Is this disrespect? (Full Version)

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twistedwillow -> Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:11:24 PM)

As some may know, my relationship with my Sir is\was rocky.
I won't go into details as to the why or blame or anything like that.
But putting aise the terms of  D\s  vanilla  etc,  there were periods of time where my partner(Sir) would just disappear for weeks at a time, and as it was a long distance relationship, i had no way of knowing what was happening. He would not answer my calls, not come online, not ring me,  anything. Anyway we got together and i told him that if he wanted this relationship to continue that he needed to show me the respect of getting in contact with me.If he didnt want to talk to me that was fine,  but  to send me a text every day or two letting me know he was fine etc. To which he agreed.
So after we had made up and were back together again, and had ( so i thought ) everything sorted i put this information on my profile.

This is a new profile for me, my old one was 'nomansdoormat' . My Sir and i have talked and it looks like everything is and will be good, we sorted out a lot of things and i put my very unsubbish foot down about certain things.

Thankyou to everyone who has sent messages of support, it was a very rough time for me.
But i believe my Sir realise how fabulous i am ( blatant self promotion here ) and that he won't do anything to risk losing me again.

Sir's (very happy) dea
 
 
 

Since then he has apparently had many comments from both Doms and subs, about my lack of respect for him, and how i make him look like the submissive one.
For my part i simply don't see it,  it was slightly tounge in cheek, because i was so happy, but i certainly didn't mean to disrespect him. 
Was it disrespectuful?
Is he being over sensitive?

Sorry for the rambling post.
would love some imput on this.

twistedwillow
edited for obvious typos, etc.



nikaa -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:24:12 PM)

twistedwillow,

To begin with I don't see making your needs known "unsubbish". I strongly beleive that unless we communicate our needs clearly we can not realistly expect them to be meet.

I don't personally see your profile text as disrespectful, however; my perception or anyone elses isn't the one that matters. ONLY your perception and your Sirs truly matter. Did you ask your Sir why he see's it as disrespectful?




Grlwithboy -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:25:58 PM)

I would not want my sub to do that. 

1. I don't approve of the degree to which it airs my laundry or his.

2. The language would offend me if I were the Dominant. I've discussed your boundaries, and I'm meeting you part way in your needs. You make it sound like I'm agreeing to your rules and I'm on my best behavior lest you dispense with me. That wouldn't fly here at all, but to each their own.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:27:19 PM)

Well I think it was questionable to put ALL that into your profile- why does the general public need to know that you were:
a) on rocky footing
b) put your unsubbish foot down
and
c) that you are ok now?

You put your private life on display, expect the drama llamas to come running and stick their noses into it.

I don't think it's disrespectful per se, but I do think it wasn't necessary and you're getting feedback which should have been anticipated.

I don't know if HE is being oversensitive because you haven't mentioned anything he has actually said or done except communicate to you what sorts of responses he is getting about it.  Obviously the answer is to either accept it and ignore what doesn't work, or tell you to change your profile and not include particulars about your private life status.



MaryT -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:36:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow
Since then he has apparently had many comments from both Doms and subs, about my lack of respect for him, and how i make him look like the submissive one.
For my part i simply don't see it,  it was slightly tounge in cheek, because i was so happy, but i certainly didn't mean to disrespect him. 


If he is taking the opinions of online strangers so seriously, I would question his judgment in general.  Unless what you are talking about is a cyber-only relationship (which isn't a relationship at all) ... in which case: 
You can do waaay better than that.  [:)]



twistedwillow -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:37:25 PM)

It was put out there because i have made many friends on here, who were concerned about me. And i dont believe ive excessively 'aired my dirty laundry'

I didn't hide what i had written from him,  obviously, he could have checked it and if he didn't approve, say so, as i said, i don't see anything wrong with what i wrote.

I believe he over reacted to it, mostly i think, he is reacting to others reactions to it. He feels he has lost the respect of many in the community that he talks to.

The reason i put it up here as a post, is exactly for this reason, to get feedback.

There are\were many other issues with our relationship, which i wont go into detail over, as they, while not unimportant, arnt the basis of this post, and not needed to be known by anyone but he and i.


twistedwillow
*sigh* again with the typos



twistedwillow -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:41:15 PM)

Hi MaryT, not it wasn't a cyber relationship, it was long distance, generally tried to see each other every 2\3 weeks. But there were occasional times, where i wouldn't hear from him for 3 weeks or so.  Last conversation would end with 'i love you', and then there would be nothing. 
We were discussing moving in together after New Years.

twistedwillow



demistress -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:44:28 PM)

I do not have the background, but it would seem inappropriate and disrespectful to put that up without his express consent and approval.  Period.



Serenityy -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:47:26 PM)

Hello Twistedwillow
 
I am curious about something. You state that you put such words in your profile so that your friends would understand that you are 'OK'?
 
My question would be; why did you feel the need to so publicly declare to your friends that you got the upper hand? Just curious is all.
 
To answer your original question; yes, in his shoes, I would find it highly disrespectful.



twistedwillow -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:48:44 PM)

As i previously said, it wasn't hidden from him, he could have checked my profile at any time, also he had full access to my account, if he so desired.

twistedwillow



bandit25 -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:49:48 PM)

The thing is...you have to move on now.



twistedwillow -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:50:03 PM)

I wasn't declaring that i had the upper hand, as i said, i don't see it as that, or as being disrespectful, a little cheeky yes, but never disrespecful.

twistedwillow
and again with the typos, declaring not delcaring



Serenityy -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:51:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow

As i previously said, it wasn't hidden from him, he could have checked my profile at any time, also he had full access to my account, if he so desired.

twistedwillow

Instead of taking the responsibility for causing his discomfort now, you are instead placing it at his feet because he had the right to check it himself?
 
Now that he is feeling the back lash of your words; and has expressed to you his discomfort; instead of taking down the offensive words, you instead come here and 'air' it to the boards in an effort to substantiate your stand?
 
I understand now.



twistedwillow -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 3:57:23 PM)

Sorry, i don't think you do understand.
I'm not here to defend what i did, if you re-read my original post it was simply asking for weather people thought what i had written was disrespectful or not.
To my mind he over reacted to it in a big way, and i don't understand why. 

All i am doing now, is defending myself against attacks, i don't want to be attacked, i don't want personal comments about myself or my Sir, all i want is for people to let me know if in their opinion what i wrote was disrespectful ... or not!

Edited to add, that for the record he told me to ask others opinions on this, i am not doing this to * air it * or fold it or even put it away!

twistedwillow



LadyHugs -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 4:02:46 PM)

Dear twistedwillow, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I am a firm believer in "Spirit of Intent."  Only you know why you say the things you do, do what you do and act the way you do.
 
The "Spirit of Intent," which means your inside reasonings why you say and or do things, as it relates to another person.  In saying something very neutral, you can be sarcastic, you can be disrespectful, you can be very respectful and the salad bar of 'attitude' behind it.  The forums aren't able to express from your "spirit" that you are being silly, serious, cocky, respectful and or disrespectful.
 
The comment of putting your 'un-subby' foot down, seeminly implies and causes for great amounts of assumptions on the reader's part; that you have wilfully been disrespectful. 
 
There is an understanding when Dominants and submissives, when discussing boundaries, limits, likes and dislikes in a negotiation and or re-negotiation period can express themself indeed and fully so.  However, I do not agree to being disrespectful about it.  Disrespectful exchanges are a control and or manipulation tool.  It is like a jab and waiting for a response as to force a response.  If I was subjected to a disrespectful exchange--I would withdraw my interest in that submissive/slave and be gone from such a person.
 
There are ways to express the issues in a passionate manner without being overly pushy, disrespectful and or nasty.
 
Again--we're subjected to many assumptions, as there is more than one side to the story when there is another person in the mix (and or relationship) and often others see things in a different manner.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



MaryT -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 4:24:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow
As i previously said, it wasn't hidden from him, he could have checked my profile at any time, also he had full access to my account, if he so desired.


My question again (we are talking about a dom here?) is:  Why would he care what anonymous people in an online forum say?  Why would he care what you say in your profile (since this *is* fantasy land), as long as it didn't reflect on him (and you weren't advertising for your nex dom).  If he is not on the forum and you are anonymous - it could NOT possibly reflect on him.

It would be akin to being offended by spam or junk mail.  How silly is that?  I would feel weirded out by someone who felt so strongly about the opinions of strangers.  I would not choose such a person for a dom.

MaryT



juliaoceania -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 4:37:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

The thing is...you have to move on now.


She moved on but is unhappy that others that she informed have not moved on.. funny how that works!

My mom told me something that is really good advice. She told me to never tell her when I had a fight with my significant other unless I want her to remember that information long after the problem has been resolved because it could do nothing but color her feelings for the person. I applied that to all people, unless I want something thrown back in my face I tend to keep it under my hat.




PlayfulOne -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 4:44:14 PM)

Yoiu created a new profile just to say this, and youi ask if it was disespectful.  You asked if we thought it was disrespectful and many said yes, though yoiu keep insisting you don't think it was.  If you were not going to have an open mind, why ask the question, unless what you wee actually looking for was validation.

Just for the record I think we greatly under reacted, if it was me yoiu would have been looking for a new sir right after youi posted it.  We don't air our buisness in public.

K



KnightofMists -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 4:51:24 PM)

I can't say that I find your comments disrespectful.... However, I am not your Dominant.  I wonder thou... You expect him to show you respect of calling you specific amount... and if he didn't do this.... you would of considered him being disrespectful to you.  So, I wonder.... because he feels your comments are being disrespectful  why should you question his feelings as being valid.  If so... why should your feelings of respect be valid and his not.

Lastly, thou.. I do not find you post exactly disrespectful... I do find it to be highly inappropriate.  It smells of a train wreck in the making.

Edited to add:  As I read some more posts... the smell gets stronger



twistedwillow -> RE: Is this disrespect? (12/24/2006 4:57:07 PM)

I didn't create a new profile "just to say it".
The whys and where to fors are unimportant.
You don't need to know why it was written, or anything else.
All you need to know to for your opinion on this is, that it wasn't written with intent to to disrespect him, harm him, or cause him anger, distress, outrage or any number of other feelings.

I'm also not asking for people to try and change my mind, i still don't feel i did anything wrong.  ALL i am asking for is if in your opinion it is disrespectful, i dont need to know if i was your sub\slave\garden gnome, you would have me strung up n beaten to a pulp, or put on the kerb for some one else, or anything of the sort.

Please stick to answering the question asked,  Do you find what i wrote to be disrespectful.

twistedwillow




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