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behindmirrors -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 2:18:15 PM)
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(Fast reply)
I'm also in that elusive demographic of female submissives under 25. I'm 22 now.
Now, as to why I believe we seem so elusive: I think part of it is lack of assurance- I notice plenty of women around my age that aren't sure what they are going to do for one day, let alone with the rest of their life or what their "true" nature is. I know that many women in my age group struggle with self-confidence and self-image- why would they not also be struggling with "why do I have these desires?", "who am I in relation to others?" and "will I be accepted by someone even though I feel this way?"...? For me, finding myself as a submissive, and then as a slave to my Dom, took me learning to be happy, secure and content in who I was within myself first, before I could possibly relenquish my personal power and strength to another, and understand the value that such an exchange has for both parties. I don't think this would be an uncommon occurrance in other submissive-leaning females in my age group, but I only speak for my experience.
It's also an age of exploration for many, and you have to adjust somewhat for that. I know in the past few years, I have tried many things, all for the sake of "finding my place"- and I think that many others do during this time as well. Perhaps it's not that the women under 25 and submissive aren't out there- perhaps it's that they are not willing to take on a label, title, or role because they don't feel ready for everything that implies yet- but learning with someone they feel safe with sounds fine.
The one thing I must bristle at for a moment is the notion that females around my age get into BDSM to hash-out, deal with, or perpetuate negative experiences from their past- this is not always the case. I dealt with that stuff on my own terms before coming to this way of life- because I knew that once my own personal traumas were settled, this really was what I wanted, and not just me trying to live an abusive cycle for the rest of my life. Just needed to add that it's not always the result of difficult or abusive circumstances that a woman becomes submissive and a part of this lifestyle- I think the circumstances under which a woman comes to BDSM is as varied as each individual themselves.
So, with all that said- I would recommend to the OP that you appeal to the sense of exploration in a female who is curious about this lifestyle, instead of the "I'm going to own and control you forever" sort of mentality. Take that committment of giving over your entire self to know this out of it, and start with "Hey, I think it would be cool to try this together. Are you game?" I believe that will help you find some (perhaps inexperienced) willing females to see how things go with- and maybe you'll both learn and grow from the experience.
As always, this is my conjecture and my opinionated self, which may or may not work for anyone else- but...
I hope this helps.
behindmirrors.
<edited for a brief addition.>
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