RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25?

RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (Full Version)

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DemonSadist -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:13:53 PM)
Ok, but I'm not just talking about the internet. And I'm sure it does happen in all age groups but I've never been so up myself to think that someones age is going to be the be all and end all of their experiences. And I'm cool with differen preferences and all that. It's the way those preferences are expressed that I think is a lack of respect.

asassylilslave -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:14:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist Well, I'd disagree. You can respectfully decline someone's advances and respect is a question of manners and how you treat someone. But I've been around some older sub women who just will not even entertain the idea that someone younger can have more experiences than them. not everyone is going to fall at your feet simply because you claim to be a Dominant. Those who are older, most probably do have more experience than you, and as such, they want one who matches their own experience, which in their eyes, means someone older than them ( this is not a universal statement ). As I said, it comes down to personal preference. and I disagree about the respect statement. I am polite to EVERYONE, yet I show respect to very few.

SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:14:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist Well, I'd disagree. You can respectfully decline someone's advances and respect is a question of manners and how you treat someone. But I've been around some older sub women who just will not even entertain the idea that someone younger can have more experiences than them. Bottom line it is predudice To pre judge Some many never get it as they have their preconception of a "true" lover or dom. You may have everything in the hecklist of theirs but if you wear green socks on Tuesday... bam you are out. Keep with it. Be real. Ross Designermite: http://www.cafepress.com/designermite Bon D' Age' : If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair http://www.cafepress.com/bondage69/2348963

drawntothedark -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:16:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist Well, I'd disagree. You can respectfully decline someone's advances and respect is a question of manners and how you treat someone. But I've been around some older sub women who just will not even entertain the idea that someone younger can have more experiences than them. Of course, Yes people do lack respect sometimes. It does not make it right that some people do it, but at the same time, it's how it is. It doesn't make it right for countless Doms to send me one line emails such as "approach" but they do. I could rant and rave about it, but what good would it do. It's your first time around here, you will see it will get better. I can entertain the idea of you having more experience than me, but.....that doesn't mean I'll submit to just that. Age aint nothin but a number but to some people, its very important. Good Luck with your search.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m12.gif[/image]

DominaSmartass -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:16:14 PM)
From my own experience and observations: Women from about 18-25 who claim to be submissive may not really be such but rather are suffering from low self-esteem and confidence, lack of experience, repercussions from adolescant trauma, and maybe do have sincere proclivities to kink but are taking on the sub role because it seems to provide a safe place to be taken care of and valued like they may never have been before. I have seen lots of young women of this age come in, in similar circumstances and states of mind, only to realize after a few months or years that they are not submissive at all but just young. Most people are still dependant on their parents at least in part through high school, college, and maybe even beyond, so I believe that until one has actually experienced true independance it is pretty hard to make the decision to give up that independance to someone else (a dom.) I think someone choosing to be a sub after being independant for a few years will have a much better idea of what they are looking to do. Hence, why I believe you may not find many genuine subs under 25. Plus, depending on what part of the country someone lives in, those from 18-25 may have very limited access to real-time resources of education and mentorship in bdsm. They may not even be comfortable with themselves enough to come out in public or put up a profile. I was aware of a bdsm community for almost 3 years before venturing into it in real life and I "came out" at age 20. I was not a genuine submissive but it sure felt good to be desired and also was nice to escape from some other issues in my life by giving up control to someone else. But I was 20, and even in just the past 2 years have matured immensely and moved beyond issues so that the purpose having a dom once served in my life became obsolete. I'm not saying this is the way it is for anyone who is young and thinks she's a sub (or he for that matter) but I have seen and experienced enough to convince me that it may oftentimes be the case.

DemonSadist -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:16:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asassylilslave quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist Well in some cases just plain old common courtesy and in some cases they just blank you at the mere mention of the idea that they could be dominated by anyone younger than they. Some just think your messing about and some just think they are far too good for you. that has nothing to do with respect though. That is just manners and personal preference. edited to add have you bothered to try your local community yet? in regards to my local community, I would try it but the couple of times I've read up about the venue they have said fetish gear only. Which is a pain because I'm not into the whole dressing up scene really. And I don't really want to spend 200 quid on a lot of leather/pvc etc etc.

mstrjx -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:16:47 PM)
A lot of people who find this Lifestyle through one element or another (for me, it started with bondage and worked its way from there) find that once here, they make a commitment to stay here. The choice is set for life. What I'm saying is at what point are you, anyone, willing to make a lifetime commitment to something? It's easier to do the Chinese buffet - try a little of this, try a little of that. I pointed out in another post either earlier today or yesterday that I have heard that the maturity level for men and domination come together at about age 30. That's not to say one cannot be interested earlier; that's not to say that one cannot be responsible (enough) earlier. But I think it's a reasonable benchmark. For one to 'find themself' as a submissive and make that as a lifelong commitment? Again, I would say it is rare that a woman younger than 25 is in for the long haul. Like yourself, when your exposure started earlier, the exception rather than the rule would be if one's introduction into the Lifestyle would have occurred early. Just a thought. Jeff

asassylilslave -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:18:02 PM)
quote: in regards to my local community, I would try it but the couple of times I've read up about the venue they have said fetish gear only. Which is a pain because I'm not into the whole dressing up scene really. And I don't really want to spend 200 quid on a lot of leather/pvc etc etc. I am talking in regards to munches; casual get togethers, etc

DemonSadist -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:19:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asassylilslave quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist Well, I'd disagree. You can respectfully decline someone's advances and respect is a question of manners and how you treat someone. But I've been around some older sub women who just will not even entertain the idea that someone younger can have more experiences than them. not everyone is going to fall at your feet simply because you claim to be a Dominant. Those who are older, most probably do have more experience than you, and as such, they want one who matches their own experience, which in their eyes, means someone older than them ( this is not a universal statement ). As I said, it comes down to personal preference. and I disagree about the respect statement. I am polite to EVERYONE, yet I show respect to very few. Gosh, I would never expect someone to fall at my feet because I say I'm dominant. I haven't even suggested I think like that. My point is that there is a prejudice towards a younger dominant male that isn't there towarda a younger sub male or female or towards a younger dom female really. And fair enough in regards to respect/politeness just so long as you can seem genuine with the politeness.

mnottertail -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:23:48 PM)
yeah, I hea you bruddah!!!! I am 52 and trying to snatch up them 20 somethings all the time, I feel your pain, it goes both ways....just life.

DemonSadist -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:24:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass From my own experience and observations: Women from about 18-25 who claim to be submissive may not really be such but rather are suffering from low self-esteem and confidence, lack of experience, repercussions from adolescant trauma, and maybe do have sincere proclivities to kink but are taking on the sub role because it seems to provide a safe place to be taken care of and valued like they may never have been before. I have seen lots of young women of this age come in, in similar circumstances and states of mind, only to realize after a few months or years that they are not submissive at all but just young. Most people are still dependant on their parents at least in part through high school, college, and maybe even beyond, so I believe that until one has actually experienced true independance it is pretty hard to make the decision to give up that independance to someone else (a dom.) I think someone choosing to be a sub after being independant for a few years will have a much better idea of what they are looking to do. Hence, why I believe you may not find many genuine subs under 25. Plus, depending on what part of the country someone lives in, those from 18-25 may have very limited access to real-time resources of education and mentorship in bdsm. They may not even be comfortable with themselves enough to come out in public or put up a profile. I was aware of a bdsm community for almost 3 years before venturing into it in real life and I "came out" at age 20. I was not a genuine submissive but it sure felt good to be desired and also was nice to escape from some other issues in my life by giving up control to someone else. But I was 20, and even in just the past 2 years have matured immensely and moved beyond issues so that the purpose having a dom once served in my life became obsolete. I'm not saying this is the way it is for anyone who is young and thinks she's a sub (or he for that matter) but I have seen and experienced enough to convince me that it may oftentimes be the case. I agree with this a heck of alot. I've spoken to quite a few women online who just seemed very self destructive, they didn't want the nuruturing/protecting side of bdsm, just pain and abuse constantly. And heck I'm a sadist I like to play very rough but I LOVE aftercare just as much.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:25:51 PM)
Best place to find that age group is at your local TNG munch group and/or your local techno/goth/wicca crowd/clubs. The truth is, you're too young for most of the subs that age on the market, and even if you do find one, the chances of a younger than 25 yo female being stable and settled enough to make a long term relationship work at that point is really really small. Not that you shouldn't go for it and try it.

asassylilslave -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:27:09 PM)
LOL ok, I'll stop needling you and be serious for a minute. In regards to the age thing; alot of women who are younger; while I agree in part with what was already said that some are here to 'fix' something from their past, others are here looking to find exactly where they do fit in. Most though are looking for a committed relationship with someone. From what your profile said, you mentioned nothing about this. And still others are looking for just tops to scene with; again, you mentioned nothing in your profile about this. Yes, there does seem to be alot of bias in regards to younger men; yet, once again, it all comes down to personal preference and what each individual wants and needs. In your profile you stated very clearly exactly what a girl could expect from you...what about what YOU offer to her?

DemonSadist -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:27:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asassylilslave quote: in regards to my local community, I would try it but the couple of times I've read up about the venue they have said fetish gear only. Which is a pain because I'm not into the whole dressing up scene really. And I don't really want to spend 200 quid on a lot of leather/pvc etc etc. I am talking in regards to munches; casual get togethers, etc Yeh the munch was held at a place called Curzons and they had a fetish dresscode. Derby is a very small crappy place. LOL.

darkspelll -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:27:59 PM)
if i may say. being a sub under the age of 25, it is a life changing event to find the Man who feels you are worthy. i can also say that it is a scary thing to admit to your own perversion so young. at 18, 20 and so on most are not sure of the things they want in their lives, and where their path will lead them. i am lucky to have found a Man who makes me tick, and holds me accountable for my actions. as so many in the past have not. He has also taken it slowly, as to make sure that serving, and belonging to Him are truely what i want, and not what he is forcing upon me. i didn't understand until i met Him, that before i was running scared of my true nature, because i was afraid of what i would become. but this doesn't hold true for all. for some it is a rebellion against those, and that have oppressed them creativily, and spiritually. belonging to someone is not a small feat, nor is it something to be taken lightly. i myself have put my life into the hands of another human being, and that takes considerable trust. having gone to high school, in the area that i did, and the time that i did, it is hard to learn trust because people are always saying something about you, to you, and behind your back. social interaction breeds distrust. so it is easy to say that most girls are simply not ready to take the plung and give up the trust to someone else.

DemonSadist -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:31:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asassylilslave LOL ok, I'll stop needling you and be serious for a minute. In regards to the age thing; alot of women who are younger; while I agree in part with what was already said that some are here to 'fix' something from their past, others are here looking to find exactly where they do fit in. Most though are looking for a committed relationship with someone. From what your profile said, you mentioned nothing about this. And still others are looking for just tops to scene with; again, you mentioned nothing in your profile about this. Yes, there does seem to be alot of bias in regards to younger men; yet, once again, it all comes down to personal preference and what each individual wants and needs. In your profile you stated very clearly exactly what a girl could expect from you...what about what YOU offer to her? Ok ok look I think we've established my profile needs a little work. But like I say this is the first day I've even had a profile. My bad profile hasn't stopped me finding it difficult in the past. I'm much more articulate in person.

SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:32:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass From my own experience and observations: Good observations indeed. Seems like you might be on the road to sucess. Ross

Devilslilsister -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:32:43 PM)
I found the lifestyle when i was18 - but unfortunetly i ran into a bunch of wierdo's time and time again. Actually, i found it at 17 and only have one sane person from my early days i keep in contact with. Think i was 24 when i was finally collared. Amazingly to some one younger then me, by about a year and a month. I've always detested dating in my age group. When i was 15 i was dating a 27 year old, 18 dating a 33 year old.... dated ONE guy that was my age and well huh. So it does happen. Just keep your eyes and options open.... Oh and about a year after being with me, he brought in another 18 year old to the lifestyle = ) quote: Honey, sooner or later they are gonna hafta see ya unless your going to walk around with a hood on your head for life. I prefer to give them the scary real life stuff right up front. If they make it past that they are already ahead. ha! Thats just cos you're beautiful

DemonSadist -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:33:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkspelll if i may say. being a sub under the age of 25, it is a life changing event to find the Man who feels you are worthy. i can also say that it is a scary thing to admit to your own perversion so young. at 18, 20 and so on most are not sure of the things they want in their lives, and where their path will lead them. i am lucky to have found a Man who makes me tick, and holds me accountable for my actions. as so many in the past have not. He has also taken it slowly, as to make sure that serving, and belonging to Him are truely what i want, and not what he is forcing upon me. i didn't understand until i met Him, that before i was running scared of my true nature, because i was afraid of what i would become. but this doesn't hold true for all. for some it is a rebellion against those, and that have oppressed them creativily, and spiritually. belonging to someone is not a small feat, nor is it something to be taken lightly. i myself have put my life into the hands of another human being, and that takes considerable trust. having gone to high school, in the area that i did, and the time that i did, it is hard to learn trust because people are always saying something about you, to you, and behind your back. social interaction breeds distrust. so it is easy to say that most girls are simply not ready to take the plung and give up the trust to someone else. Thanks very much, it's good to hear from the people I'm talking about. And I can understand it's a huge undertaking and leap of faith in many ways. But I'm really looking to go on a few dates or whatever, I'd love to settle down with a sub female but I'm not expecting anything like that straight away. I'm just looking for a woman with similar interests to share time with and hopefully take it further.

DemonSadist -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 12:37:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Best place to find that age group is at your local TNG munch group and/or your local techno/goth/wicca crowd/clubs. The truth is, you're too young for most of the subs that age on the market, and even if you do find one, the chances of a younger than 25 yo female being stable and settled enough to make a long term relationship work at that point is really really small. Not that you shouldn't go for it and try it. Ah damnit, here's me who likes Kyuss, Can and Gang Of Four, I guess I'll have to go with earplugs [:D]

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