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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/26/2006 5:52:57 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

as a submissive, i expect the Dominant to make the first move; even in the vanilla world, i have little confidence in approaching a woman and prefer them to take that chance... it makes it less likely that i end up with a shrinking violet, which would not work for me

though i'm not looking, if i were i'd need the Dominant to approach me, when i'm in a submissive i cannot approach Her

Thank you darchChylde, some of us forget that some
submissive males are shy....or want the Dominant one to
make the first move.
heh heh heh

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To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

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"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/26/2006 6:04:32 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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Like most women, I want to feel special and wanted - which means that I generally prefer to not have to make the first move. I have - more than once. In fact, I'm talking to a rather nice young man from this site that I messaged a few weeks ago and if I can ever get him and Holly online at the same time, I'm going to take him to the next step of the 'interview process'. I spent a few days back in October messaging people - knowing that I would have 2 weeks off of work to be able to chat with people at relatively normal times lol. I messaged about a dozen or so, making sure that they knew why I had chosen to message them, asking them to reply, and letting them know that I would be around a lot for a period of time because of vacation ... I got replies back from 5. It's incredibly discouraging from both sides ... so I've pretty much moved back to letting them take the risk.

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/26/2006 6:37:32 PM

fergus

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
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Two cents here ...

I am THRILLED BEYOND MEASURE on the rare occasions when a dominant woman approaches me. Seeing a new PM from a dominant woman in my box makes my heart go flutter, and even if it is someone who lives far away, or otherwise incompatible I am both honored and flattered.

I ALWAYS write back at LEAST a polite note and find that often I have gained a new friend at the very least ... and I have not grown so old that I have no room for a new friend ;)

Please, if you DO happen to find a profile that you like, have no fear about making the first move ... I assure you the sub on the other end will be thrilled to death and you just might find someone that otherwise would've been passed over.

fergus

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/26/2006 6:48:15 PM

onmykneesb4You

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i have to admit i am reading this forum with interest and if a sub may add a reply for me it not so much about the hunt for me as a submissive and i know i will get it for saying this but i do realise i may miss some wonderful people, it's not about being shy, i just feel as a submissive it is not my place to approach a Domme, atleast in a cold email from no where in a chat room one can talk somewhat respectfully and show interest. But overall for me it's just how i feel as a submissive.

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/26/2006 7:48:53 PM

MzMia

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Thank you fegus and onmyknees, I knew you
were out there.
Sometimes, I also contact "potentials" that I might
not have been interested in or had time for before.

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Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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Post #: 25

RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/26/2006 8:08:35 PM

fergus

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MzMia,

That's wonderful to hear ... subs are in fact people ( inspite of what they may tell you ;) ) and that means life can sometimes get complex!

fergus

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/26/2006 11:50:11 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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I very, very rarely ever contact anyone as a "first move." I figure if she's gone through all the wannabes who are contacting her constantly and sees in me something that she's interested in, it will happen. If not, I'm not going out of my way to join the masses that contact every dominant woman, hoping that yet another email will somehow make a connection.

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/26/2006 11:54:40 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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I will approach first if someone catches my eye. It doesnt always have to be something lifestyle or even profile related. When I contacted Angel the first time, it was to make a smartass comment about a journal entry of his. Ive contacted others just to chat. I see no reason not to contact someone I think I mgiht want to talk to.

DV

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VampiresLair

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/27/2006 12:29:25 AM

HCWT1

Posts: 161
Joined: 7/7/2005
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Everybody to there own,but for mine,i would never make the first move.As a sub,one must know there place and thats not wasting the time of every Mistress or domly one they come across.
Myself,put up a profile and wait,the next message may be the one that makes the difference.
"Patience is a verture"

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/27/2006 2:24:49 AM

CuteIrishM4F

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Respectfully and from a submissive's humble perspective,

Though i often mail first (more out of what LA T said about courtship and what i call rules of chivalry), i prefer a Domme to mail me as it gives the impression of confidence not otherwise usually evident in a response to an approach. For often, it is when the powerful approach those willing to give them power, that the gift of power is at its most valuable.

a.

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/27/2006 4:38:26 AM

arione

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Joined: 11/25/2005
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Which submissive man wouldn't love to be initially contacted by the Domme? As many have said before, it's in the dominant role to make the first move and vice versa. But unfortunately it's rooted deep inside the male and female roles that the man chases and hunts after the woman and not the other way around. Same with 99% of the animals. Which doesn's suit me at all, but what can we do about it?

..as a mere explaination?

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/27/2006 5:07:54 AM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: arione

Which submissive man wouldn't love to be initially contacted by the Domme? As many have said before, it's in the dominant role to make the first move and vice versa. But unfortunately it's rooted deep inside the male and female roles that the man chases and hunts after the woman and not the other way around. Same with 99% of the animals. Which doesn's suit me at all, but what can we do about it?
..as a mere explaination?

Damn, I am the 1%!
I always knew I was different, know I feel real special.
Thanks, you have made my day.
I was born Dominant from the womb to the tomb.
I can't change it.

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Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/27/2006 9:14:24 AM

PhDslave

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Joined: 9/24/2005
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Dear Dominant Ladies,

i usually initiate a contact. However, there have been times when Dominas have contacted me. Trust me, it in no way impairs their dominance. In fact it triggers submission knowing that i'm 'hunted'. Distance in all cases was the limiting factor and their inquiries were mostly exploratory so no one lost any 'face' or dignity.

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/27/2006 12:44:05 PM

VampX

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Joined: 10/16/2006
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As much as I do agree on "traditional roles", "supply and demand" and all the rest, I don't see why a Domme would not make the first move and approach a sub. I actually never did that here as I was around too short when I stopped looking...the only difference is that almost all subs make "the first move" at all the Dommes on this site which is not what we do, I suppose.

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/27/2006 2:22:17 PM

MzMia

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Well I am enjoying this exchange. Too often on message boards and chat
rooms, people start the right way or wrong way camp.
Normally, I do NOT initiate initial contact, probably 90% of the time.
But I have initiated contact 10% of the time.
Thanks for sharing, this thread is fun.

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Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/27/2006 4:04:07 PM

SweetDommes

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I know what people say about how it's the Dominant's place to make the first move - but personally, I like what it says about a submissive who has the self confidence and initiative to send a thoughtful, well written e-mail that shows they read our profile. To those who say they are too shy - well, sorry, but that isn't what we're interested in. To others who have other reasons for not e-mailing first, I understand and acknowledge those reasons, but I can promise you that people who don't e-mail every Domme on the site stand out (not to all Dommes, but to most who are serious about the lifestyle).

As I have already said, I have sent out e-mails to initiate conversations (and I'm sure that I will again in the future), but I much prefer to have a boy prove that he can and will take the time and make the effort to initiate contact. To me, someone who sits around and waits for someone else to initiate things is also going to be the kind of person who sits around and waits for instructions at all times instead of looking around and saying "well, this needs to be done, let me get started on it." We don't have a lot of time to search (which is why I rarely e-mail boys unless I know that I have time off coming up), much less do some of the things that really need to be done around our house - and we definitely don't have the time and will to micromanage a boy. So while I will e-mail boys, someone who sends a good e-mail to us first makes a better impression.

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/27/2006 7:02:33 PM

sjskuared

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Its truly a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't. Most women complain about being constantly pestered by sub men or any other male on the internet. Dominant women still like to be courted like regular women. Many sub men are reticent from their (my) view it makes more sense if the Dominant is the aggressive one.

But on a realistic note the bottom line is that if you see someone you are interested in I think you should write because they may not have seen your profile or know that you are available.

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/27/2006 11:13:51 PM

SweetDommes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sjskuared

Its truly a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't. Most women complain about being constantly pestered by sub men or any other male on the internet. Dominant women still like to be courted like regular women. Many sub men are reticent from their (my) view it makes more sense if the Dominant is the aggressive one.

It's not really a case of 'd if you do and d if you don't' - mostly because those of you who actually do put forth a good introductory e-mail, proving that you read the profile and that there might actually be a connection, are not the ones that we complain about. We complain about those who send out an obvious form letter, those who put for a laundry list of things that their Dominant must do to/for them, those who have a profile that is completely incompatable with what we are looking for ... and so on.

As stated, there are some of us who do e-mail on occation, but it does make a better impression if you put forth the effort.

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 8:44:22 AM

RayvenGoddess

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I actually enjoy both having the first move made on me and making the first move myself. I'm never all of one thing I find. I write to people I am interested in for a D/s type relationship or for friendship because I am not someone to just wait for the good things I want to come to me. However, I love it when a submissive writes to me first. I think we all love the feeling of being desired, of being wanted. So even though I am a dominant I love being pursued. Yet it's the case of being careful what you wish for, because the vast majority of people who write to me first are people whom I have no interest in meeting and have stated so in my profile.

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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 9:51:30 AM

pixelslave

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I've written to women and I've had some of them write to me. Its always felt good whenever they've responded when I've written and it feels good to receive an unsolicited message as well.

Like the ladies, there have been a couple times I've wondered "why contact me?" So far, I've at least made some friends, and who knows what might happen from there? Distance has nearly always been the greatest impediment.

The one thing I will say in regard to the times I've been contacted by Dominants is that they've tended to be "one-liners" or what some would call an "icebreaker"; something most Dominants universally say they abhor receiving here on CM and usually won't reply to, so the burden was still left to me to do the follow-up and initiate things from there. But it at least opened the door and let me know there was potential interest for either a friendship or perhaps something more.

So for those who like being "courted", sending an "icebreaker" to someone who might be of interest to you, could be precisely what is needed to spur them into action and let them know their efforts would be well received.

- pixel

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