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RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 12:18:12 PM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		I have been known to send an introductory email or 2 now and again, but frankly what I am seeking is very specific, and would appeal to only a limited few on here, so I prefer to just have an honest, frank profile and let a slave contact me if he is interested by what he reads.

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 3:42:18 PM   
DiamondOrchid


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		For me, it depends on the circumstance. I've contacted people because I liked or had an issue with one of their posts. If/when I want a relationship, there are a few whom I'd initiate contact with. But, as other Ladies have stated, there isn't much need to go looking when I get multiple messages a day...

D.


_____________________________

Relationships are like full time jobs and should be treated as such. If your boy/girlfriend wants to leave, they should give you two weeks' notice and severance pay. Also they should have to find you a temp.

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 3:48:50 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I totally understand not needing to contact the very
hungry and usually aggressive male submissives online.
I just find it interesting, when Dominant women don't
feel comfortable making the first move, when most
Dominant men DO make the first move.
Very, very interesting.
Thanks for all the replies.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to DiamondOrchid)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 4:34:56 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
I am always happy making the first move, whether it be online or in real life.  I enjoy being the pursuer in all of my femdom relationships.  It's fun and exciting, and I like to take that role.

However, I lose interest fast if the male sub doesn't put in his fair share of effort, and quickly.  A very, very common example of this scenario:

1) I make first move and show interest, OR respond favorably to his initial contact and go into a clear flirtacious mode or predatory mode -- asking questions, etc.
2) Sub responds in a positive manner, but does nothing to reciprocate interest other than respond
3) Sub takes a clear "what do you want me to do now?" position

BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!

At that point, forget it.  There are so many male subs that do not know how to show interest or initiative and seem to want to sit back and let the femdom do all the work.  I am talking about things pretty obvious -- like responding to an email, answering all my questions, and then finishing off the email with "What else do you want to know about me?" or "what do you want me to do now?" or "I look forward to hearing from you again" -- then writes back in two days "I haven't heard from you again, what's up?"

Clue:  Ask the woman some questions, show interest, show initiative. Just because she is a dominant woman doesn't mean she has to do all the fact finding. Don't talk about yourself non stop and then ask her nothing about herself -- or, worse, don't limit yourself to asking ONLY about her kinks.  Show some interest in her as a human being.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 4:47:40 PM   
mynded


Posts: 137
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline 		It is sooo nice to be entertained and entertained well...

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 7:30:09 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

1) I make first move and show interest, OR respond favorably to his initial contact and go into a clear flirtacious mode or predatory mode -- asking questions, etc.
2) Sub responds in a positive manner, but does nothing to reciprocate interest other than respond
3) Sub takes a clear "what do you want me to do now?" position

BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!



Would it be safe to say, that you like a sub who knows how to flirt with you; one who can hold up his end of the back and forth banter??   Its my belief and many women here have seemed to confirm it, that Dominant women still like to be treated first of all as attractive women and desire men who know how to make them feel desired.
 
 - pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 9:20:15 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Nice post AAkasha and...
so far so good with the subbie that I approached first!
By the way, he was new to collarme and caught my eye.
I needed someone new here, and so it is working for Mia.
hehehehe

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 9:23:06 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Heh, sounds like the one that I've been chatting with - he joined about 12 hours before I messaged him.  I just thought that his profile looked good and he's close enough that meeting wouldn't be a problem.  So far things are working out fairly well, although I do have to say that the other two that I am talking to (and yes, they all know about each other ... or should, since I've told them) did message me first. 

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 9:25:02 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		^5
you go girl!
hehehe

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 9:33:45 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, you know ... gotta catch the good ones quick

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 9:37:44 PM   
DommeChains


Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		As I was reading the postings I was thinking about the ratio of successful connections when I was initially contacted versus when I do the initial contacting.  Interestingly enough the most successful connections have been the ones where I did the initial contact.  I spent a goodly portion of my early adulthood using the traditional role of waiting to be approached until the time came that I felt comfortable in my dominance.  Now, I relish the freedom to be the one to approach first.  Yes, of course I love being courted and the initial zing of feeling courted.  So I have made it clear to any potentials that I do expect and welcome some flirting and casual banter.  If a man isn't witty or is afraid to joke with me he isn't going to last long.  I find it has been easier if I use humor to get him to relax and let me see more of his character than just trading shopping lists of desires, expectations, etc.  As I state in my profile it takes time to get to know each other as people.  I have found that the submissive men that I have made the first overture to have been very appreciative and, dare I say it, relieved that a femdom would take the time to write them first.


(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 10:04:51 PM   
maybeican


Posts: 25
Joined: 9/1/2005
Status: offline 		Interesting thoughts. I don't contact anybody on here. If a Domme writes me, I reply in kind. Most of the ones that contact me are Pro's. I don't do clocks and whips. I have forge some really good friendships here. <Wink> to those who know.
I am in no hurry to get were I must be, so I will take time to get and know who contacts me. For me the reality is developing a basic trust. 
I have been too easily decieved in the past, so now I await the One. I got all the time in the world.


_____________________________

Have a wonderfully giving day.

(in reply to DommeChains)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 10:21:11 PM   
MzMinx


Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		*smiles*  like you  Mz Mia .... I enjoy the hunt, and am happy to do so online and offline ....  but as Akasha said ... I soon get bored  if a person cant respond in interesting ways to my interactions....

Being dominant doesnt mean I dont enjoy charming delightful intrigueing people who can hold their own, in their own way, nor does it mean that submissive doesnt need to court me in all sorts of ways .... I love flirting and all sorts of interactions, and  their are plenty of ways to do so within any style of dynamic

I think any one enjoys being desired .... feeling the attraction from those who they interact with .... their are thousands of ways a person can show such and still be both submissive and delightful



(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/28/2006 10:51:47 PM   
synrgy33


Posts: 61
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		I am so thrilled by this thread. As a submissive who has just found her footing as a switch, I was very unsure of how to proceed. I do think a decent profile is worthwhile. I was speaking to a Domme female friend of mine tonight asking her advice on some things and I asked her.. "Why are some profiles so bare?" Especially coming from a sub point of view. If I wanted a Dom's interest I know that I have to put forth the effort in my profile, and in myself and actions for him/her to be interested. Why aren't other submissives the same way? Do I have high standards? LOL. But I was very intrigued by this as I was burned this last week by a male submissive that was new to the KCity community. We began talking and he's who actually intensified my curiosity in being a Switch. So we began negotiating, spent a few days together getting to know each other. Had a truly fabulous time.. Then suddenly... He unsubscribes from here, unsubscribed from lists etc. Sir says "Give him a chance, but you're probably right" but my heart says shut the door, learn from the lesson and move on from it. I do know if I haven't heard a word by Sunday, I'm not wasting another moment of my time thinking about "what did I do wrong"

Thank you for this thread. I feel more confident that if I find someone that intrests me that I will have the confidence to step forward and email them. And just because I email them does not mean that I am chasing them. :)


In respect,

Syn~

_____________________________

"You have to get past the pleasure stage, until you reach the stage of tears.Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses." -:Allophones Karr:-

(in reply to MzMinx)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 1:46:29 AM   
cbts4gd


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		This one always puzzled me too, Ms Mia. I mean, you would think the dominant partner (or potential partner) would do the hunting. I wish it was more that way, not so much to make it easier on sub males (reject6ion sucks, lol), but it just seems the relationship would start out more typical dom/sub right from the start.

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 10:06:21 AM   
YveGee


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/5/2004
From: Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeChains

As I was reading the postings I was thinking about the ratio of successful connections when I was initially contacted versus when I do the initial contacting. Interestingly enough the most successful connections have been the ones where I did the initial contact.



I, too, thought about the ratio of successful connections I've made but my conclusions were the opposite. I've had more successful relationships when the male made the first move. I think it's because I can more easily gauge his level of interest in someone like me (BBW, married, etc.) by his introductory e-mail.

If he's really interested in me, he'll have read my profile and come up with an interesting way to gain my interest. He'll have checked over grammar and spelling in order to put his best foot forward. When I'm looking for a sub, most of the information on how to approach me is in my profile.

I have had some successful friendships begun when I initiated contact but all of those relationships have been with people whom I will probably never meet--strictly e-pals. When I initiate contact with someone nearby, it has never worked out.


_____________________________




If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. --author unknown



(in reply to DommeChains)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 10:17:10 AM   
CRUELLASADISTIC


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/12/2005
Status: offline 		My boy simply asked to sit at my feet
no hoopla
no do you do this
or that
we discussed ab fab [sweety darling]
We became friends first...now?
Im besotten.i wasnt really looking...and there he was!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But  I have approached subs.chased subs,caught subs,and    and       
I think its all in the matter of timing

(in reply to YveGee)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 10:33:27 AM   
YveGee


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/5/2004
From: Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cbts4gd

This one always puzzled me too, Ms Mia. I mean, you would think the dominant partner (or potential partner) would do the hunting. I wish it was more that way, not so much to make it easier on sub males (reject6ion sucks, lol), but it just seems the relationship would start out more typical dom/sub right from the start.



This is contrary to my views. The one who wishes to attract the other is the one who does the majority of the courting. A sub who approaches me is already learning how to please me and make me happy. He is learning about my likes and dislikes.

If I'm "hunting," I'm studying my prey very carefully. I'm learning all I can about him. It seems to me that the submissive ought to be the one doing all the studying if he wants to learn how to make me happy and how to please me.

In nature, the male does his darndest to try to attract her attention. The male gets the showy plumes in order to gain her attention. The male creates bowers in order to attract her to him. The male learns the fancy songs in order to get her to listen to him.

There are more males looking for females in bdsm. The role of submissive and dominant is irrelevant. Most males will need to work to gain the attention of the few females available. If a male takes a passive role, it's going to be hard for him to find a female. There aren't all that many of us available and around.

To me, part of the role of the submissive is to want to please the dominant. (Yes, it goes the other way around, too, but let's be real! The dominant whose sole goal is to please the submissive isn't seen as dominant.) It is more natural to me that the male tries to attract and please the female during courtship and throughout the rest of the relationship than he only tries to attract her during courtship while she tries to please him the rest of the relationship. (Does that make sense?)


_____________________________




If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. --author unknown



(in reply to cbts4gd)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 10:59:54 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YveGee

There are more males looking for females in bdsm.


I have seen this said over and over again here on CM. Is there any emperical research to back this up? I always saw it as being pretty much even between males and females. I know the munch that I attend  have more females then males who are members.

(in reply to YveGee)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dominant Women making the first move online - 12/29/2006 11:27:42 AM   
YveGee


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/5/2004
From: Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith

quote:

ORIGINAL: YveGee

There are more males looking for females in bdsm.


I have seen this said over and over again here on CM. Is there any emperical research to back this up? I always saw it as being pretty much even between males and females. I know the munch that I attend have more females then males who are members.


When I use my search parameters set for "males," I get over 11 pages of entries. When I use the same parameters and set it for "females," I get 5 pages. When I switch the parameters from from "submissive" to "dominant," I still get way more males than females. This has held true on other sites, too.

Perhaps this is not true in your neck of the woods, but those are my results. Have you checked the sites?

Comparing online to real-life is not an apt comparison. Perhaps your munches were designed for women by women. Perhaps you don't go to the munches which are more male-dominated because you're not interested in munches with a high male to female ratio.

Sorry for the hijack, OP!



_____________________________




If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. --author unknown



(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 60
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