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Misreading? - 12/18/2006 8:30:20 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
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I'm usually pretty good at reading people and actions, and wanted to make sure that this isn't one of those times I'm off- any advice/thoughts would be appreciated.

I was supposed to meet a submissive girl for drinks tonight, after having chatted with her through CollarMe emails and Yahoo messenger for a few weeks. We had previously set up a time to meet, but she cancelled (without informing me) due to her childs father not showing up when he said he was... he said he was going to show up at 7 and showed up at 9:30.

So we rescheduled for tonight, at 7:30. At 7:15, she sends me a text message saying that he won't show up until 9:30 and can we re-schedule for then. I informed her I wasn't interested, because two blow-offs is all I'm willing to deal with... especially since she reacted to my disappointment with "Well, at least I told you. I could have just not shown up."

My take on the situation is that she never planned to actually show up, and was just stringing me along. The same excuse twice, with the same time, just seems too coincedental for me.

Thoughts?

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

Post #: 1

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 8:33:04 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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She prolly got cold feet. She may have meant to meet you, but at the last minute got scared. So she gives you an excuse...lame, but one nonetheless. Then, when it happens again and you tell her to forget it, she can always tell herself that you are the one that blew her off.

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 2

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 8:40:22 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Hard to tell since none of us are in her head. But you did what felt right to you, and that's all any of us can do.

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 3

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 8:47:11 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
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I should definitely mention that punctuality and dependability are among my kinks... among my friends I'm legendary for being on time. One friend told a story once about me being five minutes late for a meeting... and two other friends dismissed it as a flat-out lie.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 4

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 8:52:53 PM

padparacha

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/17/2006
Status: offline

being judgemental and intolerant of the world is your right.
but us women who have kids must deal with the real vanila problems before we can come serve you.
i think you need to learn the difference between being firm and being a jerk.
how many subs you got lined up that you can afford to just blow another human off like this?

< Message edited by padparacha -- 12/18/2006 8:58:07 PM >

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 5

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 8:55:48 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

Although i can't tell you about her, i have dealt with ex'es and their inablity to pick up kids on time. Funny thing about some of them, they think they still get to have say in what you do.

On that note, it is possible that what she told you was true, especially if he knew she was going to be going out to meet someone.

If you had said yes, and she still didn't show up, it might have been a better indidcator, but still not a definate.

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 6

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 8:57:10 PM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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I think telling her you weren't interested is a bit harsh because she didn't blow you off twice. Once she neglected to inform you of a situation beyond her control (bad but you don't say the circumstances and it's possible that the father arriving late cause enough stress/choas/whatever caused her to not call). She didn't blow you off the second time, she asked to make it later. Her response was probably coming from your rejection. I understand being upset about the first night but she didn't blow you off the second night, she asked to push it back. If she had actually canceled the second meeting and tried to arrange a third, I could understand your reaction.

And honestly, yes that excuse makes perfect sense to me used both times. There are plenty of Dads out there who don't pick up their kids on time, if you are going to be involved with single moms, you should probably get used to that. The first time she probably didn't want to show up late and the second time she just wanted to make it.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 7

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:01:33 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

So we rescheduled for tonight, at 7:30. At 7:15, she sends me a text message saying that he won't show up until 9:30 and can we re-schedule for then.

I would have waited the two more hours, if for no other reason than to have my answer.

quote:

My take on the situation is that she never planned to actually show up, and was just stringing me along. The same excuse twice, with the same time, just seems too coincedental for me.

Hard to say. Sometimes vengeful ex's like to sabotage plans for the mother to go out. Or maybe he works nights and got stuck staying late a couple of times in a row. It could be any number of possibilities. Id give her one more shot just so you can put your mind at ease. You have nothing to lose. Talk to her on the phone and ask her right out in a direct way--ask for details as to why---see what comes back. Good luck. :)

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 8

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:02:05 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Being as it was a first meeting you could have offered to meet her somewhere she could have brought the kid. Mine came with me a couple times. ( Granted I was meeting as friends not as more but still) I never expect more then perhaps making a new friend on the first meeting anyway.

I agree tho, if I feel I've been blown off, I would have done the same thing.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 9

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:03:51 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

Pad- thank you for the unwarranted character assault. I appreciate your insinuation that I should abandon my own moral code (which involves keeping commitments) and ignore the warning bells firing off (such as she never mentioned a kid until last time we were supposed to meet, or the fact she waffled on a few other facts- which I did not mention because they weren't QUITE red flags by themselves) and settle for something I don't want.

Never once did I offer judgment of her, and the only intolerance I've expressed is towards rudeness/thoughtlessness. Since she lives more than half an hour from where we were meeting, I'm relatively sure she knew earlier than 7:15 that she would be, at the very least, late... which takes this from "A harried mom" to "inconsiderate and rude."

If expecting people to keep their commitments and do what they say/when they say they will makes me a jerk, I suppose I will remain a jerk forever.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to padparacha)

Post #: 10

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:09:59 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

Since she lives more than half an hour from where we were meeting, I'm relatively sure she knew earlier than 7:15 that she would be, at the very least, late... which takes this from "A harried mom" to "inconsiderate and rude."

Unless she was telling the truth, and as it has been pointed out more then once, many a selfish man has tried to sabotage the plans of a single mom trying to go out. Considering it only happened twice, it's a bit rude to assume she is lying without further evidence. I prefer to use the three strike rule. It's not like it would have killed you to be understanding and wait two hours for a definate answer to the question.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 11

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:10:50 PM

angaothsi

Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

This is a really hard call. Without know what other things combine to make red flags it is hard to make a good judgement call. Ex's can be total jerks and her excuse could be valid. However, I think in most situations it is best to go with your gut feeling. If something doesn't quite smell right to you, chances are there is a reason.

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 12

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:11:20 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

Being as it was a first meeting you could have offered to meet her somewhere she could have brought the kid. Mine came with me a couple times. ( Granted I was meeting as friends not as more but still) I never expect more then perhaps making a new friend on the first meeting anyway.

I agree tho, if I feel I've been blown off, I would have done the same thing.

She made it quite clear in a conversation yesterday that she has to know someone well before they can be around her kid, which I understand and respect. Otherwise I would have made the offer- and the place we were meeting actually has a nice children's area, too. :)

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 13

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:15:52 PM

padparacha

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/17/2006
Status: offline

if you insist on being intolerant then stay alone,,I don't care..
if I stepped on your toes it's your fault for sticking em out where youve asked me to tread..
stop whining if you don't like some ones opinion..
you are showing your true character right now...

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 14

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:17:57 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

Hmmmm....i would be slightly currious as to why she didn't mention having a child within the time you were just talking, but it is possible she was thinking she would wait until you two met to see if there really was anything there between you. Then again, thats pretty big info in my book.

On a side note: it is hard for anyone to give you sound advice without the other information you are obviously considering in making your decision.

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 15

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:20:43 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

There is a difference between letting someone know that you have a child and having them around the child. Still leaves me wondering.

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 16

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:21:49 PM

SubShyButFlirty

Posts: 123
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline

I can't speak for her, I can only speak for myself.

Had it been me, I would have wanted to make a better first impression on the first meeting, and since you mentioned here that being on time is something you value highly, I would have especially wanted to be on time at the very latest.

I would have also mentioned the children and the ex picking them up, just to forewarn you of any possible delays. I hate to be disappointed and so I would have done all in my power not to disappoint someone else as well.

Since the same thing happened twice, it sort of seems like a pattern.

Just my .02.

P.S. Also, RED flags are a possible warning to me, just something to think about.

P.S.S. *IF* her ex has this much control in her life now... it may not be a desirable situation. Maybe once the drama is gone things might be different, but that is something "she" needs to deal with.

< Message edited by SubShyButFlirty -- 12/18/2006 9:28:30 PM >

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 17

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:22:57 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

I'm usually pretty good at reading people and actions, and wanted to make sure that this isn't one of those times I'm off- any advice/thoughts would be appreciated.

I was supposed to meet a submissive girl for drinks tonight, after having chatted with her through CollarMe emails and Yahoo messenger for a few weeks. We had previously set up a time to meet, but she cancelled (without informing me) due to her childs father not showing up when he said he was... he said he was going to show up at 7 and showed up at 9:30.

So we rescheduled for tonight, at 7:30. At 7:15, she sends me a text message saying that he won't show up until 9:30 and can we re-schedule for then. I informed her I wasn't interested, because two blow-offs is all I'm willing to deal with... especially since she reacted to my disappointment with "Well, at least I told you. I could have just not shown up."

My take on the situation is that she never planned to actually show up, and was just stringing me along. The same excuse twice, with the same time, just seems too coincedental for me.

Thoughts?

My thoughts are that ex hubby was sabotaging her..In effect he was attempting to show her he has the upper hand and still runs the show in regards to her life...Which in essence could be a turn off for you to maybe deal with such a situation,,However I do not get the impression of cold feet or even rudeness..Maybe late in notifying you but possible she was also notified late of exs inability to be there at the designated time..Seems that maybe when you rescheduled ..maybe you should of reshecduled for 930 instead since it seems to be the "golden hour"...So why didnt you at least see if she would "make it" at the 930 time?...my conclusion as to why you really didnt want to?..You lost interest because of her inconvenient life, the children commitment and an ex hubby who seems to hold too many strings for you to wish to deal with..but rather than maybe tell her that, you chose instead,.... to put the blame for it all fully upon her shoulders........Tempting

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 18

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:25:58 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubShyButFlirty

I can't speak for her, I can only speak for myself.

Had it been me, I would have wanted to make a better first impression on the first meeting, and since you mentioned here that being on time is something you value highly, I would have especially wanted to be on time at the very latest.

I would have also mentioned the children and the ex picking them up, just to forewarn you of any possible delays. I hate to be disappointed and so I would have done all in my power not to disappoint someone else as well.

Since the same thing happened twice, it sort of seems like a pattern.

Just my .02.

P.S. Also, RED flags are a possible warning to me, just something to think about.

It seems they did speak of her child before, since he mentioned that she said that she wouldn't introduce her child to him until she knew him better. It's quite possible that the ex has always been on time but delayed in order to prevent the date.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SubShyButFlirty)

Post #: 19

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:29:10 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

I should definitely mention that punctuality and dependability are among my kinks... among my friends I'm legendary for being on time. One friend told a story once about me being five minutes late for a meeting... and two other friends dismissed it as a flat-out lie.

Punctuality and dependability are among your kinks? You get a great big one when the Lakeside Limited pulls into the station with seconds to spare? I mean is early wrong too, or does that get you beathing even harder?

Do her a favor and move on. And if there is ever a next one, be real up-front about which kind of anal it is that you're into.

This week's assignment for submissives. Start paying attention to which guys describe themselves as "legendary." Then note whether the guys in this group you've assembled have any other interesting similarities.

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 20

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