RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like crap?

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 4:59:27 PM

boytoyroy

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I have heard the exact same thing said about women... so..

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 7:08:20 PM

Serenityy

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Perhaps, if you are continuously choosing men of this caliber; then you should maybe look within yourself for the fault?

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 8:35:09 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Serenityy

Perhaps, if you are continuously choosing men of this caliber; then you should maybe look within yourself for the fault?

Are you suggesting that if the other members of the band are not marching in step with me, that it is me who is marching out of step?

On a serious note, this sort of thing has been studied extensively by psychologists dealing with addiction. People learn how life is supposed to be as young children, and if life is not what they expect as adults the tendency (subconscious) is to do whatever it takes to make it what it is supposed to be.

If a person grew up in a household with lots of screaming, physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc., this is the sort of household their limbic system is comfortable living in. This is true even if the person from a rational standpoint goes "huh?"

The only person who needs to change to bring about a different form of relationship in your life is you :)

Good luck!

Sinergy

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 8:56:53 PM

Serenityy

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quote:

Are you suggesting that if the other members of the band are not marching in step with me, that it is me who is marching out of step?

/grins and nods

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/23/2006 10:15:25 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I am going to agree with NorthernGent.

You get what you are willing to accept.

I agree with you both, and find that a man who is used to being treated like shit/enjoying it, is not someone I want around me. In my experience, I've found he either always was, or has become an insufferable, miserly, inconsiderate jerk off by the time I meet him, so no thanks on that type for me. M

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/24/2006 12:10:02 AM

subfever

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Why are men like this or is it just me? Has anyone else noticed this pattern with men?

I think Devilslilsister provided the best answer so far... though I would have avoided using an absolute term like "always."

I wouldn't have used the absolute term "only" in the subject title either, as it is absurd to suggest that men only fall for women that treat them like crap.

But yes, people tend to be attracted to those who provide a challenge to them. And from my past observations, women fall for this at least as often as men do.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/24/2006 2:27:20 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

You get what you are willing to accept.

Exactly what I was trying to say but just couldn't do it in 8 words. Brains not brawn etc ;-)

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/24/2006 5:41:42 AM

cloudboy

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One of the hardest things a guy can ever find out is that his "true love" is unrequited. I somewhat agree with meatcleaver here, that absent a way to get over this and move on, unrequited love "festers.....like an infection."

Any guy worth his salt is going to hold onto his love for a woman as long as he can because he has to make sure its unrequited ..... this truly has to sink in. It takes while to realize "she doesn't love me." After that you have to accept it. Then, you have to get over it. Until you go through all these steps, as a guy, you're still going to be "in it."

In the end, unrequited love is one of life's humbling, necessary passages into adulthood. It firmly teaches one that the world does not revolve around you, and that you have to play the cards as they are dealt.

As for me, I am like Northern Gent, I get turned off if treated poorly.

As for you, you don't want to end up being the rebound woman.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 12/24/2006 5:59:58 AM >

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/24/2006 2:51:52 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

But yes, people tend to be attracted to those who provide a challenge to them. And from my past observations, women fall for this at least as often as men do.

subfever, I'm not so sure. Is it the challenge that is attractive or is it passion and intensity? Personally, I think it is the latter. Where there is passion there is a real connection and there are better ways to maintain passion than treating people like shit. When the passion goes the interest goes and then you're on dodgy ground.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/24/2006 3:37:58 PM

ScienceBoy

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I'm that kinda guy I suppose.

We're rubbish at giving up in the face of certain failure, we see things in people that.. just plain aren't there, we might want to be treated like crap. We invited them to subconciously. They just have really, really cute butts. Habit. Jessica Rabbit Syndrome. They tricked us. They got us pregnant.. er.. scratch that one. It was a vulnerable moment. etc.

Men are often rubbish at this. It is our revenge for girls always picking the bad guy, then weeping on our shoulders in a friends-only fashion when they get shagged about on

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/24/2006 4:03:46 PM

slavejali

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I'm wondering if I can describe what I want to say, but will give it a go.

I think a lot of adults (men and women) are just little kids in big peoples bodies. Their bodies have grown up but their emotional and mental bodies haven't matured. What this means is, a lot of adults see the dynamics that happen between 2 adults acting like kids, that are not in control of themselves as thrilling. Fighting and dissention is seen as "intense"...making up is seen as "intense"..they crave stimilation rather than being able to relate to someone from a peaceful center within themselves...they are addicted to the feelings of the ups and downs of a childs minds. So someone treating someone else like shit and then offering cookies makes an immature mind think they are having fun. They feel connected to the relationship because of the power the relationship has over them to make them feel a gammult of feelings.

Umm..could be that they have a sense of no self-worth too and don't deserve any better (which is just a mind that hasn't developed anyways, so same difference). Could be they just want that elusive prize they think they can't capture (but that's just someone incapable of sustaining an adult relationship which means to me they haven't matured in an area within their psyche too).

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/24/2006 4:08:11 PM

ScienceBoy

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I agree with everything you just said, besides that any of it is a bad thing, or makes anybody a worse person.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/24/2006 4:20:59 PM

slavejali

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quote:

besides that any of it is a bad thing, or makes anybody a worse person.

It only makes them more or less mature and they are going to attract someone thats a perfect "fit" for them and their maturity level. So basically if people get into relationships like that, they do in fact "deserve each other" *grin*

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/24/2006 4:39:41 PM

ScienceBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

besides that any of it is a bad thing, or makes anybody a worse person.

It only makes them more or less mature and they are going to attract someone thats a perfect "fit" for them and their maturity level. So basically if people get into relationships like that, they do in fact "deserve each other" *grin*

In which case - good for them

The word maturity seems to imply that you're maturing towards some ultimate goal, and to be less mature is bad, no? I don't particularly regard serenity, calmness, or stability as the most important things to be or attain in life. A serene universe is one where the atoms have stopped spinning, and there's nowt but cold, dead, matter left.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/25/2006 12:20:03 AM

subfever

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

But yes, people tend to be attracted to those who provide a challenge to them. And from my past observations, women fall for this at least as often as men do.

subfever, I'm not so sure. Is it the challenge that is attractive or is it passion and intensity? Personally, I think it is the latter. Where there is passion there is a real connection and there are better ways to maintain passion than treating people like shit. When the passion goes the interest goes and then you're on dodgy ground.

To answer your question, one needs to understand just what attracts us to potential mates who provide us with challenges.

Generally speaking, potential mates within this category have plenty of options in terms of their own potential mates.

Therefore, they tend to possess higher levels of confidence. They project a body language and voice tone and verbal delivery that we are subliminally attracted to.

They generally are prepared to walk away from any potential match opportunity without a second thought, or at least without any emotional regret.

Flirting comes as second nature for these people, as they understand the rules of attraction.

So are we "regular folks" passionate about our attraction to such people? Of course we are. But do we internally rationalize in verbal terms that we are attracted to a challenge as it is actually happening? Hardly! For most people, this occurs on a subconscious level.

IMO... a person can feel plenty of passion when the other person feels no connection whatsoever. But I do agree that when the passion dies, the interest dies with it.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/25/2006 4:36:43 PM

MistressDoMe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I seem to keep running into men that only fall for women who treat them like crap. Here are 2 examples.

1. My first BDSM partner had no feelings for me after 8 months and never took me on a date. This same guy complained because a woman he was trying to date stood him up 3 times. The only serious relationship he ever had (which lasted several years), he admitted he was the one who put out effort in the relationship. She dumped him because she refused to wait till he got out of college to get married. A year later, she married another guy. To this day, he still loves her.

2. A guy I know was divorced approximately 5 years ago. His wife left him for another man. They had a son together. When she left him, she refused to let him see or have any contact with his son. He didn't even know where his son was and didn't have the money to fight her. All of a sudden (years later) she decided to call him and tell him she wanted him back. She also told him she had no place to live. I suggested he provide a home for his son and tell her to get lost. When I asked him how he could ever forgive her for forcing him to miss the last 5 years of his 8 year old son's life, he said he has a soft heart.

Both of these guys told me I was so good to them, but ended up having stronger feelings for women who treated them like shit. Why are men like this or is it just me? Has anyone else noticed this pattern with men?

Actually the OP has a point.
I noticed this years ago.
I tend to give men a hard time as a Dominant woman.
They LOVE it.
That may be the reason many submissive men enjoy submitting.
Men just enjoy bad girls, always did, always will.
At a point, good can be awful boring!

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/25/2006 4:55:26 PM

meatcleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

If people interest you then you should be able to spot a personality a mile off. A woman doesn't just suddenly start playing away or fleecing you - she has a personality which drives her to behave like that and the alarm bells should have been ringing a long time before you find out she's reached that stage.

Sadly I have to agree, though when it comes to the opposite sex sometimes we suffer from delusions. I totally refused to accept what I saw in my bete noir, I totally refused to hear the cacophany of bells thundering in my head. I suppose I should be grateful for small mercies and that she totally cured me of my romantic streak. Never, ever again. I just wish I took notice of the alarm bells though.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/25/2006 4:59:11 PM

NorthernGent

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It's never too late to learn lessons MC. Call me the eternal optimist but I personally would advise against tarring women with the same brush as the one you mention. Everyone has their personal style but writing off other women because of the personality of one? Doesn't make sense to me.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 12/25/2006 5:01:45 PM >

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/25/2006 5:08:54 PM

meatcleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Everyone has their personal style but writing off other women because of the personality of one? Doesn't make sense to me.

If I was 33 I guess I wouldn't be but I've rediscovered what it is like to be single and care free again and there is no way I'm going to change my 'love 'em and leave 'em' attitude for some hallucinogenic romantic delusion ever again. Maybe I'll want some companionship in my dotage but until then, I'll spend and entertain women but never ver risk my home and bank account on something as stupid as romance again.

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RE: Why do men only fall for women that treat them like... - 12/25/2006 6:36:02 PM

thompsonx

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defiantbadgirl:
I am not a teenager and in my whole life I have never had a woman "fuck over me" I have had numerous relationships that lasted several years but to this day all those women are still my friends. We do not date and go to family reunions but I get birthday cards and christmas cards ...we parted friends because we found that we wanted different things out of life. I tend to be attracted to women that I have more than sex in common with and I have a reasonably functional crap detector so if I meet someone I am attracted to and we go out a few times I can tell pretty quickly if they are someone I could spend any meaningful time with. Yes I know lots of people, male and female,who have the problem you speak of. The how and why of it befuddles me...I am just thankful that I never became addicted to someone who was like that.
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