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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 11:35:13 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YveGee

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith

quote:

ORIGINAL: YveGee

There are more males looking for females in bdsm.


I have seen this said over and over again here on CM. Is there any emperical research to back this up? I always saw it as being pretty much even between males and females. I know the munch that I attend have more females then males who are members.


When I use my search parameters set for "males," I get over 11 pages of entries. When I use the same parameters and set it for "females," I get 5 pages. When I switch the parameters from from "submissive" to "dominant," I still get way more males than females. This has held true on other sites, too.

Perhaps this is not true in your neck of the woods, but those are my results. Have you checked the sites?

 
First off, I like the pretty pastal colors of your text.
 
I have noticed this, but chalked it up as men will post more profiles then women will. I have also seen that more men then women will post profiles in vanilla online dating sites as well. There might be another issue here then just more men in the BDSM community.
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: YveGee

Comparing online to real-life is not an apt comparison. Perhaps your munches were designed for women by women. Perhaps you don't go to the munches which are more male-dominated because you're not interested in munches with a high male to female ratio.


 
It very well might be true, but that is just an observation on my part too. The munch I attend irregularly was actually set up by an opposite sex couple. It was designed to be an all inclusive group. I don't know why more women show then men, or maybe there are just more men there then I observe. I will have to take a head count next time I show up.

(in reply to YveGee)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 11:53:57 AM   
YveGee


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/5/2004
From: Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith
First off, I like the pretty pastal colors of your text.


Thanks! I don't care much for the color black. I like colors, especially during the dreary winter months.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith
I have noticed this, but chalked it up as men will post more profiles then women will. I have also seen that more men then women will post profiles in vanilla online dating sites as well. There might be another issue here then just more men in the BDSM community.


It's true that women don't seem to be as comfortable generally with online profiles and dating. To me, this means that guys really, really ought to be attentive to the ladies who are!

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith

It very well might be true, but that is just an observation on my part too. The munch I attend irregularly was actually set up by an opposite sex couple. It was designed to be an all inclusive group. I don't know why more women show then men, or maybe there are just more men there then I observe. I will have to take a head count next time I show up.



I think that females are more comfortable being recruited by females. If the lady of the couple did a lot of work on recruiting, then her efforts were probably rewarded. It could also be that you were focused on the ladies and didn't really *see* the men who were there! Tunnel vision can happen anywhere!



_____________________________




If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. --author unknown



(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 1:38:26 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		  It does appear that the majority of the women here.
Myself included, are not going to usually intitate the first contact.
  Sorry, male submissives.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/29/2006 2:35:47 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to YveGee)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 1:41:40 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMinx
*smiles*  like you  Mz Mia .... I enjoy the hunt, and am happy to do so online and offline ....  but as Akasha said ... I soon get bored  if a person cant respond in interesting ways to my interactions....

Being dominant doesnt mean I dont enjoy charming delightful intrigueing people who can hold their own, in their own way, nor does it mean that submissive doesnt need to court me in all sorts of ways .... I love flirting and all sorts of interactions, and  their are plenty of ways to do so within any style of dynamic

I think any one enjoys being desired .... feeling the attraction from those who they interact with .... their are thousands of ways a person can show such and still be both submissive and delightful


LOL, you know what?  Even if the submissive contacts you FIRST, you can still control
the pace of everything else.
I have a list of online expectations that I send after about 6-8 initial emails.
Most don't even deserve to find out my online expectations.
So, even if you make the first contact, I will tend to control everything else.
That way I am still the hunter.....LOL
I am setting the pace, calling the shots and basically in charge.
I fucking love it.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MzMinx)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 1:47:52 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith

quote:

ORIGINAL: YveGee

There are more males looking for females in bdsm.


I have seen this said over and over again here on CM. Is there any emperical research to back this up? I always saw it as being pretty much even between males and females. I know the munch that I attend  have more females then males who are members.
 

There are probably more males on collarme than female.
But do sheer numbers matter all that much?
Is it quality or quanity we seek?

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/29/2006 2:37:59 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 2:28:26 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: YveGee

There are more males looking for females in bdsm.


I have seen this said over and over again here on CM. Is there any emperical research to back this up? I always saw it as being pretty much even between males and females. I know the munch that I attend have more females then males who are members.
se my s
earch parameters set for "males," I get over 11 pages of entries. When I use the same parameters and set it for "females," I get 5
I agree with the number YveGee, BUT after hanging around the majority of ALL the BDSM sites online,
I will say there are more submissive males, BUT what kind of submissive MALES??????
The majority of the submissive males online that I have run into, are not submissives at all.
The majority of the submissive males that I have run into online are bottoms at best.
If you have 1 million men online, but only 5,000 are SERIOUS and suitable, what do the
freaking numbers mean?
When you weed out all the Do Me's, the Marrieds, The Tourists, The Kinky Fun Freaky Sex Seekers, Curious
George Experimenters,Those that only want to sneak around and not get serious, the numbers seem to be
about even.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/29/2006 2:42:52 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/30/2006 8:29:56 AM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		The number of men to women on this and other dating sites is astounding.  Hands down, there are MANY more men here on CM than women (I estimate 10 to 1 in just about every search perameter).  I will say that about 10% (perhaps less) of the men are 'serious' ... but I postulate that that figure is also pretty true for the women as well ... so the 'quality vs quantity' argument still leaves the men outnumbering the women by a strong margine.  So, it is tough :)  especially for the poor sub male :D ... answer? A sub male must try harder .... there is just WAY more competition.

Here are some leveling tips ... the ratio of men to women who POST on the message board seems MUCH more even!  I have not been to but one munch and I have to say, from annecdotal evidence, the ratio of men to women seems more even in that scenario ... though *SINGLE* women still seem to be in shorter supply.

Okay, I was watching TV the other day and they were talking about on-line xdating sites and the ower of this site (see link below) claimed that the women out number the men on this site by about 9 to 1:
http://wealthymen.com/

fergus

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/30/2006 1:54:09 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus

The number of men to women on this and other dating sites is astounding.  Hands down, there are MANY more men here on CM than women (I estimate 10 to 1 in just about every search perameter).  I will say that about 10% (perhaps less) of the men are 'serious' ... but I postulate that that figure is also pretty true for the women as well ... so the 'quality vs quantity' argument still leaves the men outnumbering the women by a strong margine.  So, it is tough :)  especially for the poor sub male :D ... answer? A sub male must try harder .... there is just WAY more competition.


fergus


Surely you are kidding about the 10% or less part,
do you talk to any women on here?

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/30/2006 3:10:27 PM   
Jeniluscious


Posts: 53
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: Detroit metro
Status: offline 		**fast reply**

This has been an interesting thread.  I sometimes make the first move, I sometimes respond to emails/IMs from others.  But what makes it for me is that I always, surely make the DECIDING move.  For me, that's the only one that matters.  My pool is small because I do not entertain the thought of long distance/relocation.  I actively dissuade queries from Grand Rapids and Saginaw simply because the distance makes it less likely that a potential candidiate will be able to fulfill my very stringent time requirements.  I get a lot of very importunate men from California, which amazes me; you can't find a femdom in Los Angeles or San Francisco? 

_____________________________

Jeni

An axe and a scalpel both draw blood. For me, I prefer the scalpel; I like my bloodletting up close and personal.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/30/2006 3:17:59 PM   
PoeticPrincess


Posts: 49
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline 		Wealthy Men - 1 man to every 10 women? I believe its true. A wealthy friend of mine was shocked when a very pretty woman he had started dating asked to see his Centurion card... thats the credit card with no limits. A perfect slave of a credit card...lol..    I suggested that she would probably be as selfish in bed as she was at the mall.

A very nice man who I met on this site, on our first date, offered to buy me some £800 strappy boots. I refused of course, and all other gifts...as any decent woman would refuse her slave the chance to buy her favour. In ended because he was in fact not the man for me, and money really didnt make a ha'penny of difference.

One thing I love about this community is the honesty. With the exception of foreign nationals who want to relocate to my beautiful house and eat my fridge up... which any bona fide guest of mine is welcome to do... its a pleasure to know most of the people here, and I wouldnt be shy of contacting someone if their profile was thoughtful and they had taken pains to represent themselves honestly.

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/30/2006 4:35:08 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus

The number of men to women on this and other dating sites is astounding.  Hands down, there are MANY more men here on CM than women (I estimate 10 to 1 in just about every search perameter).  I will say that about 10% (perhaps less) of the men are 'serious' ... but I postulate that that figure is also pretty true for the women as well ... so the 'quality vs quantity' argument still leaves the men outnumbering the women by a strong margine.  So, it is tough :)  especially for the poor sub male :D ... answer? A sub male must try harder .... there is just WAY more competition.


fergus


Surely you are kidding about the 10% or less part,
do you talk to any women on here?


Yes.

Yes I have.

perhaps part of the difficulty is one of perception as to what is 'serious' or not ;) (lol, could be a whole thread on its own, and likely is!)

fergus

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 1/1/2007 9:38:17 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I'll make the first move in a heartbeat, if the boi interests Me!

His response is what determines whether or not our dialogue continues.

If I remember correctly, I was in a chatroom one day and had observed a quiet sub male just lurking, rarely posting, obviously getting his feet a bit wet.

I opened an IM and typed 'Hello, boi'....

...and the rest just clicked.  I took control of how long we'd communicate, how often, when and where we would finally meet, and he's been My sub for 5 years.

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 1/1/2007 10:38:20 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam
I'll make the first move in a heartbeat, if the boi interests Me!

His response is what determines whether or not our dialogue continues.

If I remember correctly, I was in a chatroom one day and had observed a quiet sub male just lurking, rarely posting, obviously getting his feet a bit wet.

I opened an IM and typed 'Hello, boi'....
...and the rest just clicked.  I took control of how long we'd communicate, how often, when and where we would finally meet, and he's been My sub for 5 years.
TM


Damnnnnnnnn I wanna be like you when I grow up.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 1/1/2007 10:44:04 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		You seem to be a pretty strong Domina in your own right.
I fail to undertand the need to ridicule Me, though.

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 1/1/2007 11:18:44 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I am sorry, that really was a compliment.
It meant I am impressed, I don't think humor always translates online.
Sorry, if I offended you.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 1/1/2007 6:44:36 PM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		During the year of 2006, apart from complimenting or commenting on some posts I made on the forum, I have no Domme messaging me. In 2005, I had many despite the profile not changing all that much. Many I ended up ignoring they tend to prove what kind of people they are very quickly with their messages or in messenger, some get scared just of how the universe decided to create me, and some just not compaticle or they live to far or I am not willing to move to the states or to the middle of nowhere rural area.

So what happened in 2006 for Dommes to stop contacting me? *shrugs*, like I said, my profile didn't change all that much in comparison to the previous year apart from a few modifications and additions. 2007 profile I changed it alot. :p

-mellian


_____________________________

Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 3/17/2007 5:36:41 AM   
seekstofasn8adom


Posts: 252
Joined: 1/20/2007
From: colchester/essex.
Status: offline 		I wish more lady Dommes would make the first move.

(in reply to YveGee)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 3/17/2007 6:02:36 AM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		If I'm interested, I make the first move. I just don't think about it that much. I find that the more I think about things the more I shoot myself in the foot sometimes, so if someone looks interesting to me (IRL or online), then I say "howdy". 

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 3/17/2007 6:04:49 AM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I make the first move all the time, lately I delete all messages unless I have contacted
them first.

(in reply to LaMistressa)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 3/17/2007 10:10:13 AM   
DivaZya


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		I like to see who's added Me to their favorites list~
they can be shy - no problem . . .
If I like what their profile says, it's an instant message from Me, to AT LEAST compliment them on their bravery and good taste!
  So simple too - for Me to add anyone to My favorite user list, if perhaps their profile is not filled out well enough for Me to compare interests.
Let them know they have at least a chance recieving a reply.

There's a pinch of hope in every new contact.



_____________________________

~ D/s isn't based on fantasies- it may be motivated by them, but reality must be dealt with, and sometimes sharply! ~

(in reply to LadyIce)
Profile   Post #: 80
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