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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 11:07:32 AM

RedSavageSlave

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oh yeah!!! now I remember why I stopped going to AOL chatrooms LOL

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 11:12:31 AM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

So last night I actually hung out in the AOL chatrooms, which I haven't done in about a year. Had lots of fun adventures there. One in particular included a room with two self-professed brats.

What was interesting about this was that they were BOTH being punished by their doms for some bratty behavior they had done earlier. One was being ignored for two days and I don't know the specifics of the other one.

Both were not happy with the punishment and were bearing through it by hanging out online with their cyber crew.

What I found interesting was that they were still proud of being brats, and claimed that life would be boring if they were always good! I was fairly shocked at this justification for bad behavior myself, but thought perhaps I'm the odd one out.

One of them also said "what's life without getting a spankin for misbehavin?"

And yet when I mentioned "play punishments" as a kink, both of them claimed not to know what it was and dismissed it quickly as just playing games and not serious Ds.

I was indeed somewhat amazed that these two women could hold so many contradictions within them at once and not realize it. Submit, but not to the point of being boring. Don't like punishments, but misbehaving to get punishment is good.

Do many people really think that behaving leads to a boring life? And why?

Yes and no is my answer. If one is never disobedient...they are not testing boundaries...they are no probing...and, ultimately, they are not growing.

In any relationship, if the people involved do not grow, the relationship will die. That happened between my ex wife and I some years back...we were stagnating as people and our relationship collapsed as a result.

However, rules should exist for a reason, and they should be respected. If a slave is misbehaving specifically to instigate punishment, there is something out of kilter in that relationship.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 11:18:08 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Yes and no is my answer. If one is never disobedient...they are not testing boundaries...they are no probing...and, ultimately, they are not growing.

Nonsense. You don't have to be disobediant to grow.

~stef

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 11:56:33 AM

justheather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Yes and no is my answer. If one is never disobedient...they are not testing boundaries...they are no probing...and, ultimately, they are not growing.

Nonsense. You don't have to be disobediant to grow.

~stef

Absolutely not.
The universe is free and willing to provide us with ample opportunities to grow, without us lifting one bratty finger.
Some of the greatest opportunities for growth are found in situations where submission is hard, but you do it anway.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 12:10:24 PM

MagiksSlave

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HMMM Im a brat but an obediante one.. Im a brat in that I am very playfull with Master but when he says STOP or SIT or what ever order it gets followed period life would be boreing if I couldnt play with Master but I wouldnt be a slave if I disobayed just to be punished!!!! If I want or need a spanking all I need do is ask and Master usualy will give me it he is a sadist after all!!!

Magik's slave

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 12:14:50 PM

slavejali

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From my experience with chats, "brattiness" kinda worked for a lot of chat submissives. I've asked myself the same questions as you're asking, what I came up with was..

People spending a lot of time online have to come up with "intellectual fun"..after all.. they are sitting at a computer typing .... In that light I saw their "bratiness" as a form of creative writing that provided them with entertainment. Afterall, whats the alternative "online"? Sitting on a chat typing "Yes Sir, No Sir, 3 bags full Sir". Chat is interactive, people have to come up with things to stimulate themselves, I think thats where all this online brattiness has been born from. I can see how they would think "being obedient or well behaved" as boring..it's not that hard to understand where they are coming from given the circumstances of their communication exchange.

Heck, in real life, sometimes I'm washing up and Master is reading. Not a word is exchanged yet we are still having a relationship...if there was a silence like that within an "online room" it would be as boring as heck.

So after coming to that realisation about online brattiness the next question tht came up for me was.. "Ok..so if they are just creating written entertainment for themselves and their chat partners, why can't they just admit that is what it is and stop pretending that its something else or anything more than that? Like they get so caught up in an online world they start defending their position and creating a whole reality around what it is to be submissive purely based on their online interactions. Statements like "obedience is boring" get made, stuff that if put to real life situations within a D/s relationship just wouldn't cut it. Like really, what "dominant" would want to have to continually deal with a submissive or slave who wants to tie them up, tie their shoelaces together, paint them, cover them in make-up while they're asleep, climb the walls and sit in the roof beams?" Yet online, that is the reality and anyone not participating in that is seen as "not fun, not submissive, too extreme, whacked in the head." It's all upside down and inside out when it comes to online D/s interaction in so many ways.

Obedience isn't boring...but perhaps "online" its dysfunctional for " typed interaction" on a long term basis..?

< Message edited by slavejali -- 12/31/2006 12:22:22 PM >

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 1:05:37 PM

MmakeMme

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I can get a bit out of order ... more playful than bratty, and a lot of it is from not having a Dom who worked with me on my submission except as it impacted the bedroom. I am also dominant in my "regular" life and, stating the previously state, did not have a Dom who worked with me on my submission.

Recently, I asked Him how He was going to stay interested now that I was learning to behave myself. He replied that it would not be difficult given the intellect of two creative adults. ~smiling~ What a Tiger.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 1:12:52 PM

hejira92

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Brattiness and playfulness are two different things. Quoting Young Frankenstein or, (more commonly in our case) Blazing Saddles, is playful. And, thankfully, Master gets my sense of humor. He enjoys my wit and my warped mind and He says that if you can laugh at yourself, you will never be without laughter.

BUT, brattiness is willful disobedience, trying to get your own way or making excuses. This is unacceptable, un-submissive behavior. I feel it it nothing less than trying to top from the bottom. My reaction is a big UUUUUGH! with a shoulder shrug of disgust.

Master and I have discussed this subject- will He ever be bored with me. He wanted a good girl- not a brat. His mind is constantly working, our journey has just begun. He says boring is a word He will never connect with me.

I do understand the occasional need for extra attention. But there are healthy ways to get it. Every once in a while, I feel emotionally out of sorts- I know at these times that a hard "beating" will do me good- I feel the need for the catharsis of enduring the pain and the emotional release. But I recognise the need and bring a proper request to Master. A request for hard use appeals to His sadistic side and He also recognises my emotional needs, so He oftens accedes to the request. I guess I could get a similar result by acting out- NOT. Because of my make up, I cannot even stand the thought of His dissappointment or censure. And this fits His needs. He often says that He wants to WANT to do it, not HAVE to. Punishment is neccessary, but I will never seek it. And I think that those who do may be playing at submission. It's the difference between acting submissive and being a submissive.

Brattiness has no place in TPE.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 1:13:06 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Do many people really think that behaving leads to a boring life? And why?

Boring people live Boring lives.... Nothing more nothing less.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 2:01:34 PM

gretchenS

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Not behaving for fun?...

I misbehaved just once during our relationship and I asure you, I will never do it again... I already learned that "don't move" means that...

If I'm teasing Master, I would get a spanking, but disobedience is far away from that.

I guess I was punished well that one time. I don't need that to grow as a slave or to spice things up in my relationship. It would actualy make it quite bitter.

Maybe on-line punishment is different, and for these girls might be easier to endure... they don't have to feel (LIVE) the disapointment in their Master's face and tone of voice. There's no fun in that.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 2:20:04 PM

BDSM05478

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jali hit it right on the nose in my not do humble opinion. But I wanted to aswer he retorical question on why the can not call a spade a spade about the kind of relationship they have..... It is ignorance, it is all they have ever known, among their world online they really are subs/slaves/whatever. they usually have little life left as they put all their time to these online relationships. they do meet real life with a few they met online but usually it is short lived as fantasy is always better than realtiy.....I have an online friend I have known for about 4 years and at least once a year she meets someone in the flesh and it doesn't work out but she has already gone through 3/4 online Doms before that meeting. She (like these to in the OP) has never really given control over to anyone for real in the flesh, something is always held back. More than likely they wouldn't do well in a true D/s M/s relationship, hell even a vanilla one would be a stretch hence why they focus all their time on the safety net. So to sum it all up, they are incapable of seeing themselves as fakes or players because compared to everyone they know they are just one of their community. It is all about the stick you measure yourself with.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 2:20:43 PM

agirl

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Lots of people don't want *their style of serious D/s* dismissed as a kink.....lol

As for behaving......If that's doing what's asked, required, expected or told then I suppose some of the THINGS involved can be boring to me. I don't always want to do the *sensible* thing and that's all there is to it. I also know that I like the results of having done the *sensible* thing, though.

I find following someone really challenging and interesting......I'm excited by the routes I'm shown and the scenery is extraordinary....if I go my OWN way ..... I kinda know what to expect .......now THAT is boring....lol

agirl

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 2:39:09 PM

MasterFireMaam

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My girl has the rebel archetype. she simply thrives on "bucking the system"...except when it comes to us. So, I just asked her what made the difference. For her, she's bucking against things she didn't agree with. That doesn't seem to be what's going on here.

Being a brat can be fun. I'm such a brat at times. It's a "you'll love me anyway 'cause you just can't help it...I'm so cute and lovable!" kind of thing. I don't think that's what's going either.

I can think of a few things that might be going on:
1) They need to give themselves permission to enjoy the actions they are receiving. That they "deserve" these actions because they "misbehaved" makes it ok for them. We also hear this kind of things when people are talking about "forced" activities.
2) They need drama in their lives, so they crave something to complain about...like punishment. I'm betting they have drama and things to complain about from everywhere.
3) They've learned that they get more attention, no matter what kind of attention, if they are a brat. For some, negative attention can be just as rewarding as positive.

Master Fire

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 2:59:50 PM

Focus50

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Being bratty certainly isn't boring, esp if she's someone else's brat. <wink> But speaking for my sub, it definitely is tiresome in any quantity and if it's becoming habitual, there's a broader control issue I need to address.

As for your two online brats, let me start with a shameless generalisation (*gasp*) and state that the average submissive is an attention junkie! Which is a dynamic I utilise when there's a need to punish, ie I prefer to march her to a corner for a set period of zero attention.

So I find two things wrong with this punishment scenario. One is the fact that they are online (in public) and boasting of their "punishment" - they still have an audience, which is "brat fuel".... The other is that there's *two* of them "together", and are feeding off each other's energy and wearing it like a "badge of honour". I should state here that I'm a "one sub Dom", so corner time also means *alone* time. Hypothetically, if I owned two and was actually having to punish both simultaneously, they'd definitely be separated and away from the other's line of sight.

Back to your online brats, what their doms do is not my business but 2 days punishment is simply too long, IMO. It gives bored but creative minds time to further test boundaries (and patience), esp since they have nothing better to do.

Focus.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 4:07:30 PM

KeirasSecret

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The logic, (or lack there of), that you speak of, does not fit into the dynamics, of the D/s relationship I am in. It was made clear to me in the beginning that my being disobedient would piss him off. I do not find pleasure in making my Dom unhappy; nor, do I find a need to misbehave in order to keep things interesting.

Pondering the outcome of a wrestling match, purposed by my Dom, has kept me plenty occupied for a good two and a half months. Misbehaving would risk further postponement, or canceling the match all together, not to mention, I would not want to give him a reason for “accidentally slipping” with the pair of scissors he has mentioned he plans on using.

To me, that behavior, would be that of one who has not completely submitted, if at all, and who, perhaps, has a Master/Dom who possesses little to no imagination.

From the description you gave it would have appeared to me, as two people trying to come off looking like the, “cool kids”, only from the point of view of someone who is sincere about TPE, they only end up looking very un-cool.

Be well,

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 4:16:35 PM

cloudboy

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I think authentic people are always interesting, and to expect BDSM roles to run and or explain their behavior is a mistake. Everything is so beyond command and control, authority and obedience, and top and bottom. As you know, the roles will go right out the fucking widow if the live wires aren't connected.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 4:27:50 PM

KeirasSecret

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Although being disobedient can lead to learning, which in turn can promote growth, I do not believe it is imperative for growth to happen.

Be well,

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It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 5:44:27 PM

Wickad

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I believe we 'breed' brats. I've noticed how at cofee's or munches everyone is paying attention to the bratty little submissive bouncing from knee to knee. Very rarely is there a lot of attention paid to the quiet sub who is cleaning up after everyone and eager to serve and please. This quiet 'obedient' sub learns that to get play or to even get any kind of recognition one needs to 'brat out'.

I can't stand brats but I recognize why they exist.

Wickad

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 5:57:34 PM

VeryMercurial

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I can't stand brats either. They do tend to get a lot more attention.

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RE: Obedience = boring? - 12/31/2006 6:11:47 PM

SweetSarijane

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Being obedient doesn't have to mean boring. It doesn't have to alter your personality, make you over meek and too quiet. I have no problem being obedient while at the same time being me.

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