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What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:00:27 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		When I read the cheating and the shocked at a behavior threads.. I just have to shake my head and ask.. "what do people expect here?!"
 
You have come into a situation.. aka 'lifestyle'.. where men expect women to obey unquestioningly,  accept EVERYTHING because "it's ALL good",  be expected to have multiple partners even if it's not your sexual preference, be accepted warts and all unless you are just going to be totally uncool and <gasp> judgmental!  And not to mention.. it's based on KINK or novels!  What do people expect??!!
 
The dominants probably, for the first time in their lives..have SOME kind of power and control over another person and that person is to be obedient and loving and accepting. Somebody.. SOMEWHERE, somehow, SOME TIME is going to be weird.  No wait..you CAN'T be considered weird in this lifestyle..but you can be considered wrong, bigoted, judgmental and a fake if you don't buy into all of it.
 
What brought YOU into this lifestyle?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:18:36 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		A damned woman!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:19:46 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Hmmm...lots of widesweeping generalizations...the one I find the funniest is that you imply that all the Doms are men, given that you're a Dominant Female. I think that we just hear about what's going on a lot because we all happen to be on a forum that can have a lot of relationship discussions. I'm betting we'd hear the exact same thing on a vanilla board.

The mistake a lot make, as I did, is to assume that since we're supposed to be such an accepting and supporting community, things are better on this side of the fence. In reality, our grass is just different, not better, and we still have to do all those things that need to be done for proper maintanence on the other side of the fence. It ain't magic.

In answer to your question: What brought me was SM. Everything else developed from there.

Master Fire


< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 12/19/2006 11:21:12 AM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:25:15 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

When I read the cheating and the shocked at a behavior threads.. I just have to shake my head and ask.. "what do people expect here?!"

You have come into a situation.. aka 'lifestyle'.. where men expect women to obey unquestioningly, accept EVERYTHING because "it's ALL good", be expected to have multiple partners even if it's not your sexual preference, be accepted warts and all unless you are just going to be totally uncool and <gasp> judgmental! And not to mention.. it's based on KINK or novels! What do people expect??!!

The dominants probably, for the first time in their lives..have SOME kind of power and control over another person and that person is to be obedient and loving and accepting. Somebody.. SOMEWHERE, somehow, SOME TIME is going to be weird. No wait..you CAN'T be considered weird in this lifestyle..but you can be considered wrong, bigoted, judgmental and a fake if you don't buy into all of it.

What brought YOU into this lifestyle?


I'm in a world where men expect women to obey -- not in my vanilla circle and certainly not in my kink circles. That anyone would expect someone to obey based on sex, gender, race, religion or anything like that is stupid to me and I try not to surround myself with someone I think is stupid.

I don't think there is a single BDSM community at all -- think it is several groups of similar minded individuals or individual who while they may not agree on things agree on certain basic idea of consensual authority dynamics and want to learn from others. You can chose which of these groups you wish to associate with -- ignore the others I say.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:33:40 AM   
catfood


Posts: 52
Joined: 11/30/2006
From: new jersey
Status: offline 		i came to to this lifestyle because s&m (used to call it that, remember when?) struck a deep chord in me.

as for the posts about behaviors/ etc, the point you are making is somwhat...(well, i'll play nice and assume you said it with tongue firmly planted in cheek) pedantic.  yes, we are a microcosm (as MasterFireMaam eloquently stated ;) of the wide world out there.  but be that as it may, i didn't check my brain or my values at the door when i walked in. thus i bring to the table more than just my kink, i also bring a measure of common sense.  seeing as it is called "common,"  i try to spread it around.

_____________________________

constitutionally incapable of using the shift key...

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:41:01 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Hi lotus,
For me what happened to bring me into this lifestyle was a vanilla man's desire to try it and my willingness to help him with his fantasy.
The funny thing is from the first time we played in B&D ways I was hooked and moved into S&M types of interests in less than a month.
He decided all BDSM was only sexy in his mind and not for him in reality.
I was hooked after never once in 40 years considering it & he'd considered it 38 years and passed once he tried it.
suzanne

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:42:46 AM   
xonemasterx


Posts: 59
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
Status: offline 		Because I really enjoy the feeling of control.  It is doubly so know that the one being controled really enjoys it to.

Weirdness happens when kinky and creative get funky.

(in reply to catfood)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:43:25 AM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
What brought YOU into this lifestyle?


Starting when I was quite young, maybe 5, I remember having dreams wherein a spanking was something I craved, not something I feared.  I wasn't brought here; I was driven.

My opinions came along for the ride.

MaryT

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:44:51 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

"what do people expect here?!"
The freedom to speak about..agree with..disagree with..learn and teach.

quote:

What brought YOU into this lifestyle? 
Depends on your definition of "Lifestyle" as one term does not fit all. As mentioned I think already..lot of different groups here..some solo..some tend to bleed into several groups. Think history books and movies gave me insight into what I was because I identified and became very stirred, and connected whenever I read about slaves or seen them portrayed in movies.

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:45:33 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Great thread, Lotus. I've always had  "bdsm bent" - since I was about ten years old I've been fantasizing of these things. I just never knew until a few years ago, where to go to possibly get these "needs" met or to find  out more about them. To me, bdsm just promotes much deeper intimacy than I'd ever been used to dreaming about in a "vanilla" relationship. Thank goodness for websites like CM! To think I stumbled on it by accident is almost amazing to me now...anyway - 

I am forty-six years old, and have been around the block emotionally, and really have no expectations of what other people should act like. I do know the kind of person I want to be with and that's the only one who concerns me. What other people do rarely surprises me. Really (who has time?). And I don't really care what they do, either, (unless they want to do it to me. If they do, they will find out all about my personal "taste", and me about theirs, etc.) Other people can do what they want, I just don't care. Besides, it's not like the rest of the world would ever change because I was "shocked" (or whatever) by some behavior or other. 

But, for someone be on a bdsm website and not realize the rest of the world may not always operate within their own particular "value system" is almost laughable (to me anyway). I mean, open your eyes, people! Read some threads. Not everybody is going to act like a "real Daddy" or be a "good person" Be careful out there. 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/19/2006 12:11:20 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:48:30 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I put it to the male doms as it seems the angst on here is directed at them.. "oh my..he wants to go poly!  Oh my.. he expects me to do WHAT?!"  That sort of thing.  Yup.. it happens on both sides.. but it seems to me the male subs just move on.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 12/19/2006 11:53:21 AM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 11:57:54 AM   
DeepWaters


Posts: 118
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		I'd expect that authority and responsibility go hand in hand...and that asking someone to trust you requires you not to lie to them...look at the poly community for a defination of cheating...f*cking or loving other people is fine, going behind their back about it is not.
 

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 12:16:50 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

We are sort of  missing my intent here.. I probably didn't  state it clearly enough.
 
We claim communication, honesty, consentuality and obedience.  It seems one side of the equation always considers it a bit  more than the other.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 12/19/2006 12:18:50 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 12:21:14 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I put it to the male doms as it seems the angst on here is directed at them.. "oh my..he wants to go poly!  Oh my.. he expects me to do WHAT?!"  That sort of thing.  Yup.. it happens on both sides.. but it seems to me the male subs just move on.


~putting on my F. R. suit~

Yep, the angst is directed at them.  Sometimes rightly, sometimes wrongly.  Male dominants are people...just like everone else.  Sometimes they behave stupidly, boorishly, pigheadedly, and sometimes they act this way while dealing from a place they have had right from the start and sometimes, they act this way from a new place that they have come to.  But I would be willing to be that there might be a few who approach what they want, whether it be from a new place or from one they've had all along, with consideration and respect and kindness and caring (we're not alllllll assholes allllllll the time) and yet, because it is something that doesn't "fit" with our partner, we are seen as being unconsiderate, uncaring, uncouth louts.
How many female submissives have written brokenheartedly about what their big, bad male dominant wanted to do with them for 5 or 6 paragraphs and then mentioned in a 2-line blip that they knew the offending "thing" was there and an interest of his that going in but thought he would change his mind when he saw how 'perfect' they were all by themselves?  How many self-declared slaves have written profusely about something their big, bad, male master introduced that just made them declare "whoa", even though they have gone on and on in previous threads about how they are said "male" master's property...his chattel...his to-do-with-as-he-pleased?

Male subs / slaves move on...partially because, even for a submissive male (and despite all protests to the contrary)...it would still seen by some as somewhat weak and repulsive behavior for a male to vent about these issues were he to have them.  And before anyone says no...stop and think; how many times have you seen a male submissive bring what he thought was a serious issue to the boards and got told to "suck it up" or "quit your bitching"?  For the most part, the female submissives and dominants know that they are going to have a more sympathetic ear.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 12:23:19 PM   
Serenityy


Posts: 97
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

When I read the cheating and the shocked at a behavior threads.. I just have to shake my head and ask.. "what do people expect here?!"
 
You have come into a situation.. aka 'lifestyle'.. where men expect women to obey unquestioningly,  accept EVERYTHING because "it's ALL good",  be expected to have multiple partners even if it's not your sexual preference, be accepted warts and all unless you are just going to be totally uncool and <gasp> judgmental!  And not to mention.. it's based on KINK or novels!  What do people expect??!!
 
The dominants probably, for the first time in their lives..have SOME kind of power and control over another person and that person is to be obedient and loving and accepting. Somebody.. SOMEWHERE, somehow, SOME TIME is going to be weird.  No wait..you CAN'T be considered weird in this lifestyle..but you can be considered wrong, bigoted, judgmental and a fake if you don't buy into all of it.
 
What brought YOU into this lifestyle?

A desire to understand a friend; a search for acceptance in my own mind of what she was so drawn to. In the process, I found a place for myself; something that was finally able to touch me in my soul. Eight years later and I am still finding that there are new aspects yet undiscovered.
 


(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 12:24:10 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I never expected the Spanish Inquistion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Serenityy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 12:26:42 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		You got it, CD :)  That's what I was meaning,.  The reason I directed it at  the male side of the equation is  from the fem subs post about that those very issues.
 
 I feel for the male subs also.  But if they portray themselves ans unworthy worm boys.. they get what they are asking for.. I guess.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 1:09:34 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Freaking excellent response.
 
Not only could I not do it 'better' - I am not sure that I would have done it as well.
 
Lotus - people complaining about "those people" for their "behavior" is as old as the hills and will continue to be done long after we are gone...
 
Besides - you are complaining about "those people".
 
Would you expect from them better behavior? ;)
 
~J

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Hmmm...lots of widesweeping generalizations...the one I find the funniest is that you imply that all the Doms are men, given that you're a Dominant Female. I think that we just hear about what's going on a lot because we all happen to be on a forum that can have a lot of relationship discussions. I'm betting we'd hear the exact same thing on a vanilla board.

The mistake a lot make, as I did, is to assume that since we're supposed to be such an accepting and supporting community, things are better on this side of the fence. In reality, our grass is just different, not better, and we still have to do all those things that need to be done for proper maintanence on the other side of the fence. It ain't magic.

In answer to your question: What brought me was SM. Everything else developed from there.

Master Fire


_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 1:11:28 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		LOL...

Excellent

~J

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I never expected the Spanish Inquistion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What Did You Expect?! - 12/19/2006 1:34:25 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I never expected the Spanish Inquistion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


No one does, Ron! No one does.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 20
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