RE: Inappropriate Questions (Full Version)

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crouchingtigress -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 8:15:58 AM)

Juliet, i understand your desire for privacy, and yet i think it is unrealistic to expect that from the public at large. the best thing to do IMO is educate newbies gently like lotus said, next best IMO is to be vague and have pat answers ready, and last if it makes you that uncomfortable not to go.
 
I dont recommend this one because then you do not have the opportunity to conquer this fear, and "what we resist persists" simply meaning, you will create more situations where this happens time and again.
 
in case you dont think i answered you question, i have to say there is nothing in the privacy question arena i would find inappropriate, because to me that is easy, how ever that does not mean everything in communication at a munch for me, is easy.
 
i still have a lot of my own triggers around things that personally disgust me, and so if some one came up to me we started talking about kinks, i told him some of mine then he said "my kink is shitting on women "
 
although he was perfectly polite, i would be speechless i would be so offended.
 
see?
 
other people might just say "hey dude not my kink sorry"....but because of my own personal stuff i would suffer a personal affront and even humiliation.
 
 



bandit25 -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 8:17:45 AM)

I can't imagine anyone at the munches I've been to asking if my cunt was shaved or if I swallowed.  How the hell is that the business of some stranger sitting next to me?  We just talk about "regular" stuff...kids, jobs, work, etc.  Of course we pretty much know each other and don't have many newcomers.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 8:27:00 AM)

Thanks for reminding me why I don't go to munches anymore.  Talking to strangers about their jobs and families...oh lovely, will someone please make it stop?

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

We just talk about "regular" stuff...kids, jobs, work, etc.



KatyLied -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 8:37:23 AM)

quote:

Thanks for reminding me why I don't go to munches anymore.  Talking to strangers about their jobs and families...oh lovely, will someone please make it stop?


I had the honor of being the first-timer at a munch, held in the basement of a restaurant, where the participants paid a sub $1 each so they could have the honor of her sitting, during the entire much, topless.  She also walked around the table so everyone could get a view.  All I could think was.....why the fuck did I drive an hour ONE WAY for this.



domiguy -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 10:10:00 AM)

It goes to show that there is no "one" set of rules for all....Everywhere you go it is a pleasure to meet like minded folks. However, people with diffferent mind sets can be just as enjoyable as long as they are open to recognizing other points of view and experiences.

Anywhooo once again I digress.  The topic is inappropriate questions.  In this "lifestyle" Caution is a must...Phone numbers(especially home #'...unless unlisted) Where you work, where kids go to school, where you go to school, home address, on and on and on.....Should never be asked...and certainly never answered unless you feel extremely...EXTREMELY comfortable with that individual..THERE ARE ALOT OF CREEPY PEOPLE WHO MIGHT SHARE SOME OF YOUR INTERESTS(or at least feign too)  BUT THEIR "MIND SET" is "FUCKED-UP."

I wonder when some people out here portray themselves as being so open and feel that there are no inappropriate questions..It could be another way of stating that "I have nothing left to lose." Or "I put no value on myself."

Do what you will...but you should then forfeit the rights to complain...no more posts about stalkers, or "date" or "scene" rape...or being abused or why is the person such a jerk...or why I am not happy...You never took the time, you dove into "the lions den" head first and didn't even take the time to see if they had been fed.

Anyways it's always nice to read over breakfast the calamaties that those who choose not to use their brains will endure...Thin the herd.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers



Hisgirlforever -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 10:11:58 AM)

I understand were you are coming from Juliet.  I have never been to a munch yet and from the description of two posted above (talking about kids, jobs, etc and a topless sub walking around) these do not seem very appealing.  Anyway I also would not want to be asked about my job.  Although I think I would just say "I'm sorry I don't feel comfortable about talking about that" smile and change the subject. 

As to the main purpose of your post I would not like to be asked about my children.  There are other groups and places to talk about my children and at a BDSM munch or party is not one.  I just read I think it is Jay Wiseman's etiquette to attending munches and parties and it had the things you should not ask about including all Juliet has listed, it also talked about recognizing someone you now and how outside of the group in your "normal" setting you do not talk about the munch. Unless of course if you are both comfortable with it :)



juliaoceania -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 10:20:11 AM)

quote:

I wonder when some people out here portray themselves as being so open and feel thay there are no inappropriate questions..could be another way of stating that "I have nothing left to lose."


I was one of the people that stated there are no inappropriate questions because that is a subjective thing. There are inappropriate answers, and that is a subjective thing too. It is all up to the individual, the circumstance, the connection felt as to what I would share with someone else. It is not someone else's responsibility to keep me safe from answering a question, it is my own responsibility. As such I do not feel that someone else should limit their personal questions unless I tell them to and that they have crossed a line. That line, again, is subjective. Someone can ask me a question like, "Do you have bisexual fantasies?" It is up to me whether or not I feel like answering that or if the person crossed a line.

My Daddy constantly says I do not owe truth to strangers, it is not a big deal to just tell someone that you are not comfortable with their questions. It is setting a boundary, and every situation has a different set of boundaries. Every person has a different set of boundaries, I set mine and I expect others to respect them, only if I have set my boundary and that boundary is crossed do I feel it is inappropriate.



Missokyst -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 10:30:49 AM)

In my group we use these opportunities to educate people.  If one of us asks a question that relates to personal information it is a great time to bring up the topic of discretion! 
If you are my friend, then as we develop our friendship we get to know each other along the way.  If I just met you, it makes sense to keep a heathly barrier between us while I get to know if you are the sort with whom I want to share details.
Letting people know what is acceptable helps them decide if they belong.  And helps them learn valuble social skills within a group.
Kyst



domiguy -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 10:31:31 AM)

Julia, I wil be arriving in Nirvana Ca. on Jan 20th...Could I  please have your home phone number?Where do you live? Where do you work? Do you have kids? What are there ages? Where do they go to school?  Are you and your partner happy?What really turns you on?

All of these questions are inappropriate, as well as extremely creepy! ( found it kind of creeped me out just typing them here)...The question really is why doesn't the person asking them understand that?

And if you chose not to answer them..no mater how you choose to "flower it up"...You found them to be "inappropriate."(at least at this particular time.)

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers and asking inappropriate questions...lol



juliaoceania -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 10:44:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Julia, I wil be arriving in Nirvana Ca. on Jan 20th...Could I  please have your home phone number?Where do you live? Where do you work? Do you have kids? What are there ages? Where do they go to school?  Are you and your partner happy?What really turns you on?

All of these questions are inappropriate, as well as extremely creepy! ( found it kind of creeped me out just typing them here)...The question really is why doesn't the person asking them understand that?

And if you chose not to answer them..no mater how you choose to "flower it up"...You found them to be "inappropriate."(at least at this particular time.)

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers and asking inappropriate questions...lol


Ok, if you can find Nirvana California then I will meet you there[:D]

You obviously did not read my post, but hey, that is ok!



kyraofMists -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 11:14:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

My Daddy constantly says I do not owe truth to strangers, it is not a big deal to just tell someone that you are not comfortable with their questions. It is setting a boundary, and every situation has a different set of boundaries. Every person has a different set of boundaries, I set mine and I expect others to respect them, only if I have set my boundary and that boundary is crossed do I feel it is inappropriate.


Maybe it is just a difference in perspectives, but to me to tell someone that you are not comfortable answering the question is giving them the truth.  I see it as I do not owe strangers details about my life but I will still be truthful with them in telling them that I am not comfortable giving out that information. 

I agree with much of what you wrote.  I believe that we teach people how to treat us.  If we let someone walk all over our boundaries, then we share the responsibility for the outcome.  I protect my boundaries very well from strangers and those I do not know.  I am learning to be better at protecting my boundaries with family and friends.

Knight's kyra



TxBlkMistress -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 11:31:49 AM)

well, let's see...here is a cut and paste that I just got from a jerk off on here (no pun intended) a few minutes ago:


"hi may I masturbate looking at your pic"



safodc -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 12:24:20 PM)

lol



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 2:32:08 PM)

Actually asking is your cunt shaved at a munch is NOT apropriate. Neither is do you swallow. Neither of those questions are pertinant to the evening at hand, you're not playing with them nor are you going to be at the munch.  I would tell someone who asked me that in a heart beat they're out of line and that's none of their buisness, and I would probably report them to the head hostess of our group.




quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

but you can talk about what you wouldn't at a normal party.

Is your cunt shaved or do  you swallow are appropriate questions, where do you work is not.



Amaros -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 2:53:30 PM)

I might have asked what you do if I were sitting beside you, mostly as a conversation starter - but when I ask people this, I always qualify with: "if you don't mind my asking" - either way you now have a conversaton.

It is a bit complicated these days, and it raises suspicions when anybody presses for personal information.



Devilslilsister -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 2:55:22 PM)

Never been to a munch, but when i was at a club and i was asked "would you like to do a scene together?"  made me highly uncomfortable.

Generally, i am really good at vagueness. 

Where have you been? out
Where do you live?  over there - that way - not far - round the corner - a ways away
What do you do? enjoy life - have fun - live

One of the habits i need to get out of, is when i am speaking about some one, i speak about them in a general sense.  I do not say "he, she, her, him"  i always say "they" Drives Master nuts and he's always saying "Who?" 

To me, i call it side stepping.  If you learn to side step really well, it doesnt matter what anyone asks you.  If its not some one you have to actually give an answer to its generally very easy to flip the conversation.

IE some one asks "what do you do?"  you say "i live, how about you?" Generally people love to talk about themselves so its pretty easy to side step questions if you follow up with a question about them.  AND it keeps the conversation flowing AND you learn alot about the other person and they know relatively little about you.  Of course it can be slightly difficult if they really want to know and arent just making small talk.  Then you just flip the subject completely.  If i was at a munch and it wasnt just some one making small talk, i would most likely answer the same question with "i enjoy life, so how long have you been coming to this munch?"  Using the munch to bring up another topic and to keep the focus off of myself. 

Of course it always depends on how well you know some one and how comfortable you are with giving them a complete answer. 



mymasterssub69 -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 3:01:09 PM)

don't ask "how much do you weigh" - i already know i'm overweight and i'm trying to eat healthy and exercise more. i don't need rude advice and comments about my weight.

don't ask "are they (my breasts) real or plastic" or "can i cop a feel" - i don't know you well enough to satisfy your sexual fix.

and lastly  don't ask "so why did you get a divorce" - it was a painful experience i wish to leave behind me and move on happily.

i never tell anyone about my children - in your eyes they don't really exist until i'm ready for you to meet them. some people do laugh when i say i'm a concert reviewer and follow it up with a question wondering if i sleep the band or would i sleep with any members of the band. sometimes i think they are confusing me with the backstage groupies and sluts however they do ask for free tickets.



MasterHyde -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 3:05:58 PM)

quote:

Maybe it's just me, but these were rather normal questions you would anticipate someone to ask. Personally, if someone was so paranoid that they felt they couldn't even tell me what they did for a living, my next question would be "so, what kind of medication do they have you on, anyway"?


I thought they were pretty normal questions, too. Usually, people are complaining about questions being too personal or too intimate. It's out of line to ask someone you just met "what's your favorite position" or "do you like being spanked?" I think asking someone what they do for a living is pretty safe and innocuous, but if you prefer not to answer, that's entirely within your rights. I just don't think he did anything wrong. \




unownedredhead -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 3:09:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Is your cunt shaved or do  you swallow are appropriate questions, where do you work is not.


I never really thought about it like that.  Very succinct. (not sure if I spelled that right).  I like your new nic better.




chastemaleslave -> RE: Inappropriate Questions (1/13/2007 3:17:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

Maybe I have it all wrong but I thought Munches where to 1.Meet people who share same outlook. 2. Have casual discussions about whatever needs to be addressed to get to know someone. 3.Have fun meeting and chatting with the above mentioned.


I personally am more than happy to discuss all apects of My life.
Its like a good book with lots of twists and turns.Ups and downs too...Wink

And I dont swallow or spit...if that thing even gets near My face its getting whacked with a stick. [sm=paddle.gif]


But is that the only way one would go about getting it wacked with a stick? Was that too forward? [sm=smile.gif]



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