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RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:32:05 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
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Keira- yes, I know... I should have worded my original post differently. Perhaps just a simple question as to what sets off your personal red flags would have given me the information I wanted without the opinion forming that I'm an intolerant jerk... however that happened. I believe this entire experience is going to be chalked up to a few lessons.

Pad- I've sent you a CM email. I'd rather not disrupt the forums with pettiness such as this, but if for some reason I've offended you I truly apologize. I meant no disrespect to single mothers as a group, or even necessarily this particular example... only that someone who could not/would not be reliable is not someone I want to build a relationship with, regardless of the reason.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

Post #: 21

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:33:02 PM

SubShyButFlirty

Posts: 123
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

It seems they did speak of her child before, since he mentioned that she said that she wouldn't introduce her child to him until she knew him better. It's quite possible that the ex has always been on time but delayed in order to prevent the date.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

Pad- thank you for the unwarranted character assault. I appreciate your insinuation that I should abandon my own moral code (which involves keeping commitments) and ignore the warning bells firing off (such as she never mentioned a kid until last time we were supposed to meet, or the fact she waffled on a few other facts- which I did not mention because they weren't QUITE red flags by themselves) and settle for something I don't want.

Never once did I offer judgment of her, and the only intolerance I've expressed is towards rudeness/thoughtlessness. Since she lives more than half an hour from where we were meeting, I'm relatively sure she knew earlier than 7:15 that she would be, at the very least, late... which takes this from "A harried mom" to "inconsiderate and rude."

If expecting people to keep their commitments and do what they say/when they say they will makes me a jerk, I suppose I will remain a jerk forever.

I read that to mean that she didn't tell him about the kid until AFTER or at the last minute... how do you read that?

Also, *IF* her ex has this much control in her life now... it may not be a desirable situation. Maybe once the drama is gone things might be different, but that is something "she" needs to deal with.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 22

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:36:43 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

She mentioned the kid (I don't know if it's male or female or I'd use the proper gender term) last time, after she'd failed to show up. There was a full week between attempts.

Noah- If I'd said it was a fetish, then I'd have a hard on everytime UPS showed up on time. But it's not... just a personality kink, used in a different context than is usual on these boards, admittedly.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to SubShyButFlirty)

Post #: 23

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:38:28 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubShyButFlirty

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

It seems they did speak of her child before, since he mentioned that she said that she wouldn't introduce her child to him until she knew him better. It's quite possible that the ex has always been on time but delayed in order to prevent the date.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

Pad- thank you for the unwarranted character assault. I appreciate your insinuation that I should abandon my own moral code (which involves keeping commitments) and ignore the warning bells firing off (such as she never mentioned a kid until last time we were supposed to meet, or the fact she waffled on a few other facts- which I did not mention because they weren't QUITE red flags by themselves) and settle for something I don't want.

Never once did I offer judgment of her, and the only intolerance I've expressed is towards rudeness/thoughtlessness. Since she lives more than half an hour from where we were meeting, I'm relatively sure she knew earlier than 7:15 that she would be, at the very least, late... which takes this from "A harried mom" to "inconsiderate and rude."

If expecting people to keep their commitments and do what they say/when they say they will makes me a jerk, I suppose I will remain a jerk forever.

I read that to mean that she didn't tell him about the kid until AFTER or at the last minute... how do you read that?

Also, *IF* her ex has this much control in her life now... it may not be a desirable situation. Maybe once the drama is gone things might be different, but that is something "she" needs to deal with.

My bad - missed that. I assumed that if they talked about the kid it was before.

But he does have control over her life. Legally. A father has rights to see his child and those may have been the visits that were worked out. Which means she can't deny him and if he is the one who is supposed to come get the kid so that she can go, then what is she supposed to do if he is late? She should have called but that is still only blowing him off once.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SubShyButFlirty)

Post #: 24

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:42:09 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
So why didnt you at least see if she would "make it" at the 930 time?...my conclusion as to why you really didnt want to?..You lost interest because of her inconvenient life, the children commitment and an ex hubby who seems to hold too many strings for you to wish to deal with..but rather than maybe tell her that, you chose instead,.... to put the blame for it all fully upon her shoulders........Tempting

I apologize if it seemed I was trying to blame her entirely... not at all. I take my share of the blame- I looked at the body of evidence (one no call/no show, one late notification where she HAD to know by 7 she couldn't be on time), a potentially controlling ex, and a child and the red flags of possibly lying, etcetera and made the decision. My decision, and any "blame" is on me. Sometimes things don't work out, it happens.

I didn't stay until 9:30 because while where we were meeting is only five minutes from my office, it's forty five minutes from my home. I made the decision (again, me) that I'd rather go home and start putting the day behind me than stay there for two hours on the off chance the third time's the charm.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 25

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:45:25 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

I would agree it was only once if she had called at, say, 6:45 and said "He's not here, running late, etcetera." At 7:15 the earliest she could have arrived was 7:45, assuming she was dressed and ready (which she gave indications she was not). But that's a matter of semantics. I'm willing to concede defeat here and say that I might have acted rashly. Live and learn.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 26

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:51:54 PM

MaryT

Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline

SmokingGun, it could be she simply got spooked. It's pretty scary stuff (from my viewpoint anyway) meeting someone you don't know - no matter how much you've talked online. If she didn't tell you she had a kid, that's pretty significant though.

I don't blame you a bit for refusing to set another date. It was a reasonable response. Forget her and move on.

MaryT

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 27

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:51:58 PM

padparacha

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/17/2006
Status: offline

Noah?
Do you have a fan club?
May I join?
I am smart and amusing and will stay happily at your feet.
Whoof..

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 28

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:52:04 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You gave her one more chance than I would have- it's common courtesy to call if you have to cancel a date, and then only do so if you must. The reason alone would have put them farther on the list as a "flag that this relationship will flow partly with an unreliable custodian" and the complete lack of letting you know within a half hour would have just totally scratched them off my list.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 29

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:56:41 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

i think that with a question that broad you might have avoided the unwanted opinions but would have gotten a bunch of other unwanted info.

It seems to me that quite a few people are on edge these days.

Learning is always good, even if the lesson comes hard.

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 30

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 9:59:18 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

Agreed about learning, Keira. To steal from Batman Begins (which steals heavily from several philosophers, but let's not split hairs) (and to paraphrase)...

Why do we fall?
So we can learn how to get up.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

Post #: 31

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 10:02:53 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

padparacha lemme just say your first imprettion here really sucks!!! You come here and the first thing you do is tare someone to shreads.. people usualy wait till the third or forth post befor flaiming people. Smokeinggun did nothing wrong in fact he was a lot more tolerant then I would have been.. if I would have been stood up because of a kid I was never told about it would have been the end forget a secent chance!! So how about a little tolerance here the last thing we need is another judgmental bitch here!!

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 12/18/2006 10:09:43 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 32

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 10:03:03 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

Now see, i just learned something. i thought we fall so we could learn to do so gracefully. :)

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 33

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 10:08:09 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

The first meeting was a no call/no show? Nope....I would not have given her the second chance. Sure things can come up that can change plans...but I find it very hard to believe that anything could come up that would make it impossible to make a 10 second phone call as a matter of courtesy.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 34

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 10:08:33 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

I've never been good at falling gracefully... but I've always been exceptionally good at getting back up. That might explain the disparity in our chosen weltanschauung... at least when it comes to falling and the lessons learned :)

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

Post #: 35

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 10:08:35 PM

padparacha

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/17/2006
Status: offline

It just has been my experience that Doms need to be aware of more than what this guy is aware of.
He had to come here to be told that ..yeah she might not be a liar?
Did anyone else feel that?
He actually equated her (as yet and forever ,never truly known ,if it was due to her own inabilities) having to rain check as a lack of MORALS..(where the hell are you dems when someone needs you?)

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 36

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 10:11:28 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

Pad, no matter what was going on she could have taken ten seconds to call. Especially since it turned out it was nothing more than her ex not showing up when he was supposed to. Yes, it is a good reason not to be able to go... but it would not prevent a quick phone call.

Of course I considered she might be telling the truth- I'm not an idiot, contrary to your belief. Not calling means that she lacks at least one part of the moral code I look for- something I was willing to chalk up to something, anything, until a second instance appeared.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to padparacha)

Post #: 37

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 10:11:35 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: padparacha

It just has been my experience that Doms need to be aware of more than what this guy is aware of.
He had to come here to be told that ..yeah she might not be a liar?
Did anyone else feel that?
He actually equated her (as yet and forever ,never truly known ,if it was due to her own inabilities) having to rain check as a lack of MORALS..(where the hell are you dems when someone needs you?)

You know what no matter how you felt about him comeing here this is what the boards are for and it doesnt give you an excuse to be shuch a bitch about it!! I cant wait till you have your first question to post here and you get to be flaimed about how stupid your question was and how dare you bring it to the boards it will give you an idea of how your nastyness made smokeingun feel

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to padparacha)

Post #: 38

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 10:15:29 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

At the risk of sounding...ummm...unsmart....weltanschauung?

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 39

RE: Misreading? - 12/18/2006 10:16:15 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: padparacha

It just has been my experience that Doms need to be aware of more than what this guy is aware of.
He had to come here to be told that ..yeah she might not be a liar?
Did anyone else feel that?
He actually equated her (as yet and forever ,never truly known ,if it was due to her own inabilities) having to rain check as a lack of MORALS..(where the hell are you dems when someone needs you?)

You know what no matter how you felt about him comeing here this is what the boards are for and it doesnt give you an excuse to be shuch a bitch about it!! I cant wait till you have your first question to post here and you get to be flaimed about how stupid your question was and how dare you bring it to the boards it will give you an idea of how your nastyness made smokeingun feel

Magik's slave

*offers her a cooke* Let's not hold a grudge... Remember the person you disagree with in one thread might be backing you up in another.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 40

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