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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I would hope that the two facets of a relationship can co-exist. If not then I am doomed to be alone. I don't want a casual play/service relationship.

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ORIGINAL: LotusSong

In my D/s life, I am a one-sub-woman.  Want to know why?  My sub has been with me, 10 years this April.  Early on, when I would play with another he would be my assistant and tend to me afterward, but I could see the hurt in his eyes.  His loyalty and patience meant more to me than any casual play partner.

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ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

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I have never understood the idea that one can only love one person when it comes to adult romantic relationships.[quote/] 
 
 And I have never understood how anyone can compare love of their children or pet with romantic love. Seems to me to be a more watered down version of romantic love to me. Romantic love and love of your children or pet are not the same thing at all. Like comparing oranges to apples. 
 

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Do you fall in love with one person and lose the ability to love again should something happen to that one person?

No, not at all. But how about one at a time? Or is it lust and having a big sexual appetite the draw to having more then one? Somebody is getting less then your full attention. Romantic love to me means giving of one's self to only one. But maybe I'm an idealist hanging on to the way I was raised and lead to believe it is supposed to be.

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These must be really small hearted people to have only room for one in their lives.

I definitely disagree with this. In fact it is perhaps the other way around. A small hearted person that does not have the capacity to devote all of their love romantically to just one.

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However none of this is really important, slavebrandyj, if you have an expectation that isn't being met in a relationship. As long a that's not being met, you will suffer on some level.

Now that I can agree with. But that is a no brainer.

So you have choices.

1) move on and try to find someone who is closer to your expectations; I think this is unlikely to work unless you also take the next choice

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  2) work on your expectations and making them more realistic

Now this sounds like I should lower my values and settle for less then what I need and want.

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Many folks have high expectations and that is fine unless you constantly find yourself unhappy. Then I think you have to ask yourself how realistic those expectations are. Too many people think there are only two choices -- their high expectations or no expectations. Think of your expectations, see them as a line of different concepts or points, now more those points up and down the line from the two extremes until you are looking for something that fulfills what you want but offers you a realistic chance to successful find a partnership.

And what's so high about having expectations of a one on one loving D/s relationship? I won't lower it by sharing my heart with more then one romantically. And to me anything less is lower then the way it should be. But that's me and I think the majority of both men and women feel. Maybe not in D/s relationships;The voter is still out on that. But not in a one on one love relationship.  

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Of course, you could always chose to just give up on any relationship but that doesn't sound too good to me. Temping when we are upset and disappointed, sure, but again it denies you the possblity to succeed.

Nope, not a good choice at all. But I am not giving up on this one either. Not yet.
 
Tammyjo, you and I have different expectations and values when it comes to romantic love. That does not make me right and you wrong. It just makes us different and surely would be very incompatible as D/s partners is all. I however respect your opinion and your lifestyle choices.
Thank you.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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ORIGINAL: Stephann

Explaining love is a nightmare. 

I look at modern art, and I love it.  The guy next to me sees the same art, and hates it.  Neither of us is wrong, but we both have different tastes, ideals, beliefs, expectations, and a whole host of emotional, mental, and psychological drives and experiences that go into that one piece of art.

This might not sound overly supportive, but I hope you can see the value.  Your Domme did you great service in putting a halt to things now.  Rather than try to 'settle' in a situation she's not happy in, she is giving you the opportunity to find someone who will love you 100%, the way you deserve.  Understandably, your heart is broken - but you will find love, again.

Real love does exist, just like real art.  Art doesn't have to love you back, though.  When you have it, you'll know - and so will that person.  Until then, try to consider that sometimes we aren't in love with the person, but rather the idea of that person.  It can take about a year for that 'being in love with love' feeling to wear off, and see what has grown in the meantime.

Don't lose heart, or hope - you've been given a chance to find the perfect partner for you.  Spend a couple days with a bottle of bourbon (or twenty packets of green tea, or whatever your favority comfort food is) and enjoy the carthisis.  Then get back to living, loving, meeting, and being with people who make you happy.  Sooner or later, they'll come along.

Stephan

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ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

I've often heard from subs their Master/Mistresses can't love them in an in love type of dynamic as it affects their ability to be a Master/Mistress.
They claim the love will make them soft.
I have also heard multitudes of sub/slaves that feel like you and I do.
In my opinion unless there's real in love, love between my Dom and I there's no way I'd be willing to literally lay my life in their hands to do with as they choose.

I don't understand why love would make a sadist soft if you both enjoy them being the way they are, and I probably never will.

It's quite a situation that causes pain and confusion in many relationships.

I'd say accept your position the Mistress offers knowing she will not fulfill this need you have, or even though it will be painful move on to finding a Mistress who does think love has some place in your relationship other than general love.

One you get your Mistress on her terms that does not meet your needs, and the more painful way will get you the Mistress of your hearts desire if you're up front about your intentions with the future people you date.
Good Luck,
suzanne

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ORIGINAL: LotusSong

the older we get the less desireable we become. 

Edited to correct spelling errors

Gosh Pixel ... Very nice post
you just changed my image of all those Red Neck Texas men {weg}
  
 

 Ms.Kat  (a former Texan)
Listen carefully to what is said,take what you need,then blow the rest away with a breath of kindness. But always watch what they do, for in action there is always a clue. kd2003

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave

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ORIGINAL: LotusSong

the older we get the less desirable we become. 

LotusSong,
I have to take exception to the line you written which I've quoted above.  While we may physically change as we age, mentally and emotionally I think we become more desirable as we age!  There's something about maturity that can be really sexy when you pause long enough to look at what's inside another person.  The knowledge and experience of someone who is 50, is something that one rarely sees at 30 or 40!  While it may be true that many people are obsessed with what is visual, there are those who are more emotional & spiritual, allowing them to be able to see beyond the external; opening themselves to the inner beauty that only ripens and improves with time.  That's the part of a woman with which I desire to share my life as I continue to pass through the events of time.

- pixel 
 Edited to correct spelling errors