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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 2:52:11 PM

tearsandtorment

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oh i dont find it harsh, and i understand it. i guess for me i dont see not being a mom so i cant say how i'd react if the situation was reversed.

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 3:57:38 PM

innatedesire

Posts: 111
Joined: 8/21/2006
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First of all congratulations on your unmentionable

Unmentionables is another factor that many men, be they Dom or Vanilla, seem to shy away from. It is a huge undertaking and not everyone wants a sub/slave with kids. Take time for you to adjust to being a new mom that in itself is a MAJOR change and adjustment in your life.
You might do well to add this bit of information on your profile so that it is clear to anyone that reads it (Not saying that everyone reads profiles but that is another topic) it might help as a weeding tool, take your time there is no rush.

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 3:58:35 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tearsandtorment

i am a 23year old single mom, i am currently on leave from work cause i had a baby not to long ago. i seem to keep running into Doms that are just wanting one night stands. or a sub to play with while their wife is not home. i am wanting to relocate to a new area yet when i meet a Dom they want to move in with me? i am just wondering if there is a Dom out there for me? i've been told its to much to ask to have a Dom that is with in ten years of my age but thats something i cant change so how do i handle being harassed all the time?

There is just so much in here that I want to comment on and for the life of me, I don't know where to even start!

You're 23.
You're on maternity leave
You're single
You're DATING?

Honey, you have a child to take care of, and you're sitting here saying that you need to find a DOMINANT?! That child is going to be - and SHOULD be - the biggest dominant in your life for the next few years.

You are that child's CHIEF protector, and yet, you are comtemplating MOVING - to live with someone you barely know - with your BABY?! Are you telling us that your desire to orgasm is outweighing your responsibilities to your CHILD?!

You need a SERIOUS reality check!

I know this is the holiday season and things can get downright depressing, but man! the very LAST thing you need in your life right now is a dominant! I'd suggest getting to know yourself and your baby enough so that you can stand on your own two feet. I can pretty much guarantee that as you do that, you will find more people who are interesting and who are interested in you. Right now, you're not looking for a dominant - as much as you'd like to believe and have us believe. You're looking for someone to save you from being alone. And alone is specifically what you need to learn how to handle.

So:

If you haven't already done so, start being productive - not in the mommyhood kind of way - and get yourself in school. FINISH. Get a job that will support the two of you. Start being independent and strong and all those things that single mothers have to be so that YOUR child will have the best start possible in her life.

And for goodness sake, realize that your priorities are - in this order: First: your child. Second: You - keeping yourself healthy so that you are able to protect him or her and provide for him or her and LASTLY: some dominant.

Looking for a dominant while on maternity leave smacks of looking for a wallet - and sounds like one from over here. To tell the truth, if I were a dominant - I'd be running hard - in the opposite direction.

And know what? I really TRIED to sugar coat this, but you need a good shaking just so that you start looking at life through a little reality based glasses.

No apologies given or qualifying statements to take the bite out of this. I'm sure you'll just discount it, but with a child, you damn well better not. That's not a doll you have there!!

juliet

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:05:47 PM

tearsandtorment

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ok, juliet i damn well KNOW she isnt a doll, i know how to protect MY child. i never said i was moving right away i said i want to relocate that could be years down the road for what i know. i am moving ANYWAY into another town on My own which i am actually used to doing. i have been a MOM since i was 18 years old i am rather diverse on taking care of my own, and yes i want a Dominate that is something you may not understand you are not me there for to judge me in any form is not your place or right so in terms i love so dearly. if your gonna judge me with out knowing me, BITE ME

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:13:30 PM

innatedesire

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Yes she was to the point
Yes this is a forum
Yes you came here seeking advice and feedback and you got it. You may not like what you hear but i do not think she was trying to be mean to you. You did not mention that you have other unmentionables and perhaps we only got part of your story. The feedback was based on what was given to us by you.

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:24:08 PM

akbarbarian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
It don't know whether it's the cynic in me or the analytic, but when I see a dom who is willing to relocate, I think, "Oh, he doesn't have a life." That may or may not be fair, but someone who is engaged in and enjoying his life looks far more appealing to me.

Just a note of caution to others looking - two gentleman in the "willing to relocate" category that I corresponded with here seem to be homeless ... something to think about, eh?

So if noone is willing to relocate, how do you meet someone unless they are already local to you? I am willing to relocate, because I expect to be moving whether I meet someone or not and haven't picked a spot yet. I'm getting network and security certificates, and once I have them I can live and work wherever. I live in Alaska now, and that's just not the spot for me in the long run.

< Message edited by akbarbarian -- 12/23/2006 4:26:39 PM >

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:30:06 PM

akbarbarian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
Honey, you have a child to take care of, and you're sitting here saying that you need to find a DOMINANT?! That child is going to be - and SHOULD be - the biggest dominant in your life for the next few years.

This smacks of hyprocracy to me, telling her she doesn't need a (nother) dominant while ramroding orders and lectures down her throat.

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:32:53 PM

akbarbarian

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Well she deleted her account. I hope people give more friendly advice in the future.

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:43:53 PM

Aeon

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i agree...julietsierra's comments were completely judgemental and totally out of line. Speaking of Holiday depression i think she should take a look in the mirror.
i didn't hear tears say anywhere that she was going to run off with "some Dominant she doesn't even know". All i hear are the words of a woman who wants back the happiness she once had before. i think a little compassion and understanding are in order. i have a slave friend with three children under the age of 9 and she just moved from Atlanta to Austin in order to be with her Sir and everything has worked out beautifully for them. He is an admirable man who has had children of His own and was happy to have more. He loves them as His own and cherishes her as His treasure.
So just because she wants a little happiness in her life does not mean that she is self-centered. The happier and more secure she is in her own life the more happy and secure upbringing she can provide for her children.
And tears...if you open your age range up to maybe 15 years you'll probably have a little more luck finding a man who is ready to have kids....just a thought.
Either way good luck to you!!

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:45:20 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Well she deleted her account. I hope people give more friendly advice in the future.

Hypocracy or not...did you even HEAR what she said? Not one but two children to take care of , one of them an infant, - she's still on maternity leave for goodness sake and she's worried about finding a dominant?

You were the one lecturing her on the possibilities of finding a dominant with children in tow and how that would be just not your cup of tea at this stage in your life - good on you for recognizing that.

I personally don't give a rat's ass about who's ready for what. I care more about how the people she's RESPONSIBLE for are on the back burner while she finds someone to get off with. And if she's paying more attention to them verses out there searching for someone to save her from herself, then good on her too.

There are far far far too many defenseless people cast aside in some people's search for dominants and submissives out there, and I don't have to be all sweet about that.

juliet

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:47:49 PM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aeon

i agree...julietsierra's comments were completely judgemental and totally out of line. Speaking of Holiday depression i think she should take a look in the mirror.
i didn't hear tears say anywhere that she was going to run off with "some Dominant she doesn't even know". All i hear are the words of a woman who wants back the happiness she once had before. i think a little compassion and understanding are in order. i have a slave friend with three children under the age of 9 and she just moved from Atlanta to Austin in order to be with her Sir and everything has worked out beautifully for them. He is an admirable man who has had children of His own and was happy to have more. He loves them as His own and cherishes her as His treasure.
So just because she wants a little happiness in her life does not mean that she is self-centered. The happier and more secure she is in her own life the more happy and secure upbringing she can provide for her children.
And tears...if you open your age range up to maybe 15 years you'll probably have a little more luck finding a man who is ready to have kids....just a thought.
Either way good luck to you!!

She had lots of compassion and understanding. It just didn't come from me.

juliet

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:51:27 PM

akbarbarian

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Joined: 12/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Well she deleted her account. I hope people give more friendly advice in the future.

Hypocracy or not...did you even HEAR what she said? Not one but two children to take care of , one of them an infant, - she's still on maternity leave for goodness sake and she's worried about finding a dominant?

You were the one lecturing her on the possibilities of finding a dominant with children in tow and how that would be just not your cup of tea at this stage in your life - good on you for recognizing that.

I personally don't give a rat's ass about who's ready for what. I care more about how the people she's RESPONSIBLE for are on the back burner while she finds someone to get off with. And if she's paying more attention to them verses out there searching for someone to save her from herself, then good on her too.

There are far far far too many defenseless people cast aside in some people's search for dominants and submissives out there, and I don't have to be all sweet about that.

juliet

Unsolicited advice doesn't influence anyone. She didn't expect, or want to be ranted and lectured at and she left. Try educating her and looking to the safety of her two children now. I didn't say don't look due to having children, I explained that it's not somthing every man is ready for and it has nothing to do with whether she is desirable or fit to be someone's mate. She thanked me for being open and honest in an email before deleting her account. Reread this thread perhaps, to see how my advice was not hurtful to her and was in response to the origonal post where other advice was cruel if it can even be called advice and was not directly related to the origonal post anyhow and was therefore unsolicited.

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:56:53 PM

julietsierra

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Good for you. You said what you felt needed to be said. I said what I felt needed to be said. It's an open forum.

Like I said, "No apologies, no qualifications..."

And actually, the post was directly related to the OP's thread. It just wasn't what she wanted to hear.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/23/2006 4:59:31 PM >

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:59:31 PM

Aeon

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Again juliet you are basing all of your JUDGEMENTS on assumptions made by yourself. Just because she is looking for a Dominantdoes not inherently mean that she is putting her children on the back-burner for crying out loud. Moms are very resourceful. We CAN walk and chew gum at the same time. Can you believe it!!
Bottom line is she was new, she asked for help, and all you did was snipe and judge and show her the ugly underbelly of this lifestyle.
i am quite sure that her search for a Dom began shortly after she lost the last one and not just after her baby was born. And she is doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong by her children by looking for happiness for herself and her children. you were just looking for someone to bitch at and unfortunately found her and chased her off. Nice work! Give yourself a pat on the back for being Queen Rudeshit for tonight!

P.S. i would like to add that D/s is not just about "getting off", as you so eloquently put it, for most people. It is sooooo much more. So don't ASSUME that it is her orgasms she is worried about.

< Message edited by Aeon -- 12/23/2006 5:04:58 PM >

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 4:59:51 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Good for you. You said what you felt needed to be said. I said what I felt needed to be said. It's an open forum.

Like I said, "No apologies, no qualifications..."

And actually, the post was directly related to the OP's thread. It just wasn't what she wanted to hear.

juliet

Hear! Hear!
Ron

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 5:00:48 PM

akbarbarian

Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aeon

i agree...julietsierra's comments were completely judgemental and totally out of line. Speaking of Holiday depression i think she should take a look in the mirror.
i didn't hear tears say anywhere that she was going to run off with "some Dominant she doesn't even know". All i hear are the words of a woman who wants back the happiness she once had before. i think a little compassion and understanding are in order. i have a slave friend with three children under the age of 9 and she just moved from Atlanta to Austin in order to be with her Sir and everything has worked out beautifully for them. He is an admirable man who has had children of His own and was happy to have more. He loves them as His own and cherishes her as His treasure.
So just because she wants a little happiness in her life does not mean that she is self-centered. The happier and more secure she is in her own life the more happy and secure upbringing she can provide for her children.
And tears...if you open your age range up to maybe 15 years you'll probably have a little more luck finding a man who is ready to have kids....just a thought.
Either way good luck to you!!

Well she's gone I believe, and I don't expect we'll see her at least not on that profile if ever. I'm glad to see you have children and are supportive of a more mellow approach in this. I was a little worried that I might inflict the mother's ire upon myself, and I can take all'ya'all, but I'm happier to see that I don't have to

I do know, the more mistreatment someone sees or experiences the more they become paranoid that someone else who is helpless will also be mistreated. It's simple paranoia, and has less to do with the danger present in the actual situation than with the memories of past ills witnessed. As you pointed out, she didn't say she was leaving her kids on the street she just wants to meet someone special.

< Message edited by akbarbarian -- 12/23/2006 5:03:23 PM >

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 5:06:43 PM

Aeon

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Oh Ron come on!! i thought more of You than this. You are really gonna support a hateful post full of nothing but judgements based on assumptions? Her post was complete fiction as every single point she made was based on some fallacious assumption she cooked up in her own mind.

i'm soo disappointed!! lol

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 5:07:43 PM

akbarbarian

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Joined: 12/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
And actually, the post was directly related to the OP's thread. It just wasn't what she wanted to hear.

The post wasn't in answer to her questions, which are a simple wondering if she is undesirable in some way she doesn't understand. And she is. In ways that having nothing to do with her directly.

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 5:09:37 PM

akbarbarian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aeon
fallacious assumption she cooked up in her own mind.

Why does this phrase turn me on? Does it make me a gay cannibal? Maybe I should post a new thread

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RE: am i alone? - 12/23/2006 5:10:11 PM

MaryT

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quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Well she deleted her account. I hope people give more friendly advice in the future.

I think most likely she feels overwhelmed and was looking for a rescuer ... maybe suffering postpartum depression going by her screen name. That's a very bad reason to go Dom hunting, and it makes her (and more importantly her children) especially vulnerable to men who couldn't care less about her well-being. I hope she puts energy into sorting it all out and puts off seeking a Dom until she's in a better space.

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