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RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 12:44:48 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonSadist

I'm 25 and have had this problem since I was 18 really. Websites are just totally full of fake pictures, it's a huge pain to trawl through scores of profiles to find one that's real let alone one your compatible with. I'm sure there's more under 25 women who like to submit than to dominate in general, but withtin the bdsm community there sure does seem to be a lack.

Any clues from people more experienced in the community?
 Maybe I'm lucky, but I've never had this problem in searching for a partner and never behaved like that myself between pictures, phone calls, and webcams I've never dealt with the issue.  There have been times where I misjudged others, but it wasn't their 'fault.'  It was just general miscommunication. And I would think finding your significant other, if that's what you are looking for, would be worth all the hard work.  Right?

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to DemonSadist)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 12:45:01 PM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonSadist  I'm just looking for a woman with similar interests to share time with and hopefully take it further.


Bingo! This is just like any other relationship based on respect and trust.

Granted there is more bagage within this BDSM overt or subtle..it is a stepping stone for learning.

There is no right or wrong way to be the "true" dom.

There are commonly accepted practices of techiniques and after care but the real development is the mental, emotional and spiritual developement of the individuals onvolved in the relationship.

What is one person's ceiling is another person's floor.

Consent.

Spanking, whipping, flogging is all mechanical...anyone can learn to do it.

Empathy, compassion, mental sparring, mentally challenging takes work and nuturing and develops the person.

Without it one is devoid of the human side...now some might like that.

Many have found hurt...emotional hurt and would rather tolerate the physical than go thru the emotion trama and discourse than repeat it.

Be aware of emotional abuse and be compassionate in those that really do not know what they really seek....as We all are on a path..some just further along the trail than others.

Respectfully submitted for consideration and review,

Ross

Designermite:
http://www.cafepress.com/designermite
Bon D' Age' : If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair
http://www.cafepress.com/bondage69/2348963

(in reply to DemonSadist)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 12:47:13 PM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I would think finding your significant other, if that's what you are looking for, would be worth all the hard work.  Right?


That is what makes the difference between significance, associates, friends, players, dates, sessions, ect right?

Respectfully submitted for consideration and review,

Ross

Designermite:
http://www.cafepress.com/designermite
Bon D' Age' : If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair
http://www.cafepress.com/bondage69/2348963

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 12:47:33 PM   
TwoSeekOne


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonSadist

I'm 25 and have had this problem since I was 18 really. Websites are just totally full of fake pictures, it's a huge pain to trawl through scores of profiles to find one that's real let alone one your compatible with. I'm sure there's more under 25 women who like to submit than to dominate in general, but withtin the bdsm community there sure does seem to be a lack.

Any clues from people more experienced in the community?


A big part has to do with the fact that most young people don't seek their partners online. Go find out where the local 'goth' or similar night is near you and go hang there weekly. Within a couple of weeks you will know dozens of lifestyle friendly and lifestyle curious young ladies in your age range. Not really my thing, but every time I get dragged to a local club of such nature, I meet all kinds of younger submissives.

Part of the issue here is that 'newbies' don't always have a clear idea or understanding of what the lifestyle is or what they seek. She might be destined to become a true slave or submissive, but she has idea what those terms mean or that there even is a formal scene. Understand what you are dealing with and you will find that there is actually "more" potential submissives under 30 than above 30.

Master Rick

(in reply to DemonSadist)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 12:50:19 PM   
darkspelll


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		you are most welcome. and  i wish you good luck in your search.

(in reply to DemonSadist)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 12:51:45 PM   
DemonSadist


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonSadist

I'm 25 and have had this problem since I was 18 really. Websites are just totally full of fake pictures, it's a huge pain to trawl through scores of profiles to find one that's real let alone one your compatible with. I'm sure there's more under 25 women who like to submit than to dominate in general, but withtin the bdsm community there sure does seem to be a lack.

Any clues from people more experienced in the community?
 Maybe I'm lucky, but I've never had this problem in searching for a partner and never behaved like that myself between pictures, phone calls, and webcams I've never dealt with the issue.  There have been times where I misjudged others, but it wasn't their 'fault.'  It was just general miscommunication. And I would think finding your significant other, if that's what you are looking for, would be worth all the hard work.  Right?


I'm not saying it's anyone's fault (well apart from the timewasters). I'm just curious about why I have trouble finding a sub woman who's under 25. As in literally finding one. It's not like I'm being picky or screwing it up when I speak to them, it's actually finding one ot speak to.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 12:55:44 PM   
DemonSadist


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoSeekOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonSadist

I'm 25 and have had this problem since I was 18 really. Websites are just totally full of fake pictures, it's a huge pain to trawl through scores of profiles to find one that's real let alone one your compatible with. I'm sure there's more under 25 women who like to submit than to dominate in general, but withtin the bdsm community there sure does seem to be a lack.

Any clues from people more experienced in the community?


A big part has to do with the fact that most young people don't seek their partners online. Go find out where the local 'goth' or similar night is near you and go hang there weekly. Within a couple of weeks you will know dozens of lifestyle friendly and lifestyle curious young ladies in your age range. Not really my thing, but every time I get dragged to a local club of such nature, I meet all kinds of younger submissives.

Part of the issue here is that 'newbies' don't always have a clear idea or understanding of what the lifestyle is or what they seek. She might be destined to become a true slave or submissive, but she has idea what those terms mean or that there even is a formal scene. Understand what you are dealing with and you will find that there is actually "more" potential submissives under 30 than above 30.

Master Rick



Thanks for the advice, and goth clubs really aren't my thing either, but I suppose I'll have to try. I think because I don't dress in goth style clothing or listen to any of that music I must be missing out on a certain demographic of younger sub women. Hmm...

(in reply to TwoSeekOne)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 12:56:03 PM   
SeveredNeuron


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline 		Hello All,
I confess I haven't read all the entries in this post, but I think I may have something new to add.
I am a sub under 25 (and pardon for the bad english, I just got up and haven't had my coffee yet), and I found that when I was an 'online sub' (yes, I realise that could start a whole new argument on the legitamacy of online submissives; I do not count it as submissive experience but more 'research') I was shunned by the rest of the community (And I am sure someone can comment on the nature of these), In the end, the only person who would respectively take an online submissive would be the pedophiles (I was rather young) or the abusive or un-familiar Doms. I am not blaming anyone for what happened to me (and I will not go into that because I have a rather long day and do not wish to dwell on it), but part of the problem may be the treatment of submissive under 25.
I know of a few people who do not believe that a submissive can really be a submissive is they are that young, however this is a rather general statement and I tend to believe that nothing can be generalised in such a clouded statement.
Another thing that I find is that Doms do not seem to understand that under 25 year olds have different goals and ideals. We spend our time differently. We want to spend time with friends, study etc, and I have gotten much abuse due to the fact that I take my studies as my first priority always. But then one can argue that they may not have seen (or even cared) what was best for me.

Anyway, hope you all may understand what I am trying to say through all my junk :P.

Good luck with your searches and good morning everyone!!!

--Ania

(in reply to TwoSeekOne)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 12:59:42 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonSadist

I'm 25 and have had this problem since I was 18 really. Websites are just totally full of fake pictures, it's a huge pain to trawl through scores of profiles to find one that's real let alone one your compatible with. I'm sure there's more under 25 women who like to submit than to dominate in general, but withtin the bdsm community there sure does seem to be a lack.

Any clues from people more experienced in the community?
 Maybe I'm lucky, but I've never had this problem in searching for a partner and never behaved like that myself between pictures, phone calls, and webcams I've never dealt with the issue.  There have been times where I misjudged others, but it wasn't their 'fault.'  It was just general miscommunication. And I would think finding your significant other, if that's what you are looking for, would be worth all the hard work.  Right?


I'm not saying it's anyone's fault (well apart from the timewasters). I'm just curious about why I have trouble finding a sub woman who's under 25. As in literally finding one. It's not like I'm being picky or screwing it up when I speak to them, it's actually finding one ot speak to.
 I am under 25 and can think of at least 12 people off the top of my head who are also.  And I don't know that many people. Don't give up hope.  There are plenty of perverts to go around.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to DemonSadist)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 1:00:31 PM   
DemonSadist


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeveredNeuron

Hello All,
I confess I haven't read all the entries in this post, but I think I may have something new to add.
I am a sub under 25 (and pardon for the bad english, I just got up and haven't had my coffee yet), and I found that when I was an 'online sub' (yes, I realise that could start a whole new argument on the legitamacy of online submissives; I do not count it as submissive experience but more 'research') I was shunned by the rest of the community (And I am sure someone can comment on the nature of these), In the end, the only person who would respectively take an online submissive would be the pedophiles (I was rather young) or the abusive or un-familiar Doms. I am not blaming anyone for what happened to me (and I will not go into that because I have a rather long day and do not wish to dwell on it), but part of the problem may be the treatment of submissive under 25.
I know of a few people who do not believe that a submissive can really be a submissive is they are that young, however this is a rather general statement and I tend to believe that nothing can be generalised in such a clouded statement.
Another thing that I find is that Doms do not seem to understand that under 25 year olds have different goals and ideals. We spend our time differently. We want to spend time with friends, study etc, and I have gotten much abuse due to the fact that I take my studies as my first priority always. But then one can argue that they may not have seen (or even cared) what was best for me.

Anyway, hope you all may understand what I am trying to say through all my junk :P.

Good luck with your searches and good morning everyone!!!

--Ania




Thank you very much for another insight and don't worry it made perfect sense. I am 25 myself so I think my goals and ideals would be pretty similar. It's always bad to hear when someone's been mistreated and taken advantage of by nefarious people and maybe that is a big reason for me having such trouble. Gah, it drives me up the wall sometimes.

(in reply to SeveredNeuron)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 1:02:25 PM   
darkspelll


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		i understand how hard it is to find girls to actually speak to. Sir and i have been searching for a girl to join us for a while, and it is hard to find girls who are able to speak their mind, as well as respond to messages. some just aren't interested, though they pretend to be. this comes back to the finding who is real, and dealing with those who are fake. it also comes back to the age of girl. i have been taught to be open, and speak politely to others, even in declining their wishes to speak to me. but most girls at least around my age, (that being 22), are not able to fully grasp what it is to speak to a Dom. and they try to control the situation. you seem to voice your desire simply, and that makes it easy to understand where you are coming from. we have gotten girls who have spoken to us, online and on the phone. we have set up arrangments to meet, and either they don't show up or they aren't who they say they are. its hard. espeically online. and oddly enough i would have to agree with two seeks one that your local "goth" or "industrial" scene might prove fruitful in finding girls who are younger. i have recently been attending goth clubs, and nights and find twoseeksone statement true. there are a great deal of young women who are interested, and or already lifestyle in this sort of setting. it seems to be more apt at appealing to a younger genernation of subs.

(in reply to DemonSadist)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 1:02:44 PM   
DemonSadist


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonSadist

I'm 25 and have had this problem since I was 18 really. Websites are just totally full of fake pictures, it's a huge pain to trawl through scores of profiles to find one that's real let alone one your compatible with. I'm sure there's more under 25 women who like to submit than to dominate in general, but withtin the bdsm community there sure does seem to be a lack.

Any clues from people more experienced in the community?
 Maybe I'm lucky, but I've never had this problem in searching for a partner and never behaved like that myself between pictures, phone calls, and webcams I've never dealt with the issue.  There have been times where I misjudged others, but it wasn't their 'fault.'  It was just general miscommunication. And I would think finding your significant other, if that's what you are looking for, would be worth all the hard work.  Right?


I'm not saying it's anyone's fault (well apart from the timewasters). I'm just curious about why I have trouble finding a sub woman who's under 25. As in literally finding one. It's not like I'm being picky or screwing it up when I speak to them, it's actually finding one ot speak to.
 I am under 25 and can think of at least 12 people off the top of my head who are also.  And I don't know that many people. Don't give up hope.  There are plenty of perverts to go around.


None of them live in the UK do they? LOL.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 1:06:24 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonSadist

Not with my looks   


Honey, sooner or later they are gonna hafta see ya unless your going to walk around with a hood on your head for life. I prefer to give them the scary real life stuff right up front. If they make it past that they are already ahead.



ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 1:06:51 PM   
DemonSadist


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkspelll

i understand how hard it is to find girls to actually speak to. Sir and i have been searching for a girl to join us for a while, and it is hard to find girls who are able to speak their mind, as well as respond to messages. some just aren't interested, though they pretend to be. this comes back to the finding who is real, and dealing with those who are fake. it also comes back to the age of girl. i have been taught to be open, and speak politely to others, even in declining their wishes to speak to me. but most girls at least around my age, (that being 22), are not able to fully grasp what it is to speak to a Dom. and they try to control the situation. you seem to voice your desire simply, and that makes it easy to understand where you are coming from. we have gotten girls who have spoken to us, online and on the phone. we have set up arrangments to meet, and either they don't show up or they aren't who they say they are. its hard. espeically online. and oddly enough i would have to agree with two seeks one that your local "goth" or "industrial" scene might prove fruitful in finding girls who are younger. i have recently been attending goth clubs, and nights and find twoseeksone statement true. there are a great deal of young women who are interested, and or already lifestyle in this sort of setting. it seems to be more apt at appealing to a younger genernation of subs.



Yeh, I see what you mean. I think part of it is when I'm out in a club or where ever. I'm preyy shy about bringing up bdsm. It's hard to work in to a conversation if you've just met someone. I've had lots of nilla relationships, I don't want to waste my time with that when I know it's a submissive that I really want/need.

(in reply to darkspelll)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 1:14:44 PM   
darkspelll


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline 		that makes sense. as when it comes to being in public, at a social place i don't easily speak about D/s, or my Master. while i would have to say that the gothic scene is more accepting of it then say the punk, or pop scene, i am still weary about who i voice my lifestyle choices too. but if you keep attending the club, you will find that girls will talk about it, rather readily if you let them be the ones who are speaking about it first. its cleche but in this setting let them come to you. but don't be afraid to be social, and have conversations. it might just prove a positive out come.

(in reply to DemonSadist)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 2:02:42 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		Hmm... I'm 29, so I can't answer for the under 25 perspective, I guess. :)  Not that I was ever typical in my behavior, regardless of age.  I think there have been some good points made, though.  The younger a person is, the less they likely know about what they /really/ want out of life and relationships.  I think your best bet is to store up a lot of patience and just keep looking.  Best of luck!
 
zuma

(in reply to darkspelll)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 2:18:15 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		(Fast reply)

I'm also in that elusive demographic of female submissives under 25. I'm 22 now.

Now, as to why I believe we seem so elusive: I think part of it is lack of assurance- I notice plenty of women around my age that aren't sure what they are going to do for one day, let alone with the rest of their life or what their "true" nature is. I know that many women in my age group struggle with self-confidence and self-image- why would they not also be struggling with "why do I have these desires?", "who am I in relation to others?" and "will I be accepted by someone even though I feel this way?"...? For me, finding myself as a submissive, and then as a slave to my Dom, took me learning to be happy, secure and content in who I was within myself first, before I could possibly relenquish my personal power and strength to another, and understand the value that such an exchange has for both parties. I don't think this would be an uncommon occurrance in other submissive-leaning females in my age group, but I only speak for my experience.

It's also an age of exploration for many, and you have to adjust somewhat for that. I know in the past few years, I have tried many things, all for the sake of "finding my place"- and I think that many others do during this time as well. Perhaps it's not that the women under 25 and submissive aren't out there- perhaps it's that they are not willing to take on a label, title, or role because they don't feel ready for everything that implies yet- but learning with someone they feel safe with sounds fine.

The one thing I must bristle at for a moment is the notion that females around my age get into BDSM to hash-out, deal with, or perpetuate negative experiences from their past- this is not always the case. I dealt with that stuff on my own terms before coming to this way of life- because I knew that once my own personal traumas were settled, this really was what I wanted, and not just me trying to live an abusive cycle for the rest of my life. Just needed to add that it's not always the result of difficult or abusive circumstances that a woman becomes submissive and a part of this lifestyle- I think the circumstances under which a woman comes to BDSM is as varied as each individual themselves.

So, with all that said- I would recommend to the OP that you appeal to the sense of exploration in a female who is curious about this lifestyle, instead of the "I'm going to own and control you forever" sort of mentality. Take that committment of giving over your entire self to know this out of it, and start with "Hey, I think it would be cool to try this together. Are you game?" I believe that will help you find some (perhaps inexperienced) willing females to see how things go with- and maybe you'll both learn and grow from the experience.

As always, this is my conjecture and my opinionated self, which may or may not work for anyone else- but...
I hope this helps.
behindmirrors.


<edited for a brief addition.>

< Message edited by behindmirrors -- 1/16/2007 2:20:18 PM >

(in reply to darkspelll)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 3:28:27 PM   
mymasterssub69


Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		question - do the submissives have to be under 25? have you considered broadening your horizons and taking an older submissive? merely curious

i have found as an older submissive i attrarct both ends of the age spectrum within the BDSM community. one former master, a Brit like yourself, was 10yrs younger than me and the oldest is my Daddy.

good luck in your search


_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 3:46:00 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		My take on this has sort of been mentioned, but I'm going to go a step further. Yes, it's about exploration. Yes, it's about perhaps still not knowing for sure your expectations, etc. But generally speaking (and yes, I understand about broad generalities), in broad sociological terms, I think that those in the 18-25 year old group are busy becoming independent. They are moving out of their parents home, learning how to live on their own, experiencing life as an adult for the first time, making their own decisions and in essence, growing up to undertake adult responsibilities and enjoy adult freedoms.

This is not to say that there aren't well-adjusted submissives out there under 25, but that as a whole, the 18-25 year old group is at a place developmentally where they are not set up to delve into D/s. Regardless of their stability, mental and emotional health and the way their interests lie, the are simply at a time in their lives wherein the lessons of independence are far more important than becoming involved in D/s activities (not to be confused with SM activities.).

I think that SM is a far more active exploratory venture for this group of people than D/s is. In fact, while there are many exceptions to this, I think that D/s might just be a bit like dear old dad and sociologically speaking, they're at a time when it's time for dear old dad to step back and let their children, now turned adults fly for a while.

Course, since I'm not in that age group, I might just be assuming things I shouldn't assume.

juliet

(in reply to mymasterssub69)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Why is it so hard to find genuine sub females under... - 1/16/2007 4:22:35 PM   
DemonSadist


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mymasterssub69

question - do the submissives have to be under 25? have you considered broadening your horizons and taking an older submissive? merely curious

i have found as an older submissive i attrarct both ends of the age spectrum within the BDSM community. one former master, a Brit like yourself, was 10yrs younger than me and the oldest is my Daddy.

good luck in your search



No I have no problem with taking an older submissive. All the ones I have met who are older than me (I'm 25) have problems with Doms younger than them.

(in reply to mymasterssub69)
Profile   Post #: 60
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