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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 12:28:42 AM

badlilthang

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Wanted to say a word or two about Mentors myself...s...i was under the wings of a Trainer for 9 months. (3 years ago or so) - and during this time - He taught me a lot about myself - Wwe both knew this was "training" for the (hopefully) Dom in my future - and i must say He helped me tremendeously. How to carry myself - show pride, trust in myself - and so on. We became very close, and He did not use me sexually during that time. I also had a Mentor - and still do, and He is one of my dearest Friends. We can talk about anything and everything - and i trust His judgement. Never has He tried to abuse my trust - or use His position to get a lil extra out of it. i have also "mentored" submissives - and with that i mean - they come to me and ask for advice, and i give it - also making it clear that it is MY opinions...not the written gospel. People seem to trust in me and my opinions, and i value that trust - and try my best to be there as a friend - or mentor...or what you may want to call it.

My point being - there is as many fake Mentors and Trainers out there as there are wanna be doms and submissives. The same rules applying for life in general - should apply here. When You want to learn something - You will naturally choose a good teacher...thinking works very well in the D/s - BDSM lifestyle, too, and you would probably not choose the school that suddenly appeared in that worn out building in the dark alley - with the flashy signs...you would probably go to the school - out in the open - less flashy - but in a building that has been there for a great many years...with the same school in it...

my rule number one is - if it seems too good to be true - it usually is...hehe...

ok.....that was my lil input...s...

bad

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 1:23:56 AM

MasterHXB

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mentors are want-to-be masters that never ever had real life experince.

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 1:52:18 AM

simplyangelic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHXB

mentors are want-to-be masters that never ever had real life experince.

Isn't it possible that there are some Dominants who are real time who mentor? Seems like an all inclusive statement you made Sir.

Have you ever shown a Dominant at a play party how to do something or shown them how a toy works? Is that not mentoring?

I've only had online experiences with mentors and would say that your statement describes them well. But not in the real world.

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 2:01:03 AM

badlilthang

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHXB

mentors are want-to-be masters that never ever had real life experince.

These are the things said - that really makes me doubt the "Master" saying them. i agree with simplyangelic - that was a pretty all inclusive statement.

i am a member of a BDSM association - also sitting on the board - so this is not only an online thing for me - and i also personally had the pleasure of being mentored. Yes, by rt Dominants - who took pride in helping me and teaching me - without Dominating me for their own purposes and needs.

SO...Your statement in my ears - is dead and unvalid...s...unless You care to explain to me..why You made that statement and without any doubt..s..

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 3:11:19 AM

Countrydesire

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Well, not wanting to step on anyones toes.. .I'm a "newbie" and I want to find someone I'm comfortable with to learn from. And I'll be totally honest, I've come across some men who even being a newbie I have figured out they were nothing but wannabes or control freaks and just thought of themselves as Dom's or Masters because they like to be dominate over a woman or because they think it makes them seem cool.

IMHO, You can tell the real ones because they do not come right out and want to push you into anything, they don't immediately TEST you, they are much more relaxed and in control of themselves. The ones I have considered the real thing are the ones who never try and push me to use THEM... they know that is my decision and mine alone. They actually ask me questions about what I want to know. They do not expect me to just run to them. IMHO... it takes a man who is sure of himself to be a true Dom. And without respect for a man, I could not let him dominate me.

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 7:49:23 AM

CelticPrince

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tigress,

why the hostility??

I belive that many mentors simply have unterior motives and use them to their own advanatage.

A valid mentor must enter into that roll with a hands off attitude to do good and not ultimately harm.

CP

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 8:26:06 AM

SimplyMichael

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Angelic,

You are seriously missing the point. What I and others are dismissing is those who walk around LOOKING to be mentors, who think they wear a MENTOR badge on their shirt.

I have mentored, dominants, dommes, male submissives, female submissives. I however have always done so informally, it was always in the guise of conversations freely given.

What I object to and warn people about are those who saddle up to another looking to BE their mentor. That is a form of petty control and is often a sign serious emotional issues on a variety of levels.

I think the CONCEPT of having and being a mentor is great. Think back to when you first started having sex and it was all awkward, not as good as it could be, and you often made poor or at least not the best choices. Explain to me how you would have chosen someone to mentor you...

Same goes for S&M. I don't think you know enough when you are new to choose a mentor, later when you have seen someone do something well that you desire to learn, sure approach that person. However, till then, most people are better off shutting up, sitting down, and listening and watching.

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 8:42:38 AM

MaryT

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Same goes for S&M. I don't think you know enough when you are new to choose a mentor, later when you have seen someone do something well that you desire to learn, sure approach that person. However, till then, most people are better off shutting up, sitting down, and listening and watching.

Hmm. I'd rather learn by doing (which is how I learned about sex). That's fortunate for me since there's no one around here to watch anyway.

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 9:38:19 AM

Dnomyar

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If you ask someone a question and get an answer then you have been mentored. Why dont some people like mentors. Jealousy. Don't want the competition. A blow to their ego. They lose what they think are easy pickings. Cry Babies.

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 10:00:40 AM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

If you ask someone a question and get an answer then you have been mentored. Why dont some people like mentors. Jealousy. Don't want the competition. A blow to their ego. They lose what they think are easy pickings. Cry Babies.

You mean that the ones calling themselves "mentors" have picked up the "easy pickings".....right? Sounds ike someone "using" the lable mentor to get laid...Blow to your ego?

out.

D.G,

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 10:20:36 AM

MasterWilliam55

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I've said this in a previous post, but's worth repeating. A mentor is a person (sub or Dom/me) that can provide a person with constructive suggestions without the overhead of sex Or play. A friend, if you will, that you can talk to, commiserate with or generally help you navigate this lifestyle. He/she is Not a trainer or partner, but an objective sounding board and someone you can ask for advice. This person may also play the part of a safety net in some circumstances. This person shouls have no alterior motive.

I've only mentored 4 or 5 persons, three subs and two Dommes in 25 years, so my cut on what a mentor is, is not a community standard, but my own. I
I've comforted them, guided them by way of suggestions...but never ran their lives. I've helped out at play parties where a sub or dominant asks me to keep an eye on them. They usually have attended alone and if they ended up playing with someone..I peek in occasionally to make sure things are ok. I've only had to ask a DM to stop a scene on one occasion, and as it turned out, the play was legit and I backed off. As I said, I wasn't there to run their lives. I might give them suggestions regarding their behaviour, or explain some protocol to them, but they were independent of me.

Strange as this may sound, coming from a Dom, but experienced submissives often make the best mentors. They are hard to find though. Once a sub has found a partner they tend to focus on their partners needs and pay less attention on others needs. I realize that's a generalization.

Training is another catagory, and for another post sometime.

One last thing, I personally find it difficult to mentor someone when I don't have a partner in my life. My Dominant ego and needs compromise my objectivity. Ys well, who would have guessed?

I realize my views are not everyone's.

"From the ramblings of an old Dom"

My two favorite quotes:
"All things can be found, depending on the spirit of your quest." J. Conrad
"Leap, a net will appear." Jimmy Buffet

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RE: Why do you think mentors have such a bad rap? - 1/12/2007 11:14:56 AM

domiguy

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Master William that was what I consider to be a nice response to this thread...It
shows the peril as well as the benefit of wisely of choosing a "mentor" and the undeniable potential for a conflict of interests...Well said! No contact..no sex!

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

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