adaddysgirl
Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004 From: Syracuse, NY Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists It still doesn't treat the under lying issues is many cases.... But many Dominants look for a quick fix than requires little effort on their part. Instead of focusing on the underlying issues and motivations that are causing the inappropriate behaviors. It takes effort to go there... most in my experience are not willing to do the work. i think a lot of people misunderstand the use of CP in a healthy D/s relationship (which i really have no need to define healthy). For me, the result of the spankings was actually a process of me learning self discipline, something, admittedly, i am sorely lacking in. If there were any underlying issues, it was this lack of self discipline, and the CP was the motivation for improvement. An example using the being late.....if he told me to be ready by 5PM, and i know it takes me an hour to get ready, i best have my ass up and around by at least 4PM. There were no excuses. Since the spankings, i only had a couple of more incidences of tardiness. One i recall specifically was when we were going out at 5 so i started getting ready at 4 but got a phone call from my cousin. i really did try to cut the conversation short but wasn't quite successful, so i ended up being late again. my explanation was not acceptable so i was spanked. i was then told that perhaps to avoid this in the future, i should get ready earlier, then if something unexpected like that arises, i will have made time for it. Or, i could simply say "i can't talk right now....can i call you back later?" If on my own, i would not have done either of those. i just would have been late to where i was going....when there are obviously viable options for being on time. And because of the thought of the spankings, i was, in the future, motivated to take one of the above steps. But that took a lot of self discipline for me to do. But then again, that was his point. To have to stand and examine my behavior was quite enlightening for me. And it turned into a method of growth. Just like pouting. For many years, that was a method i used to get my own way. With him, if i pouted too long (which i quickly learned how long was 'too long'), i was spanked. So as he said....i could choose to pout and get spanked....or not. So when i got in that mood, i really had to think twice about what i was doing....and he was not the type to remind me twice. It was the same thing in a lot of areas (too many to go into here). True, some may go to great lengths to explore 'underlying issues'. Well, i know that i procrastinate. i know that i have time management issues. i know that i swear too much because it was a habit developed from years of working with guys in the law enforcement field....etc, etc, etc. i don't know what other underlying issues there are. Most of what was involved was just bad habits that developed over the years. But he was by no means a lazy man. He kept up on everything i did, particularly those that involved 'the rules'. He was attentive in that way, and consistent. And over time, we were both quite pleased with the progress i made in many areas. His method just helped me to get there...and granted, it is not for everyone....and that is why i don't judge how or why others use CP in their relationships. They could have totally different goals than we had but hey, if that works for them, that's all that matters. So many say that a 'good' Dom/Master promotes growth in his partner....and that is exactly what he did....just by a different means perhaps. From all our conversations (even prior to meeting) he realized i was not very 'internally motivated' so he worked with me on that. And for us, it worked. For me, that was real growth. Again, i realize CP is not for everyone but for those who do utilize it as a means toward growth, they should not be disparaged for doing so. And i know there are some doms who actually seek out bratty subs. So be it....that really has nothing to do with me and mine. Why would i really care? DG
|