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Why do men only fall for women that treat them like crap?


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Why do men only fall for women that treat them like crap? - 12/23/2006 1:49:47 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I seem to keep running into men that only fall for women who treat them like crap. Here are 2 examples.
 
1. My first BDSM partner had no feelings for me after 8 months and never took me on a date. This same guy complained because a woman he was trying to date stood him up 3 times. The only serious relationship he ever had (which lasted several years), he admitted he was the one who put out effort in the relationship. She dumped him because she refused to wait till he got out of college to get married. A year later, she married another guy. To this day, he still loves her. 

2. A guy I know was divorced approximately 5 years ago. His wife left him for another man. They had a son together. When she left him, she refused to let him see or have any contact with his son. He didn't even know where his son was and didn't have the money to fight her. All of a sudden (years later) she decided to call him and  tell him she wanted him back. She also told him she had no place to live. I suggested he provide a home for his son and tell her to get lost. When I asked him how he could ever forgive her for forcing him to miss the last 5 years of his 8 year old son's life, he said he has a soft heart.

Both of these guys told me I was so good to them, but ended up having stronger feelings for women who treated them like shit. Why are men like this or is it just me? Has anyone else noticed this pattern with men?
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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 1:52:50 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Probably because the person they have feelings for is a woman and it is against their principles to smack a woman in the jaw and say fuck you bitch and get her out of his system that way and so she festers in them like an infection.

Hey, I've been there. I know if I gave this woman a good thumping I would have walked away free of her but I don't hit women so the emotions festered. You love her you hate her, you love her you hate her, even though you know she is an evil bitch.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 12/23/2006 1:56:13 PM >

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 1:53:06 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		its the same everywhere

people like a challenge and they always like the ones they have to chase.  Its unfortunate, but i see it everywhere


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My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 1:56:23 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		That kinda thing goes both ways, not horridly prevalent, but mainstream nonetheless, there are a lot of women that say they are looking for understanding compassionate people as well, but end up in the sack with the bad boys all the time.


I think there are certain karmic-cosmic signs we all wear, some of the sayings might be:
Help wanted-Help given
I am looking for Mr Wrong-  I am he.....


And so on,
Ron


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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:05:46 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I wonder too if we wear certain signs of our vulnerabilties and thus make it easier for others to take advantage of us.  I have found that I am often too nice.  It has created problems for me in relationships.  I am nice, accomodating, and giving until it makes me want to scream (red flag, anyone?), and I would end up getting walked all over.  I'm trying to be more assertive and stand up for what is right for me.  It's a process.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:15:17 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I have no problems standing up for myself or even dominating a man during a session since I'm a switch. I'm just not the type to string someone along for years and marry someone else, stand someone up 3 times, or keep my child away from his father. I'm not a woman who is weak, vulnerable, and afraid to speak up......it's just not in my nature to treat men like shit outside of a session.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 12/23/2006 2:17:58 PM >

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:20:40 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		We always want, what we can't have.

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Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:22:34 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		KatyLied,

This would be an excellent opportunity to quote Hannibal.


Just sayin'
Ron


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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:25:40 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		The really funny thing is, I bought a dating book called "The Rules" that gave step by step instructions on how to play hard to get. When I mentioned the concept on an old thread I posted, I was criticized for even considering trying it.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:31:22 PM   
cyberdude611


Posts: 2596
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline 		Isn't this supposed to go the other way? Usually it is the women that are attracted to the "bad boy" image.

< Message edited by cyberdude611 -- 12/23/2006 2:33:12 PM >

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:31:36 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		 
I think most people don't take the time to figure out what it is they want...and are so worried about finding a mate that they'll just settle, instead of getting to know the person and discussing what it is they want together while they get to know each other. 
 
I think it's easier to find a fuck-budy and marry 'em if they stick around.  LOL, I never did like easy.
b

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:31:50 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		It's more like: women who treat men like crap tend to do it AFTER they've found a man who's fallen for them.  Beforehand, they're little angels...

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Both of these guys told me I was so good to them, but ended up having stronger feelings for women who treated them like shit. Why are men like this or is it just me? Has anyone else noticed this pattern with men?

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:35:41 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

This would be an excellent opportunity to quote Hannibal.


I'd rather do a Buffalo Bill (I'm in a creepy mood tonight):

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.




_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:36:29 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee


I think most people don't take the time to figure out what it is they want...and are so worried about finding a mate that they'll just settle, instead of getting to know the person and discussing what it is they want together while they get to know each other. 
 
I think it's easier to find a fuck-budy and marry 'em if they stick around.  LOL, I never did like easy.
b


I thought friends with benefits rarely turned into relationships. From what I've heard, one partner usually develops feelings and the other doesn't. Someone ends up getting hurt in a bad way. For this reason, I avoid having sex outside of a monogamous relationship. Guys hate this, but it's either abstain or be used.


< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 12/23/2006 2:39:59 PM >

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:48:33 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		defiant,

At the risk of sounding full of myself I'll contradict your statement.

There is not a woman on this planet who I'd allow to treat me like shit - same with friends, family etc. Do not allow someone to treat you like shit. Plain and simple. At the first hint you're with an idiot just get rid.

If people interest you then you should be able to spot a personality a mile off. A woman doesn't just suddenly start playing away or fleecing you - she has a personality which drives her to behave like that and the alarm bells should have been ringing a long time before you find out she's reached that stage.

As far as I know (could be wrong) a woman has never cheated on me and the sole reason is I don't go out with women who have personalities which make them almost nailed on for that sort of thing i.e. the types who are mad over shoes, clothes and all the stylistic items life has to offer. They lack substance and as a result lack loyalty and there's only so many pairs of shoes you can buy to keep them happy. Sooner or later they'll be tempted by a bigger credit card.

On the plus side, there are loads of great girls out there.

Why do some men fall for women that treat them like shit? Probably a million reasons from lack of self-esteem to a perverse pleasure in being treated like shit but as per the above there are many men who wouldn't go anywhere near women of that type.



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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 2:52:19 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline 		My theory on this is that alot of people have some kind of saint complex. They think they can fix people, and bind there own self worth into the task. So, fixing the asshole becomes a reflection on their worth.

It really boils down to having such a large ego, that you just don't give up, because they know they can fix them or make them admit wrong, it's just taking longer than expected. And deep down their fixer upper is a great catch, if only they'd realize that the fixer is right.

It's like Meat, and Firmhand going back and forth, they dislike each other I'm sure but spend more time together than any other people on the board.

LOL.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 3:10:38 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		You might be onto something there. Any advice on becoming mean and/or psycho so men will be lining up to fix me? My college doesn't teach those type of courses lol

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 3:21:54 PM   
PavlovTrainer


Posts: 29
Joined: 5/15/2004
Status: offline 		Well there's been the bad boy/girl answer. And the Saint complex which makes a lot of sense.
 
Of course there's also the significant other being on their best behavior in the beginning. By the time the shit hits the fan, you're already in love or enamored enough to attempt to "fix" the other person.
 
 

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As a matter of fact I DO have serious control issues.

Isn't it rich, aren't we a pair, Me on the ground, you in the air....

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 3:25:58 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		If they are nice in the beginning though, why would the man fall in love in the first place?

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 4:57:42 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am going to agree with NorthernGent.

You get what you are willing to accept. 

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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