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RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 1:28:40 PM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
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What you all are basically saying is that a little bit of danger or risk hightens the experience. What I believe you all are really practising can be described as RACK as opposed to SSC. RACK (for those who might not know) means Risk Aware Consentual Kink. This better describes our activities, especially for those of us who are into extreem activiites. There is a thrill of play or sex on the first date that is hard to ignor.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 21

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 1:31:23 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

It's understandable as a fantasy, but not sustainable in reality. What happens when things get so extreme that you can no longer handle them? Either you have to accept that you might get into a situation where things happen that you don't like, or you have to back off and tolerate a situation where you're not COMPLETELY out of control. You can't be both in control and not in control all at the same time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I find I get turned off quickly if that element isn't there or diminishes over time. I seem to need to get more extreme each time or it begins to loose it's appeal to me.

You know first hand that I'm struggling with that reality. The end result is the freak outs that you've witnessed. I'm flying by the seat of my pants and hopefully learning along the way of what is realistic and what isn't.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 22

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 1:41:27 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

The funny thing is that in my real life I am not a risk taker at all. I like things very safe. It's only within my world of kink that I need this extreme mental and physical test. Can anyone relate to this or am I just crazy?

you're not crazy, though you are contradicting yourself here; kink is part of your real world and real life, so in actuality, you are a risk taker, and one who's going into it both feet first and eyes wide-opened; it's part of your dual-personality, so it seems to me...

you wouldn't by chance be a gemini or bi-polar would you?

there's nothing wrong with risk aware consensual kink at all, people do it all the time...

that is, unless you're not really ready to 'meet your maker' should something go horribly wrong;

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 23

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 3:13:48 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
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Actually, I'm a pretty level headed Aquarian who's happy about 90% of the time.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 24

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 3:42:09 PM

darksdesire

Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

I am fascinated that others find this kind of risk a turn on. I can't be the least bit aroused if I'm the tiniest bit worried for my safety. I most certainly don't think it's crazy...or, maybe it is crazy, and who cares. I certainly have my share of a few very crazy turn ons.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 25

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 3:44:15 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

A person like slavemaster would have loved you.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 26

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 4:01:06 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

FR. No, Aileen, you are not crazy for having these thoughts. Thoughts alone don't make you crazy, but actions might. You might be deemed by some "crazy" for acting on these thoughts at all, by others by risking your marriage (if what you do risks that relationship), and by still others for the remote possibility that you would leave your children motherless should there be a horrific outcome. Do you care if someone thinks you are crazy? I doubt it. The danger would seem to be losing the ability to balance the wild, hidden side with the suburban mom and wife, and tipping into some dark place where you become less of the things that you value in yourself, or at worse, the inspiration for a "Law & Order: SVU" episode.

You could of course confide this desire to submit to an anonymous man in an anonymous locale to some dear kinky friends and they could "set it up" much as I've set up kidnap/rape scenarios (and LA has alluded to that as well.) But even those carefully planned, ultimately consensual scenes can go wrong, and the very act of "planning" might turn you off. So that leaves: Living in your head for this stuff, or escaping with one wild, but trusted Dominant, or spiraling down to the dark place if you can't keep juggling.

E

By the way, "Slavemaster" preyed upon lonely women who were seeking financial salvation as well as a man in their lives. They were, sadly, lost souls who were easy Internet prey. Aileen is nothing like those women.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 27

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 4:08:51 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Can anyone relate to this or am I just crazy?

Can't say that I exactly relate.. but I can appreciate what your saying. All I can add.. Is it's not likely that your crazy.. but you just might be reckless. It really depends if you can afford to lose what you are risking if things go south. If you can.. have fun.. if you can't then you need to reconsider things abit.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 28

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 5:14:09 PM

SlyStone

Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

I can totally relate and you are not crazy and I get the need, but you are being reckless with your life meeting strangers in a hotel room, I think you know that.

People who jump out of planes, and I am one of them, do it for the rush, knowing that even with all the practice and safety checks the chute my not open and you may fall to earth. But we make those safety checks because the idea is to live to do it again so you can get that rush again. For me it's not so much the fear of death, but that I would not do it again, not get that rush again. That applies to many things in my life. I am not afraid of death, I am afraid of missing the next moment. Does that make sense to you?

Don't view each encounter as your last but as an experience that can be repeated over again, and may even be better the next time, if you do all you can to ensure that there will be a next time. There is a compromise between being overly cautious to the point of ruining the experience and risking your life, I hope you can find that place.

_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 29

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 5:29:42 PM

roughleather

Posts: 232
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

I have a friend who's into that. She's a tall, slender blonde who likes dangerous guys. She knows there might be trouble, and it's a turn-on for her. She likes the battle of wits and skills when things get out of hand.

She's been doing this for at least seven years, and she's still doing OK.

But she can fight. Can you?

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 30

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 5:38:14 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

Aileen,

Nothing wrong with running close to the edge so long as you recognize the edge and not go over. You have been around awhile, thus I am pretty sure you know your edge better then anyone.

Now how about getting some consistency in your profile, it has changed dramatically as you know / How Come? Grins only thing consistent is that pensive face and great legs.

CP

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 31

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 5:41:44 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

This is one of those areas where motivation makes the difference between healthy and unhealthy actions. In other words, WHY are you doing this?

I LOVE doing this sort of thing, pushing a sub hard on the first meeting, getting inside her head and doing mind fucks. Of course, making things SEEM more dangerious than they really are can both make it hotter AND safer.

Telling her that she has to sit still, despite being naked and on her knees, because any movement will catch the security guard's eye is guaranteed to make a danger queen hot. Making up the fact that there is a security guard is a great mindfuck.

(in reply to roughleather)

Post #: 32

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 5:47:28 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Midear A.-

Bless your wild heart.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 33

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 5:55:39 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
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I think I need to clarify a few things. I'm not talking about some random person emailing me and me hopping in my car and meeting him based on one email I have a strong need to connect with someone on certain levels. I have to click with that person. What I'm talking about is more in line of not needing to have a first vanilla meeting over coffee and all of the precautions that most seem to want with that. I see no need for that. Doing all of those steps would definitely lessen my desire. I still interact a lot with whomever I plan to meet. I just don't feel it's necessary for all that info exchange. The more info that I know, the more control and choice I have and that is something I don't want.

(in reply to SlyStone)

Post #: 34

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 6:05:46 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Except for the mention of freak outs and what I've already said, your desires really aren't at issue.

You can go to a vacation like Leather Retreat, sign up to be kidnapped, and have 4 guys take you down, torture you and then drop you off never knowing who they were and it would be completely fine and even cause a lot of envy amongst your friends :)

The issue is your need to do this at increasing levels and NOT being able to enjoy intimate encounters with someone you know, someone you do have that trust with.

I understand the fear- but for me, maybe you just need someone who's really good at mindfucks. With someone like that, you can know exactly in every detail what's going to happen before the fact, and still be scared shitless during.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 35

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 6:09:11 PM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

One of my answers to a recent thread and a small email conversation with LaM a while ago has made me realize a few things about myself. I read the threads on SSC and on safe calls and the lengths that most go to in order to protect themselves. I completely understand the rationale and common sense behind all of this and I certainly don't fault anyone for following these guidelines. However, for me, I find all of this a huge turnoff. I get a thrill from knowingly putting myself out there...putting my pictures up. There is an arousal in knowing that I may be recognized, discovered, outed. Meeting in hotels without a safe call. Hell, no one even knows where I am at all for those hours. I find it highly erotic going into these situations where I purposely don't know last names, addresses, etc. I don't know, maybe for me this is a kink all in itself. I find I get turned off quickly if that element isn't there or diminishes over time. I seem to need to get more extreme each time or it begins to loose it's appeal to me. The funny thing is that in my real life I am not a risk taker at all. I like things very safe. It's only within my world of kink that I need this extreme mental and physical test. Can anyone relate to this or am I just crazy?

Nope - it's not my kink at all. i'm too aware of all the nut cases out there. i don't find putting my safety, really putting my safety in jeopardy, exciting in the least. i doubt i'd be floating around in subspace while in the presence of some maniac who's kink is sincerely watching me suffer until i'm dead. i find your kink a dangerous one and i truly hope you stay safe. Frankly, i'm really glad i don't need to go to that extreme to enjoy myself.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 36

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 6:13:14 PM

Jauque

Posts: 17
Joined: 1/11/2007
From: Texas.
Status: offline

I will hold with the people here who say you are an adult, and fully aware of the possible consequences of what may happen. That's part of the thrill, no? No different then lighting a fire and drawing your hand over it. You know its hot, you know it will burn, why do you do it?

Taking that into consideration is it the actual burn that you desire, or the risk of being burned?

~J

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 37

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 6:31:04 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The issue is your need to do this at increasing levels and NOT being able to enjoy intimate encounters with someone you know, someone you do have that trust with.

This is what I'm having the biggest problem with.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 38

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 6:32:08 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Aileen I have been thinking about this thread since I first saw the beginning and trying to wrap my head around it and understand both your drive and my reaction to it. At first I wasn't going to post anything because I didn't want to say it wrong and be misunderstood.

In reading it again and the following threads I had some other thoughts on the whole thing and am going to give it a go. Granted, I certainly don't know the whole story so I can't give a realistic opinion to answer your questions but I can kinda give a couple different thoughts I have had in trying to understand my reaction.

The more I thought about it the more I wanted to yell at you to stop endangering yourself, both for you and for those that care about you. Also for the people that depend upon you to be part of their lives. Then I argued to myself that life is full of risks and who am I to say your risks are any different/worse than my driving 50 miles on icy roads to work and then 50 back again or jumping horses.

Then I started thinking about degrees of risk and how we calculate risk and the also the need/desires to take them. Then I argued that there are different reasons, some perceived as being more necessary like my driving to work versus say smoking meth for a temporary but dangerous thrilling high, something I cannot fathom doing. Then I realized that there are people that would probably grab the meth before they would even consider the icy drive. Both have odds of killing me yet why does one seem horrible to me and yet the other just something I take more care in doing.

Then I came back to your words and I try to put the risks you take into my risk calculating process. For ME, what you are doing is closer to the unimaginable meth smoking than the driving. I have a solid knowing that meth would ultimately hurt me, and my family. The driving, I know that I have made sure to cover as many of the possible dangers as possible, a car I trust to handle well, good tires, knowledge that I am a good driver, drive at slower speeds and give myself more time and room to maneuver, extra clothes if I have to walk, cell phone, etc. In essense my icy road driving safewords. Granted, there are still no guarantees but I am giving myself every possible chance of survival. Then I wonder if I am just validating my point of view for my own risk taking.

Another thing I was wondering, is if you yourself were questioning your actions and either seeking validation or condemnation to push you in a direction that at some level you were feeling you should take and just not wanting to face. Not sure, not wanting to make that choice, hoping to hear/read something other than what you already know at some gut level. Obviously thats something that probably only you really know.

One thing I do know is that you are an intelligent woman and fully capable of doing your own risk assessment and taking responsibility for it. I guess I still can't understand but I also can't let myself be judgemental and neither should anyone else. We all have to chose our own life paths, do whats right for us while trying to balance it with our responsiblity to others. It's not always easy and sometimes downright painful. Some days it seems life is just a constant balancing act.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 39

RE: Dangerous Desires - 1/15/2007 6:47:38 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
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Thank you for this post. I think you're pretty accurate.
That's why I'm questioning why I'm here.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 40

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