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Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 8:18:23 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Since joining CM I have read many threads with this common theme:

1) Dominant does not dominate as much as he used to, submissive upset.

2) Submissive is not submitting like she used to, dominant unhappy

3) People ending relationships because the power exchange is not what it used to be

4) People stating that the trust was not deep enough to sustain the power exchange, as if it would be enough in a vanilla relationship.

5) Those who state that if their relationship changed into something more vanilla they would not stay in it.

These statements have occurred over and over again since I joined this site. It makes me wonder if those of us that have power exchange relationships expect them to remain the same forever and ever.

In all relationships that I have seen that have lasted multiple years there are stages of evolution within them, the hot and horny stage, or the honeymoon stage, is just the first part of what a relationship can become. It is like the seed of a full blown relationship that could work out to becoming something long lasting and deep. It is that stage where people are more willing to overlook the little things that may trouble them later, and they have an abundance of toleration for the new person in their life....

...but what happens after the honeymoon stage is over in a power exchange relationship? Do people expect that their dom is always going to be domly every moment, giving them the dominance they have always fantasized about getting? Is the submissive always going to feel like flashing cow eyes are their dominant partner feeling like melting into a puddle of submissive goo? Are we supposed to maintain this in order to be happy? Is it realistic to expect that a relationship can sustain that level of intensity that the first blush of power exchange gives to a relationship... or is change inevitable? If things change, does that make the relationship less?

I asked my Daddy about these questions, because I wanted reassurance that when things change that the relationship will be more important than the preconceived idea of what we think power exchange "should" be. He answered that the only thing that never changes is that there will be change. He does not expect us to remain a static thing with no personal growth or challenges, and that these at times may impact the power exchange... he expects this to be the case and does not want to try to stop changes from taking place.

So I ask those who have had a power exchange relationship for multiple years, did you or do you expect there to be  change within the relationship, do you try to stop that or embrace it as the unique thing the relationship dynamic is? What is more important, the relationship or the power exchange?

For those of you starting out, do you expect there to be change in your relationship as time goes by? How do you plan to handle the changes that might impact your power exchange, and what is more important, the power exchange or your partner?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 8:46:16 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Julia I just love your questions :)

I am 2 1/2 years into my slavery with my Master.  Not only has the power exchange not dwindled, it has become stronger.  He continues to push me to grow, and my submission continues to find new depth.  We are both happier with each other now than ever.  Now the exchange exists without all the hang ups (or without most of 'em anyway, lol) that served as road blocks to my submission.

However, having said this, it is no secret between he and I that without the power exchange I would no longer be his slave, nor would he be my Master.  We would be friends; we would not be Master and slave.  Neither of us has any intention of letting that occur, as we both find fulfillment in what we have.  If he were to decide he did not want a slave any longer (or did not want me as his slave any longer), I would be sent on my way and we would likely remain amicable.  If I were to no longer wish to submit to him, the same would occur.  While we love each other, our relationship is not a romance - its foundation is that he is Master and I am slave.

However, in these 2 1/2 years I have never once experienced his dominance waning, and he does not tolerate my submission waning.  The situation you speak of is not something that concerns me.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 8:52:54 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		There are always changes.  Relationships, in my opinion, are fluid and changing, just as the people in them are growing and changing.  Some partnerships can survive with these changes, some can't.  Some aren't meant to.  I don't think it necessarily means that it's a bad partnership, it's more that the people have outgrown each other, or one partner has outgrown the other .  Perhaps they aren't getting what they need out of the relationship.  This can happen in a vanilla relationship as well.  For me, the partner is more important.  I've always felt that I can be flexible with what I am looking for, it's more important to me to have a connection with a partner on many levels, not just the power exchange part.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 8:59:29 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

So I ask those who have had a power exchange relationship for multiple years, did you or do you expect there to be change within the relationship, do you try to stop that or embrace it as the unique thing the relationship dynamic is? What is more important, the relationship or the power exchange?

For those of you starting out, do you expect there to be change in your relationship as time goes by? How do you plan to handle the changes that might impact your power exchange, and what is more important, the power exchange or your partner?


For Fox and I were began this relationship in training as trainer and future slave. That is the foundation of our relationship. If one or both of us decided that this established authority dynamic just wasn't working, the relationship would be over, period.

I'd hope we could move onto being friend but I have zero interest in a vanilla or casual Ds relationship. No matter how much I may love Fox it has not changed how I see him (as my property) nor the type of relationship I want. I've always been upfront about this so he knows exactly what to expect.

This does not mean that we haven't changed or that how we live out our owner-slave dynamic hasn't changed just that the authority structure has not and will not change unless the relationship ends.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 12/23/2006 9:01:43 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:06:03 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		To both katy and ownedgirlie, thanks for your responses

ownedgirlie, I can understand the deepening of the relationship as opposed to the waning of it, and I hope for this too. Your response shows how a power exchange can deepen over time, and perhaps that is the case because it is not a romantic relationship with the "honeymoon" period? Interesting to consider.


And katy, yes, for us the relationship is more important... which is something that is reassuring to me, and makes me feel freer to be my submissive self in our relationship. I think I was worried about the expectation of what "should" be on some level, and that was why I asked him about these things.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 12/23/2006 9:08:43 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:10:41 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

thetammyjo


This does not mean that we haven't changed or that how we live out our owner-slave dynamic hasn't changed just that the authority structure has not and will not change unless the relationship ends.


Do you think that yours is a romantic relationship? If it is not, do you think this helps with false expectations once the "new" wears off the power exchange? They say when people first "fall in love" this chemically alters their perceptions of the other person, perhaps this is why some people come here with so much dissatisfaction, perhaps the chemicals are wearing off?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:11:14 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I think I was worried about the expectation of what "should" be on some level, and that was why I asked him about these things.


It's common to worry about the "should".  Each couple needs to determine that for themselves.  It changes and sometimes it's a challenge to get through those changes.  I've always felt that you can't go wrong in a relationship by being who you are, that doesn't always mean you'll have success though - another thing I've learned. 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:17:28 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
ownedgirlie, I can understand the deepening of the relationship as opposed to the waning of it, and I hope for this too. Your response shows how a power exchange can deepen over time, and perhaps that is the case because it is not a romantic relationship with the "honeymoon" period? Interesting to consider.


I never really considered whether we had a honeymoon period or not.  While learning and growing with him was new and exciting to me in the beginning, I don't really consider that honeymoon or "sub frenzy" (as I hear so much about here) because I am still just as excited about him as I ever was, maybe even more because there is more meaning now. There is less anxiousness and worry since I am far more secure in the relationship.  In fact I am very peaceful in it for the most part (there is still an occasional time when traumas from the past sneak in) yet I remain excited for him.  He loves this and feeds this as well.  And as my submission to him deepens, his own pleasure and enthusiasm also grows.

There was only one time he perplexed me, when smiling down at me saying, "You have been so absolutely sweet lately, I just don't feel like slapping you today."  I remember thinking "Oh no, is this what everyone is talking about???"  But trust me, that changed fast, lol.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:22:03 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ownedgirlie

There was only one time he perplexed me, when smiling down at me saying, "You have been so absolutely sweet lately, I just don't feel like slapping you today."  I remember thinking "Oh no, is this what everyone is talking about???"  But trust me, that changed fast, lol.


Because I am a masochist, he jokingly tells me all the things I have done "wrong" and adds on tortures for each faux pas. Or he will beat me because I have been a good girl.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:23:03 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Well honestly - in my relationship we've run into 1, 2, 4, and maybe even 5.  In a round about way.  Our relationship definetly doesnt stay the same and the power dynamic definetly doesnt stay the same.  I like to say we flow.  Sometimes we get really very vanilla.  We can go through long periods like that.  Other times i backslide and dont submit well.... sometimes he gets caught up with other things and doesnt Dominate much.  Eh we flow.  After 2 years of hitting the sliding scale it came to my realization that we always bounce back so i generally dont worry about it too much.  I did worry about the added dynamic of a being pregnant would bring into things as we were getting very vanilla.  (atleast i was lol)  But i discussed my concerns and we are starting to bounce back. 

Nothing in life stays the same, nothing is forever, everything flucuates, there are seasons to everything, and the world is ever changing.  You just have to go with the flow or get left behind. 

quote:


..but what happens after the honeymoon stage is over in a power exchange relationship?


ooooooooooo that was sooooooo hard for me, because i was some how blinded by love and i thought he was PERFECT (gee that was so long ago) and finding out how imperfect he was, really did my head in.  lololol

Whats more important to us.. hmmm?    I'd say the relationship.  When things change, it does not make the relationship less.  You'll be fine dont worry.  You both have your heads on straight.

What i think it comes down to with everyone else is not the "change" that seperates them, but how much they really care about the relationship.  If you truely care about some one and find them worthwhile, you'll stick it out and work it out. 


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:27:04 AM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Master and i discuss our M/s relationship frequently.  We explore where we are in the relationship, how His domination of me creates an even better me.  I LIKE the woman/slave He is creating and bringing out in me.  We change.  Someone asked me if i was in love with my Master.  I answered that i do not believe in being in love except for the very young.  I explained i love Him with an intensity that grows less tightly held each day meaning that the love is not the all over part of the relationship.  I am becoming part of Him an extension of Him.  We are sp entwined i sometimes feel the need to pull back and look at us, which He allows me to do.  I then sign and come back to my close place to Him and realise how fortunate i am that the changes in our relationship are positive.  He enfolds me back into His arms and asks if i am doing ok or if we need to talk.  He is Master i am slave, He owns me and yet allows those moments for me to reevaluate my submission depth to Him.  He tells me that He can only accept what i choose to give to Him.  Each time we have this conversation a deeper step into submission  is looked at by me and given to Master who takes it looks at it and puts it into our relationship,  Change is and will be ongoing in this relationship because stagnant relationships tend to die and that is not our wish for us.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:29:31 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Wow, julia…yet another really great set of questions; such things to ponder!
 
Before reading the responses you’ve gotten so far, I want to say that one of the things I feel ‘twue’ BDSMers do is communicate.  Perhaps I’m being romantic here, but for the ones that last, it seems to me they ARE the ones who talk to each other, trust enough to share wants, desires, concerns.  By my way of thinking that is what makes a relationship work over the long run; D/s, vanilla, or otherwise.
 
Having said that (does everybody here use that phrase?), I do expect things to change.  For one thing, regardless of how strong that power exchange is, we live in a vanilla world and have to embrace that, as well.  I agree the Honeymoon Phase of any relationship contributes to more ‘leniency’ in what we’re willing to live with.  THAT would be why I really appreciate people like TheTammyJo encouraging us to prepare for success by setting a course; a plan (see many of her posts or listen to her recent interview).  To that end, I insist on discussing early on with a partner WHAT it is he hopes to find in a D/s relationship, WHERE he sees it going over time, HOW he plans to keep it hot and alive.  I think for The Power Exchange to stay alive and breathing…we need to work at it.
 
Again, perhaps I’m being too romantic here, but I have the notion ‘twue’ BDSMers DO work harder at their relationships.  At least I hope that’s the case; I’ve not yet had such a relationship.  But, I can tell you…I will no longer have a relationship without it.  Does that mean that TPE is more important than my partner?  I don’t think so…anymore than not smoking is, enjoying the outdoors, good food, sharing books… etc.  I believe my partner would be the most important thing in my life…but he would also BE all those things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
... without the power exchange I would no longer be his slave, nor would he be my Master.  We would be friends; we would not be Master and slave.  ... If he were to decide he did not want a slave any longer (or did not want me as his slave any longer), I would be sent on my way and we would likely remain amicable.  If I were to no longer wish to submit to him, the same would occur.  ...

And I understand that completely, girlie.  Well said!

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
... I have zero interest in a vanilla or casual Ds relationship. No matter how much I may love Fox it has not changed how I see him (as my property) nor the type of relationship I want. ...

This does not mean that we haven't changed or that how we live out our owner-slave dynamic hasn't changed just that the authority structure has not and will not change unless the relationship ends.

This is how I see things, too TJ.  Of course how we play might change, hobbies may change, where we live may change; but HOW we live will not.
 
Again…really neat thread, Julia!  Thanks
beverly



(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:32:40 AM   
mymasterssub69


Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		For those of you starting out, do you expect there to be change in your relationship as time goes by? How do you plan to handle the changes that might impact your power exchange, and what is more important, the power exchange or your partner?

hi, just started new relationship with my current Daddy and it has been going strong for 4 months now. of course i do expect change to happen since our relationship took a dramatic turn recently. receiving my chain was the happiest night of my life - never have i felt so loved and owned that i'm very happy he picked a strong woman like me to his submissive. plus it was his advice that helped me land my job as a concert reviewer.

with our relationship, it's not about power play or dominate control over me.  those things are not important to us . we are true soulmates. we have a loving relationship on many levels yet he will always be Daddy and i shall always be his submissive/daughter for life. cannot wait for what exciting things 2007 will bring us as our relationship continues to blossom.


_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:33:30 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Funny, girl was just saying the other day that she wants sit and evaluate the relationhip...because it hasn't changed much this year in her eyes. Part of that is the distance and part of that, I think, is her perception of it. It has changed some for me...everything around me has changed this year. she simply may not be aware of it for herself. So, we will be sitting down with a revised edition of the manual in a few days.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:38:32 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

So I ask those who have had a power exchange relationship for multiple years, did you or do you expect there to be  change within the relationship, do you try to stop that or embrace it as the unique thing the relationship dynamic is? What is more important, the relationship or the power exchange?


Well, honestly, I don't think there's much of a separation between the power exchange we share and the relationship we have. Perhaps this is because we don't role play, slip in and out of D/s modes or engage in so called "vanilla" moments. That's not to say we don't go to dinner, spend time together, laugh, talk about our jobs, spend time with friends or any of the other myriad of other activities attributed to the vanilla scope of things. No, we do all those things. But regardless of what we're doing, from fishing to dinner out, he is always my Master; I am always his slave. No different than if you were to change the words and call someone "husband" and "wife" or any other sort of label signifying a relationship. Whether out with the girls, guys or all of the above, I am still what and who I am. He is still what and who he is. So trying to judge whether the power exchange exists separate from the relationship is something I can't really wrap my head around, even though I know it happens that way for many people. 

That being said, did I - did we - expect our relationship to change over time? Absolutely! I wanted those up and downs that come with time spent together and growing old together. I wanted the calm of longevity along with the excitement of the new relationship. I can honestly say that so far, I've never been  bored. I've never wished I was someplace else - not something I could have said about my marriage - even at year 2, and we were married for 18 years! I have wished for different things at different times, but if the choice was the relationship or pursuing those different things, the different things took a very back seat so as to be not even a blip on the radar screen.

He was very aware that things would change. He planned for them, watched for them, took advantage of them. He's always known that at any time, I might be the kind of person that would balk at what he's had planned. He took it in stride, never putting more on me than I could handle (although sometimes I wondered), never demanding from me things that he knew would cause a rift between us. In part, that's because he feels the same way about me as I do about him, but also because he's very careful and watches closely how people react to things that happen to them, and he's been able to plan accordingly.

We've had our down times - our really bad times. I'm sure we'll have more. The difference is though that neither of us are willing to walk away at the first sign of trouble. Both of us believe that this relationship - this Master/slave relationship is something that begins in each of us and is enhanced by the  both of us - and neither of us will give it up simply for lack of attention.

Neither of us is getting younger. I suppose at one point, there'll come a time when play is something we reminisce about, but the power exchange - the recognition and acknowledgment that he is my Master and I am his slave... I don't see ending - even though the conditions of that relationship may change over time.

juliet

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:42:26 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Regarding that ‘Honeymoon’ thing…I think that figure of speech can be attached (and is ) to so many more things than just a romantic relationship:  new employers, new employees, new friends, new neighborhoods, new plants in a garden; new, new, new…..new anything goes through a kind of ‘honeymoon’ and smart business people, good gardeners, and even some people in relationships plan for that. 
 
In relationships, I think good communication bridges the Honeymoon with the ‘rest of your life’…so that as time and change happen, the things that were what was there in the beginning and are what made the attraction in the first place just deepen and grow.  When the Honeymoon wears off, I expect things to go more smoothly and perhaps with greater vigor.
 
b

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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:48:11 AM   
MsOpal


Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline 		HI ,
The things Bearlee said are so true!  We have been a couple for 27+ years and "24/7" Ds for 9.  Is either area of our relationship the same as it was in the beginning, 10 years ago, 1 year ago, yesterday?  No!  The one thing I think has kept us together and yes - happy most of the time is that we talk! We express ideas, opinions, likes, dislikes, and changes in likes and dislikes.  Even as my Master's sub and my Daddy's babygirl I am expected to talk to him, to communicate, to let him know - "the good, the bad, and the ugly"!  Getting problems out in the open while small make them manageable and for me, if I let things fester, they take on a life of their own whereas most of the time once I voice a problem it seems to almost dissipate.
In our case, there is a LOT more trust that there ever was in the vanilla marriage and it was a good marriage too.  But the Ds has somehow just made it better.  is it perfect? nope!  Are we perfect ... the perfect always dom Dom and always sub sub ? nope.  I remind him to take out the trash and he wishes I minded better. I wish he bossed me more ... and he wishes I minded better! You see the pattern right? lol.  We laugh together and hold each other and we talk talk talk, we chat, we email, and we talk talk talk  and we constantly evolve and (hope) we are always moving in a positive direction.

Without chnage life would be too boreing and if we try too hard not to change  ... well,I would explode!
Opal

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:59:22 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

thetammyjo


This does not mean that we haven't changed or that how we live out our owner-slave dynamic hasn't changed just that the authority structure has not and will not change unless the relationship ends.


Do you think that yours is a romantic relationship? If it is not, do you think this helps with false expectations once the "new" wears off the power exchange? They say when people first "fall in love" this chemically alters their perceptions of the other person, perhaps this is why some people come here with so much dissatisfaction, perhaps the chemicals are wearing off?


Fox fell in love with me about four months after I started training him. Training wasn't for me directly, it was a means to help him explore BDSM and Ds in a safe way and for us to see if something might develop between us.

A good question was raised for me on this issue in one of Robert Rubel's newest books. Did I fall in love with Fox? I don't think I did. I think I grew to love him during training, I certainly do love him now, ours is the second most important relationship in my life (that with my husband is first -- unless you count my relationship with the Divine, that overshadows both but the Divine doesn't require my constant attention, only my love and consideration for others).

I'm not blinded then by this "falling in love" romance with either Tom or Fox I think. I grew to love them each but I don't have traditional romantic expectations. We are romantic, each couple and even as a trio I think and we've been told we that we are one "cute and romantic" trio by others. We do all sorts of romantic things but we try to be grounded in our expectations.

I don't think I've been driven by passion or "chemicals" in any of my successful relationships in fact. My father asked me something that I thought was odd when I became engaged to Tom: "Are you sure? You don't seem terribly passionate about each other." This from the man who asked mom to marry him on their first date. True they are approaching their 60th anniversary but I can't say their relationship has been very healthy for either of them or for their offspring. I prefer a solid relationship of mutual compatibility -- passion has developed in each but it hasn't clouded the relationships.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 9:59:45 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove
Change is and will be ongoing in this relationship because stagnant relationships tend to die and that is not our wish for us.

<Applauds enthusiastically>   Thank you so much for that!!!  Yessssssss!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
… trying to judge whether the power exchange exists separate from the relationship is something I can't really wrap my head around…. 

Both of us believe that this relationship - this Master/slave relationship is something that begins in each of us and is enhanced by the  both of us - and neither of us will give it up simply for lack of attention.….

WOW… well said!
 
Somehow these two people are getting at what I’m trying to say; that relationships take work, belief, trust, and attention by both parties are needed, and that for me, the power exchange is not ‘more important than’…it is merely part of the relationship I hope to have.
 
Again...this is a wonderful discussion; I appreciate the opportunity to help myself get clear on stuff!
b

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Everything Changes, Nothing Stays The Same - 12/23/2006 10:00:13 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Regarding that ‘Honeymoon’ thing…I think that figure of speech can be attached (and is ) to so many more things than just a romantic relationship:  new employers, new employees, new friends, new neighborhoods, new plants in a garden; new, new, new…..new anything goes through a kind of ‘honeymoon’ and smart business people, good gardeners, and even some people in relationships plan for that.  
 


Yes, I think that is a good description, planning for the newness to wear off. The newness has not worn off, after all we have only been seeing each other since May, but there has been a deepening of what we have lately, a planning for the future, and this means that changes will be taking place. Perhaps that is why these questions are coming into my mind increasingly, because at my age I know that being starry eyed about the things that go into merging lives is not very realistic.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 20
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