RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25?

RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (Full Version)

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DemonSadist -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 4:27:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra My take on this has sort of been mentioned, but I'm going to go a step further. Yes, it's about exploration. Yes, it's about perhaps still not knowing for sure your expectations, etc. But generally speaking (and yes, I understand about broad generalities), in broad sociological terms, I think that those in the 18-25 year old group are busy becoming independent. They are moving out of their parents home, learning how to live on their own, experiencing life as an adult for the first time, making their own decisions and in essence, growing up to undertake adult responsibilities and enjoy adult freedoms. This is not to say that there aren't well-adjusted submissives out there under 25, but that as a whole, the 18-25 year old group is at a place developmentally where they are not set up to delve into D/s. Regardless of their stability, mental and emotional health and the way their interests lie, the are simply at a time in their lives wherein the lessons of independence are far more important than becoming involved in D/s activities (not to be confused with SM activities.). I think that SM is a far more active exploratory venture for this group of people than D/s is. In fact, while there are many exceptions to this, I think that D/s might just be a bit like dear old dad and sociologically speaking, they're at a time when it's time for dear old dad to step back and let their children, now turned adults fly for a while. Course, since I'm not in that age group, I might just be assuming things I shouldn't assume. juliet I'm Dominant and sadistic, I love playing SM games but only on the giving end, the other way I've tried and didn't enjoy really, I'm just not submissive or masochistic in nature at all. So yes I'd be very happy to meet and get to know a girl who's just interested in experimenting in SM providing she wants to be the masochist. I do like hard s&m but more than that I like s&m hard or soft, I don't expect or assume the person I play with is going to be into as much as I am. I don't go off at the deep end or anything like that.

mymasterssub69 -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 4:31:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist quote: ORIGINAL: mymasterssub69 question - do the submissives have to be under 25? have you considered broadening your horizons and taking an older submissive? merely curious i have found as an older submissive i attrarct both ends of the age spectrum within the BDSM community. one former master, a Brit like yourself, was 10yrs younger than me and the oldest is my Daddy. good luck in your search No I have no problem with taking an older submissive. All the ones I have met who are older than me (I'm 25) have problems with Doms younger than them. i must be the exceptation then. age is only a number - it's the level of your maturity and experience that's the deciding factor for me.

scarlettuk -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 4:44:13 PM)
This is merely a personal comment as my Master is younger than myself. He spotted the submissive side of me and has undertaken my training and instruction irrespective of my age. To him my age was not important more the potential he saw within my soul. To a certain extent age is irrelevant when it comes to relationships either in this lifestyle or vanilla. No doubt I shall be shot down in flames by some but this is merely my own personal view from life as I have exprienced it.

DemonSadist -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 4:48:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: scarlettuk This is merely a personal comment as my Master is younger than myself. He spotted the submissive side of me and has undertaken my training and instruction irrespective of my age. To him my age was not important more the potential he saw within my soul. To a certain extent age is irrelevant when it comes to relationships either in this lifestyle or vanilla. No doubt I shall be shot down in flames by some but this is merely my own personal view from life as I have exprienced it. Well I do agree. Experience and maturity and intelligence are not products of age but of awareness in my opinion. However I've had a few debates with people who will not believe that. I live in a very small parochial city in the UK and that's part of the reason I'm sure.

dawntreader -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 5:18:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist No I have no problem with taking an older submissive. All the ones I have met who are older than me (I'm 25) have problems with Doms younger than them. i was introduced to BDSM by a 23 year old last summer...so many taboos, so little time :-)

MaryT -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 5:36:11 PM)
I'm trying to remember what it was like to be 25 ... I think it was confusing. [:D]

LTRsubNW -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 5:38:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist I'm 25 and have had this problem since I was 18 really. Websites are just totally full of fake pictures, it's a huge pain to trawl through scores of profiles to find one that's real let alone one your compatible with. I'm sure there's more under 25 women who like to submit than to dominate in general, but withtin the bdsm community there sure does seem to be a lack. Any clues from people more experienced in the community? Well, here's a small thought for you; Of course, you're a guy. Now, although I'm sure that hasn't escaped you (considering that based on your profile, you probably pee standing, and by virtue, you've probably had more than numerous occasion to notice you're in fact a guy...any debate on this...look at what you're holding in your hand...girls don't have one of those), you may have considered that with all the sites that enable folks to create a website, most are free. Those, on the other hand that are not (including alt.com and various other paid sites, as well as those put up by others individually under their own paid URL) are often meant to be as flattering as possible, largely for the purpose of getting you (a male) to alleviate yourself of any unsightly bulges in your pants (of course, I refer to a bulge other than your appendage). Simply; they are there to help you find a new home for those little green paper things that you have up until then been so rude and selfish to have put in your wallet. Those that are free are likely to be more responsive to the truth (reference of course made here as to your suggestion of fake pictures...they will have some as well...but fewer than the paid sites), whereas those that are paid sites generally tend to accomodate and in fact generate more paid male visitors (that would be you) are those that would tend more towards air brushed visages. Now, following this line, it would also be true that you...a male...are outnumbered, just exactly as in the vanilla world...as to edge. You see...chics are prettier than you. Now you may be the most handsomest man on the entire planet (and I'm sure you're at least that) however...you're still a guy. Which means you are still the tail. Not the dog. When you become the dog...you get to do the wagging. On the whole "how come it's not fair" issue....go to any Borders or Barnes and Noble book store. Even though they try as best they can to be discreet (protecting young'uns and all), you'll still find that there are roughly 65 mens magazines that display some enticing nubile lil thang amongst multiple pages....and last I counted...there were exactly....wait...I'm still adding it all up....uhhhmmmm.... *None* for the fairer sex. Funny how that works eh? So you see...you will be going through myriad fake pictures for many years to come. Now as to the rest of the issue...see above. And if there is any more confusion as to how this all works...next time you're peeing...look down. Because with one of theirs...they can get one of yours anytime they want one. (I'm glad I could be of some assistance).

CreativeDominant -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 5:42:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist I'm 25 and have had this problem since I was 18 really. Websites are just totally full of fake pictures, it's a huge pain to trawl through scores of profiles to find one that's real let alone one your compatible with. I'm sure there's more under 25 women who like to submit than to dominate in general, but withtin the bdsm community there sure does seem to be a lack. Any clues from people more experienced in the community? Psssssssssssssst....go over to the anal without lubrication thread. It was started by an 18 y.o. submissive. Of course, her preference is women but she does state that she is also willing to consider male dominants. Seriously, I think one of the reasons it is difficult to find women of the age you state is that, at that age, many are on their own journey of exploration. Many times, that seems to involve a need or want for independence...not being told what to do, not being told how to behave, having their own thoughts that are not filtered through obedience towards a dominant figure for perhaps the first time in their lives.

jefisme03 -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 7:13:54 PM)
lol its hare to find many people that are under 25 even for some one who is 19 himself ind ive met few subs who want a younger dom

DominaSmartass -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 8:12:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: behindmirrors The one thing I must bristle at for a moment is the notion that females around my age get into BDSM to hash-out, deal with, or perpetuate negative experiences from their past- this is not always the case. I dealt with that stuff on my own terms before coming to this way of life- because I knew that once my own personal traumas were settled, this really was what I wanted, and not just me trying to live an abusive cycle for the rest of my life. Just needed to add that it's not always the result of difficult or abusive circumstances that a woman becomes submissive and a part of this lifestyle- I think the circumstances under which a woman comes to BDSM is as varied as each individual themselves. You sound like a very fine young woman and I know how rare it is for people our age to not only know what they want but be able to express what that is and go after it, no less. I am almost 23 and at 20 I had a lot going for me but a lot of dangerous weaknesses as well. I know that my experience is not what happens with all young submissive women, however, I know that I am not the only one. I think it is much more the exception for a young woman to have herself so in order before entering the scene. From what I have seen, many young woman enter and are sought after by predatory doms who seem to say all the right things and snatch them up quickly before they have a chance to learn much that would protect them from this. I'm not trying to make it sound like the bdsm world is a dangerous place, crawling with venomous doms who are out to hurt the naive children...I'm not a fear-mongerer. It's just the truth of what I have seen, it's very easy for a young woman to get swept away by an older, more experienced, seemingly good guy who ends up being not so great. Interestingly enough, the man I was with for 8 months, who is one of the worst examples of a dom I could point out (now that I know my ass from a hole in ground) told me that he never went after such young women as myself but that I was just Soooooo mature that he had to put age aside. Well I was 20 and he was 43 and after I left him I found out he was with an 18 year old (saw them out together at a club.) This has gone waaay off topic. But yes, I agree with you, it's not always the case that young women get into this to fix their past issues. It's just an awfully easy place for them to find lots of willing older men who will claim to know what's best for them.

DominaSmartass -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 8:22:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra My take on this has sort of been mentioned, but I'm going to go a step further. Yes, it's about exploration. Yes, it's about perhaps still not knowing for sure your expectations, etc. But generally speaking (and yes, I understand about broad generalities), in broad sociological terms, I think that those in the 18-25 year old group are busy becoming independent. They are moving out of their parents home, learning how to live on their own, experiencing life as an adult for the first time, making their own decisions and in essence, growing up to undertake adult responsibilities and enjoy adult freedoms. This is not to say that there aren't well-adjusted submissives out there under 25, but that as a whole, the 18-25 year old group is at a place developmentally where they are not set up to delve into D/s. Regardless of their stability, mental and emotional health and the way their interests lie, the are simply at a time in their lives wherein the lessons of independence are far more important than becoming involved in D/s activities (not to be confused with SM activities.). I think that SM is a far more active exploratory venture for this group of people than D/s is. In fact, while there are many exceptions to this, I think that D/s might just be a bit like dear old dad and sociologically speaking, they're at a time when it's time for dear old dad to step back and let their children, now turned adults fly for a while. Course, since I'm not in that age group, I might just be assuming things I shouldn't assume. juliet No Juliet, I said something similar (but less elaborate) in my first post and I think you hit the nail on the head. One of the largest obstacles to my being someone's slave at age 20 (besides the fact that he was a bastard, lol) was that I felt as though I could not whole-heartedly commit to giving up 100% control to someone when I was barely in control of myself. At 20 I was still under my parents' roof metaphorically since they paid for school and everything, and I had higher powers to answer to like professors who would determine whether I graduated with honors or barely graduated. If I, or anyone in that situation, were to give over control to a dom, I think it would create some sort of gap in my maturation as an individual person.

Powerman40 -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 8:54:07 PM)
I found that under 25 or even 30 that women or men for that matter are not quite sure of there direction in life and are subject to alot of outside influences and their emotions or others play a big part. A very wise Domme told me that we all have to play on both sides in schooling, work, romance, and commitment. when we are willing to go thru that and be content with who we are and what we want, that is what I consider maturity of ones self. Then, it starts over again.

Koukei -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 9:58:06 PM)
A little late coming into this but I would like to put my two cents in. First off, I agree. It is probably very hard to find a submissive/slave my age who is real about what they want and knowing if it is what they want. I happen to know for a fact I don't know what I want in life. Some days I greatly enjoy being chained down and having my rear paddled until its sore. Some days I dont even want to play the submissive role. I personally feel that is okay. I shouldnt have to be anyones slave 24/7 if Im not up for it. Because although cleaning the house or submitting myself sexually is a huge turn on, just like sex...sometimes im not horny. Another good part if it may very well be your age. Its harder with younger doms simply because they lack experience. However I'd advise you keep a look out because I doubt many 20 year olds are running off with men in their 60s. Sorry to all the older doms but... My dad is 50. My grandfather is 72. Im pretty sure their sexual drive is not that amazing. And I'll be honest... you dont look the way you did when you were 20. Not that getting old is horrible... but if I am doing anyone 2 or 3 times my senior... he better look damn near 30. And when im 60 I want to be making love to a man my age! [:'(] Hahaha. I don't doubt older women's lack of respect for you. I happen to get a lot of disrespect from not only the lifestyle community but from the political community, my job and anyone older then me. Doms over 30 tend to not like my personality simply because I am a slave who speaks her mind and I dont take all orders. My morals are my morals. Sorry but what do you want from me? Im a democrat! [:D] And it wouldnt hurt for the DOM to be a little nice and cook me dinner once in a while. Well uhh... im shutting up now because I tend to ramble. ~Koukei MonStar~

obis -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 10:19:29 PM)
At your age, you'll need to date vanilla women and show them their submissive side. Just looking for self-identified submissive women is limiting yourself to a very small subset of compatible partners, because most people don't get this stuff sorted out in any formal way for years. I started at 19 and didn't have any hope of relying on the internet, so I just dated as much as possible and kept the ones who liked when I pulled their hair :) Even today at 31 when it is getting somewhat straightforward to find women who have identified their desires, I still find half the subs/slaves I meet are in a vanilla context and never in a million years would have read about BDSM if I hadn't introduced them to it in a non-threatening (and enjoyable) context.

amayos -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine submissive females under 25? (1/16/2007 10:23:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist I'm sure there's more under 25 women who like to submit than to dominate in general, but withtin the bdsm community there sure does seem to be a lack. I believe the social pressures and distractions set upon young people of both sexes in our society today are immense. Young girls particularly are often groomed early in life by their parents and the prevailing MTV culture to be poster children for "girl power" and other collectively palatable ideas. Without strong guidance toward self-actualization by a mentor or some other dominating influence, it often takes some time for them to untangle the tyranny of what they think they want. By that time, they are often well into their late twenties and early thirties. It it essentially a matter of the time it takes to undergo clear self exploration. A stab, of course, but one I've formed from my own life experience and observation on the matter.

Archer -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 10:29:42 PM)
Well lets look at the math here. 20% of population is into BDSM to some extent (Different Loving) of that lets assume half male half female (you are now looking at 10% of the entire population) Of that the average age of people getting into the lifestyle for women is about 27 (AGain Different Loving) so bell curve that out and you now have limited the potential matches to about 2% of the population Further limit it just for grins 50/50 Dom/ Sub and you have 1% Further limit it to those compatable with you on intensity level and you are at 0.2% of the population In case you don't see where this is going, it's tough to find a partner who matches well. The more qualifiers you add the further the pool is reduced.

MasterKalif -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/16/2007 10:59:43 PM)
Interesting topic....I have to agree with behindmirrors as to why it is "hard" to find under 25 submissives, mostly self-exploration, not being sure where they stand, still living at home, etc....sometimes though it would be best that if they didn't know what they wanted or were not sure, they could state so (many do actually)....I am personally not in the look out for younger than 25 as in my experience those under 25 lose interest quick, or "pretend" to be into the Dom and then nothing happens...in any case, they are out there and I have met some serious ones...I personally do not place an age limit (except those close to my parent's age) but rather on personality and maturity of the person.....likewise I want to be judged by my maturity level, seriousness, comitment to this lifestyle, and not based on my age (26). I have been lucky to find a beautiful submissive who is older than me and we get along very well.... I tell the OP then to keep looking, it took me over a year here before I had any relative success, and while I am not saying it should take so long, you will soon figure out who the "fakes" are and which of those are serious or the ones who are not sure. Stay the course, stay true to yourself and you will do fine. In any case I have been into this lifestyle since before 18, and have always been attracted by the Dominant side, and as such I knew where I stood from early on.

susie -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/17/2007 1:51:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonSadist quote: ORIGINAL: asassylilslave quote: in regards to my local community, I would try it but the couple of times I've read up about the venue they have said fetish gear only. Which is a pain because I'm not into the whole dressing up scene really. And I don't really want to spend 200 quid on a lot of leather/pvc etc etc. I am talking in regards to munches; casual get togethers, etc Yeh the munch was held at a place called Curzons and they had a fetish dresscode. Derby is a very small crappy place. LOL. I have just searched the munches page on Informedconsent and have found at least 3 munches within an hours drive of Derby (one is in Nottingham so very close) that are all vanilla dress code. Perhaps you should give one of them a try.

littlesubjess -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/17/2007 2:22:41 AM)
My experience of this website is, as DemonSadist said, just FULL of fakes. I dont know if the US users are the same, but the British users are very difficult to figure out. Some profiles are instantly noticable as fake, but others don't seem to be. So you get up your hopes, and chat to them online, but then as time wears on, it doesnt go anywhere and when you ask for a phone number, they either disappear off line never to be seen again, or give you a false or unused number. This is desperately frustrating and therefore i sympathise with DemonSadist. Even though he is looking for sub, I for Domme, the situation still remains the same. As it happens, i am searching for someone probably older than 25, possibly a good reason being that finding a real female Domme under that age is unlikely. The other annoying thing though, is that when i do meet someone one genuine, i can tell that they are half expecting me to be fake, which means that they are cagey and want hardcore proof that i am fem before we proceed. This then makes me feel as though I am being tested. Its not good. I especially think that this age group of 18-25 will be the group most plagued by the "fakes" because if i was a man wanting to "pretend to be a woman" then I would probably choose a slim blonde 19 year old profile to a 56 year old, bit-chubby-round-the-edges-with-lots-of-wrinkles kinda profile. This is purely for the logical reason that the young 19 year old will get more hits and more interest. I think this is a real shame because it makes using the site a difficult and often frustrating system to use. There is a website which I have used before for swinging purposes, which I thought had a brilliant system in place. All profiles on there that were either a couple with a female or just a female on their own had to call a free phone number and give details over the phone such as their username on the site, their password and their email address. This was then verified that the female does "exist". I noticed that any profiles where the female had not been "verified" were ignored and got hardly any hits at all. The result of this meant that you could message people and chat to people feeling 99.9% safe in the knowledge that the female was present. This also scared off the fakes, because they knew they would have no luck on a site like that which had such a system in place. I think if Collarme were to introduce such a sysytem, profile numbers would probably halve, but at least we would all know that we were dealing with genuine people. Submissively, Jess xxx

LTRsubNW -> RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under 25? (1/17/2007 6:29:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Well lets look at the math here. 20% of population is into BDSM to some extent (Different Loving) of that lets assume half male half female (you are now looking at 10% of the entire population) Of that the average age of people getting into the lifestyle for women is about 27 (AGain Different Loving) so bell curve that out and you now have limited the potential matches to about 2% of the population Further limit it just for grins 50/50 Dom/ Sub and you have 1% Further limit it to those compatable with you on intensity level and you are at 0.2% of the population In case you don't see where this is going, it's tough to find a partner who matches well. The more qualifiers you add the further the pool is reduced. Fuck that shit...he's young, he'll eventually figure this shit out, and besides...he's got more time than me. Show me the math that's gonna work in the favor of a 48 year old single dude!

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