Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:13:09 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		OK last night I went to a new years party with my Master at a friend of his house. I didnt know any of these people but I was lucky they really didnt make me feel to left out. However my Master couldnt have been colder to me. He kept leaving me alone and I spent most of the night searching him down. Im a scared and shy person Master knows that. I dont much like new people they frighten me yet at every turn I was alone in a straing house with strainge people and no way to get out.. On top of that something went on that I really didnt aprove of and the entire thing really made me see Master in a way I didnt really care for. And now well I cant stop crying Im hurt and confused and i feel like Im on shakey ground for the very first time in our entire relationship... I just want to be held but what do you do when the person you want to hold you is the very person that caused that need??

Magik's confused and hurt slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:21:12 AM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline 		You tell him so..And go from there.

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:23:46 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Aye!!!

The motion is carried.  Really.

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:26:53 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Ditto. TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:27:02 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		thanks... though I really think Im too emotional about it all to talk to him without totally collapsing and falling to peaces... I want to avoid him completly for a few days but I know that will worry him and get me in trouble for scaring him and not communicating.....


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:29:09 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Oh and Im really pathetic becuase befor I left the party I actually asked Master if HE was mad at ME!!! Me beeing mad at him never came up and it really should have.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:29:41 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		well its bound to happen i am afraid.....i am sorry that you are in pain.
 
some may come on and say that it is his prerogative, or that maybe he was training you to be self sufficient or what ever...i say bah humbug to that because i think that sort of training is more effective when the slave is aware that she is being tested or trained...i think it makes her feel more safe, and more willing to please,  more attentive and therefore more trainable.
 
i think this was an ooooops. and maybe a big one....but as i say they are bound to happen....people make mistakes, and err in judgement...a master after all is human too.
 
so you ask what do you do? well i would start be talking with him....hopefully you have set in place protocols for safe, honest and open dialog, and if you haven't then i could recommend some  should you wish me to share them.
 
but i would use these protocols and speak with him, speaking in I statements, identifying how you felt and what your experience was...
 
stay away from "you made me feel" statements though...no one can make you feel anything....and blame is not really going to advance you toward solutions...
 
and that is what you want here solutions...this could look like new social setting protocols, so that even if you are left alone, you do not feel abandoned, in fact you can take pride in your autonomy because you are clear that it is your owners wishes.
 
perhaps that could look like touching your collar when your eyes would meet across the crowed room, or perhaps an hourly check in with him to bring him a drink or rub his feet or some thing like that that he could hold you accountable to.
 
again i am really sorry you opinion has plummeted but dont make this worse by making into more then and ooops....an ooooops with solutions yet to be discovered....which creates deeper bonding and connecting for you future together...
 
so it can be a great thing....if you look at it right...

ps dont forget that you carry the same amount of responsibility to this relationship to keep it from careening off course as he does, you simply have different tools at your disposal.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 1/1/2007 10:39:23 AM >

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:32:59 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Reflection is a good thing.  But I see you survived the shyness and terror of being thrown to the social wolves....so upon reflection, it might have been staged, ja?  and another lesson is learned.  

The other thing you make passing reference to-----I don't know.

DaleCarnegie



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:36:10 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		as a coccydil, it is very hard to balance the pedastel as you might have found out yourself.  If nothing untowarder than this has occurred, well........ as you girls so often say;  Suck it up!!!!!

Ron 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:37:05 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Try and step out of yourself for a moment and ask yourself why he left you.  Maybe it was supposed to be a learning experience for you.  Maybe he was trying to help you break free abit of your shyness.  There are TONS of reasons and you cant only think of the negative ones. 

Have you asked him?

The second question is hard.    My MO is to draw into myself, throw up a few walls and ignore whatever it is.  Master's MO is to notice the change in me and gets me talking.  Sometimes he does not and he just literally holds me until i can become accepting of it again.  Although, if he lets me brood long enough (yet not too long) and depending on how sad i am - i have at times just gone and climbed into his lap, telling him.

Sometimes no matter what he does, i will keep my walls up and withdraw.  It can go on for weeks, literally becoming worse. 

Yet, i have noticed in the time Master and i have been together - that no matter what happens or what it is and no matter how devastated i feel i am, it always gets worked out.  He will not have it any other way.  I've found after going through much time of walking around feeling like this, putting massive distant in our realtionship - that all i am doing is cheating myself and him. 

I have found that to avoid all the unpleasant crap to GO talk to him and sort it out before it becomes a bigger mess.

edited to add  - not that i am good at following my own advice.  Its not easy to open up to some one you dont want to open up to.  Remember he cares about you, you belong to him. (and its going to happen eventually anyways and the hurt doesnt magically disappear in the meantime)


< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 1/1/2007 10:45:13 AM >

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:40:01 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		The funny thing is that I was so nervouse and scared I was actually cleaing his friends house removieng empty beer bottles cleaining broken glass mopping the floor down on my hands and knees cleaining spills. His friends know our dinamic and everything so it wasnt to suspitious and I did keep clinging to the lock on my collar (the makeshift one untill the new good one comes hopefully soon this one is a cheep  pink heart thing you find on lil girls diaries but it works for now) the thing that really got to me is every time I made any physical contact with him he literaly pushed me away that hurt really really bad...

Crouching Tigress you are right if he would have said to me what was gunna happan I could have handled it much better and I wouldnt have felt regected but it made me feel so insecure in a situation that made me scared to begin with. I think the night was handled poorly more then just where I was conserned there where other things I didnt really like seeing and really made me see where my morals and my Masters morals clash a bit.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:45:10 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		well you could always take the other road and ask for release. 

edited to add : any chance you want to talk about the "other" things that really bothered you there that happened


< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 1/1/2007 10:47:10 AM >

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:47:32 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I know I could ask for release I could ask for that at any moment... I dont want realease from him I know I dont.. I just wnat to know how to get past the pain so I can talk to him... me and Master have never so much as had a fight befor so this is really a very new feeling for me.. I just got the feeling he really didnt want me there last night I guess.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:48:40 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		 Im not really wanting to share that in open forum

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 1/1/2007 11:14:47 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:48:41 AM   
MsLayla


Posts: 47
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Sweden/Belgium
Status: offline 		If you are not sure you can speak to him, why not try to write? It is always easier to express your emotions when the person you care about it not looking at you.
That way, when he has read it, and knows your feelings, you can sit down and talk without having to feel ashamed or scared of what you have to say, or worse yet, forget what it is you want to say.

Good luck.

ML


_____________________________

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:50:09 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I understand about being shy, especially when you're expected to interact with a bunch of strangers in a social setting.  Even in a vanilla relationship, I would find it rude for my "date" to just abandon me while he went off and had a good time with his friends.

You stated that something went on that you didn't approve of and it made you see him in a whole different light.  I can understand how upsetting this could be.  I remember many, many years ago, dating a guy that was for all outward appearances, a straight-laced guy.  Then he invited me to a party hosted by a couple he was friends with.  Turns out, they liked smoking pot, as did the rest of their guests and my date joined them.  I don't do drugs of any sort, never have and have no desire to be around those who do - and considering I worked in law enforcement, just being in that environment could have cost me dearly and he knew all of this.  Needless to say, that was the end of that relationship.

Now if something along this lines were to happen with my Master, my response would be the same, or anything that violated my core values.  The end.

I can also understand your not wanting to see or speak to him.  It's painful when you see a negative side of someone you've trusted so completely.  It makes you feel as though you don't really know them, or that they've hidden some part of themselves from you.

I could offer the same advice as others that you should speak to him, but I'm not so sure I could do that myself, so I won't be a hypocrite and say it.

I do wish you well in whatever you choose to do. 

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:53:40 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
... I just want to be held but what do you do when the person you want to hold you is the very person that caused that need??



Decide if you can accept the cause...  Decide if you can let go of the cause... if you can't ... it will always be between you and him.

If it is going to stay between you.... then you can count on the relationship being doomed...

If you can decide that the cause can be accepted and that you can let it go... then bring the issue to him.. and together the two of you can work it out and he can help accept and let it go.

WARNING.... Don't bring it to him... Expecting that you will change him!... That is an emotional trap that you will likely cause more problems.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:53:48 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		well your best option is to go and be honest with him.  I've always said you cant really get rid of the pain until you give it back to the one that gave it to you.    Saying that, in the past coming to collarme and talking about it freely always helped me get a handle on it better.  If you can fully let it out - bringing it to light, it helps put it into perspective better, sort it out and deal with it until you feel you are at a place to talk to the other person that is involved.  

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:54:17 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i cant imagine why he would push you away like that....and i can see how hurtful that would be....but think of what devilslittlesistr said about wasting time being mad....and how ineffectual it can be.
 
you need to talk to him....how he reacts to you is going to tell you a lot....we can give give you lots of great advice about stuff, but none of have the answers to the questions burning in your heart....WHY...he did what he did....
 
i think cleaning the house is way better then going to the car to have a good cry so you can pat your back on the choice you made....and to me it would seem like good evidence that maybe you are not as socially awkward as you think....

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes - 1/1/2007 10:59:16 AM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		I hate to say it but after reading his profile I think you have other things you might need to take into consideration... just my .02

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> what to do when your opinion of your Dom changes Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094