LadyHugs
Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
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Dear kyraofMists, Ladies and Gentlemen;
I do agree with your post, that the 'safe word' use or lack of use does not determine if a person is a safe and or sane player.
That said, I am a wide range Dominant that works whips for beginners through tough masochist (pain pigs) level. Although safe words and safe signals, even when words aren't used; someone singing the National Anthem can be used as a 'safety' communication trigger; most everybody I have TOPPED has not uttered a 'safe word' or 'safe signal.'
And, the few who did, misguided me on their experiences but, not enought to hurt/harm/injure.
Like an automobile's safety brake; it is there 'just in case.' Most automobiles will never put someone in a position of using it, throughout their ownership of that automobile. It is 'just in case.' Even so, anything mechanical can fail--even safety brakes.
What must be impressed upon people, is that we're dealing with other adult individuals; with a wide variety of experiences from zero to decades. In dealing with individuals, some talk the talk and cannot walk the walk--in short, they cannot flog themselves out of a wet paper bag! And, same things hold true with submissive/slave types, where they claim things to which they have not; so they're about as effective as a screen door on a submarine; when it comes to limits, reality, experience and the like.
It can be agreed to, that responsibility is placed at both individual's feet, regardless if dominant and or submissive; as to disclose any and all information to the other, as to avoid any mental, emotional and or physical harm during scenes, role plays and to communicate as to permit the other the opportunity to understand and deal with such rationally and in an adult manner.
In an ideal situation, no safe words and or safe signals will be used. Its the goal of the majority of TOPS, Dominants, Masters and Mistresses and or Sadists. But, in learning the 'art' of domination, there will be times where a safe word and or safe signal be wise. It is a form of communication, as to learn how best to join in the harmony of the energy between the Dominant and submissive. It does reduce the frustration between both parties at times.
In addition, to 'crutch' on safe words and or safe signals as a dominant, is no good, in my mind's eyes; as it makes the submissive/slave responsible for the Dominant's behavior and or attitude; to which their skills and knowledge is depending on others--not their learning the arts of physical, mental, spiritual and or emotional realms. The Dominant should be learning how to be keen on every movement, every expression and every stroke they make. To mindlessly hit, batter, flog someone--would be no different than being a 'car wash.'
In any BDSM exchange, its a benefit to both if they're 'there' to exchange the moments.
Just some thoughts.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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RE: Non-obedient BDSM - 
Profile
. There are a number of us. What I don't understand though is that when we voice our opinions on it, it seems to be very threatening to some and generally upends the collective apple cart. I believe that over the course of many threads we have given solid and valid reasons that support why we personally believe the way we do. I don't remember any of us ever saying that this is the only way to do it, nor do I remember any of us warning others that people who do use safewords are dangerous people to be avoided at all cost....yet, those of us who don't choose to use them are often tagged with exactly those kinds of labels. 
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