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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/28/2006 11:46:56 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStchWich


"It's more like: women who treat men like crap tend to do it AFTER they've found a man who's fallen for them.  Beforehand, they're little angels..." Lordandmaster


I find that your comment has been absolutley true of every male I have ever known as a friend, sibling, or partner. Always Mr. Wonderful, the perfect guy- very attentive and solicitous of her time and attention at first, for say about 6 months to a year; then they began to treat her like crap- the male romance version of bait and switch; but Women usually do it from the get go and are not ordinarilly very subtle or sneaky about it.


Not true.  Everybody does it.  We all put up a front.  The question is how long we can maintain it.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/28/2006 4:47:14 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStchWich


"It's more like: women who treat men like crap tend to do it AFTER they've found a man who's fallen for them.  Beforehand, they're little angels..." Lordandmaster


I find that your comment has been absolutley true of every male I have ever known as a friend, sibling, or partner. Always Mr. Wonderful, the perfect guy- very attentive and solicitous of her time and attention at first, for say about 6 months to a year; then they began to treat her like crap- the male romance version of bait and switch; but Women usually do it from the get go and are not ordinarilly very subtle or sneaky about it.


I would definitely agree that women are usually more upfront. I have to disagree with the idea of people getting what they deserve in terms of relationships (someone said that). If that were the case, losers and con artists would end up with each other instead of with the good honest people they use and deceive. What really confuses me is the fact that men like to save damsels in distress, yet they say they are turned off by needy women. How is a woman who is homeless or in constant need of rescuing less "needy" than a woman who has her shit together and just wants to chat for a few minutes 2-3 times a week and maybe see the guy once a week? Can any men explain that one?

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 12/28/2006 5:11:11 PM >

(in reply to MistressStchWich)
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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/28/2006 5:02:45 PM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStchWich
I find that your comment has been absolutley true of every male I have ever known as a friend, sibling, or partner. Always Mr. Wonderful, the perfect guy- very attentive and solicitous of her time and attention at first, for say about 6 months to a year; then they began to treat her like crap- the male romance version of bait and switch; but Women usually do it from the get go and are not ordinarilly very subtle or sneaky about it.


i have always used 6 months, one year, and two years as 'marking periods' when getting involved with someone new.  For me, i have a good idea in 6 months if this is someone i'd like to go further with or not.  A lot of things can come out in 6 months that might have not been evident in the first month or two.  i also watch for 'red flags' during this time.
 
After that, within a year, i can tell if i am really interested in going further.  Quite honestly, for me, most of my relationships have not gone past the year mark just because things 'came out' that i felt would not be workable in a LTR. 
 
But 2 years really tells the most for me and if i could ever make it past that point, i'd probably be 'good to go'.
 
But another problem....all these time limits are extended because my most recent relationships have been LD and seeing someone say every weekend is much different than if they were local and i could see them several times a week.  6 months of weekends really gives me little idea of what to expect in the LT so all those 'marking periods' would really need to be extended if the one i was involved with was LD.
 
Yep....the honeymoon's over 
 
DG

(in reply to MistressStchWich)
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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/28/2006 5:26:02 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Good point. Many long distance relationships make even once a week visits impossible. I'm just tired of hearing men say that "needy" women turn them off when in truth they seem to pick the most needy ones they can find.

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/28/2006 7:32:04 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStchWich


"It's more like: women who treat men like crap tend to do it AFTER they've found a man who's fallen for them.  Beforehand, they're little angels..." Lordandmaster


I find that your comment has been absolutley true of every male I have ever known as a friend, sibling, or partner. Always Mr. Wonderful, the perfect guy- very attentive and solicitous of her time and attention at first, for say about 6 months to a year; then they began to treat her like crap- the male romance version of bait and switch; but Women usually do it from the get go and are not ordinarilly very subtle or sneaky about it.


I would definitely agree that women are usually more upfront. I have to disagree with the idea of people getting what they deserve in terms of relationships (someone said that). If that were the case, losers and con artists would end up with each other instead of with the good honest people they use and deceive. What really confuses me is the fact that men like to save damsels in distress, yet they say they are turned off by needy women. How is a woman who is homeless or in constant need of rescuing less "needy" than a woman who has her shit together and just wants to chat for a few minutes 2-3 times a week and maybe see the guy once a week? Can any men explain that one?


I disagree about women being more upfront. Women when courting are much more likely to pay attention to their appearance. They are much more likely to be agreeable. And are generally much more attentive. How this is different from a man I can't tell.

A guy/girl that goes for a needy person more than likely I'd gander has low self-esteem issues, and feels that they have a much better chance of keeping someone that needs them as opposed to a person that is free to leave without consequence. I don't see this as a male issue, as plenty of women get into relationships with men they support, or are otherwise excessively needy. More importantly the person going for the needy individual probably fulfills there desires to help/control others and therefore be in a higher position in the relationship. If you save someone, you are automatically on a higher level than the person saved.

If I help a homeless person, I would be the alpha.
If I teach someone, I would be the alpha.
If I house and clothe a person, I would be the alpha
If we are each self-sufficient in all the basic areas, one must gain alpha status in other ways, such as wisdom, intellect, ethics, etc....

It is simpler to gain the high ground when one goes for needy. And one can feel good about themselves in their "giving".

It could work well, as long as each person is okay being in that position. So, it's not necessarily bad or good. It's matching the right people together.

I don't think however either sex has any type of claim to being attracted to neediness.

Basicly I believe the concept breaks down to I gave, You owe. So to the person involved in such a relationship, they've secured their position as the alpha(giver/saver/saint) member of the relationship in the area they are giving.

If that makes sense. Some "giving" isn't "giving" at all but rather a way to control or justify oneself "goodness" or "worth". And the needy are the best targets for such things.


Don't know if that made sense or not. But I do think it's more to do with the person being "victimized/helping/giving" than the "user/needy/taker". It's pretty easy not to let oneself be used. You just don't let yourself be used. At least more than once...




(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/28/2006 8:57:01 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		But most men say they are turned off by needy women. I think I just figured out a man's definition of a needy woman. Pathetic women who need men to "fix" them aren't considered needy at all. I think many single men define needy women as females who admit they are looking for more than a casual fuck buddy.

(in reply to NeedToUseYou)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/29/2006 10:02:36 AM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

But most men say they are turned off by needy women. I think I just figured out a man's definition of a needy woman. Pathetic women who need men to "fix" them aren't considered needy at all. I think many single men define needy women as females who admit they are looking for more than a casual fuck buddy.


Okay, if it works for you.  But think that definition is completely wrong.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/29/2006 11:38:57 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStchWich


"It's more like: women who treat men like crap tend to do it AFTER they've found a man who's fallen for them.  Beforehand, they're little angels..." Lordandmaster


I find that your comment has been absolutley true of every male I have ever known as a friend, sibling, or partner. Always Mr. Wonderful, the perfect guy- very attentive and solicitous of her time and attention at first, for say about 6 months to a year; then they began to treat her like crap- the male romance version of bait and switch; but Women usually do it from the get go and are not ordinarilly very subtle or sneaky about it.


I would definitely agree that women are usually more upfront. I have to disagree with the idea of people getting what they deserve in terms of relationships (someone said that). If that were the case, losers and con artists would end up with each other instead of with the good honest people they use and deceive. What really confuses me is the fact that men like to save damsels in distress, yet they say they are turned off by needy women. How is a woman who is homeless or in constant need of rescuing less "needy" than a woman who has her shit together and just wants to chat for a few minutes 2-3 times a week and maybe see the guy once a week? Can any men explain that one?


Some people set their stall out and say "this is me, take it or leave it" and others aren't quite so open. Men and women.

I'll have a crack at the needy question. I would term needy women as emotionally clingy. They fail to understand men have interests that do not involve them - we like a beer from time time to time, we like to go to the football, we have our interests such as politics, history, world affairs - whatever they may be. It doesn't mean we think any less of our girlfriends/wives etc or we're up to no good it just means we like our own company and the company of other men. Now, I understand women need reassurance from time to time and quality time and that's fair enough and only right but the emotionally clingy types go well beyond the time to time mark and take certain things as rejection e.g. wanting a night out with your mates instead of her.

As a general rule,  I don't go out with women who have no interests beyond socialising and shopping. In my experience, these are the emotionally clingy types (a generalisation but one that works for me).

Telling it how it is, you feminine types are great company when you're behaving yourselves. You have many, many things we need. We couldn't survive without you, we wouldn't want to survive without you but you're not the be all and end all and this is maybe something the needy types do not grasp. 

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/29/2006 4:35:39 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStchWich


"It's more like: women who treat men like crap tend to do it AFTER they've found a man who's fallen for them.  Beforehand, they're little angels..." Lordandmaster


I find that your comment has been absolutley true of every male I have ever known as a friend, sibling, or partner. Always Mr. Wonderful, the perfect guy- very attentive and solicitous of her time and attention at first, for say about 6 months to a year; then they began to treat her like crap- the male romance version of bait and switch; but Women usually do it from the get go and are not ordinarilly very subtle or sneaky about it.


I would definitely agree that women are usually more upfront. I have to disagree with the idea of people getting what they deserve in terms of relationships (someone said that). If that were the case, losers and con artists would end up with each other instead of with the good honest people they use and deceive. What really confuses me is the fact that men like to save damsels in distress, yet they say they are turned off by needy women. How is a woman who is homeless or in constant need of rescuing less "needy" than a woman who has her shit together and just wants to chat for a few minutes 2-3 times a week and maybe see the guy once a week? Can any men explain that one?


Some people set their stall out and say "this is me, take it or leave it" and others aren't quite so open. Men and women.

I'll have a crack at the needy question. I would term needy women as emotionally clingy. They fail to understand men have interests that do not involve them - we like a beer from time time to time, we like to go to the football, we have our interests such as politics, history, world affairs - whatever they may be. It doesn't mean we think any less of our girlfriends/wives etc or we're up to no good it just means we like our own company and the company of other men. Now, I understand women need reassurance from time to time and quality time and that's fair enough and only right but the emotionally clingy types go well beyond the time to time mark and take certain things as rejection e.g. wanting a night out with your mates instead of her.

As a general rule,  I don't go out with women who have no interests beyond socialising and shopping. In my experience, these are the emotionally clingy types (a generalisation but one that works for me).

Telling it how it is, you feminine types are great company when you're behaving yourselves. You have many, many things we need. We couldn't survive without you, we wouldn't want to survive without you but you're not the be all and end all and this is maybe something the needy types do not grasp. 


AMEN! 
i want a man to have his own activities and interests apart from me and i want to have interests and activities apart from him.  That's called "having a life"  and how could i possibly say i would like to share a life if,  A) i don't have one or B) He doesn't have one.   Sadly i tend to meet plenty of Doms who are "needy" in that respect so it's obvious that "needy" isn't gender-specific.


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(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/29/2006 4:43:12 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

AMEN! 
i want a man to have his own activities and interests apart from me and i want to have interests and activities apart from him.  That's called "having a life"  and how could i possibly say i would like to share a life if,  A) i don't have one or B) He doesn't have one.   Sadly i tend to meet plenty of Doms who are "needy" in that respect so it's obvious that "needy" isn't gender-specific.



I'll go with that. I can't see why needy would be specific to women.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 70
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