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Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 6:38:33 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

To My "Fellow" Mistresses/Dommes/Dominas/Tops:

Although I'm quite sure this has been discussed ad nauseum all around these message boards, I just have to bring it up again. It's the new year, and I am hoping to gain new insight. Here goes:

I'm just really frustrated beyond belief with this search for the right sub/slave. I know that perhaps my frustration may be in and of itself self-defeating, but, wow, am I ever tired of one-line emails, subs who only want to meet via web-cam or yahoo messenger, argumentative and anxiety-ridden subs, you name `em, they've contacted me.

I'm at a loss. I do not want to make one more journal entry or tweak my profile anymore. I think I've been pretty honest and straightforward and clear in my profile without being exhaustively wordy...My main gripe, is that despite all that, the subs contacting me, not all, but most, still seem not to take the time to read my profile carefully, are often much-more self-centered than I care to deal with and don't seem to have an iota of understanding about D/s apart from "play."

Can anyone relate to this, or am I wasting my energy with this? I would sure appreciate some insight and support. Thanks.

MNN

P.S. Before anyone notes that I have been a member only since October 2006, let me correct you. I have actually been a member since Sept 2005. I changed my profile under a new name in October b/c my previous profile no longer suited my needs. It was a sub profile that evolved into a switch profile and I wanted a new profile to reflect my current status.

Post #: 1

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 6:44:45 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

ya gotta be careful with these type of posts...some people here tend to lable others that post similar things as whiners and such

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 2

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 6:45:07 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Well, If I may make so bold, just consider the amount of shit that you have already sacked up, one hopes the pile ends, right?

You are built, it will come.

Ron(ne)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 3

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 6:50:31 PM

jthorne

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

The best advice I can give you is stop looking. I'm not actively looking and my profile says that. Yet I am involved with two subs in certain ways now. In both cases we started communicating as friends, then ended up deciding to try things. I get the subs throwing themselves at my feet but I don't really encourage that or get very far with those people. I find that the people just wanting to be your friend and who make honest attempts to do so can end up as more...and it's much better, too.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 4

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 6:53:40 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

One year is not that long to have been searching in my opinion, especially given that you've been learning about yourself, and evolving from sub to switch to dominant.

Frustrating I can understand, and maybe even know how you feel... People have said going to public events is helpful, though I cannot vouch for it, since it has thus far, not been terribly helpful to me. What is helpful to me is to live life and do those things you enjoy, and when the right counterpart comes along, add him on or make adjustments as needed. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 5

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 6:54:06 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

Thanx for the warning (?) michael, but I've been around the boards long enough to know about how some posters label others. But if we can't ask one another for support, then what a shame. Anyone who wants to be counter-productive by calling me a whiner or whatever can feel free. I'll be paying attention to those posts that actually have something useful to say.

MNN

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 6

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 6:59:51 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

jt,

Thanx for your response, but what do you mean by not actively looking? I'm a little confused b/c you still have a profile up...so what exactly constitutes "active looking." And I have thought about doing this, but would like to hear more about how you define this.

and to BlkTFF: I have been involved with lifestyle groups and events, still am, and find that very helpful in some ways. Perhaps it has just been a brief time, but frankly, I'm not so sure about that. Anyway, thanx for your input.

(in reply to jthorne)

Post #: 7

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 6:59:56 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

ya gotta be careful with these type of posts...some people here tend to lable others that post similar things as whiners and such

Yay! My first post-vacation-Michael post!

Alright, Michael, someone labelling that poster as a whiner would be factually correct, but, in my esteemed opinion, this poster only hit 7.2 out of the required 14 for "Gripiness," 13 out of 16 for "Unneeded emotional outbursts," and 4/6 for "random mentioning of realness."

Therefore, she aint no whiner.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 8

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 7:10:00 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

It mostly means not doing a Captain Kirk---ie:

To seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no Dominatrix has gone before.

That was the reference to you are built it will come.

Additionally, you may want to investigate mail controls...see if you can hack out some easy stuff there, send it to bulk mail. And, surely, before you reply to a message, check out the profile, see if you even want to be friendly, if that is all that sparks you say it up front, if they are irritants sweep them under the rug with the block button....don't justify yourself past politeness. if they one line you zero them out with a block button....Hide profiles that are not your type.................Talk on the boards, look here at some of these subs and slaves posts.........if they are the what does misstress use for grease on her dildo shit......go look up the profile and block it. I am a Dominant Male, and my admirers are mostly Women in relationships already, Female Masters, Lesbians.....I chat with FRIENDS, You are the Dominant, they will find you.....

With Best Regards,
Ron

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 1/2/2007 7:13:12 PM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 9

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 7:12:53 PM

jthorne

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

jt,

Thanx for your response, but what do you mean by not actively looking? I'm a little confused b/c you still have a profile up...so what exactly constitutes "active looking." And I have thought about doing this, but would like to hear more about how you define this.

and to BlkTFF: I have been involved with lifestyle groups and events, still am, and find that very helpful in some ways. Perhaps it has just been a brief time, but frankly, I'm not so sure about that. Anyway, thanx for your input.

MNN,
I do have my profile up, and I have my wants listed. However, I have yet to contact anyone for other than a chat or friendship. It has always been that they will contact me if they are interested. If I contact someone, it is because something about their profile or chat or forum posts struck me as interesting/cool/fun/what have you and I want to make friends with them. That is my predominant purpose to being on this site...to make friends, to learn about the lifestyle, and to get more involved in it by way of education and friends. I'm not really using it as a personals site, even though I did list what I want just in case that's what someone wanders by and wants to try.

Am I making sense, or should I try to explain more? I know sometimes I talk in circles.

~J

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 10

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 7:13:09 PM

CompelMe

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/30/2006
Status: offline

It may not feel like it, but a year's not really that long a time. Consider how long it takes many vanilla women to find their "Mr. Right!" Hang in there.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 11

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 7:32:20 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

Yes, Jt, you're making sense...I understand your meaning. It would take some doing, however for me to try to see it from your POV, though...B/c bottom line, I am using this as a personals site and I am looking for more than friendship. It would be untruthful for me to try to convince myself otherwise...But I do appreciate your thoughts.

Ok, here is a practical example of one of the problems I am facing. This is what perhaps 80-85% of email entering my inbox looks like:

"like your profile very much" That was the entire email...and this sub's profile had nothing in it to read...NOTHING! So, when I respond back with one-liners like, "thank you, I like it, too." I get no response back. When I try to engage the person in deeper conversation, I hear nothing but silence... When I try pointing out to them that I have certain rules of engagment which they need to follow, again, nada...

(And mind you, I'm not one of the lucky women on this site who say they average about 100 emails a day. No, for me, it's more like 5. I frankly don't get the 100+ - ers, but God bless `em.)

So, hey michael or benji, care to comment on that one?? Does anyone have a grasp on the mentality that drives a male sub to write emails like this? That's the real question. That's the thing I'm trying to understand.

MNN

(in reply to CompelMe)

Post #: 12

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 7:38:20 PM

jthorne

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

Yes, Jt, you're making sense...I understand your meaning. It would take some doing, however for me to try to see it from your POV, though...B/c bottom line, I am using this as a personals site and I am looking for more than friendship. It would be untruthful for me to try to convince myself otherwise...But I do appreciate your thoughts.

Ok, here is a practical example of one of the problems I am facing. This is what perhaps 80-85% of email entering my inbox looks like:

"like your profile very much" That was the entire email...and this sub's profile had nothing in it to read...NOTHING! So, when I respond back with one-liners like, "thank you, I like it, too." I get no response back. When I try to engage the person in deeper conversation, I hear nothing but silence... When I try pointing out to them that I have certain rules of engagment which they need to follow, again, nada...

(And mind you, I'm not one of the lucky women on this site who say they average about 100 emails a day. No, for me, it's more like 5. I frankly don't get the 100+ - ers, but God bless `em.)

So, hey michael or benji, care to comment on that one?? Does anyone have a grasp on the mentality that drives a male sub to write emails like this? That's the real question. That's the thing I'm trying to understand.

MNN

MNN,
What you're experiencing is something I get myself. Because I say I'll consider male subs, they throw themselves at me. Or there will be a one-liner email. No, people, you have to TALK to me. I tell them that, too. There are other people who already impress me, if you want to cut in line you'll have to damn well impress me more than they have. That usually sends the people who aren't serious skittering away, and that's most of them.

These subs think putting in the minimum effort means they're a REAL sub, I think. That the dom/me is always supposed to be the one doing all the work and such. Which means...you don't want them. Nope nope nope. Who needs that?

~J

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 13

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 7:46:45 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName
To My "Fellow" Mistresses/Dommes/Dominas/Tops:

Although I'm quite sure this has been discussed ad nauseum all around these message boards, I just have to bring it up again. It's the new year, and I am hoping to gain new insight. Here goes:

I'm just really frustrated beyond belief with this search for the right sub/slave. I know that perhaps my frustration may be in and of itself self-defeating, but, wow, am I ever tired of one-line emails, subs who only want to meet via web-cam or yahoo messenger, argumentative and anxiety-ridden subs, you name `em, they've contacted me.

I'm at a loss. I do not want to make one more journal entry or tweak my profile anymore. I think I've been pretty honest and straightforward and clear in my profile without being exhaustively wordy...My main gripe, is that despite all that, the subs contacting me, not all, but most, still seem not to take the time to read my profile carefully, are often much-more self-centered than I care to deal with and don't seem to have an iota of understanding about D/s apart from "play."
Can anyone relate to this, or am I wasting my energy with this? I would sure appreciate some insight and support. Thanks.
MNN

P.S. Before anyone notes that I have been a member only since October 2006, let me correct you. I have actually been a member since Sept 2005. I changed my profile under a new name in October b/c my previous profile no longer suited my needs. It was a sub profile that evolved into a switch profile and I wanted a new profile to reflect my current status.

{{{{{Mistress No Name}}}} I TOTALLY feel your pain. I have been here 2 years, and I have had the same experience.
I have brought this issue up before, and I get the usual "There are so many more male submissive's" answer.
That answer sucks as far as I am concerned.
The majority of the men that have contacted me are: Do Me's, Married and sneaking around, bottoms, men looking to play,
men wanting to be "submissive" when they feel like it, men looking to explore {tourists}, Curious George's, and men
looking for kinky fun or kinky sex.
Don't give up! If this is the lifestyle you need and crave, hang in here.
There are a few worthwhile submissive's around here....I hope. LOL
Don't give up, many women here feel your pain, thanks for posting.
Please continue to post here, I hope we can create a support system for the Dominant women here.
**If you don't agree with me, no need to flame me, I am entitled to my opinion**
Thank you

***2007? Bring it on!***

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 14

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 7:54:24 PM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

Web-cam or yahoo messenger, argumentative and anxiety-ridden subs all get deleted
and blocked.

Diane

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 15

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 7:57:27 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

MzMia: What do you mean by "curious george's?" I've never heard that b4. Sounds funny, tho...

Thanx for your support. Much appreciated.

MNN

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 16

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 8:01:25 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

MzMia: What do you mean by "curious george's?" I've never heard that b4. Sounds funny, tho...

Thanx for your support. Much appreciated.

MNN

They would be the "oooo I've never tried this but I want to try everything right now and by the way I won't pick up a book or read a forum to learn anything if my life depends on it", if I'm not mistaken.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 17

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 8:02:08 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName
MzMia: What do you mean by "curious george's?" I've never heard that b4. Sounds funny, tho...

Thanx for your support. Much appreciated.

MNN

Did you read the story about "Curious George" as a child?
It is about a little monkey that does nothing but ask questions.
LOL

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 18

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 8:10:05 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Actually, he just wanders off, gets into trouble, and gets saved by a man with a serious rubber fetish.

And people wonder where we get it..... "Bad monkey! I should spank you!"

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 19

RE: Need to Vent-Need Support - 1/2/2007 8:13:17 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

Bad monkey...bad dog...same difference.

;-)

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 20

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