarijane -> RE: Master's Temper (12/3/2006 10:58:11 PM)
My ex started out on objects and over time moved to me. Tread carefully please. He has to want to control his temper and take the steps to do it. No one can do it for him.

adaddysgirl -> RE: Master's Temper (12/3/2006 11:53:30 PM)
i agree, anger management couseling. This is really bigger than you or him. i once had a (vanilla) partner who used to beat the shit out of things. Scared the hell out of me.....because i never knew when it was going to happen....and i never knew when it would end. Your calming him is a 'quick fix'. There's something going on inside that is not going to change unless he can get to the root of it...perhaps through counseling. BTW....the only reason he wants you to intercede in public is so he doesn't get too carried away and end up getting arrested. At home, he doesn't have to worry about that...it is just you and him.....on his turf. And i wouldn't worry about your 'place as a slave' right now. For both your goods, he needs help. He is not owning up to that and at some point, will most likely cause some irreparable damage, either to himself or you. Good luck damia [sm=frown.gif] DG

MmakeMme -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 12:09:48 AM)
Unless ~He~ wants to change, He will not, simply. Part of it may be His age (I am assuming He is a young man, after viewing your profile). The thing the rest of us cannot change is ... anybody else.

AquaticSub -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 5:52:32 AM)
All I can do is repeat what has been said. Be careful, sometimes anger moves from objects to you and ask him to go into therapy.

mistoferin -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 5:54:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetSarijane My ex started out on objects and over time moved to me. I'm trying hard not to pull the alarm bells here but, if you ask women who have been in physically violent relationships...objects are a pretty typical way to start. This relationship is very new....not many men come right out of the gate beating on you...they work up to it. If he has such a difficult time with a DVD player that won't work, you have to wonder what his reaction will be and where will he take out his aggressions if he can't get the dog to stop barking...or the baby to stop crying....or the woman in his life to do what he wants..... I am not going to go so far as to say that it IS going to happen...but I am saying that the behavior displayed so far is reason for a great deal of concern and the possibility of it escalating to that point is fairly high. Keep your eyes open and all of your common sense about you. Have a plan B. Don't allow yourself to get trapped in a situation you can't get out of.

ADomlesssub -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 5:59:46 AM)
i agree with all of the above it has to be His decision to seek help.... part of that help may mean that you have to distance yourself from Him and the relationship until he has dealt with the issues at hand.... just think into the future - if you and Master have children, what will you be teaching them about handling emotion and anger? i wish you all the luck in the world.....xx

Celeste43 -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 6:00:50 AM)
Every time he acts out in such an inappropriate way you should get up and leave. Every time. If he wants to be out of control, that's his business. It isn't your responsibility to handle him, it is his. If he gets hurt, that will be his fault. He has to learn to handle the fallout from this. As long as you're there, picking up the pieces and vacuuming the carpet and bandaging his wounds, he won't learn anything. Don't repair anything, don't clean up, don't replace the broken objects. Leave them there. He now has to bandage his own wounds or go explain himself at an ER. He has to clean up the house or walk around seeing the piles of broken things. He has to pay his money to fix the windshield instead of going to the movies. Don't cover for him and don't stand by while he has his temper tantrums because being there is tantamount to approval. Walk out on him and don't depend on him to bring you home. Tell him that since you can't trust him to be in control, you will always have your own car. If you drive, you will leave him stranded. It's his problem, he's trying to make it yours. Don't let him.

sub4hire -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 6:56:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin I agree. I would also like to say that it is disturbing that he is channeling that anger in physically destructive ways...even if they are not directed at people. Physically acting out and throwing tantrums suggests a person who is not in control of his emotions. It is not appropriate to make such displays in front of you or others...and I won't even begin to tell you the impact such could have on little ones. I would suggest he learn and develop more appropriate coping mechanisms. I also remember from a prior post of yours that this is a very new relationship....I do hope that you are taking this slowly and keeping your eyes open. The bottom line is that it is not for you to fix....he needs to take responsibility for it and fix it himself or get the appropriate help he needs to do so. I agree with this. Also to add a good anger management class will help him more than you ever can. I hope for your sake he was ok with you asking in a public forum. An abusive person may decide to take the rage out on you with this sort of humiliation here. It is abuse, even when it comes to breaking a dvd player instead of cleaning the heads. Now you have to put forth money to purchase a new one. What are you having to give up for the money for a new one? I've always felt someone who cannot control their own emotions would never make a good dom. Though that is neither here nor there because you have chosen him as your's. Just be careful. Try to urge him to get professional help.

MsKatHouston -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 7:09:48 AM)
Everything said thusfar I agree with. Not only does violence often escalate from objects to eventually people but even if it does not, you still are in the same head space when he is in a rage, being that you are frightened. Do you really want to be manipulated like that? Over time it can be quite damaging to yourself and can be so gradual you do not realize it is happening. He needs to take responsibility for his actions. As the dominant he should be in control and that means, first and foremost, of himself. My children have already mastered the idea of not having temper tantrums. As unattractive it is to see in children, it is doubly so to see in an adult. What will happen when he realizes he still has temper problems and that you, as the party responsible for bringing them under control, have failed in that endeavor? Basically you haven't "worked properly". What happened to the last thing that didn't work properly? I'm not trying to be all doom and gloom here but I do want you to understand that there is a very realistic possibility that it could happen so tread carefully. There are good recommendations from other posters and I especially agree with the anger management classes and leaving immediately upon temper tantrum. Good luck with this and take care of yourself. PS. If he ever touches you in anger, grabbing, slapping, pushing or hitting, leave. Leave immediately and permanently.

LaTigresse -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 7:34:15 AM)
I do not deal well with people that cannot maintain control over their tempers. I have no respect for them and will not be around them. They don't frighten me, they disgust me. I was raised by adults that didn't even curse let alone lose their tempers. I knew that it was just how adults were supposed to behave. When I was 16 I married a guy that was 18 and was immediately subjected to a whole different thought process. My exhusband quickly was shamed into more mature behaviour. His father on the other hand, had always been allowed to throw his little childish temper tantrums. The first time I saw such a display I stood with mouth open, then I laughed at him, when he turned towards me I informed him he was lucky he was not my child or he would get his butt paddled for that behaviour. I then turned and walked out of the room. Now that I have surely upset someone, I am going to say that I know that all families are not like my family. For many people such childish temper tantrums are acceptable for adults. I will say that I would recommend some sort of anger management counseling. Not out of any concern for the man throwing the fits but for those around him, if he wants to bear the financial responsibility for his destruction it is his foolish price to pay. However, I would assume that at some point he comes in contact with those much younger than himself. Not only would such a display be very frightening to small ones but it would also be terrible for them to think such behaviour is acceptable. Any grown adult that would subject themself to this person's company and potential abuse is responsible for themself. A child cannot always get out of the way.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 7:54:42 AM)
quote: ...Master never gets angry at people, because, as He told me, He expects people to sometimes fail, they're only human and all humans make mistakes. But -objects-...He gets very impatient and angry...orig: damia his out of control anger is the issue, and it really isn't healthy or smart to destroy inanimate objects that are expensive to replace. his logic that at least it isn't a person is weak and this slave has witnessed a few folk who are like this. they are very insecure, emotionally immature people who make up excuses and even lie to themselves and others about their lack of self-control. EVERY time it has escalated to throwing the object AT a person, or eventually just bypassing the object and going straight to the easiest and obviously physically weaker person available to seriously fuck them up. there are MANY ways to channel your anger that do not involved destroying valuables or scaring people. there are also ways of discovering the source of that rage and diffusing it. this slave would suggest encouraging him to seek help for your own safety, mental and physical if you intend to stay with him. does he know how scared you are of him and for him when he flies into a destructive rage? offer to go with him to whatever counseling or anger management classes he is willing to go to. this slave would encourage you to remember this is NOT something you can do FOR him. He needs to do it for himself, first.

Lashra -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 9:03:04 AM)
He needs to learn self control that is a big part of being a Dominant. How can he successfully Master you if he can't master himself? It sounds as if he could benefit from some anger management therapy. I have to agree with some of the other posters tread lightly, who is to say when he is in one of his rages that he doesn't go after you? He can say he won't but you never KNOW what a person is going to do when they are in that mindset. Insist as respectfully as you can that he get therapy or talk to a professional of some type and have this problem taken care of. If he wont then it might be time to leave and let him think about it. Which is more important to him, the rages..or you? Good luck to you both. ~Lashra

lighthearted -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 9:25:52 AM)
I would have to agree with all that has been said. this isn't a habit that you can help him with by encouraging behaviour modification, it is an issue which requires professional counseling, perhaps even medication. (I'm sure I'm gonna hear it for that one.) in relation to the cost of replacing expensive electronic equipment, therapy is probably a bargain.

daddysprop247 -> RE: Master's Temper (12/4/2006 9:30:23 AM)
i agree with those who've said that this is something he needs to deal with himself. His rage problem is a personal, internal one, and beyond offering your emotional support, there's really nothing you can do. my own Master has a very quick temper...usually his anger is directed at people, not objects. as he is quick to say, he can't stand "stupid people"...this would include poor drivers, people who hold up the line at the grocery store, the girl at the drive-thru window who gives him the wrong order, etc...basically people who create an inconvenience for him. when his temper flares he will yell and curse for a bit and then he needs some sort of physical release...sometimes that means lifting weights at the gym and sometimes that means coming home and beating his slave. personally i much prefer he vent his anger and frustrations on me than on someone else who may have some weapon and injure him or who may report him to the police. i understand that i'm not the cause of his anger and that i'm truly serving him by being available in this way. also with me my Master is able to control himself enough to not cause me significant injury whereas with someone else he would not have this control. so for us this works, but it's certainly not for everyone. bottom line, only he can find the best way to deal with his anger.

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