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ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Yes, I do understand what you seem to have with your Master. If it's consensual, that's the difference to me (too).

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ORIGINAL: slavejali

Fast Reply:

Martial arts is a really good avenue to learn self-discipline, it also helps channel that excess energy he may have.

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave


I need to ask when you speak of him venting his anger on a loved one etc, what exactly are we talking about here? What sort of venting? And yes, ordinarily I would say anyone who takes their anger out on a smaller, more defenseless human being, dog etc is a coward. But I'd really love to first hear what exactly he does to vent.
My ex never beat up on men equal in ability to him, he was a coward. He once attacked his mothers 60+ year old bf, whom had recently undergone shoulder surgery, he attacked a man in a wheelchair and of course took most his rage out on me.

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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
I need to ask when you speak of him venting his anger on a loved one etc, what exactly are we talking about here? What sort of venting? And yes, ordinarily I would say anyone who takes their anger out on a smaller, more defenseless human being, dog etc is a coward. But I'd really love to first hear what exactly he does to vent.
My ex never beat up on men equal in ability to him, he was a coward. He once attacked his mothers 60+ year old bf, whom had recently undergone shoulder surgery, he attacked a man in a wheelchair and of course took most his rage out on me.

from what you describe (beating up on the injured/disabled and elderly), i would describe your ex as a coward as well. this is the case with many "abusers" (for lack of a better term), but not all.

to clarify venting, above i did mention beating. "beating" can include punching, kicking, whipping with the belt, slapping, etc. to an outsider looking on it may appear to be uncontrolled rage, but in reality it's very controlled, he's avoiding danger spots like kidneys/ribs/etc.

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave


If he avoids kidneys and ribs that doesnt leave much else. I am all for the occasional (or even frequent) spanking. But when you start talking "punching and kicking"? Its not for me to tell you what you should or should not do, all I can do is tell you what I know from experience and allow you to decide. You say he avoids areas, thats great, but I doubt from your description that he is holding back when it comes to throwing those punched and/or kicks. Whipping and/or flogging is not something I like, though I do know it cant be a lot easier controlled than a flying fist or foot.
I'm not going to preach to you, cos I hated it when people preached to me. All I will say is this - it doesnt matter that you consider yourself his "property" for him to do with whatever he wishes. It doesnt matter if you dont feel you have a choice. I want you to know that you dont deserve "beatings" and that you are more than just someones "property".

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I want you to know that you dont deserve "beatings" 

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ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Every time he acts out in such an inappropriate way you should get up and leave. Every time.

If he wants to be out of control, that's his business. It isn't your responsibility to handle him, it is his. If he gets hurt, that will be his fault. He has to learn to handle the fallout from this.

As long as you're there, picking up the pieces and vacuuming the carpet and bandaging his wounds, he won't learn anything. Don't repair anything, don't clean up, don't replace the broken objects. Leave them there. He now has to bandage his own wounds or go explain himself at an ER. He has to clean up the house or walk around seeing the piles of broken things. He has to pay his money to fix the windshield instead of going to the movies.

Don't cover for him and don't stand by while he has his temper tantrums because being there is tantamount to approval. Walk out on him and don't depend on him to bring you home. Tell him that since you can't trust him to be in control, you will always have your own car. If you drive, you will leave him stranded. It's his problem, he's trying to make it yours. Don't let him.

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave

If he avoids kidneys and ribs that doesnt leave much else. I am all for the occasional (or even frequent) spanking. But when you start talking "punching and kicking"? Its not for me to tell you what you should or should not do, all I can do is tell you what I know from experience and allow you to decide. You say he avoids areas, thats great, but I doubt from your description that he is holding back when it comes to throwing those punched and/or kicks. Whipping and/or flogging is not something I like, though I do know it cant be a lot easier controlled than a flying fist or foot.

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ORIGINAL: Celeste43
You're wrong about this indicating loss of control. When a 180 lb man is cut off in traffic by a 300lb Hell's Angel, he doesn't confront the biker. Instead he comes home and gives his wife a black eye. Or he kicks the dog or he abuses his offspring. Abuse is abuse is abuse.

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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

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ORIGINAL: theRose4U

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when his temper flares he will yell and curse for a bit and then he needs some sort of physical release...sometimes that means lifting weights at the gym and sometimes that means coming home and beating his slave. personally i much prefer he vent his anger and frustrations on me than on someone else who may have some weapon and injure him or who may report him to the police

Sorry to say that's abuse. Striking ANYONE in anger is not appropriate...EVER. What most of us do is for pleasure (even if it comes from the pain). "Taking it out on you" is just that, his lack of control, lack of dominance over his emotions being inflicted in an innapropriate manner. Sorry but abuse isn't something that you can consent to and it breaks most D/s arrangements.

it may very well be abuse...doesn't much matter as i'm his property, and to us that means he has the right to do what he wills with me. but you are wrong about the lack of control. if he lacked control, he would simply take out his anger and aggressions directly on the source, choking the cashier at wendy's or whipping the guy who cut him off on the highway. instead he makes a very conscious and controlled effort to physically vent on me, which makes him feel better and in turn makes me feel better since he is restored to calm and tranquility and i know i have done my part to help.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave

If he avoids kidneys and ribs that doesnt leave much else. I am all for the occasional (or even frequent) spanking. But when you start talking "punching and kicking"? Its not for me to tell you what you should or should not do, all I can do is tell you what I know from experience and allow you to decide. You say he avoids areas, thats great, but I doubt from your description that he is holding back when it comes to throwing those punched and/or kicks. Whipping and/or flogging is not something I like, though I do know it cant be a lot easier controlled than a flying fist or foot.

Punching and kicking is a form of play that I absolutely love.  It sends me flying so high and puts me in such a primal headspace.  I am euphoric afterwards.  It is not a form of play that is for everyone but it can be done and not cause harm.  My Lord does not find any difference in controlling the force of a hit with a flogger versus controlling the force of a kick or punch. 

Knight's kyra

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

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I want you to know that you dont deserve "beatings" 

I think for some people there are probably some deeply rooted self-esteem issues, and depending on whom they partner with, it becomes a dysfunctional co-dependent type of relationship. 

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ORIGINAL: MisPandora

I don't think the consensual, erotic punching that you're engaging in is the same thing that this young lady might be confronted with from the DVD-player-smashing man.

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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

now...as i stated, my Master does indeed beat me in a very controlled fashion when he is using me as a physical release for his anger/frustration with the outside world. now if i am the source of that anger?? then no he is not so controlled, but that is another topic entirely. the bottom line is that i'm not a vanilla girlfriend or wife (or an independent i am woman hear me roar submissive) who can tell him no or walk out the door if things get tough or scary...i'm a slave. and as he is quick to remind me, i'm not going anywhere, unless it's by HIS hand. and ya know? i kinda like that. :)

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Punching and kicking is a form of play that I absolutely love.  It sends me flying so high and puts me in such a primal headspace.  I am euphoric afterwards.  It is not a form of play that is for everyone but it can be done and not cause harm.  My Lord does not find any difference in controlling the force of a hit with a flogger versus controlling the force of a kick or punch. 

Knight's kyra

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The question would be, if the violence turns to murder--would you still tolerate all the behaviors which flagged the danger signs of becoming a murderer.

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in one incident intentionally seriously injuring someone due to "road rage". what stops him now is his admireable self-control...knowing that if something happened to him, there would be a slave and an unmentionable left alone and defenseless in the world. so sometimes it isn't fear that causes someone to vent on an innocent, "safe" loved one, but rather just plain old maturity and self-control.

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was addressing someone else who said that a Master who takes frustrations out on his slave is abusive.  Sometimes it is, sometimes it is not.  Abuse does not exist in my relationship with my Master because he can use me any way he wishes.

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I speak from experience on that one. Further, someone who bursts into rages is scary to be around, and not in control of himself.  It creates an unstable environment in which to live, and walking on eggshells is terrifying and damaging to the spirit.

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

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I want you to know that you dont deserve "beatings" 

I think for some people there are probably some deeply rooted self-esteem issues, and depending on whom they partner with, it becomes a dysfunctional co-dependent type of relationship. 

Definitely, and when I was with my ex for much of the time I believed I deserved what I got for causing his anger etc Like you say it was my own self-esteem issues that allowed me to tolerate it as much as I did for as long as I did.

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ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Punching and kicking is a form of play that I absolutely love.  It sends me flying so high and puts me in such a primal headspace.  I am euphoric afterwards.  It is not a form of play that is for everyone but it can be done and not cause harm.  My Lord does not find any difference in controlling the force of a hit with a flogger versus controlling the force of a kick or punch. 

Knight's kyra

As I have just responded to daddysprop247 if that floats yer boat then go with it. But I got the impression (obviously wrongly as she has now stated she enjoys it) that the "beatings" as she described them were not enjoyable for her. And if that were the case then that would amount to abuse, IMO.

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Hmmm.......... only IF the man is willing to learn to teach himself the self-discipline to begin with and doesnt feel that everyone "deserves" what they get. My ex learnt martial arts, and far from it helping the situation all it did was enable him to kick me in the chest etc (He learnt Tae Kwondo). He has undergone a lot of counselling and treatment etc, but still maintans that I should have known better and shouldnt have irritated him.

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ORIGINAL: Celeste43

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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

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ORIGINAL: theRose4U

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when his temper flares he will yell and curse for a bit and then he needs some sort of physical release...sometimes that means lifting weights at the gym and sometimes that means coming home and beating his slave. personally i much prefer he vent his anger and frustrations on me than on someone else who may have some weapon and injure him or who may report him to the police

Sorry to say that's abuse. Striking ANYONE in anger is not appropriate...EVER. What most of us do is for pleasure (even if it comes from the pain). "Taking it out on you" is just that, his lack of control, lack of dominance over his emotions being inflicted in an innapropriate manner. Sorry but abuse isn't something that you can consent to and it breaks most D/s arrangements.

it may very well be abuse...doesn't much matter as i'm his property, and to us that means he has the right to do what he wills with me. but you are wrong about the lack of control. if he lacked control, he would simply take out his anger and aggressions directly on the source, choking the cashier at wendy's or whipping the guy who cut him off on the highway. instead he makes a very conscious and controlled effort to physically vent on me, which makes him feel better and in turn makes me feel better since he is restored to calm and tranquility and i know i have done my part to help.

You're wrong about this indicating loss of control. When a 180 lb man is cut off in traffic by a 300lb Hell's Angel, he doesn't confront the biker. Instead he comes home and gives his wife a black eye. Or he kicks the dog or he abuses his offspring. Abuse is abuse is abuse.