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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 6:59:04 AM

Aileen68

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Please don't fall into the trap that because you list yourself as submissive that you have to be respectful and do every stupid thing that a random dom demands. Use your head.

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 6:59:40 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
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To the OP-

Relax, deep breath, let it out. This is a first meet. It should be a simple get to know each other a bit and see if a connection is there in person thing. Just be you rather than what you think you are expected to be. Have safe calls just in case and don't allow yourself to be pushed or coerced into something that is uncomfortable to you or could be dangerous. There's time down the road for the play, etc. when you know each other a bit. Have fun and let us know how it goes please good or bad.

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:02:57 AM

mymasterssub69

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
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*hugs*

private meetings alone with anyone (vanilla or lifestyler) for the 1st time is an absolute no-no

*whew*

sounds like to me he didn't want a submissive but a punching bag. take your time as you search for your master.

good luck

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:12:00 AM

hrnybutshy

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/28/2007
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I got overwhelmed and in over my head. Thanks for the reality check

hrnybutshy

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:15:33 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
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From: KC area Missouri
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hrnybutshy

Thank you all for the responses. I would like you all to know that it was his idea for all of this to happen. He wants me to referr to him that way and told me to put it in my profile. I have decided not to go. Not one of the safety steps suggested were in place. I was to go to his home and be prepared to be beaten and to please him sexually. I have also since blocked this person from being able to contact me as the more I thought about it, the more red flags I noticed. I am not trying to be disrespectful but this guy is very scary in the things he wanted to do not only to me but to young children as well.

Thank you all for the insight. I am going to definately slow this all down and be way more careful.

hrnybutshy

Smart lady <smile>. Relax and take your time. Read the forums, continue to post questions, get and read some of the nonfiction books, learn and prepare and gain understanding of yourself, what you want and need first. Getting involved in your local bdsm community can be a huge help if one is near enough. Definitely sounds like a close call this time. Don't let anyone try to push you into doing what they want without regard for you as a person. You might be a submissive, but it doesn't mean you are submissive to anyone claiming to be a dominant or Master. It's your choice who you submit to and obey.

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:16:21 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hrnybutshy

Thank you all for the responses. I would like you all to know that it was his idea for all of this to happen. He wants me to referr to him that way and told me to put it in my profile. I have decided not to go. Not one of the safety steps suggested were in place. I was to go to his home and be prepared to be beaten and to please him sexually. I have also since blocked this person from being able to contact me as the more I thought about it, the more red flags I noticed. I am not trying to be disrespectful but this guy is very scary in the things he wanted to do not only to me but to young children as well.

Thank you all for the insight. I am going to definately slow this all down and be way more careful.

hrnybutshy

Bravo!

Finding a relationship here is the same as finding a relationship anywhere. Even if you'd "put out" on a first date, you'd at least go out and spend the evening with them in public places first, right? Most would get to know the person before sleeping with them at least in some fashion. Most would really look at how compatable they are before commiting to a lasting relationship. Just because this is kinky doesn't mean the same relationship rules don't apply.

Master Fire

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:20:24 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
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From: Scranton, PA
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A big thumb's up for having the sense to ask, keeping an open mind about the suggestions, and then changing course when everything pointed against what you had planned. A lot of folks don't have that much sense.

I'll also thank you because you have probably given fodder for some clown to start a "fake subs" thread, and they are usually lots of fun!

Good luck, and keep asking questions!

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:27:37 AM

szobras

Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
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"Danger Penny Robinson" ~ There is much well presented advice here. Take time to get to know people here, perhaps others that know this person you are to meet.
Just my opinion, , I also agree, that if you have not established a repore of safe, sane, consentual for at least a reasonable amount of time before your first meeting, Being Owned, never met, and so soon? Then I would say that being "scared" is trying to tell you something.

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:29:26 AM

griffn

Posts: 32
Joined: 1/3/2007
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If he is actually talking about children report his ass to CM. hrnybutshy you are very wise to ask on the forums before meeting this guy. I would suggest seeking out a mentor to help guide you through the world of online or real time BDSM

quote:

ORIGINAL: hrnybutshy

Thank you all for the responses. I would like you all to know that it was his idea for all of this to happen. He wants me to referr to him that way and told me to put it in my profile. I have decided not to go. Not one of the safety steps suggested were in place. I was to go to his home and be prepared to be beaten and to please him sexually. I have also since blocked this person from being able to contact me as the more I thought about it, the more red flags I noticed. I am not trying to be disrespectful but this guy is very scary in the things he wanted to do not only to me but to young children as well.

Thank you all for the insight. I am going to definately slow this all down and be way more careful.

hrnybutshy

< Message edited by griffn -- 1/31/2007 7:33:19 AM >

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:38:36 AM

xGoddessx

Posts: 81
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hrnybutshy

Thank you all for the responses. I would like you all to know that it was his idea for all of this to happen. He wants me to referr to him that way and told me to put it in my profile. I have decided not to go. Not one of the safety steps suggested were in place. I was to go to his home and be prepared to be beaten and to please him sexually. I have also since blocked this person from being able to contact me as the more I thought about it, the more red flags I noticed. I am not trying to be disrespectful but this guy is very scary in the things he wanted to do not only to me but to young children as well.

Thank you all for the insight. I am going to definately slow this all down and be way more careful.

hrnybutshy

Good for you, you seem to have a very smart head on your shoulders.

I was talking to someone new the other day and she had met someone after only a couple of days. She ended up having sex in the back of her car, he didn't use protection, and he pushed her to do things she wish she hadn't. She is now worried she might be preg. and he won't talk to her anymore. I have talked to her about it a lot, and she is very, very upset.

I went over a lot of what was talked about here, including a safe call. She didn't even know what one was. I am so glad nothing worse happened to her, from her rush to get into this.

You don't have to meet anyone that quick, you don't have to play on the first, second, or any of those meetings. Always have your safe calls. Get to know about him, talk to him on the phone, delve into his life a little bit.

Because you are submissive, doesn't mean you don't have every right to find out about him and get to know him. Don't rush, hun..you have all the time in the world to try this all out. Its very real...very, and you don't want to get in with someone that isn't going to do right by you.

You have gotten good advice on here, and will continue to. My little last piece of it is, get to know other subs/slaves and learn from those that are doing it "real time"..instead of being cut off from them in any way. If you listen (which you seem to do) you will be surprised at how helpful we all are, and how much we care about each other.

Feel free to contact me if you ever need to talk.

Drea

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 7:45:30 AM

Celeste43

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He isn't your master until you agree that he is. Which means you have just as many rights for the first meet as he does. Indeed, a twenty minute coffee date isn't enough time to decide if you want to submit to him. It is just enough time to discover he isn't actually the bully who used to push you around in grade school, or that he looks like Steve Urkel, or that he still lives with his mother at 42 and expects you to support him.

You need to learn all the real stuff first and only after he has earned your trust should you begin to submit. If he insists on putting the cart before the horse, throw a couple of dollars down for your coffee and walk. A dom who does have experience and self confidence will not have you call him master on a first meet, he'll tell you to call him by name. The fact that this guy is so desperate to collar you before even discovering if you're actually his first cousin is a bad sign.

Oh and hbs, please take your last name off your profile. You are giving a bunch of perverts way too much info on you.

< Message edited by Celeste43 -- 1/31/2007 7:47:18 AM >

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 8:14:59 AM

MasterKalif

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I have to add what others have said before me, and good advice from my pet in a previous post

....I congratulate you on posting your doubts on this forum, receiving advice and leeping an open mind about it. I think you saved yourself from a lot of trouble from a dangerous person. I also think a genuine caring Dom will not "push you" or try to "rush you" into anything and without your full consent. Keep safe.

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 8:17:22 AM

BabyGirlOooh

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Good for you hbs................ I'm so happy that you had the good sense to ask for feedback............ and you got plenty baby.....

Wise decision to block him........ He wasn't the one....... But heed all of the incredibly insightful words that those who came before "us" have posted..... I know that I will...........

I'm so glad that you posted this thread. It helped ME a lot too........

My first experience with a "slow teacher - I won't push you too far" was a disaster...... It turned me off and scared the chit outta me, so I hid out for another year,,,,,,,,,,,

But I'm back for more - but way wiser,.,,,,,, thanks to all the help that I've gotten from my friends in the lifestyle.........

Just keep talkin and sharin ........... And always go with your gut........

We women have that intuition ya know.........

xo

~~~babygirl

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 8:34:18 AM

Aileen68

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OK...I'm just a bit confused and it makes my gut instincts say that this is all bullshit.
You seem to have issues with him being aggressive and that he wanted to meet you at his home, but this is what is in your profile:
I like to take it in different locations and I am very open minded. I am a little shy but I do like to have fun in heavley poplated places in or out doors doesnt matter

If you are interested let me know I also like to give ...........

If you can't dominate me, then I want nothing to do with you and I am also hard to please

Seems to me that the response you got from him is exactly what you seem to be seeking. If that's what you are looking for then fine, but then why come to the boards with all of these concerns? Myabe I just havent had enough coffee.

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 8:49:58 AM

hrnybutshy

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For one his aggressiveness isn't what bothered me, it was the feeling of being unsafe and alone with him. Some of the things he said he wanted are not things that should be discussed until we know each other better, this is what scared me the most. Asking to meet in private for a first meeting does not feel right, if he were a Dom with any heart at all, would safety and comfort not be a part of the first meet.

hrnybutshy

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 8:51:43 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

out doors doesnt matter

Brrrrr

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 8:56:11 AM

Aileen68

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I don't know...To me, your profile comes across that you are only looking for quick, straightforward domination and sex. Like I said before, if that's what you want, great. Maybe that's how he interpretted it also.

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 9:01:18 AM

ONEDEMANDINGMSTR

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Congrats!!!!!! You did the right thing. This guy sounds like a pretender from the word go. Meeting a prospective sub at his home is an

invitation to disaster. I am so glad you changed your mind. Be forewarned, this guy may also be a stalker...so be watchful. He may know way too much about you...........and you may have shared too much.
As to the future, I would suggest you change your ad, a bit, to reflect your experience............My best to you.

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 9:06:06 AM

velvetears

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i am glad you came and got the advice you did before something bad happened to you.

i read your profile and as it stands you are going to attract people who are looking to prey upon someone new and eager. If you are looking for safe "hook ups", well ok, but i get the impression you are hoping for more. If you want to attract someone seriously interested in a relationship i would put more work into my profile and perhaps even change my nic. Good luck and be safe.

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RE: New and a little Scared - 1/31/2007 9:18:54 AM

Noah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mymasterssub69

*hugs*

private meetings alone with anyone (vanilla or lifestyler) for the 1st time is an absolute no-no

*whew*

So I've been doing it wrong all these years? Thanks for explaining the one twue absolute way!

Must be tough to make a living as a plumber in your town what with all those introductory coffee dates interrupted by safe calls and whatnot.

You know, there a whole lot of room in between "That sounds way too dangerous to me, and I'm pretty sure other will agree. Here are some things I really hope you'll consider" and "Everybody must absolutely do things in such a way that it would make me feel comfortable."

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