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HatesParisHilton -> RE: To Cyber or Not (1/5/2007 5:53:34 PM)
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the prob is that this has been presented as "either / or", as a question involving an en toto context. And many of the replies have been such. I see it as "steps", like "you need to know fractions before you can attempt algorithms".
Meaning, LIMITED cyber at the beginning might actually help R/L or be a very useful culling system to avoid a meet that would later come to nothing or be worse, DISAPPOINTING.
A cyber session (or series of e-mail q & a, or mutually supplied erotica illustrating the erotic desires of both parties) can quickly, within a few hours of effort spread over several days, indicate whether a "meet" should be in the cards.
Flipside: some people decide to just get off on that, so one needs to be stern with the "this is time limited, don't expect weeks or months of this" caveat AT THE BEGINNING.
The prob is that most doms/tops/whatever will likely be sending what they really like/want to do/have done, whereas the sub might just be enjoying the fantasy with no intention of ever physicalizing it (how many women have read the Story of O and love it, then how many women have actually been tied down to an Ottoman and fucked hard up the asshole? Same with the Beauty series by Anne Rice).
Also, if a top is going to go through this effort, several points:
a great phrase I heard from a friend, roughly translated, is "Through to the man's heart, eyes; Through to the woman's heart, ears". Meaning that men are very visually stimulated while women many times get off on the communication/wordplay. The cyber is wordplay. IF what's good for the goose is what's good for the gander, and as much as many women would hate the following:
Set a rule that she has to provide at least one pic per cyber session as pleasing to you as the words are to HER.
If she is unwilling, then she is not willing to "play fair". And that means even by instant messenger, a top would be wasting their time, no matter the ages/sex/gender preferrences involved.
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