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LadyHugs -> RE: Regaining control of slave/submissive (12/25/2006 5:42:23 PM)
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Dear SumterDom, Ladies and Gentlemen;
Dominants never have an 'off day.' The duty and responsibility of a Dominant is absolute, to which keeps the household running in a consistant manner. In short, from what I gather--you ran out of gas in three years time. When a Dominant looses their discipline, I see in my mind's eyes, it like to a Drill Sergeant in loosing their discipline his/her platoon will loose their discipline, as well as the trust in that leadership, as it has failed once--what is there to say it won't fail again.
The question as a Dominant, was what hints did the slave give you that you did not see, as to get the signal that the dynamic was in trouble. Did you become lazy, as to stop the rituals or protocols or was it constant 'tug-of-war' with the slave, as to get her/him to do the rituals, protocols and or following the desired 'life's style' within your household.
Perhaps, from my mind's eyes I see--I need facts in order to problem solve. To problem solve, there needs to be no excuses but, facts. From facts and the sequential eroding behaviors that have corroded the M/s or D/s dynamic. What warnings have been missed or ignored.
As a Dominant, I haven't had a situation to where the level of protocol and expectations diminished entirely. I do have a state where protocols are more relaxed but, never absent--it is called low protocol and in or about others of like mind--high protocol is preferred. That said, I will say it requires dedication and a lot of listening with your ears as well as with one's eyes. Silent signals are at times louder than a bullhorn.
May I suggest, that a table talk with your submissive take place. No blame games but, do make an acknowledgement that in three years, things have slipped in a dangerous level of disrepair, to which reconstruction needs to be started as soon as possible. May I further suggest, that the most simplist of ritual and or protocol be started. Working slowly and at a pace to reclaim a familiar comfort pattern, communicating with each other as to get back some of that D/s dynamic.
May I also proffer for consideration--That if the slave/submissive resists this reaffirmation of the D/s and or M/s dynamic; it may be due in part to the failing of the present situation and one must admit, not so strict is more pleasure than the hard work that is required to keep a M/s and or D/s relationship and or dynamic alive. As a Dominant, I would offer to the submissive the need to have them be committed to reestablish the D/s and or M/s dynamic as a new one; not to 'fix' or patch the old one to which has failed and gone into the land of vanilla. Place on parchment/paper, what was good and what was bad in the past D/s dynamic. Learn from each other and negotiate with each other all over again. Find what may/can/should/would work for the both of you and compromise to the point of 'workable' to you both; but--do not compromise so much that one looses themselves or commits themself to a character they are not. Actors are short lived compared to your authentic self. But, first--regain control of yourself and self discipline. Inspire by example. The best quality of a Dominant is to be able to admit they are human and as human, make errors and have flaws. The same goes for submissives and slaves.
Just some thoughts.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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