RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist?

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/5/2007 8:44:15 PM

demistress

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Simple answer: I hope so.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/5/2007 8:51:48 PM

Argentopal

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From: Central Texas / Hill Country
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The OP's post was sort of complicated and had lots of undercurrents, but the subject line asks a simple question: can deep love exist in a D/s relationship.

Yes, absolutely.

MsOpal

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/6/2007 5:57:01 AM

asubmissiveheart

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I think D/s and deep love can exist, it is the total package for me.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/7/2007 4:27:42 AM

slavebrandyj

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Joined: 12/31/2006
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quote:

However, I am having some doubts since I see so many Dominant Women that state they only want a service sub or in other ways state that they are not looking for love. So many state that the subs needs and wants are not important and it is only their needs and wants to be satisfied. Good luck with that attitude in finding a sub or slave that is sincere. He will get his fill of being walked on and used real fast. Some guys will do anything to have their kinks met. That is not to say that my Domme's needs don't come first, they do! But let's be real, I would not be a slave or sub if I did not have my needs and wants fore-filled too.

quote:

Other evidents to me is the amount of Dommes that want more then one slave, a stable of them or whatever you want to call it. Personally, I don't believe love can exist in that type of arrangement. At least not the kind of love I need and want. To each their own respectfully.
Please, I do not mean to step on any toes with my own personal beliefs about poly or multiple subs and slaves. It's just not something I would have anything to do with personally.

First, I want to once again thank those that gave their views on my question and situation.
But I come here today to once again try to straighten out a misunderstanding with my former Domme.
She thinks I said that SHE was into poly, or looking for a stable of subs.

I definitely DID NOT suggest that She was into any of that at all. I merely used those choices as examples of those Dommes that in my opinion, are not looking for a sincere one on one loving D/s relationship.

Did anyone else mis-read my intent on mentioning those lifestyle choices? Or did you understand, as my intent was, that I mentioned them ONLY as examples?
I can't see how She, or anyone else might have read that as if I said She was looking for any of the above.
First, if She was looking for poly, stable of subs, multiple subs etc., I would have never fallen in love with Her in the first place.

I also want to say that She was and is to me the most honorable, most sincere, most giving and loving woman I ever met or ever wanted or needed in a Domme... or just a woman for that matter. Even though She has ended my hopes of what it is we both wanted, we are going to try hard to remain in each other's life. There is a love between us that cannot be turned on and off like a faucet. She will remain in my heart forever. And if I can put my emotions in check and stop doing things that upset or hurt Her ( like my original post on this topic) I am sure I will remain a very special person in Her life too. I am honored.
The pain and torment of a breakup...the heartache does make some of us say and do things that can only breed more distance and pain for the other; and frankly for ourselves. I will be keeping myself in check. I want to be a part of this woman's life and am glad I had at least that much importance in hers.
I have reactivated my profile after hiding it due to the shame I felt in making my past Domme mad. I have apologized to her and She accepted it. Why I don't know. I am not fit to serve another Domme yet. And it feels like I won't be for a very long time. However maybe that is just what I need to move on and be happy. We'll see.
Again, thanks to those that commented.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/7/2007 4:32:11 AM

slavebrandyj

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quote:

ORIGINAL: asubmissiveheart

I think D/s and deep love can exist, it is the total package for me.

Thank you a submissiveheart. I deep down know it does exist and is possible. And like you, it is the complete package for me too. I cannot be happy without it. Play is fun and games. But nothing compares with serving ONLY the one that you love. So now I guess I'll try the fun and games thing for awhile. It might fill a small part of my needs.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/7/2007 11:40:30 AM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebrandyj

I have reactivated my profile after hiding it due to the shame I felt in making my past Domme mad. I have apologized to her and She accepted it. Why I don't know. I am not fit to serve another Domme yet. And it feels like I won't be for a very long time. However maybe that is just what I need to move on and be happy. We'll see.
Again, thanks to those that commented.

Kudos to you for reactivating your original profile.

We all make mistakes and life goes on. Hopefully we learn and grow as there are always lessons to be learned if we look hard and deep enough. Take the time you need to heal and feel good about yourself once again. Believe in yourself and you'll eventually feel free of what is currently weighing you down.

- pixel

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/7/2007 6:19:46 PM

joshslave111

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I for one hope it can exist.

I'm not new to D/s by any means, though I am finding it very difficult to meet someone interested in something long term.

As far as the D/s aspect goes, I imagine that it would be even more powerful if there was a strong love connecting myself to the dominant. Note: I said "I imagine".

One thing is certain, casual play is never as powerful as a D/s relationship that has some sort of emotional connection.

True, I'm a bit of a romantic, but I hope someday to find the best of both worlds. I did have a converstaion with a friend of mine about this, she's of the firm belief that it's more common to have "love" exist in a Dom male sub female relationship. We thought about it for a while and noticed that we personally didn't know of any Domme/male sub marriages, though plenty of Dom/fem sub marriages. Perhaps that says something.

She then asked me if I had to choose between finding love or finding a Domme, what would I pick?

Honestly it's a difficult choice because how can one decide what is more important than the other?

Hopefully she's wrong:)

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/8/2007 2:23:41 PM

MzMia

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It can exist, it is just a matter of finding the right mate. Good luck to those that seek this, as I do.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/9/2007 5:26:38 AM

slavebrandyj

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Thank you MzMia. I guess I still believe it can exist. Hell, I was almost there! lol
I see it can happen both ways. That is... for the loving Domme to be cast aside by Her sub. I'm sure the pain is the same. The difference is the Dommes have a pool of at least 100 times bigger then us male subs that need a loving mono D/s relationship and power exchange.

Here is an excerpt from a Domme that just took the time to write to me:

I am so sorry to hear about your devastation in losing your Mistress. I read your write up in collarme and I too know what you are going through. I have just lost my subbie, who I adored. I too feel your frustration and indeed I too question if love can be an ideal partner in D/s.
For myself, I am just putting things on hold. So although the tug of D/s continues to run through my veins...I mean I am here. I am just looking to chat and try to learn from others. END........................

At least it is of some comfort to know there are genuine caring people here to help ease the pain. I am here for the same reason as my new friend above. Yet there are those that think I am here seeking pity or just crying out for attention. That is pure nonsense. Some of us really do need help from others in the lifestyle when we are troubled. I sincerely appreciate those that tried to help with your opinions, suggestions and well wishes; Both here through this forum and those that have written me directly.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/9/2007 5:46:04 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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Deep love and D/s can and do exist. I do not think it is a requirement thought to have a D/s relationship. Love does also exist in poly reationships. As humans we are capable of loving more than one person at a time. Don't we do this everyday in our lives? Alot of us. Dom/mme, sub or slave have trust issues, that is universal. I personally do not think just Dommes have trust issues. We all have been hurt in love one way or another. If the person cannot provide the love and support you are looking for then it is time to move on and find someone who can. Love can exist but it is not a requirement to have a D/s relationship. I personally prefer to have love but have had in the past relationships that were just physical and did not have a thread of love in them. It depends at what point we are in our lives and what each one of us is searching for.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/9/2007 6:10:41 AM

Argentopal

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From: Central Texas / Hill Country
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Good Morning,
On the topic of Domme/malesub marriage, we have 2 couples who are very close friends of ours real life who are Domme/malesub. Well, one is and one began that way but now mostly they switch. Both couples are married, both over 5 years now, both monogamous, and both seem totally happy/contented/in love. We knew another couple in our group of friends, but sadly they are breaking up after almost 12 years of marriage - mostly about money it would seem- and not about the Ds which they both claim helped them hold on longer that they would have without it. In our larger circle of acquaintences through various local and regional groups, we know and know of at least (estimate) another dozen or so either married or very long term Domme/malesub couples, a few of which that is the makeup of the primary couple in a poly relationship.
Hang in there brandy. I have found that when I seek too hard I tend to try to force things to fit my desires, and when I relax and just let life happen the things I really need seem to fall into my lap.
MsOpal

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/9/2007 6:29:00 AM

slavebrandyj

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Argentopal

Good Morning,
On the topic of Domme/malesub marriage, we have 2 couples who are very close friends of ours real life who are Domme/malesub. Well, one is and one began that way but now mostly they switch. Both couples are married, both over 5 years now, both monogamous, and both seem totally happy/contented/in love. We knew another couple in our group of friends, but sadly they are breaking up after almost 12 years of marriage - mostly about money it would seem- and not about the Ds which they both claim helped them hold on longer that they would have without it. In our larger circle of acquaintences through various local and regional groups, we know and know of at least (estimate) another dozen or so either married or very long term Domme/malesub couples, a few of which that is the makeup of the primary couple in a poly relationship.
Hang in there brandy. I have found that when I seek too hard I tend to try to force things to fit my desires, and when I relax and just let life happen the things I really need seem to fall into my lap.
MsOpal

Thank you MsOpal. Especially the part about relaxing and just let life happen. I did try to hard. So hard that I think She felt She lost control of the relationship. Of course as I was doing that, I never knew it. But clearly see it now. I pushed because I have never loved anyone as much as I loved Her. Maybe someday that will mean something to Her. if not, I at least did my best in trying to be everything She ever wanted in a life partner and devoted submissive. My best was just not good enough or her ideal of what that is. Someday the pain over this will ease. But my feelings for Her will linger for a lifetime... even apart.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/11/2007 4:37:02 PM

SlaveSubtoserve

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Oh, yes i know it can exist having had it with my former Wife/Mistress!--- its much better that way though it means you both have to understand how those 2 dynamics of love and D/s interact with each other even when you aren't aware of it all.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/12/2007 6:40:54 PM

Firsttime

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Yes I believe it can exist together. You just have to find someone who wants the same as you.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/12/2007 6:43:09 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

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i used to think so...now...i'm not so sure about it.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/12/2007 7:45:47 PM

defiantbadgirl

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Sadly, I think it's quite rare. Most men have a tendency to think of women they engage in bdsm with as play partners. Meanwhile, they date, fall in love with, and marry vanilla women. Of course, these vanilla wives can't satisfy their bdsm desires, so they continue to have secret play partners and cheat on their wives. It enrages me to hear men married to vanilla wives complain about the lack of bdsm in their marriages. I'll bet many of the play partners they used and discarded would've loved dating them. They would rather be unfaithful in their marriages than consider dating, falling in love with, and marrying someone who could fulfill both their bdsm and vanilla needs. Obviously it makes more sense to have someone who meets all needs than a relationship where something is always missing. This isn't rocket science. It's simple logic that for some reason most men are incapable of understanding, even when a woman tries to explain it to them over and over again.

*goes in search of brick wall to beat my head against*

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 1/12/2007 7:47:48 PM >

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/12/2007 8:37:48 PM

MsSlaveDriver

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Sometimes it is a matter of what you are willing to accept.
I am not willing to settle for casual play, so for me it is not an option.
I am honest about what I want, so that does eliminate many that are
only looking to play.
I think it boils down to what you want and what you will accept.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/21/2007 10:17:33 PM

TigressOfDs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

Deep love and D/s can and do exist. I do not think it is a requirement thought to have a D/s relationship. Love does also exist in poly reationships. As humans we are capable of loving more than one person at a time. Don't we do this everyday in our lives? Alot of us. Dom/mme, sub or slave have trust issues, that is universal. I personally do not think just Dommes have trust issues. We all have been hurt in love one way or another. If the person cannot provide the love and support you are looking for then it is time to move on and find someone who can. Love can exist but it is not a requirement to have a D/s relationship. I personally prefer to have love but have had in the past relationships that were just physical and did not have a thread of love in them. It depends at what point we are in our lives and what each one of us is searching for.

Thank you for posting this. I highly respect and agree that we all have the ability to love more than one person in this lifestyle . I have experienced a D/s power exchange where being in love or having a sexual relationship was not a requirement. He was my house boy and we enjoyed and highly respected each other. It worked for us. He his job required that he move to another state, but there is no doubt that if either of us needs the other ...we are there. It's a kind of caring (or love) that can't be replaced, but by no means does it prevent me, or him from loving or falling in love with someone else.

Ms. Kat
Listen carefully to what is said,take what you need,then blow the rest away with a breath of kindness. But always watch what they do, for in action there is always a clue. kd2003

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/21/2007 11:21:40 PM

freakgoddess

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Certainly, D/s and deep love can co-exist. If all the other elements to a deep love relationship are there, the D/s is just one more layer to a complex relationship. It can only enhance the relationship.

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RE: D/s and deep love...can it exist? - 1/22/2007 5:50:44 AM

MissyRane

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Why shouldn't it be able to exist just like deep love can exist out in the vanilla world? After all it's just like every other relationship with two (or more) people loving each other.

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