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How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:20:08 PM   
dvart


Posts: 110
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		A genuine question from someone who wants to be in a long term D/s relationship but hasn't got there yet.

I have noticed a paradox from women submissives/slaves in long term relationships. You choose to submit but on the other hand you actually seem pretty assertive even bossy. So let's assume that you have taken a lot of care in choosing your master, you have negotiated your hard limits and months or years into the relationship it's pretty much everything that you wanted, BUT not even the perfect master is ever completely perfect and it is the little things that cause problem in any relationship.

So, you accept that he has the last say in pretty much everything, but you really can't stand that awful green bathroom, his taste in clothes, the fake teak panelling in the living room, leaving socks around, his Mother, the state of the garden. I really don't buy into "he is the master I just have to accept it" because a lot of you seem the sort of women who would want to get their own way at least over small things.

So how does a slave get her own way?
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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:29:01 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

So how does a slave get her own way?
By not becoming one.

(in reply to dvart)
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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:30:08 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		lol great question.
 
its gonna differ depending on the people involved, but i would think if you are slave and your owner has a green bathroom and wall paneling, you have bigger problems then not getting your way....jk
 
truth is everything is negotiable, otherwise you have nothing, some slaves are better then other slaves at negotiating.....one thing to realize does not work is the overt power play, covert manipulation and whining....
 
remember you are there to make his/her life better, so often s/he will take your thoughts into consideration and if you couple that with being willing to make the changes yourself...most Doms are psyched for the help....

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:30:20 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart

A genuine question from someone who wants to be in a long term D/s relationship but hasn't got there yet.

I have noticed a paradox from women submissives/slaves in long term relationships. You choose to submit but on the other hand you actually seem pretty assertive even bossy.

 
I resemble that remark  *w*  Alandra calls me bossy quite often.  Mostly I am just assertive; I can be rather direct and blunt and many associate that with bossiness.  I don't respond well to hints and subtle remarks, so I try not to make them.
 
quote:

So let's assume that you have taken a lot of care in choosing your master, you have negotiated your hard limits and months or years into the relationship it's pretty much everything that you wanted, BUT not even the perfect master is ever completely perfect and it is the little things that cause problem in any relationship.

So, you accept that he has the last say in pretty much everything, but you really can't stand that awful green bathroom, his taste in clothes, the fake teak panelling in the living room, leaving socks around, his Mother, the state of the garden. I really don't buy into "he is the master I just have to accept it" because a lot of you seem the sort of women who would want to get their own way at least over small things.

 
These things would not cause problems in our relationship.  They may be irritants, but they could be worked around and not impact the relationship.


quote:

So how does a slave get her own way?


I would ask him if I could do something the way I want to do it.  I have done this in the past; sometimes he says yes, sometimes no. 

Knight's kyra

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:31:14 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		The contrapositive is also often true.

A slave can get her own way by becoming one.

Kinda nice when life can work out both ways.

Ron

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:31:32 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I am an assertive human being, but never assertive to him.

If I wanted my way, rather than his way, I would not be his slave.  My way didn't work out so well for me in life. 

But yes, life sometimes has its little annoyances.  I am always free to make requests or suggestions. This doesn't mean he will oblige, however.  My Master's driving scares the crap out of me, for example.  And I will say it, "Master, you're scaring the crap out of me."  But he insists on driving so I live with it.  When he leaves his socks around, I pick them up.  When he "miss-aims" at the commode, I wipe it up.  We talk about things. We converse often.  But his word is the final word.  The thing is, my life was crap before he took it over.  With his rule over me I have been able to turn a complete 180.  So I'm pretty happy doing whatever it is he expects of me, even if it's not something I necessarily like doing.


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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:32:36 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

The contrapositive is also often true.

A slave can get her own way by becoming one.

Kinda nice when life can work out both ways.

Ron


Wow Ron - awesome post.

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:35:19 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

So how does a slave get her own way?
 
I don't. Master made it very clear in the beginning of our relationship that it would be his way, not mine Doesn't mean to say, there are still not things that I would prefer to be another way, or that I don't think about those things sometimes, or that I don't even try to change them...but it never works unless it's Masters desire too and I accept that. Thats the fact of our relationship.
 

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:35:40 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

The contrapositive is also often true.
A slave can get her own way by becoming one.
Kinda nice when life can work out both ways.
Ron


Ron,
Quite true - I was going to add that she could make "teak paneling, socks, the garden, and his mother "hard limits", or use a "safe-word" but decided against it.

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:37:44 PM   
Serenityy


Posts: 97
Status: offline 		Hello dvart

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

So how does a slave get her own way?
By not becoming one.

I regret having to rely on such a short answer, but I would have to totally agree with this here.

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harley

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:38:31 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL,

I am hoping the slave wrote this, because I am looking at buying an old wooden yacht to throw on the lake, and have use of teak paneling and planking.

Much health, wealth and happiness to you and yours.

Ron 

from a book that was either in the mid thirteen or fifteen hundreds, it was written:

A woman, by simple obesiance, doth ruleth her husband.  (this is largely true, or at least affects her man to the maximumb degree she is able)  

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 12/28/2006 12:43:04 PM >

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:50:07 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		All of those things would/should be obvious before committing to a relationship.  So if you find something in his life that you can't live with, and he can't live without, then obviously it's best to move on.  In a vanilla relationship, those things would likely be a source of constant nagging or arguments.

He made sure I understood that I can respectfully discuss matters with Him, but ultimately it's His decision.





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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 12:57:09 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		Better find a way to make what you want seem like Master's idea. By definition, slaves don't get their way except Master is in a magnanimous mood and grants the wish.

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 1:40:09 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Alone, my existance is such that I don't really get my way about much of anything, and by this stage of the game, it doesn't bother me much. I live in a rented apartment, so I have little choice in home decor, and wall color isn't something I have alot invested in.  My son misfires, and it cleans up pretty easy.  If there's socks on the floor I pick them up.  No inlaw can be worse than what comes out of my own family, but life's like that and therapy helps.  I'd love to have a garden to worry about, but I don't. 

When something breaks, I have to depend on the maintence guy to fix it, and sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.  They take care of the really important stuff, but the little stuff, like the laundry facilities and the dish washer, never got taken care of.  There was a time when it made me really mad, and I looked into moving, and realized how cheap the rent is, so I crossed myself, appologized to the universe and vowed to stop complaining cause I sure as hell don't want to get kicked out.  Then I vaccuumed and mopped the entryway to the building and felt better.

I don't know.  I'm trying to think of other situations where I got into conflict over something with someone and what I did to get my way.  All I can say is I really didn't do anything other than state my case, and leave it at that.  Its not really up to me to make another grownup do anything.



(in reply to dvart)
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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 1:43:18 PM   
Wolfspet


Posts: 143
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Well considering the upkeep and decor of the home is under my jurisdiction, and has been for oh...the last 18 years or so, I don't see it as "getting my way", I see it as providing a clean, comfortable, astetically pleasing surrounding for my family, and he does too.

Then again, if he had the whole  "my way or the highway" approach anyway we would not have been together for the last 18+ years.

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 1:45:34 PM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		The way a slave gets her/his way is by having permission granted by her/his Master.
If a slave (not sub) does not like something she/he should occasionally be permitted to speak freely or journal about the things that bother her/him.
Her/his Master then decides if the agitation or issue is to continue as he has a different opinion, or if she/he gets her way as he chooses to go her way instead of his own or he likes what she/he proposes.
If Master likes awful paneling, or wants you to respect his Mom even if she does not deserve it it's His choice to make as he's in charge.
You should just resign yourself to the fact it pleases him.
If you can't abide by the rules/standards he sets forth maybe your only option to get your way if he does not agree would be to leave as you're not as compatible with his house as you thought you were.
suzanne

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 1:55:36 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		When you find someone that is a good match for you, you won't be so worried about getting your own way. For the things that are truly important, you'll have your own way because it will be your Master's way, too.

Master Fire

Edited for spelling


< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 12/28/2006 2:26:11 PM >

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 2:13:35 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Damn I have nothing really to add- being bossy or assertive isn't a contradiction to being a slave.  It can in fact be quite a strength to use.

I don't go into a relationship with a laundry list of things to change.  Like Kyra, I am open with my suggestions and they are free to listen or ignore as they will.

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 2:16:14 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		By being passive agressive?

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RE: How does a slave get her own way? - 12/28/2006 3:00:50 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

The contrapositive is also often true.

A slave can get her own way by becoming one.

Kinda nice when life can work out both ways.

Ron


~smiling~ Yep. Perfect freedom. I'm starting to "get" it (and I'm sure a certain Sir is quite relieved.)

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Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

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